My first fistfight was a... Useless affair.
"Haaa!" I shout, pounding the speed bag in front of me as fast as I can. Which turns out to be pretty damn fast. Go figure. Almost thirty rebounds every six seconds.
I still can't even touch Iron Diamond or Helmsplitter, but I'm getting there, and fast.
"Kick!" Iron Diamond shouts, prompting me to plant my hands on the ground and pull myself onto my back, kicking the bag with my hindlegs.
The distinctive sound of ripping cloth marks me hanging from the bag as sand dribbles down on me like a faucet while I try to get my leg untangled from the hanging bag.
At least I hit it this time. Apparently, when a pony kicks, it's basically a kill-shot on anything that isn't extraordinarily durable (like an Earth Pony), and very nearly all Equestrian martial arts revolve around getting into a position to safely start kicking the shit out of whatever is behind you.
Since my arms make me more mobile, Iron Diamond had dug out an old Pegasus tome, under the assumption that with enough practice, I could simply flip back to get into kicking position, instead of having to turn around like Unicorn or Earth Pony styles require.
It's a work in progress.
At any rate, I finally manage to pull myself free, leaving behind one of my shoes in the bag, which I'm forced to yank out by hand once I manage to get upright again.
Iron Diamond walks up, looking me over for injuries. Nope, nothing here chief, aside from the checkerboard pattern of bruises, of course. Same old same old.
"You're getting better at this. I still recommend switching to boots, though." Iron says while I fit my shoes back on, the enchantments in them re-affixing it to my hoof.
"They feel extremely uncomfortable. It might interfere with my mobility," I repeat, having discussed this with him before.
Iron ponders my words. "You should at least know how to fight with them. You've fought in fullplate before, wearing grieves wouldn't be that much different."
I consider that carefully, before reaching back to pull out a piece of Royal Vibranium.
With a blend of magical spells, I grow and burn away the gem in my hand until it's clad in crystal.
"What about a gauntlet? More weight on my fists can't hurt, at least for training."
Iron huffs through his nose, considering the matter. "I suppose.
"Alright, let's move on to katas."
"Posing!" I shout.
"Katas, and they're for training. Not taunting."
He fails to wipe the smirk off of my face with his words as we move over to the padded circle that was set up for practical exercises.
"Alright, give me another one!" Priss says while Eclipse Flash mans the turret currently aiming fastballs at her.
With a whump, the baseball-sized rock whizzes by Priss as she steps to the side, the wall behind her splattering with another flattened molten rock.
Eclipse wipes her forehead. "That's ten, Priss. I think we should call it, Priss. You've got to be getting tired."
Priss just smirks, hopping from side to side. "Are you getting tired?"
Eclipse glares tiredly at Priss. "Yes, actually. I'm still having to shoot these things, you know," Eclipse says, launching another baseball at Priss with a swift kick and a flare of magic.
Priss dodges that one as well, painting the wall behind her with cooling rock slime.
"Alright, alright. Want to get something at Snack Attack?" Priss says, trotting over to relieve Eclipse from her duty.
The filly nods with relief. "I've been wanting to try the 'Redhots' for a while now. Sounds like a plan."
With that, the pair thusly leave the exercise hall behind, seeking out the promised land of junk food.
"You're getting really good at dodging," Eclipse points out, the light from her head illuminating the decorated tunnels, glittering lights on the walls matching her spark for spark.
"Yeah, to be honest, I thought all this practice was going to suck, but it's been pretty fun," Priss responds easily, as they turn the corner, spotting Snack Attack just down the hall. It's neon sign lighting up proudly with the establishment's name.
The pair walk in and take their seats, Priss taking a menu while Eclipse waves down a mare working at the place.
"I'd like a small order of the redhot fries and some klabautermelon juice. What do you want, Priss?"
"Give me a minute, I'm lookin'," Priss says idly.
