Applejack couldn't believe it! The girls had proved her a liar. It turned out she liked pears all along. Even she hadn't known that. She wasn't... half-Pear or something blasphemous like that, was she?
Anyway, that was then and this was now; she was fixing to forget all about that pear business, punching one hoof into the other, staring across at the gal with the pretty purple curls.
Applejack might not have looked the part, but she was a bit of a reader from time to time. She'd noticed that, in books, everyone chuckled; hardly a soul able to laugh in any other way... or at least they said they did in their memoirs. Most of the Elements of Harmony did not chuckle. They laughed, or giggled, or even squeaked.
But Applejack?
"Heh heh," Applejack chuckled. "Guess it's you 'n' me this round, Rarity."
In the corner of her vision, Applejack saw Fluttershy looking between them, then down at her hooves, tapping them together. Was she expecting a fight? Oh well, Fluttershy hated to be put on the spot, she was best left alone.
"Oh calm yourself, Applejack!" Rarity tossed her mane; it was just how she did. "I shan't be doing any of these silly Dares. I doubt my Truth will match the theatrics of Pinkie's, ooooor the... pungency of yours."
Applejack froze. She'd been sure to use the restroom and wash herself up all purdy during the break. Anyhow, she was done chuckling. "R-right," she scowled, "Let's just get to it, then."
"Sissy," Rainbow Dash said between mouthfuls of noodles. She'd begun eating during the previous break and was apparently not quite done yet. She'd probably have to get up in the middle of the game. At least she wasn't talking with her mouth full.
What bugged Applejack was that she wasn't sure who she was talking to. It was Applejack who'd just blushed, after all.
"Excuse you?!" Applejack and Rarity cried at once. Applejack was keenly aware that simultaneous yelling tended to mean different things to different ponies. Fluttershy giggled. Applejack had no idea what it meant to her.
"Rarity." Rainbow Dash pointed her fork at her; rude little imp. "She's a sissy. Won't do Dares." She took another mouthful. "Mmmmm."
Ah, Applejack saw what was going on. Rainbow Dash had tried this trick on her a whole bevy of times, and vice versa. They were like two samurai, respecting one another's skill. So, she relaxed and left her fellow swordmaster to her work.
Rarity stood up, as expected. "I. Dig. Rocks for a living!!"
"Yeah, with a dragon watching your back," Rainbow Dash said, eyes closed, slurping noodles. It was keenly important she not look at Rarity while she spoke.
That's so that Rarity decided to become louder, since the sight of her was irrelevant. "I became the queen of the Diamond Dogs!" Rarity raised a hoof illustriously.
Dash shrugged. "Wasn't there to see it. Story I heard is you whined and cried and begged and got lucky."
"I CHOOSE DARE." Rarity smacked the ground with a hoof to punctuate. Applejack swiftly raised her near forehoof, which Dash smacked with a wing in a high-feather-hoof.
"Oh." Rarity said. "Oh, you little tarts."
"Been called Apple Tart a million 'n' one times, Rarity, now lessee what yer Dare is..." Applejack said, flicking a card out in an instant and reading. She actually had a cousin named Apple Tart; she'd never met a more chaste gal, other than Pinkie and Fluttershy.
Her mouth fell open and she lowered the card, closing her eyes and mouth. "You gotta be yankin' my tail," she said with her head drooped. No, she wasn't surprised, or embarrassed. In fact, she had been expecting this the instant she heard "Truth or Dare" was a thing she would be doing. She just didn't expect it on the first fucking turn between her and Rarity. Maybe Pinkie had rigged more than two cards, come to think of it.
"What, is it a junk card? Lemme see it," Dash said, and went to lean over. No sirree; Applejack put the card to her chest and her other hoof on Dash's face, shoving her back. "Ow!!" Dash said and returned to her noodles. "Wow, okay, fine! I mean whatever, you've still gotta read it out loud."
That was true. Good job, Rainbow Dash, you told you a truth. Could've picked a better one, though.
"It better not be about poop." Pinkie warned. Some ponies liked to talk about things they didn't like to talk about.
"If it is, you'd better draw another card," Rarity growled. Applejack wasn't sure if Rarity could read her thoughts and avoided thinking any ill of her for the moment.
"N-naw, it ain't, it ain't!" Applejack protested. "But I don't reckon it's quite right. Ain't fair. Ain't --"
"If you dare," Rarity roared, "to say 'nah that ain't honest none' after all this talk about what a sissy I am I swear I will put every card in the deck in your hat and cram the whole arrangement down your throat!"
You know what else told ponies things? Knowing what each other's going to say, aping each other's voices, and threatening each other with violence but never following through. Fluttershy was covering her mouth with her hooves, seriously infected with giggles. Applejack was pretty damn sure she knew what all this meant to Fluttershy by now.
