//------------------------------// // Taking the Plunge // Story: The Journal of the Reunited Two Sisters // by AutoPony //------------------------------// Tonight is the night. My mind repeated that phrase over and over from the time I had retired to my bed for the morning, until meeting with Celestia for our daily time together. My slumber had been restless at best, which would only serve to increase the difficulty of the path forward during the overnight hours. It had been a fortnight since I had triumphantly entered my sister's dream on my own accord. It was that same night of accomplishment I realized the victory I savored was a mere stepping stone to a goal further ahead - watching over the dreams of all Equestrians. As a result, the ensuing evenings were spent not only toying with my sister's dreams - with her expressed permission, mind you - but gaining a better understanding of dreams from a psychological perspective. I suppose psychology has always been an intriguing subject to me - I recall analyzing those who appeared before me with requests for sanctuary in a fledging empire, or requests for diplomacy. On more than one occasion I was able to snuff out a would-be rabble-rouser before he or she could begin their nefarious plight. It would be safe to assume the cold calculations catered to the same skill set that I was renowned for in the battles my sister and I waged to bring harmony to the land; while Celestia wielded a raw magic capability surpassing that of virtually all creatures, I was blessed with a keen eye, a gift for stealth and subterfuge in the darkness behind the lines. Such terms of battle required a strong will and patience, close attention to detail to know when the time was right to strike. Yet I suppose as I consider such musings, it is quite likely the traits of which I wax were perhaps detrimental to the trust of those who would desire to seek an audience with me once my sister and I began our rule. Such an emotionless, judging aura is a stark contrast to the warm and inviting sense one experiences when in the presence of my dear sister. While I have strayed from the experience I desire to share, I have perhaps stumbled upon an epiphany that bears further consideration and a change in demeanor to help garner trust and acceptance in the future. But I digress, it is time to return to the topic at large. As usual, the beginning of each shift was dealing with leftover reports and requests from the day, followed by a trickle of ponies desiring an audience with me to plead their side of a squabble or proposal. But it would quickly lead to a lull that granted me time to either develop a better understanding of dreams and their cause, or hone my newfound abilities within the confines of my sister's whimsical fantasies. While I had initially struggled to access Celestia's dreams as well as manifest doors to other's dream realms, it quickly became second nature for me to navigate and manipulate these creations of the mind. It was as if I had been doing such tasks my whole life, which only began to make me question if I had this ability all along. But with such prodigious finesse and raw talent on display, it came down to preparation. As I mentioned earlier, I have always had a knack for analyzing others, and no book would help me further that ability to any noteworthy extent. I was as prepared as one could be for such a task as I was going to undertake for the first time. The previous night, I must admit I had gotten cold hooves. I had been set upon beginning this new chapter of my duties, but my nerves got the best of me, and I decided to wait until the ensuing evening. Tonight there was no excuse - these feelings of apprehension would continue until I took the plunge. I had not discussed this feeling of uncertainty with my sister in our discussions we had between shifts. That does not mean Tia was not privy to my hidden doubts; she repeatedly prodded and pried the previous couple days, without success. I did not want to trouble her mind with my own personal insecurities, is what I told myself. Yet it was this same night I deemed the night to begin my foray into the dream realm of Equestria, a harsh truth dawned upon me. I was making the same mistake once again. As in the past, I was burying my inner turmoil, desiring to hide it from the light of day, ignoring its existence. Nay, it was not for fear of troubling my sister's mind, it was much more selfish than that. I did not want to seem weak or show vulnerability. This particular evening, Tia and I had taken to the skies over Equestria - her decision, taking my advice to overcome the self-consciousness that plagued her mind whilst flying. It was not long before Celestia began her pursuit of my ails. "I know I sound like a broken record, Luna, but how are you doing? I can't help but feel like there's been something on your mind." For once, I fought the stern, cold voice inside that commanded me to brush her fears aside. "I know, sister. I must admit to you I have been bothered as of late