"I'll get you your drink while your friend decides what she wants." The lime-burning mare smiles sweetly, bustling off to get Eclipse's juice.
Suddenly, a hefty stallion crashes into their table with a bloody lip, which he wipes off before galloping back over to continue his business while another one of the waitresses yells at him.
"Oh what in the blue blazes?! Keep it in the ring, Big John! We don't need you breaking more of our tables!" They shout, shuffling him back into the "Attacking" part of Snack Attack's two-part layout.
In what seems like a flash, Eclipse and Priss's table is replaced in rapid order, crystal swept up and into a flaming grate on the floor that eradicates it.
The mare grins nervously, placing Eclipse's drink on the new table for her. "Sorry about that girls, I swear..."
Priss shakes her head, setting her menu down. "It's fine. Anyway, I think I'll have the bauxite, lettsomite and tourmaline sandwich, and just some water to drink."
'Ugh, health food.' Eclipse thinks to herself. "Actually, I think I want a large order of the redhot fries, with double-extra sauce instead. Sorry about that," Eclipse says, sipping at her juice.
The waitress nods happily, scurrying off to prepare their food.
"I don't know how you eat that stuff." Eclipse comments, hoof on her chin as she leans on the table.
Priss, meanwhile, just scoffs. "You just need to develop a taste for it. There's nothing wrong with some tourmaline in your diet."
Eclipse just rolls her eyes again. "But it tastes so bad! Especially if we're making the effort to go out to eat anyway. I just don't see myself ordering that kind of stuff."
Priss shrugs. "Then I guess you better be ready for pudgeland because that's where ponies go when redhot fries and double-extra sauce are involved."
Eclipse growls. "I'll show you pudgeland, I haven't been slouching off on my training one bit, this is all going to turn into muscle, just you wait."
Priss giggles. "Yeah, probably. I'm just getting under your skin."
Eclipse just huffs through her nose.
"Iron Diamond, I'm really not for this idea," I say nervously, as we walk into Angel Island Zone's public street fighting circuit.
"The only way you can learn to brawl properly is with experience, Weiss. Your extra limbs give you a major advantage, which is why you're going in the heavyweight circuit first."
I sweat as he pens my name in for me at the desk. "Iron, they're going to make hamburger helper out of me, you know that, right?"
Iron gives me a sidelong glance. "I don't know what that is, but you'll be fine. Just remember what we've been practicing, and avoid getting kicked in the head. I'm signing up too if it makes you feel any better."
I groan. "It really doesn't, man."
He has the audacity to give me a fucking smirk. "Then you've got an incentive to learn quickly before we get paired off against one another."
With that, Iron Diamond trots down the hall to the waiting room, leaving me alone, when a pony muscles by me to get to the desk.
"Oh, sorry about that Lord Weiss. Didn't mean to jostle you there." The stallion says, signing his own name down.
"You here to watch a good scuffle, Lord Weiss?" The stallion asks, turning to face me.
I have to crane my neck up to look in in the eye when the towering auburn brute smiles. "Name's Bruto. I gotta warn you, you might get bored, watching me fight. I get em once and-" He pops his lips.
"They're down."
I gulp. "Actually, my trainer signed me up to fight too, funny that, huh?"
"Lightweight?" He questions with a raised eyebrow.
"...Heavyweight." I respond with a sinking stomach.
He coughs in a suspiciously laughter-like way. "Sorry to hear it, Lord Weiss. Good luck, I guess!"
With that, the thusly named Bruto trots down the hall with the rest of the signed up fighters.
As I march towards my doom, I can't help but feel like my healing tank is going to get a workout today.
Eclipse Flash is very glad this place has free refills, because her mouth is on fire.
"I thought it was cheese," Eclipse whines, chewing the molten crystal peppers, which had cooled and hardened in her mouth in a haze of steam.
Her breaths come out in puffs of flame as she tries to chew rapidly, swallowing the last redhot fry while Priss nibbles down the last of her sandwich daintily.
