Dan had a difficult decision; he heard the distinctive sound of vehicles driving, but that might complicate things. Army of zebras, seaponies, interdimensional fascists, tree-hugging communists and criminal thugs, Dan was fine with handling. An army of fans, especially fans of him, was entirely different. Fans of Captain America, Resident Evil and his best friend the Ace Attorney, he could probably take care of but Dan knew if they were fans of him, there was no telling what they were capable of.
"You said the museum was this way?"
"Through here, yes," Rarity nodded.
"Could always just follow the hoofprints," Doctor Whooves said chidingly. "Hoofprints, bootprints and the giant dinosaur-prints as well."
"I do apologize for that... unpleasantness," Tuxley said.
Dan made a cutting motion with his hand. "It's been a day for our friends being turned into giant, hulking monsters. And Chris. Once again, focus on Vice Grip- he is the one to blame for all this garbage."
"Not all of it," Rarity commented.
"Quiet. Let's... let's just get out of here," Dan said, motioning them forward. "Before more Team Rocket dorks show up."
The museum was easy to find. They exited the massive arenas, leaving the other denizens to fend for themselves. Captain America led the group with the stormtroopers while Chris once again took up the rear. They encountered no opposition, no further Poke-crook or robot patrols, though the Stable 4 security system tracked them. They passed by the display Tux and Reginald had been captive in, and further down the mess Tux made when he was brainwashed. No one made comment on it.
They passed more exhibits in the museum. Most were small, more like trophy cases than anything with historical or cultural value. There were price tags and sale signs on more than a few of the exhibits.
"Is this a museum or a gallery of some kind?" Chris asked.
"Both. Neither. I have no idea," Dan said.
"I think it's both," Doctor Whooves said. "Museum first, then people can buy the exhibits. Make the most money possible."
"Off of my home," Rarity added. "All our homes."
Dan nodded. "The entire planet. Everything Equestria is or was. The last time anyone from any other place would have a chance to buy it- right when it all ends."
"So this is what happens after the apocalypse," Phoenix said. "The end of the world in one universe but to everyone else, it's a liquidation sale."
"Everything must go," Reginald said, summing it up. But not everything did, and they all knew that.
They came to an intersection into the hall.
"Clear right."
"Clear left."
"Hold on," Dan stopped them. "I wanna check this wing."
"I thought we were short on-"
Dan cut him off again. "I just wanna check this wing." Above the entrance to the adjacent hall was a banner that read:
Myths of Aquastria
"Aquastria?" Cap asked. "Didn't that have something to do with the seaponies?"
"It did," Phoenix said. "Just not the seaponies from our universe."
"Wait," Rarity said, "Does this mean... that the seaponies are real now?"
"They were always real. They just weren't always here," Phoenix said. "The seaponies that invaded Ponyville and tried to blow up the dam, those were seaponies from another dimension. Another Equestria. We never found the ones that were from our universe... if they exist."
"Something like that, anyway," Dan added.
"It can be a little hard to wrap your head around, but the same things in different universes are, well, different," Cap explained. "Canterlantis is a sand castle resort in this Equestria."
"And Canterlantis being the home of the seaponies is a legend here," Rarity said.
"It might still be true," Chris reminded them.
"So could this Aquastria. Let's check it out quick, see what they got right," Dan said, and led them all down the hallway.
The Myths of Aquastria wing turned out to be more of an aquarium than a museum. Tanks of fish and sea life lined the darkened corridors. There were no audio guides and the lights were dimmed. Placards hung next to the tanks detailing facts about each specimen, descriptions engraved on each in eerie, glowing letters. At the bottom of each card was a portion of a geographic map of Equestria's oceans, the location each specimen was found.
Twilight would've undoubtedly found it fascinating. The Golden Oaks was lacking in the marine biology department and here was the opportunity to gain information. Some of the fish Dan recognized from pet stores on Earth, including the ones he exacted revenge upon. This one was creepy, though. It seemed to stretch on forever. It was only after they had lost sight of where they walked in that Dan realized the path they were on was curving.
