//------------------------------// // Chapter 2: Twilight Sparkle // Story: My Little Wizzzard: Friendship is Dangerous // by cullexoh //------------------------------// Well, the first chapter seemed to go down well enough, thank Luna. So here's the second one, where everyone's favorite Wizzzard meets everyone's favorite Egghead. Chapter 2: Twilight Sparkle. Twilight Sparkle sighed, the purple Unicorn glaring disconsolately down at the scenery below as she as the royal guards escorted her to her destination. Now, most people, upon seeing a purple unicorn, would wonder what on earth they had possibly consumed to summon up such a sight, and whether or not it would be safe to inhume a second helping. Others, typically of the Magical persuasion, would already be running for the hills or groping around for the nearest iron implement with which to defend themselves from the horned beastie. Not that Twilight was exceptionally dangerous mind you, a little single-minded when it came to her research maybe, and a little out of the loop when it came to social interactions, but she was generally considered to be a friendly, if not particularly outgoing pony, and one of the brightest minds in all Equestria, having been personally chosen as a disciple of Princess Celestia herself, the two sharing a bond that went beyond master and student, to the point Twilight considered her a second mother. It was therefore rather ironic that Celestia was, if not solely, at least one of the many accumulating factors behind her current depressed state. Now as anypony and their grandmother that attended the Canterlot University knew, Twilight Sparkle loved books. Any type, any context, it didn’t matter, she’d read it from cover to cover, whether it be a tome of ancient languages long forgotten or a children’s picture book. In this instance, she had been reading a book of Equestrian Lore, written by none other than Starswirl the bearded no less, regarding the tale of her master and her sister, Princess Luna, who had become so embittered by the Ponies shunning of her night over her sister’s daytime she had transformed into the Wicked Mare of Darkness, Nightmare Moon, who attempted to bring about Eternal Night, effectively shrouding the lands in darkness forever. Celestia, torn between her sister and her duties as princess, was left with no other option but to use the Elements of Harmony, the most powerful magical artefacts in Equestria in order to defeat her sister, banishing her to the moon of Equestria, where legend has it she remains to this day, Celestia taking on the duties of Day and Night in order to preserve the balance. Many a pony that had read the book had put it off as an old mare’s tale. After all, there was certainly no proof that there had ever been a second princess, and really, would there even NEED to be one, as Celestia seemed to handle the duties of raising the sun and moon pretty well on her own. But Twilight, being the bibliophile that she was, hadn’t allowed her curiosity to dim there, having read, in Starswirl’s Prediction’s and Prophecies, that on the longest day of the thousandth year, Nightmare Moon would be making a return appearance in Equestria, aided in her escape by a chance alignment of the stars. Naturally, like any good student, she had immediately written to Princess Celestia, revealing her findings and her concern over the issue, trusting in the relationship they shared and her master’s infinite wisdom to resolve the issue as quickly as possible. It had therefore come as a quite a shock that, rather than putting her fears to rest, Celestia had told her, in her usual amused manner, to ‘Stop reading those dusty old books’, before sending her out, with her faithful companion Spike, a baby Dragon she’d hatched as part of her initiation, to oversee the preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration in a backwater little town called Ponyville, and had all but ordered her to ‘make some friends’. ‘I have friends…’ she muttered petulantly, though it lacked any real heat, casting a sideways glance towards Spike, who couldn't seem to hide his excitement at being allowed out of the Castle Library for the first time in years, Twilight flinching as she recalled the comments of several of her classmates when she’d passed them up on an earlier offer to go out ‘Well, acquaintances maybe…surely those count?’ “Look on the bright side, Twilight.” Spike offered, the little dragon no doubt sensing his partner’s distress over her all-but banishment from Canterlot “The princess arranged for you to stay in a library. Doesn't that make you happy? “Yes!” Twilight admitted, perking up instantly at the revelation, sending a mental prayer of thanks to her master for not forsaking her entirely “Yes it does. You know why? Because I'm right. I'll check on the preparations as fast as I can, then get to the library and find some proof of Night Mare Moon's return.” “Then when will you make friends, like the Princess said?” Spike asked, eyeing the purple unicorn with confused concern even as the Royal Guards that were transporting them began their descent towards the hamlet below. “She said to check on preparations.” Twilight reminded him primly “I am her student and I'll do my Royal Duty, but the fate of Equestria does not rest on me making friends.” So saying, she dismounted from the carriage, offering a brief ‘Thank you’ to her escorts, who huffed proudly before taking to the sky once more, leaving Twilight and Spike to canter into town on their own. “Maybe the ponies in Ponyville have interesting things to talk about?” Spike insisted, the little dragon refusing to let his partner give up without even trying, gesturing to a bright pink pony with balloons on her flank as she trotted towards them “Come on, Twilight. Just try.” Twilight sighed, shaking her head at her friend’s persistence, deciding to at least make an attempt to be civil, it WAS an order from the Princess after all, and so offered a nervous, yet nonetheless friendly smile towards the pink Pony, who’d stopped to stare at her in obvious confusion “Uh... Hello?” Needless to say, seeing the pony leap five feet into the air with a gasp of shock before high-tailing it out of there like a bolt of pink lighting didn’t do much for the Unicorn’s self-esteem. “Well that was interesting all right…” she muttered, covering up her disappointment and hurt with her usual sceptic manner, Spike sighing in defeat before moving to follow her towards the first stop on their list: Namely the banquet preparations at Sweet Apple acres. Rincewind cursed, the Wizard turned Pony balancing awkwardly on top of a stepladder, a stack of books resting awkwardly on one hoof while he placed another tenderly into its space on the shelf. It had been almost a year since he’d come here, almost a year since he’d woken up in a tree at Sweet Apple Acres, almost a year since he’d met Big Macintosh, almost a year since he’d passed out due to the shock of being turned into a pony and the concussion he’d suffered from falling out of a tree. After regaining consciousness, and receiving absolute assurance that none of the unicorn nurses were going to impale him with anything sharper than a thermometer(1), he’d been introduced to Big Macintosh’s little sister, Applejack, and after almost having his arm, or foreleg rather, shaken off by her admittedly strong hand, hoof, shake, had been asked to explain who he was, where he’d come from, and how it was he’d managed to find himself upside down in one of their trees. He’d hesitated at first, his eyes quickly noting various escape routes from the room, a necessity he’d developed over the years even prior to his meeting with Twoflower, relaxing slightly when it appeared they had no intention of seriously detaining him(2), or if they were, it wouldn’t be an entirely unpleasant stay, before giving them a brief recount of what had transpired, leaving out the bit about falling off the world, as people tended to get a bit iffy about the subject where he came from. In the end, he’d simply admitted to casting a spell, which was entirely true, even if he couldn’t believe it himself, a matter which they readily accepted from his earlier admission to Big Macintosh, as well as his apparent status as a Unicorn. ‘As if turning me into a bloody horse wasn’t bad enough…’ he muttered, glaring mentally at The Spell as it lounged lazily in the deep, unused recesses of his mind. It hadn’t tried to get itself said again, mainly because nothing truly dangerous, or at least nothing inherently life threatening, ever seemed to happen in Ponyville, unless you counted the seemingly random predictions of a certain Pink Earth Pony. “RINCEY!” an energetic voice cried out, the pony in question slamming the door to the Library open, Rincewind letting out an instinctual shriek of terror as he leapt from his perch and clung to the chandelier, the pink pony looking up at him in confusion “What’re you doing up there silly?” “Dusting…” Rincewind snarked, glaring pointedly at the noisy, pink furred intruder, only to sigh as the sarcasm went right over the mare’s head, the Wizard slowly attempting to lower himself down “What can I do for you Pinkie?” “Omigosh, Rincey!” the pink mare cheered, hopping up and down so fast in her excitement she put jackhammers to shame, almost dislodging Rincewind from his perch “There’s a new unicorn in town!” “Ah yes,” Rincewind muttered, flinching instinctively at the mention of the word ‘Unicorn’, as even after a year he wasn’t at ease with the concept of horned magical equines, “The new arrival from Canterlot, Mayor Mare mentioned she might stop by later…” “You knew she was coming Rincey?” Pinkie Pie exclaimed, eyeing the Wizard with