by my thoughts," I said, shifting my gaze from the land below to my elder sister. Despite her question, Celestia looked quite surprised I had finally caved to her inquiry, her eyes widened. "I- yes, go on, Lulu," she managed to belt out. She banked towards me with a dip of her right wing, virtually eliminating the gap between us. "Tia, I feel I am finally ready to try presiding over the dream realm," I started slowly. Celestia had calmed down from her slight shock, nodding as she listened intently, her cue for me to continue. "I am... I must confess I have some reservations with proceeding." "You're nervous about it," she replied bluntly. I solemnly nodded my head, my face growing warm with embarrassment. Celestia's muzzle broke out into a smile as she reached over and placed a hoof upon my side. "Sister, that is nothing to be ashamed of," she reassured me. But her quick response only stirred the feelings of uncertainty, the cauldron within beginning to froth over. "But it is, Tia! This is not some mere exercise to show off my new-found abilities, I desire to aid those that find themselves afflicted by an overactive mind like you were," I replied, steadfast in my opinion. "How can I be of help to others who face uncertainties if I myself am troubled by the notion of proceeding with this task?" Despite my sudden outburst, Celestia stayed right beside me, though she had retracted her hoof. "Luna, I am not trying to trivialize your concerns," she said softly. "But it is normal to feel nervous about something new. Everypony feels that way when confronted with a foreign scenario. But what concerns you the most about... um, what do you call this ability? Dreamwalking? Dreamweaving, perhaps?" "I suppose either term is acceptable," I replied, mulling over the suggestions. "I have to say I do find myself partial to the latter term." "Right. What concerns you most about dreamweaving?" "Well, I... I would have to say I find myself troubled by the idea of just appearing in somepony else's dream when they are having a nightmare, and making the problem worse," I answered back. The response made Celestia cock her head in curiosity. "Why would you think that, Luna?" My sister looked somewhat saddened as she asked for clarification. "I don't... I guess I do not have a specific reason to fear such a thing," I said. Deep down, I had a reason in mind, but I did not wish to speak it aloud. Not that it mattered, as Tia already had an idea and saw through my charade. "You're worried about your reputation preceding you," she said. Frustrated, I could only nod. "Tell me, how have you fared in your duties at night? Has there been any issues when anypony has requested an audience?" "Well, no," I admitted. "But he or she already knows what to expect. This is something completely different. My mere appearance could be a fright, my name is etched into the tales of horror." "No, Nightmare Moon's name is written in such texts. You are not Nightmare Moon. Once, yes, but not now, dear sister. But may I ask you something else?" "Of course," I said, my head conflicted with the reassurances of my sister and the self-doubt that lingered. "Why do you think I suggested this proposition to you after you were able to help me with my dream?" "Because you believe I can do the same for others," I quickly answered. Celestia gave a half-smile but lightly shook her head after a moment. "First off, I know you can do this. There is not a doubt in my mind you are more than capable," she gushed. "Yes, it is true that you will help others as you did for me, but that is only part of it." "Erm, perhaps a more productive use of my time?" That answer elicited a light laugh from Celestia. "No. In a way, you have a point, but still not what I had in mind. Sister, I was overjoyed to hear you receptive to my idea because I see a way for you to shine in your own unique way. I see an opportunity to help others in a way I have never been able. I have to admit, I find myself just a bit jealous." "You jest," I shot back. But Tia merely chuckled. "No, Luna. I have been able to ease the physical hardships of many ponies who we watch over, and of course, I will continue to do so. But you have an opportunity before you to quell the inner turmoil of others, problems that are not as apparent - even to those who are afflicted with these problems. They are no less serious, as you have seen firsthand within my nightmares." I had to admit, her reasoning opened my eyes to what she saw in me. I had assumed coming back to rule beside her was a relief, to ease her burden of watching over the land of Equestria. But quite the opposite - she wanted me to find new opportunities to make an impact upon our ponies, to be - in my own way - her equal, and beloved just as she. "You have a good heart, Luna. Let it guide you, and you have nothing to worry about." "Thank you, sister," I replied quietly. I must admit, discussing my woes even for this brief moment had indeed lifted a weight off of me. Not completely, but the anxiety I still felt was