"W-whoa-whoa, it ain't you it ain't fair ta!" Applejack flailed. "It says..."
It said something stupid as all get out.
"It says." Rarity repeated, rolling a hoof to signal to continue.
"It saaaayss..."
She could eat the card. Then they'd have to let her draw another one. Nothing in the rules about that.
"IT SAYS!" Rarity yelled, flailing her hooves.
There ought to be a rule: If you draw a card, but it is a dumbass card, you can dismiss it.
"It says mrrmmrmmbmb..." Applejack mumbled.
"Oh, we're doing this now are we." Rarity sighed. She leaned onto her side and waved with a deadpan. "Yes, yes, speak up dear..."
"It says I-wa-ya-da-kff-m..." Applejack stumbled.
"Stop dragging it out you beautiful GOLDEN drama-goddess!!!"
Oh why did she have to say that! Applejack closed her eyes, her face bright red.
"It says I dare ya ta kiss me!!!"
There it was! Out in the wind, like her when she was in the bush. Good old Applejack, nothing to contribute but embarrassing herself. It wasn't her fault, though. It was this good-for-nothing, scum-sucking, apple-adulterating card.
Fluttershy gasped, twiddling her back legs with a beaming smile. Aw screw her, Applejack thought.
"What! Bullshit, it doesn't," Dash accused, and swiped the card from Applejack, who put one hoof to the side of her face and sunk into her pillow. Dash blinked. "Ah. Hmm. Right, Applejack, doesn't lie, et cetera."
Damn straight. Woulda been nice to be a liar, though.
Rainbow Dash coughed. "Hey, uh, Rarity --"
"Give me that you jokers!" Rarity scoffed and seized the card magically. "Now what does it really say."
Rarity stared at the card without expression for several seconds. Of course, it said just what Applejack stated it said. She could keep on reading it 'til Luna went to bed. Wouldn't change.
"Man, sure are a lot of awkward pauses in this game," Pinkie Pie blurted out.
Rarity tucked the card behind her ear. Then she got up and walked primly over to Applejack.
Aw naw you ain't --
... and Rarity seized her in a hug, planting a kiss on her cheek with a squeaky "mweeeee!" sound.
Ya did.
First, Applejack had to admit that Rarity smelled mighty fine this evening. Of course, she'd just showered. She hugged like an angel taking you to heaven. And her kiss was like a butterfly landing on your face. No tongue, no teeth, no nasty pop sound. Rarity was the most elegant and tender cheek-kisser there was and she always made you feel like you were the most precious thing in the world to her.
Secondly, of all the stupid-ass things that broad could've done!
"W-what're you doin'?!" Applejack yelled, curating her thoughts into something more polite.
"I have planted an affectionate and completely normal kiss on your cute little freckly cheek," Rarity pointed out. This plumb awful pony. She always knew exactly how to turn Applejack redder than Tirek's nose after a Sunday drink. She wished Rarity would stop talking about the son-of-a-bitching freckles. "There's nothing wrong with girls who are friends showing affection to one another," Rarity finished, her eyes closed and with a little pout. She didn't actually finish with a "so there" but Applejack heard it in her head.
"Or boys," Luna added. Applejack didn't mind none, but she couldn't imagine Big Macintosh and Spike hugging and kissing. Maybe if they were brothers? Either way, Discord was right out.
"I-think-it's-adorraaabblllee..." Fluttershy gushed. Girl, if you don't shut that mouth of yours it's gonna be on the back of yer head, Applejack thought.
But what she said in a squawk was, "Gad-dingus-dangit Rarity ain't you heard word 'round town?!"
Rarity blinked and let go, looking at her with her neck craned awkwardly. "Around town? Which town? Our town??"
Of course she didn't notice! Why would Rarity notice. It was only constant chatter all over town for a decade. Rarity only noticed what wasn't dead obvious.
"Yes!" Applejack yelled. "In Ponyville! Fer years they've been goin' on about... ababubabout Rarijack!"
Fluttershy put a hoof to her mouth and looked away meaningfully. Hogshit, you know what we're talking about, Fluttershy. Applejack was about to put her hooves on that sassy little neck of hers.
"What in the world is a Rarijack." Only Rarity could be this smart and also this stupid.
"No idea," Fluttershy warbled, sweating. Well we ain't asked you, so shut it.
It was no use trying to be subtle with Rarity; the girl was a ditz and a half. "It's us!" Applejack grumbled. "They think we're a couple!"
Rarity blinked, her face reddening. "A... A couple? As in..."
"Like Lyra and Bon Bon, yes," Rainbow Dash commented helpfully. "RARI-ty. Apple-JACK. RARIJACK." Like learning the alphabet.
"I, I thought Lyra and Bon Bon were just friends..." Rarity whimpered. Her world must've turning upside down. Applejack couldn't help but feel a little bad for her.