a hurt expression in her blue eyes “And you didn’t tell me? Oh now I’m going to have to work twice as hard to get everything ready for her welcome par-!” “Oh no!” Rincewind muttered, the Wizard frowning as he plugged the mare’s mouth shut with one hoof, grimacing slightly as she continued to rant on despite the impediment, her tongue tickling his hoof “No more holding parties in the library! I’m still tidying up after the LAST one you threw!” Pinkie muttered something unintelligible around his hoof, the Poni-fied Wizard sighing as he removed the offending appendage from her mouth with a pop “But the library’s the only place with enough space to house everyone without being outside!” she insisted, looking at the Wizard with big, pouty eyes “Come on Rincey…It won’t be a surprise party if she sees us setting up…” “Don’t call me Rincey…” Rincewind muttered half-heartedly, endeavouring to keep the frown on his face even as he felt his will crumble in the face of Pinkie’s pouty expression “Oh blast it all FINE!” he muttered, shaking his hoof at her face in lieu of his finger “But you’re helping me tidy up afterwards!” “Yay!” Pinkie cheered, scooping the startled Wizard up in a bone jarring hug before dropping him on the ground and dashing out the door again “I gotta let the cakes know! I’ll be right back!” “Take your time…” Rincewind muttered blearily, the Wizard shaking his head to clear it, taking in deep breaths that made his ribs ache comfortingly, sighing in exasperation as he got to his feet “Honestly…that girl will be the death of me.” Since coming to live in Ponyville, the former human had gotten to know several of the residents rather well, some more so than others. The first, of course, were the Apple Family, who put him up at their farm until he found his job at the Library, and whom still insisted he visit them once a week for dinner, Granny Apple having sworn to fatten him up or die trying. Normally, Rincewind would’ve been wary of precisely what purpose the old mare wanted to fatten him up for, but such concerns were soon laid to rest by the fact that ponies were herbivores, and therefore not exactly inclined to indulge in cannibalism. That, and the fact that Granny Apple made the best damned apple pies he’d ever consumed. The next person he’d met had been Mayor Mare, the leader of Ponyville, who’d come to visit him shortly after he was released from Nurse Redheart’s tender mercies. He’d been wary of her at first, a sound tactic of anyone who’d been summoned to Lord Vetinari’s office, but said fears had soon been put to rest when she’d offered him a job as head librarian for the Ponyville Library, which included pay, lodging, and all the books he could read(3). ‘Come to think of it, that book she was looking for finally came in…’ he recalled, trotting over to a nearby table, where the book in question, some trashy novel called ‘moonlight’ or something, was lying in a delivery satchel ‘I’d best get that out of the way before Pinkie messes the place up again…’ Pinkamena ‘Pinkie’ Diane Pie had been the third pony Rincewind had the pleasure of meeting, throwing a party for him much like the one she was no doubt planning for their newest neighbour. ‘I only hope she handles surprises better than I do…’ he muttered, flinching in pity at the memory of his first encounter with a Pinkie Pie Party. He’d been so shocked by the explosion of noise and lights that he’d already cleared the Ponyville Bridge by the time the words ‘Surprise!’ had registered in his brain, and even then, it had taken Big Macintosh to get him out of the Apple family’s barn. “Yo, Rincey!” a voice called out, the Wizard looking up to see another familiar face, a blue Pegasus with a rainbow colored mane and tail, peering down at him from her perch on a cloud “Man, today’s full a surprises! First that new Unicorn shows up, then you actually come outta that Library of yours? Wonder what’s the occasion?” “Rainbow Dash.” Rincewind greeted, a little warily, as he and Ponyville’s fastest Pegasus didn’t really get along. It wasn’t anything she’d done to him, specifically, though she DID have a reputation as being a prankster, it was simply her personality, namely that ‘charge headfirst into danger’ attitude which everyone so admired, simply rubbed him the wrong way(4) “I take it you met our new arrival then?” “Could say that…” Rainbow admitted, smiling at some no doubt amusing memory that had Rincewind wincing in sympathy for the poor Mare, unicorn or no “Should’a seen her face when I cleared out all the clouds in ten seconds flat!” “After leaving them hovering around for three days straight.” Rincewind pointed out, earning a sheepish glare from the blue Pegasus “Pinkie’s throwing her a party later, think you could spread the word?” “Another party?” Rainbow wondered, a teasing smirk adorning her features as she took in the Wizard’s brow-beaten expression “You sure you’re up for it Rincey? I hear you’re still tidying up from the last one.” “Yes, well, if a certain SOMEONE,” Rincewind muttered, glaring pointedly at the rainbow-maned Pegasus “whose name I shall not mention, hadn’t gotten plastered and crashed into my bookshelves, perhaps I wouldn’t be run so ragged now would I?” “Aw c’mon Rincey…!” Rainbow muttered, blushing slightly as nonetheless averted her eyes at the memory of that night “I said I was sorry…How was I to know that stuff was alcoholic?” ‘The fact that I kept it in the basement with my other concoction’s for one?’ Rincewind muttered, though he wisely said nothing, as he really should’ve known better than to leave one of his many attempts at brewing alcohol (5) out in the open where Pinkie could stumble across it and use it to spike the punch. “Had a heck of a kick to it I’ll give it that…” Rainbow admitted, her eyes crossing as she tried to recall the exact flavour “What did you call it? Scrumpy? What was in it?” “Scumble,” Rincewind corrected, marvelling, not for the first time, at the power of the equine digestive system, as if he’d consumed as much of the stuff as Rainbow Dash had at the party (6) back in Ankh Morpork, they’d have been able to use his liver as a doorstop “and it’s made from apples…mostly(7)” “Whatever it was, it was damned tasty.” Rainbow smirked, “Darn effective too, I don’t think Rarity’ll ever live down that dance routine she did with the lampshade.” “I do believe you promised to never speak of that again.” A prim voice spoke up, the two ponies looking up to see a white unicorn with a purple mane trotting towards them “Honestly Rainbow Dash, you can be so uncouth some times.” “Yeah whatever Rarity…” Rainbow shot back, Rincewind’s hackles rising at the sight of the Pegasus’ teasing grin “At least I wasn't twirling around like a show-pony.” Rincewind began backing away as Rarity’s nostrils flared, the unicorn’s eyes flashing in anger, only to be replaced with a coy smile as she covered her mouth with one hoof “Maybe so…” she admitted, her tone coy as a cat in a creamery “But at least ‘I’ wasn’t flying around threatening to make the bookshelves ‘My Mare’.” By the time the first sounds of a mare-fight were underway, Rincewind was little more than a dust cloud on the horizon, headed towards the Mayor’s office. “Women…” Rincewind sighed, shaking his head in exasperation as he trotted out of the Mayor’s office, leaving the normally composed Mare hugging her paperback to her chest, hissing about ‘the precious’ in a manner that was, quite frankly, disturbing “I guess it doesn’t matter the species, there are some things man was never meant to understand…” It wasn’t that Rincewind was sexist, as a Wizard he was never supposed to have much truck with sex to begin with, and even prior to coming to Equestria, had held the distinction of being unusually respectful of women for a Wizard, mainly because they were just as capable of doing unspeakably painful things to him as men were. The problem was that Rincewind, and any Wizard really, understood considerably less about women than the average man, mainly because women were forbidden from setting foot inside the Unseen University (8), meaning what little understanding he’d gained of the species had occurred after he’d been kicked out onto the streets, and generally involved a lot of running. ‘Speaking of running…’ he muttered, glancing up at the sky with a frown ‘I’d best be heading back, no telling what Pinkie’s done to the Library by now…honestly that mare…’ “Oh!” a surprised voice called out, Rincewind looking up to see another familiar face shuffling awkwardly outside the door to the Library “H-Hello, Rincewind…” “Fluttershy?” Rincewind wondered, blinking at the sight of the shy Pegasus warily. One would wonder how you could be wary of Fluttershy, who was about as threatening as a marshmallow and just as sweet, but then most people probably never saw her wrestle a ten foot grizzly bear into submission with her bare hooves, so it was rather understandable that Rincewind was wary about upsetting her “What are you doing here?” “Oh my…” the shy Pegasus mumbled, pawing at the ground shyly “Well, you see, I was practicing with the birds for the Summer Sun Celebration, when this new Unicorn showed up…” she suddenly perked up and started gushing “And she has a baby dragon with her! He was so cute! I’ve never seen one up close you know!! “I can’t imagine why you’d want to.” Rincewind replied blandly, shivering slightly at the very idea. Even on his own world, where the worst thing a Dragon could do was explode and take you with it, Rincewind had endeavoured to steer clear of the little beasties whenever he could, as they ate ANYTHING, organic or otherwise, if it sat still long enough(9). Needless to say, the Dragons of Equestria were not so awkwardly