"Ugh. I'm not ordering that again," she crows, laying her head on the table.
"Holy crack," Priss balks suddenly.
Miss Priss's exclamation manages to raise Eclipse's suffering mouth as she lifts the rest of her head to look at whatever going on.
Over on one of the holo-screens, a street-fighting event is being broadcast, and included in the lineup is none other than a certain individual known by both Priss and Eclipse.
"Oh this aught to be good," Priss says, waving down the waitress.
"Could you get me a pitcher of milk, some redhot fries, and keep the vinegar coming"
Eclipse raises an eyebrow. "I thought you were 'eating healthy'?"
Priss shrugs. "You think I'm heading home while a show like this is on? You're crazy, girl. I'll show you how you conquer the spice while we wait for Weiss's match."
Eclipse is extremely unhappy with the idea of being made to eat more of those horrendous fries but keeps her mouth shut.
She will conquer the spice!
When the waitress places the platter of fries on the table, coated in molten crystal and with a side of boiling vinegar, her stomach grumbles out a terrified warning, and she gulps involuntarily.
"M-maybe we should wait for them to cool off a bit, first?"
"You're kidding, right? They're just right for eating, while the peppers are good and gooey. Now we just douse em in some vinegar and..."
She pours the pitcher of boiling liquid onto the fries, where it instantly steams up, turning the magmatic morsels from their angry red color to a dark amber color that bubbles dangerously.
Reaching in heedlessly, she scoops some up with a fork and downs them, humming with pleasure.
"Try it, drink some milk afterward," Priss commands, making Eclipse slowly and nervously do so.
Her face sweats and her eyes clench shut at the spice, before the cooling relief of milk follows, allowing her to taste the tang of the vinegar and the breadth of flavors packed into the crystalline delicacy.
"Oh, check it out, Weiss's up," Priss points out, watching the holoscreen, intent on extracting entertainment from Weiss's soon-to-be suffering.
I throw a few practice punches, while my first opponent steps into the middle of the huge hall that had been acquired for street fighting purposes.
"Alright. Let's have a clean fight, if they go down, you get the hay off of them, or it's an instant disqualification," The ref explains to the both of us.
I guess it makes sense, with a quadrupedal stance, falling down means the fight is basically over.
My opponent is a heavy chunk of pony, with a grey flare of a mane and beard, and an even duller coat.
"Alright. Fight," the ref says, backing away from us as we size each other up.
My opponent smirks at me, before charging forward, intent on bowling me over.
I, however, have a different plan, considering I'm dealing with Earth Ponies.
Pulling one of my shoulders back as far as it will go, I sidestep the heavy-set stallion, before clocking him in the side of the head as he passes me by, throwing a few other punches lower, aimed at his legs. While my main attack managed to land, striking him in the temple, my less focused blows failed to do anything at all.
Earth Pony durability isn't a joke.
The pony shakes his head angrily, rearing up and trying to trample me to the ground, but I run under him while he attempts the slow maneuver, grabbing him around the waist with my arms and jerking him violently to the side, just barely managing to unbalance him in his moment of surprised shock, and sending him toppling over without his forelegs available to catch him.
As he crashes to the ground with a meaty thud, the ref blows their whistle, declaring me the winner.
One down, I guess. I know for a fact they won't all be that easy.
Hell, I doubt any of them will.
Iron Diamond is displeased with Weiss's first win. He really should have seen this coming, though. If there's one thing that pony is good at, it's exploiting the rules. Instead of focusing on direct blows, it seems Weiss favored grappling in that fight.
Which is great, of course, but it's cheating him out of the more practical experience that would help him in a fight that doesn't have silly rules like this competition does.
Hopefully, Weiss will last long enough to face off against Iron, for a good proper fight.
As Iron watches Bruto yank back his forehoof and punch his opponent out, Iron can't help but snort. Punching is one of the most awkward methods of attack for an Earth Pony. Bruto is losing almost all of his potentially impressive power, attacking like that.