"Lyra and Bon Bon walk through the entire town on a single hoof-hold!" Rainbow Dash pointed out. Rarity frowned in thought. Applejack knew there was no way she hadn't seen them toppling through the market like they were doing a four-legged potato sack race together.
"Lyra and Bon Bon call each other 'my muse' and 'my sweet tooth'," Fluttershy giggled. Rarity blanched. Yep, Applejack remembered all those times Lyra had mentioned finding Bon Bon to "satisfy her sweet tooth" and Rarity, probably presuming this was referring to Bon Bon being a candy merchant, had stupidly said something that everyone other than her interpreted as "Don't have too much fun, ya hear!"
"Lyra and Bon Bon live right next door to me and have aggressively loud sex every Friday night," Twilight confirmed, red-faced. "It's not as bad now that my bedroom is a few dozen stories in the air, but sometimes I can still hear them. I have a baby dragon in the house for Luna's sake. Gosh, I can barely look either of them in the eyes. I have to excuse myself if either of them says anything about being sore." Applejack had nothing sassy to think about that one. Poor Twilight. The girl blushed if a book mentioned a saucy look.
"I assure you, Twilight Sparkle, I do not benefit in any way from these arrangements," Luna protested, a bit loudly. "This certainly explains the dreams of Ponyville's residents during these Fridays. Younger foals rapidly invent terrible new monsters to explain unfamiliar noises. Older foals and adults..." She allowed that sentence to hang.
Then Luna cleared her throat. "Let us set that aside and focus on this 'Rarijack' business..."
Fluttershy wriggled and beamed. Applejack and Rarity scowled and looked away from each other.
"I think it is beautiful that Rarity is so comfortable with physical affection..." Luna nearly cooed. "However, if you are not, Applejack, or any of the rest of you, then I prithee make this clear to her, so that she knows to refrain."
"I'm cool with it," Rainbow Dash went first. "Maybe ease up a bit when the cameras show up..."
"Oh, Rarity already knows I'm quite alright with it," Fluttershy asserted.
Pinkie made a face and mimed that her lips were sealed. Rarity gave her a signal and a sigh and she unzipped her mouth. "Me and Rarity have a Snuggle-Over at least once a week! It's like a sleepover except snugglier."
Twilight gasped, scandalized. "W-what?! And you never invited me?! You know my first sleepover - which "Rarijack" attended - was a disaster! If you girls are doing Snuggle-Overs or any other kind of super-sleepover I want in!"
Well, if the pony who was supposed to be handling forestry duty had been doing her job, then a tree could not have fallen on, or into, Twilight's house. But that was water under the bridge.
Applejack nodded and chewed on her lip. Rarity was her friend, and if it wasn't for those stupid rumors and Rarity's delicate business in the predatory big city, she wouldn't be one bit uncomfortable with the whole squeaky-cuddly thing she did. That was just how she treated her friends. Now how was she going to say that in a way Rarity wouldn't turn into something else.
"Listen, Rarity," she said, and she kept her tone gentle, "I wouldn't mind it personally at all, it's just... well there's Ponyville's blabbermouths fer starters, but also I know you got a business ta run, 'n' as we discussed earlier, them tabloid papers is real pieces o' work."
Rarity sighed. "Well you're right about that! They see me as a fabrication, if you didn't know; a 'country beast pretending to be civilized'. Oh, they'll welcome and flatter me when they can make money off of my work, but one slip-up and that's my Ponyville genes making me act like an animal or whatnot. But do you know what?"
"W-what?" Applejack asked.
"To hell with them all, they can kiss my savage ass," Rarity said, prompting Luna to smile widely. "But I do believe it would be a big help if you could please behave yourself better while we're together in Canterlot! Or even when you're alone!"
THERE SHE WENT TURNING IT INTO SOMETHING ELSE AGAIN. Applejack scowled.
"She has a point," Luna seconded, "The city council has tried three times to declare you as a public menace, Applejack. You would be chased out of the city with spears if you were not endorsed by Fancy Pants, my sister, and myself."
Applejack scowled. "Ya just gotta knock one buildin' down with yer butt, I tell ya..." It might've been more.
"Five," Luna corrected her, "and one was a museum." Okay, it was more. But in her defense, the museum was the "one building" that got her running from pickets and potato guns, so it wasn't a lie.
"You keep your nuclear butt on that pillow, Applejack," Rainbow Dash admonished. "I want us to be allowed to come back here again."
Applejack and Rarity stared in shock.
"I can't believe you just managed a double entendre," Rarity praised her.
"Wut she said." Applejack followed.
"I did what?" Dash responded blankly.
"Let's not get into the topic of Applejack's nuclear butt again, please," Twilight requested. "Though I move that unprovoked snuggles are officially allowed in this and all future games of Truth or Dare."
"Aye!" came the unanimous chorus.