put together, and according to scriptures he’d found in the library, were just as intelligent, if not more so, than the average pony, and were quite a sight to behold (10), “But what are you doing here?” “OH! Well, you see, the little dragon, his name is Spike, was telling me his life story as we walked through town.” Fluttershy continued, smiling energetically “Apparently he and his owner came from Canterlot to oversee the festival preparations, I wish I could have asked what life was like in Canterlot, but by then they’d already gone inside…” “Inside where?” Rincewind demanded, blinking in alarm as he glanced past the shy Pegasus towards the door to his home and livelihood “Not the Library!” He pushed past the stuttering Pegasus before she could reply, a part of his mind, the part usually involved in noticing small details that might impede his flight from certain to not-so-certain peril, raising flags as to the folly of following a fire breathing dragon, regardless of its size and age, into a flammable structure full of flammable books and his highly volatile experiments in alcohol, but by that point he had already yanked the door open, practically ripping it off its hinges in his bid to get inside “SURPRISE!” several voices cried out, Rincewind letting out a shriek of alarm as he actually leapt up onto the chandelier, looking down in alarm to see what had to be every filly in Ponyville looking up at him in surprise. “Yay! Rincey, you made it!” Pinkie Pie called out, the hyperactive pink pony bouncing giddily next to a stunned looking purple unicorn with a pink star on her hindquarters “Now this party can really get underway!” “Bugger all Pinkie! I thought I told you not to go overboard!” the poni-fied Wizard snapped, glaring down at the bane of his sanity, for all the good it did, as Pinkie had turned her attentions to the purple unicorn, who was clearly just as irritated by this current development as Rincewind was ‘Finally, someone I can relate too…’ he muttered, lowering himself down awkwardly, only to slip and fall from his perch with a cry of “BUGGER!” “Ouch…” Twilight grimaced, wincing in pity as the poor brown colt in the ragged looking robe and hat crashed into a pile of books nearby “Is he alright?” “Hm? Oh yeah, that’s just Rincewind.” Pinkie Pie assured the purple unicorn, as if the sight of a pony falling from a chandelier was an everyday occurrence “He’s a little highly strung but he’s a great guy! He lives here in the library you know!” “Really?” Twilight wondered, quirking a brow in interest, eyeing the rather pathetic looking colt as he pulled himself out of the book pile with the aid of a few of the party guests “I’m surprised he let you do all this…Libraries are supposed to be quiet. “Yeah, Rincey’s great like that.” Pinkie giggled “Besides, what kind of welcome party would this be if it were quiet?” she rolled her eyes “I mean, duh! Bo-ring! You see, I saw you when you first got here, remember? You were all, hello, and I was all…” Twilight sighed, doing her best to ignore the clearly insane pink filly as she made her way over to the refreshment table, wondering what on Equestria she’d done to deserve this, using her magic to levitate one of the bottles into a nearby goblet, taking a sip only to spray the contents across the library “GAH!” she choked, her throat burning as if it were on fire “What is this stuff?” “Scumble!” Pinkie chirped, the demented pink pony chugging down a whole bottle of the stuff in one go, letting out an impressive belch when she finished “Isn’t it tasty? Rincewind makes it in his basement!” “Isn’t that illegal?” Twilight wondered, referring to the laws in Canterlot pertaining to the distillation of alcohol without a licence, only to yelp as Spike, who had been chugging down a bottle his own after a tentative taste, let out a belch of flame that almost singed her cutie mark off “Spike!” “Sorry Twilight…” the little dragon offered, chuckling sheepishly “This stuffs got a heck of a kick to it.” He noted admiringly, holding up the bottle in question, only to drop it with a yelp as someone grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and hoisted him off his feet “Hey! What the heck! Lemme go-!” “Spike!” Twilight exclaimed, the unicorn looking on in alarm as the red-clad pony, Rincewind, carried her struggling friend towards the door of the library, tossing him out on his backside. “AND STAY OUT!” the Wizard quickly rounding on the rest of the partygoers, who had fallen into silence at his unusual display of anger “As for the rest of you, Party’s over! Goodbye and don’t let the door hit you on the way out!” “Oh come on Rincey!” Pinkie Pie pouted, even as some of the guests began to mutter amongst themselves in disappointment “We were just getting started!” “I said OUT!” Rincewind snapped, kicking the door open again, catching a startled