"Cap?"
"Stevie?" Dan and Phoenix tapped him on either side of his shoulders. "Stevie, let's keep it moving."
"I've seen a fish like this before. Look at him. Isn't he a cute little guy? They had a few of these at the fish tank at SHIELD."
Dan looked at the display. "It's an angelfish. Yeah, these are pretty common." But Cap seemed really captivated by the fish, watching it as it swam.
Chris walked up from behind to join them. "What's the matter?"
"Nothing, I just- I like fish," Captain America said.
"Are you Captain America or are you Aquaman now?" Chris asked.
Cap turned to him. "I love Aquaman." That statement stunned literally everybody. "He's my favorite superhero."
"He's your FAVORITE superhero?" Phoenix asked. "Favorite? Not Falcon maybe, or one of our friends from when we fought Wesker and Dr. Doom?"
Chris blinked hard. "Okay, but... why?"
"Well," Steve began, "when I was growing up in Brooklyn-"
"Oh gawd, not another Brooklyn story."
"When I was growing up in Brooklyn, we didn't have a lot of money, so we took girls to the aquarium sometimes," Cap explained. "The New York Aquarium right on Coney Island was always a favorite spot of me and Bucky."
"Okay, but why Aquaman?" Chris pressed.
"Well," Steve continued, "this was before space was really popular. Talking to fish, breathing underwater, that was cool. Back then. And it still is."
Dan knowingly pinched his cheek. "You cosplayed as him, didn't you?"
"I dressed up as him for Halloween."
"Well that's-"
"Dan!"
"Guys, up here! You're gonna want to see this!" The others called for them ahead in the hallway.
"Let's keep it moving, Aquaman, we'll have time to go fishing later," Dan said, and they stepped up the pace to join the others ahead of them.
A turn in the hallway led to an area with no tanks, but rather portholes that looked out into a massive tank. Two massive tanks, as the portholes on the other side seemed to be overlooking a separate one.
"What did we find? What's all the hullabal-"
"AAAHHH! AHHHHHH!!" Someone screamed at the other end of the corridor. The Imperials raised their rifles, Cap raised his shield, no one raised any objections.
"Who's there?" Cap called. He took a few steps forward, cautiously, while the others covered him.
"AAAAAHHHH!!" The person ran down the hall right at them. Rather than attacking, Cap calmly opened his arms and caught the screamer. It turned out to be a woman. And that woman turned out to be a Team Aqua Admin.
"Relax. Relax!" Cap said, restraining her only slightly. "We're not going to hurt you! Calm down."
"It ate them! It-it ate them both!!"
"What ate them? Ate who?"
"The monster! It's out- it's out there, we have to get out!"
"Alright. That's enough for me," Dan announced. "Let's go gang. Back to the museum, we're getting out of here. Now."
"Calm down!" Cap said firmly, the woman still squirming in his arms. "Where is this monster?"
"Why are you dressed like a pirate?" Rarity asked.
The slender woman's eyes darted around at them all, panicked. "I was- we-we-we-were w--w-w-with the sub. The Explorer 1, we took it and we had to get to the cave to use the orb but then this flash of light happened and then there was Team Rocket and they showed up and we-"
"Slow down," Captain America said.
She swallowed. "Look, all you have to know is there's a thing- a shark, a monster shark, and it's in one of these tanks and we-"
"It's in one of the tanks?" Dan asked. "So it's not in the hallway or anything?"
"No... I mean- no. Not unless the hall floods. Or something," she said. "But it could flood. It could flood and the thing could get out! Then we have to-"
Dan shrugged. "Then we're safe and dry here! Let's go find this shark anyway. Might be something to see."
"NO! NO, WE HAVE TO GET AWAY-" One of the stormtroopers stunned her. The anime girl went rigged, her red hair went from poof-wavy to frizzy and she fell down flat on the floor.
"My goodness," Rarity said. "That poor, strange, badly-dressed pirate girl. I wonder what happened to her."
"I'm excited to find out at this point."