Bruto's disappointed look implies that he knows this as well.
"Hmph," Iron Diamond's face twitches into a thin smile. If that pony wants to fight someone that won't work on, then all he had to do was ask.
Thankfully, it doesn't seem like Weiss will be facing off against Bruto unless Iron loses, judging from the tournament's matchups.
As a matter of fact, it looks like Iron will be facing off against him in the next round.
Iron trots around, finding Weiss stretching his arms with a firm expression.
"Weiss," Iron starts, catching the unicorn's attention.
"Try to go for a knockout in your next fight. I'll give you some lessons on following up on a grapple later, once you've got the fundamentals down."
Weiss takes a deep breath, displeased with that. "Alright. I'll try."
Iron pats Weiss on the back. "You don't need to win, Weiss. You just need to fight."
That said, Iron returns to his own seat, intent on watching a few of the other matches coming up before his own.
I take a deep breath as I step back into the street, this time facing off against a much smaller Earth Pony. This one a bright green color, with emerald-looking braided hairfire and a cutie mark of a lime slice wedged into a rock.
"Let me guess. Limestone?" I say, making him smirk.
"I get that a lot. It's On-The-Rocks, actually," he responds in a gruff tone.
I take another deep breath and steel myself. Him being smaller than the last guy makes this a lot harder on me. Mostly because he's probably not that much weaker than the last guy while being even harder to pin down.
Not that I'm allowed to pin him this time.
One more deep breath, just before the ref calls it, and he slowly approaches me, mindful of my waiting fists.
Only hits to critical areas will do anything, as durable as an Earth Pony is.
As we circle one another like sharks, he suddenly turns on me, throwing a glancing kick my way that makes my breath catch in my throat as I back up, throwing an arm up to block.
Broken, instantly.
I pull the shattered limb out of its metal socket, burning it into nothing, before swiveling the rest of my limbs around to cover the weakness.
Waiting isn't going to do me any good in this fight, so I take the offensive, running towards him at an angle and clocking him twice in the jaw, before throwing my left palm into his side to keep him from turning on me again.
This only just barely works, as I see his leg flash out without a target to hit, giving me the opening I need to jackhammer his head and sides with three more punches, as hard as I can manage.
The clack of his teeth is louder than the impact of my fists, but he seems dazed, giving me an even wider opening.
Like a man possessed, I throw more punches at him, testing his guard and my knowledge of anatomy when I send a pair of punches into his shoulder where the joint is.
He growls forcing his eyes open and shoving me back with his forelegs while I instinctively try to grab ahold of his hair, and fail because it's all just fire.
I idly rub the small horseshoe-shaped bruise on my chest as he carefully considers my posture and positioning, adjusting his own.
Can't let him get his bearings.
I charge him again, but this time he's ready for me, rearing up just enough to bat away my arms before I can punch him, and pulling him into position to hit me with a nasty blow to my actual shoulder, scraping it harshly, and nearly making my knee buckle before I manage to back away from him.
By now, I'm panting, but he is too.
We're both more than aware that this fight is ending the next time we make contact.
I run towards him again, with a plan in mind, and sure enough, he rears up just barely high enough to hit me, but not enough for me to pull what I did last round.
I jerk my remaining five arms down and plant them hard on the ground, pulling myself up and backwards as his eyes widen at the sudden movement.
My two hindlegs snap out with the posture and strength of the noble kangaroo, and both of them end up planted right in his jaw, sending him flipping over onto the ground.
The ref calls the match then and there as I delicately try to maneuver myself into a state of not being upside down, on my back and suspended from shaking clone arms anymore.
"Holy crack! Did you see that? He just sent that guy flying!" Priss shouts, literally on the edge of her seat as she stares at the holovision screen.
Eclipse Flash, while she did just see that, is currently battling the last bit of her second helping of redhot fries, and her third glass of milk.