spike on the nose and sending the poor Dragon sprawling on his back, a concerned Fluttershy hovering over him nervously “OUT! All of you! Go party in the streets for all I care! Just get out of my library!” “Hey wait a minute!” Twilight stammered, the unicorn struggling against the crowd of disappointed ponies as they trudged out of the Library, taking the food and drink with them “I need to find a book on-!” she trailed off as the door to the library slammed in her face “Hey!” “I wouldn’t push it if’n I were you Twilight…” Applejack warned, the Stetson sporting Apple filly sidling up to the dumbstruck unicorn as the rest of the partygoers mulled around, looking upset that the party had been cancelled before it got off the ground “I ain’t never seen Rincey so shook up afore. Ain’t no tellin’ what he’s liable to do, him bein’ a wizard n’all.” “Wait, what?” Twilight stammered, the unicorn pausing in her hammering on the door to gape at the Stetson sporting filly in surprise, unable to believe what she’d just heard “A Wizard? Like ‘Starswirl the Bearded’ Wizard? HIM?” “Well sure, didn’t Pinkie tell ya’ll earlier?” Applejack wondered, quirking a brow at the unicorn as if she were a mite slow “He just turned up outta thin air one day up at mah family’s orchard, been here ever since, tryin’ ta figure out a spell to send him home.” “HE’S a wizard?” Spike opined, the little dragon glaring sourly at the door to the library as he rubbed his abused snout tenderly, clearly not believing a word of it “No way.” “Yah-huh!” Pinkie countered, the pink filly bouncing up and down “He is TOO a wizard! He’s even got it stitched onto his hat!” “Oh please, he can’t even SPELL Wizard!” Rainbow Dash opined, the blue Pegasus scoffing in disdain, as she hovered in mid-air “He’s just a stick in the mud that likes to think he’s some all-powerful unicorn out of a Trotkein novel!” “Well whoever he is, he’s got the right ta kick us outta the library if he sees fit,” Applejack pointed out, trying to calm the crowd “An’ I don’t know about y’all, but if someone set MAH tail on fire, I wouldn’t want ‘em hangin’ around any longer’n they had to.” “I said I was sorry…” Spike muttered petulantly, but his anger at being thrown out was slowly being replaced with disappointment, a sentiment shared by the rest of the partygoers, some of which were considering leaving “So what now? Is the part over?” “Not hardly!” Rainbow Dash countered, pumping one foreleg “Hey Applejack! Think we could all squeeze into that barn of yours?” “Ah reckon so,” Applejack reasoned, leaping onto a nearby barrel and whistling to catch the crowd’s attention “C’mon everypony! We’re movin this ‘ere party tah mah place!” “Come on Twilight…” Spike urged, the dragon tugging on his mistress’ tail to get her to follow the cheering crowd “We’re gonna miss the party!” Twilight paused, staring into the window of the library, her attention fixed on the blurry form of Rincewind as he stormed about sorting through the books, sighing in defeat before turning to follow the herd as they made for Sweet Apple Acres. Yeah yeah, I know, another cliffhanger, but really, foal-steps here people! And yes, Rincewind is scared of Fluttershy. And he hasn't even seen The Stare yet. As for Pinkie...well, as nerve wracking as she can be, he finds her ability to detect trouble useful, and has actually started taking notes of her symptoms so as to best prepare for the worst. Haven't decided on pairings, if any, but suggestions are always welcome. 01 - And even then he had to be assured they weren't going anywhere near his arse. 02 - If they were they wouldn't have left the windows open, nor placed his bed near one. 03 - Needless to say, Rincewind had to be tied to the bed until they assured him he WASN'T about to be attacked by something horrible as a result of whatever messed up karma governed his life. 04 - Rincewind was a firm believer in the practice of running feet first AWAY from Danger. 05 - As a Wizard, or indeed, a former resident of the Disc, Rincewind found the 'Hard Licker' of Equestria to be somewhat lacking. Thus far his attempts to recreate hardier fare has been decidedly explosive. 06 - More than half a shot glass. 07 - The staff didn't count, and besides, SOMEONE had to do the bloody Laundry. 08 - Like many would be brewers, Rincewind learned how to brew Scumble from his father, who passed on (rather unsteadily) the family recipe, as well as the standard warning of never, EVER, allowing it to come into contact with Metal. 09 - And anything that moved at all really. 10 - Preferably from a distance of at least the next continent. Also, I think it rather interesting to note that, while 'Scumble' is a clear pun on 'Scrumpy', it's potency makes it the Discworld equivalent to the Earth Drink: Applejack. In conclusion, Rincewind just brewed Applejack. Make of that what you will.