"Sir Dan," Tuxley raised a claw, "I must ask... is this the most cautious course of action?"
Dan smirked. "Don't worry, Tuxer. We have Aquaman with us, after all."
"I'm never going to hear the end of this, am I?" Cap asked.
"Probably not," Dan slapped him on the back. "Let's go see the next big fish."
When they arrived at the shark tank, Dan could not believe his eyes. They were all astounded, but Dan more so than all of them.
"Wow," Dan remarked. "I don't believe it."
"Jaws 20?" Chris asked, looking at the display on the wall.
"They actually made that many sequels. I had no idea," Dan said.
"I don't get it," Phoenix said. "There were only four Jaws movies."
"Er-hem, if I may," Tuxley said, "you'll recall that in Back to the Future pt.2, there was an advertisement in the future Hill Valley. An advertisement for a movie. That movie... was Jaws 19."
"And now they've made Jaws 20," Dan said. "Relax everybody, it's a joke. Just another gag."
"That's a big relief," Phoenix said. (I am definitely not a fan of scary movies, much less nineteen sequels to them.)
Reginald nodded. "The 'joke' as it was in Back to the Future, was that the movie had so many sequels to begin with. And that despite it all, the shark in the movie still looked fake, as Marty McFly observed."
"More things change, the more they stay the same. Sequel's never as good as the original anyway," Dan announced. "Except with Godzilla movies."
"Not quite sure about that, Dan," Cap said. "In my case, I honestly thought..." he trailed off.
"Thought what?" Dan asked. And no one answered him. They were all staring just behind Dan, out the porthole into the tank beyond. Dan turned around.
People like to make fun of the Jaws film franchise. It's gotten hokier and goofier as time went on. Same with a lot of other shark movie franchises; none of them captured the same spark, the same magic as the original. The shark looks fake in every movie, the characters act stupid, the plot doesn't make sense sometimes, it is just a movie, after all. But people often forget one tiny, important detail: it was a book first.
Something got lost in translation between the book and film adaptations of Jaws. Something gets lost in translation between lots of different adaptations. But that thing about Jaws in particular was found in Equestria... and it was found right in front of them.
Whatever confidence Dan felt very suddenly drained out of him when he saw the shark. He was, they all had been, expecting to see a fake-looking rubber mechanical shark like from the film. What they saw drifting scant meters in front of them was a real horror, a real shark. A real monster. Because for all the jokes, all the poking fun, the book was a monster book. And the shark was the monster. "Jaws" was not even the name of the shark- it didn't have one. True monsters didn't need them.
"Dan..."
"Umm," Dan momentarily found himself at a loss for words. The shark in front of them was large, like the one from the film, but had a few differences. It was darker grey on top, almost black and more smooth-looking than its film counterpart and had more of an under bite. Its eyes, blacker than midnight, blacker than a doll's eyes, were smaller than they had been in the movie, slightly smaller. But the scariest part of the shark, the part that made it truly frightening were the rows upon rows of dagger-like teeth in its mouth.
Like its namesake, the shark had teeth like sharpened steel swords in its maw. The light nearly reflected off of them. Behind the teeth, however, it was dark, a seemingly-endless pit of a maw. The movie model had only a single row of teeth, while this shark... clearly had enough for itself and others. They glistened as it glided by, silent as a ghost. Silent as a grave.
"Re-uh, relax. Everybody relax," Dan said, breathing a little heavy. Adrenaline had found its way into his veins and now every muscle he had screamed RUN.
"Yeah... heheh," Dan continued, or tried to, "There's none of that scary shark attack music playing. And none of us are from New England. We'll be fine."
"I know a guy from Maine."
"Okay, we're saving Silent Hill for season two, Chris, so you can shut up about people you know," Dan said frantically. Dan was not scared very often. Or, at all, if you asked anyone else about him. His emotions ranged from 'gleeful rage' to 'ragey rage with an extra helping of rage, a side of rage and a small box with leftover rage to make rage sandwiches with the next day for an angry lunch.' And that last one actually happened at Cafe Puree once.