"Yeah, the physics on that are crazy, if he's not using magic to adjust his weight distribution. It'd be like trying to stand on your front hooves and nothing else," Eclipse belts out rapidly, before returning to her milk.
Priss nods. "Man, that's gotta suck for the other guy though. Imagine the last thing you see before getting knocked the buck out being Weiss's junk. Ugh."
Eclipse nods, not really paying attention as she lifts up the final fry, drenched in vinegar and migrating towards her waiting maw.
Done.
Eclipse throws her hooves up, announcing her victory to the world. "I did it. I conquered the spice."
Priss snorts. "Good work, champ. For your next conquest, you can take the bill."
Eclipse hides her pout behind her glass of milk, sipping at it angrily. "Fine, but you're bankrolling our next visit to the arcade."
Priss's smile is unaffected. "Sure thing, you can go on to conquer the DJManiax cabinet, champ."
Eclipse huffs even louder at this, but Priss shushes her.
"Check it out. Iron Diamond versus Bruto. That aught to be a fun match," Priss says, sipping at her water as she appraises the matchup.
Eclipse Flash hums, turning her gaze to the screen. "Could go either way, I figure. Bruto's been blasting every match apart so far, but Iron Diamond is one of the captains of the Shadow Guard."
When Dr. Real offers to bring over one of my spare arms, I decline.
"I'm not here to win doc, I'm just here to fight. If losing an arm means that I would have lost the next couple of fights, then I need to know that now," I explain, making him nervously nod, before ending the holocall and focusing my attention on the fight about to happen.
Iron Diamond cracks his neck, stretching carefully as he approaches Bruto, who neglects to do anything other than stand there idly.
"You could back out, if you want," Bruto says plainly.
Iron doesn't even bother to dignify it with a response, other than to straighten up, his back cracking faintly at the movement.
"Fight!" the ref shouts, once they are out of the way.
Bruto raises one of his forehooves, ready to punch Iron into the dirt.
Iron, however, is more than aware of just how hard his opponent can hit. Having watched him fight these last few matches, there's no doubt that his opponent has power in their corner.
Running forward, Iron dashes to Bruto's other side, making the pony awkwardly turn to try and catch iron with a glancing blow.
Even without his armored boots, Iron Diamond's buck is more than enough to send the pony over one-hundred pounds his own weight skidding, bruises instantly erupting on Bruto's thigh from the impact.
Iron Diamond backs away while Bruto turns, angered by the attack.
"Not bad," Bruto says, suddenly smiling, as though he was never angry at all.
Trotting towards Iron, he swipes at Iron with his hoof, smacking him lightly on the shoulder.
Iron Diamond, confused at what was practically not even an attack at all, slumps over, knocked out in an instant.
What the hell what that?
The ref calls the match, and I walk over to grab Iron, looking for somewhere to drag him.
Bruto's self-assured smirk also serves to assure me that something is rotten in the state of Denmark...
Iron Diamond wakes up just in time to see Weiss facing off against Bruto, how long was he out?
His head is certainly pounding like he got punched out, but that's not what he remembers happening...
He hears Weiss begin to speak. "To be honest, I didn't even know magic was allowed at this little shindig. At least, not sleep-inducing Dark Magic."
Bruto responds easily, holding up his hoof to demonstrate the slimy magical knockout drug that it had been producing. "Oh, you picked up on that? You're a perceptive one Lord Weiss Noir. I'm honored at your attentiveness," he says genuinely.
Weiss lets out a small sigh of annoyance. "Yeah... I'm going to level with you. I originally wasn't here to actually win this thing. I signed up for a workout, and I wouldn't normally have minded losing, as long as I got far enough to get some experience out of it.
"But now, I've changed my mind.
"You see, I'm unhappy with how Iron Diamond was humiliated by you. Especially considering just how piss-poor of a fighter you really are."
Weiss's black hair flares behind him like a hissing viper, snapping at the air as he holds his arms out wide, palms facing forward as if welcoming Bruto.