The shark drifted towards them, almost looking like something out of a film. Its tail and fins barely moved, either to conserve energy or simply because it didn't need to at the moment. Slowly, the shark circled the outer edge of the tank, drifting by the windows and encouraging Dan and the group to take one gigantic step backwards, all at once.
"It's staying out of the center," Chris commented. "Hell... Umbrella's never made anything this big before."
"No wait, go back to what you said before, that was a smart thing."
"Haven't heard one of those in a while," Doctor commented.
"Quiet lime, but yes," Dan said, "It's staying out of the center of the tank."
Cap nodded. "It's staying out of the light." Was there something more to that? The shark in the movies didn't tend to stay on the surface for very long...
"Excuse me," Rarity interrupted, "But... and pardoning my language, could we, perchance, maybe, possibly, get the buck out of here? As one might say?" But no one replied to her.
In the original novel by Peter Benchley, the character Matt Hooper is also killed by the shark, unlike the movie. Many believe this was intentional; neither the scientist, who understood the biology of the creature, nor the hunter who understood the nature, survived. Only the pragmatist, the one who fully understood the monster for what it was- a danger, was able to defeat it.
Dan steeled himself. The shark's big, black eyes stared at him. And he stared right back.
"We're going to kill it."
"What?!" asked more than a couple.
"Dannnnnnnnnnnnnn~" Doctor Whooves said, cozying up to him, "Remember when I said there was a smart thing? Remember that? Well, I sure do, and I'd love to make more memories just like that one, and-ACCKGG" Dan shifted his shoulder and let Doctor Whooves fall to the ground.
"Okay. I'll bite," Chris said. Pun intended or otherwise, it was unwelcome and served only to bristle Dan. "How are we going to kill that thing?"
"We've got guns and three bags full of hot dogs. I'm sure we'll work something out, I mean, it's trapped in a tank," Dan said. A few expressions doubted him. Or possibly doubted the plan. "We'll get a toaster and a really long extension cable. This is not hard."
"The second one seems more our style," Phoenix said. (Not a huge gun fan anyway.)
"We have a style?" Chris asked. "I thought our style was just whatever stupidity works."
...
Silence. Whooves and Rarity stared at him, Phoenix rubbed his neck, Dan looked around. One of the stormtroopers cleared his throat.
"Was there a question in that?"
"No, I just... realized it too, yeah," Chris said. He reloaded his gun. "Alright, so, which should I get? Toaster or extension cord?"
"I like where your head's at, Chris." And Dan was about to answer Chris and tell him to grab the toaster from the concession's stand when a pair of Rocket Grunts rounded the corner.
"They're here!"
"Hold up!" The grunts were armed with the standard 'thug submachine guns' from earlier.
"I'll get these guys first," Chris said, and levered his rifle.
"No, wait-!" Dan was able to stop Chris from firing, but the Rocket Grunts were another story. The two professional cronies opened fire. Naturally, this caused Captain America to deflect the bullets with his shield. And naturally, those bullets ricocheted right into the glass separating the tank with the killer shark and the hallway.
But! The glass did not break. Rarity teleported to the two grunts, used her levitation to lift the guns out of their grips and scolded each one of them. She scolded them so hard, they fell unconscious. Or... actually, she just beat the crap out of them. Yeah, that.
"Wow, that was lucky," Dan said. "This glass must be made out of that same stuff ringing the stadium." And then... he tapped the glass with his knuckle.
*crik* And water began pouring out as cracks formed. The shark behind the glass had come very close to them, either having made its way around to them or just because it had been hanging out around them the entire time.
Chris put his hand on Dan's shoulder. "Dan, I want you to know... I almost liked you."
"Chris, first, don't ever touch me. Ever," Dan said. "And second, everyone likes Leon better than you."
"I know." The glass cracked further.
"Including your sister."
"That's fine."
"And Jill."
"YOU SON OF A BITCH, I'LL FUCKING-" The glass broke completely and water came rushing in. They ran.