"So I'll go ahead and win this fight."
The referee begins the match, and Bruto charges Weiss down, sweeping his foreleg back to throw a loose punch at the unicorn.
"Honestly, I should just end this here, but I assured my trainer that I would go for knockouts, so I'll just have to suck it up," Weiss says, blocking Bruto's punch with one of his limbs, the draconic arm blocking the blow while two of his other arms slither in to grab Bruto's leg.
Instead of using this leverage to flip the drafthorse over and onto the ground to end the fight instantly, Weiss cocks back his remaining two fists, and plants them both in Bruto's jaw, a loud crack easily audible to the crowd before Weiss lets go of them, causing them to lose their balance and almost fall anyway.
Bruto stumbles back, confused. "You should be flat on your rump asleep after touching my knockout punch! How are you still awake?!"
Weiss rolls his shoulders and his eyes at the same time, trotting forward.
"Your punch was just too weak is all. Did you really think punching works like that?" Weiss lies, shrugging his shoulders while shaking his head with disappointment.
"You can't just bat at your opponent like a little kitty cat, swiping your hoof around," he continues, knowing full well that Royal Sugar has to get into the target's bloodstream in order for it to make them fall asleep, even if Bruto is using some version of the poison that can affect a target on contact.
Something that can't be done when your arms are attached to your body with no veins between them to transmit toxins.
Weiss shakes his head. "Even I know better than that.
"When you throw a punch, you've got to..."
Weiss's metal sockets slide along his back, until they're all the way back at his flank, all five arms cocked back with a noisy click as he breaks out into a sprint.
"Put your back into it!" Weiss finishes, throwing a medley of blows at Bruto, his horn igniting with magic that jerks his limbs back into position to throw another punch whenever one of the punches lands. In a single second, ten punches are already thrown, denting his opponent in what appears to be an unhealthy way.
The blows keep flowing, punches both random and targeted smashing into the Earth Pony, most of them aimed in such a way that they strike the same areas over and over, substituting the raw power that a buck could use to bruise an Earth Pony through their natural defenses with several weaker blows that come together to induce a similar result.
Bruto tries to weather the storm, lifting a hoof to protect his face, but three punches snake around, striking him in the side of the head repeatedly, forcing him to back away from Weiss involuntarily. The unicorn follows suit with careful, measured steps to keep him in the sweet spot of punching power that he had instinctively come to learn during Iron Diamond's vicious training.
Weiss's body sways from side to side as he alternates jerking his right arms and left arms back to throw right and left crosses as fast and as full-bodied as possible, before he pulls all of his limbs back, rearing back onto his hind hooves while the brown swaying draft pony in front of him tries to uncross their eyes and clear the stars out of them.
Bruto, seeing Weiss on his hind-legs, tries to throw another sloppy punch, through the darkness encroaching on his vision, which misses entirely moments before Weiss's attack concludes.
"Hydra!" Weiss shouts, launching his five fists at Bruto, and catching his opponent's jaw between them as he rushes back down with a stomp.
Bruto is sent into unconsciousness in a spray of flying teeth, allowing Weiss to be declared the winner.
I scowl with disgust at my win, shaking my painfully bruised and bloodied knuckles to get some sensation back into them. Earth Ponies don't go down easy, that's for damn sure.
Even though the crowd is cheering, I just feel sickened at the fact that I'm standing here. Mostly because Bruto's cheesy shlock really did not deserve to win against Iron Diamond's experience. I flag down the ref. "Sorry if this is unorthodox, but I'd like to have one more match against Iron Diamond, it's fine if that's too much trouble, but I'd really appreciate it."
The crowd cheers at the idea of having yet another fight to witness after the one that had just happened, and thankfully, the ref allows it.
"Fuck, fine, I give, Uncle!" I shout, Iron having managed to wrangle all of my arms and bash my legs out from under me, much to the audience's jubilation.