much more manageable, and the night ahead seemed less intimidating at a glance. But my sister sensed it was time to lower her celestial body just as I felt the yearning plea the moon sent out to me. In unison, our horns flared with the glow of magic, the sun setting in time with the moon slowly gracing the sky. "I suppose, it is about time we head back to Canterlot. There were a few items I was unable to get through before the end of the day, they should not take you long," Celestia said. Both of banked at a wide angle, heading towards the beacons of light nearby that dotted the castle's windows. I couldn't help myself but smile as I looked over the landscape below us. "Celestia, did you know as we were conversing, our aimless flight took us low over Ponyville, among other minor settlements?" I asked. Tia quickly took stock of the sights below us, as well as those that lurked behind us. "I - no, I didn't," she replied, somewhat taken aback by the realization. Nevertheless, I could see in her eyes the delight that came along with her shock. Gliding in towards the balcony that graced my sister's personal quarters, the two of us lightly touched down, marking the end of our nightly discussion. "Lulu, thank you for opening up to me tonight," Celestia said, reaching over with a hoof and gently pulling me into her chest fluff. "I've been a little worried, but I didn't want to push you too hard." "I know you have been concerned, I apologize for my stubbornness," I replied, raising my gaze up and nuzzling her. "I assure you, I meant no ill by keeping this from you. I am still trying to change and open up more, it's just difficult." "I know it is. It will come with time," she replied, letting me go. "I love you, have a good night, little sister. If you have any issues, you know where to find me. "Love you too, big sister," I said. "I feel much more confident now, thank you for the encouragement." With that, Tia began preparing for a good night's rest, while I headed across the hall to adorn my regalia, ready to face tonight's royal duties with a little more energy in my step. "Do we have anypony waiting for us to grant them an audience?" The guard posted at the door across the room shook his head after entering through the large oak doors. "No your Highness," he replied. "It seems another quiet night is in order." "Very well. Resume your post outside, do let us know if there is an item to be brought to our attention," I instructed. A quick salute and the guard disappeared from view, the doors slowly groaning closed behind him. I took a deep breath as a pang of anxiety ran through me. It was time to begin watching over the dream realm - and possibly entering somepony else's dream for the first time. No more excuses, no more preparation was going to aid me in this new quest. No more delays. 'I know you are more than capable of doing this.' Tia's encouragements from earlier pulsed through my head as I tried to clear it of nagging thoughts. 'You have a good heart, let it guide you...' Another deep breath and exhale to calm myself, before I took the plunge. Despite my eyes being closed, I could feel the world around me as I knew it shift, the air becoming lighter and less oppressive. I waited a few moments before taking stock of my surroundings. As anticipated, the castle's throne room had vanished, replaced with a mirror image of my serene night sky. But in this case, each pinprick of light was not a star, but a doorway to somepony's dreams. I looked down at my hooves, finding I had changed as well, shifting back into the taller, more regal version of myself that first came about when I had intervened in Tia's dream the second time. All was quiet upon my arrival, left to drift aimlessly and relax for the time being. Part of me was relieved that I had no sense of trouble or worry to greet me, even though that was what my tasks within this realm were meant to resolve. But my mind wandered with that wave of relief. Would I sense a citizen's nightmare and ensuing disturbed emotions? I had a direct tie with my sister, could that have played a part in identifying her needs? What if I did not have that same ability with others whom I did not know? Worry began to creep into me as I began to question myself and my theories. But rather than let them carry me away to a pit of self-doubt, again I took a deep breath to free my mind. The anxiety did not pass this time. Nay, it had instead multiplied in that brief moment of clarity. It is important to note the difficulty to differentiate between one's own emotions and that of somepony having a nightmare in this plane of consciousness. It is imperative I have my wits about me before entering this realm, and am of sound and relaxed mind. But this rapid spike of nervousness was so palpable, it clearly was not emanating from my own thoughts. I closed my eyes once again, focusing on the sensation to let it guide me. However, rather than feeling myself pulled along toward the emotions, I felt a rush of air whip past me, the sound of a strong wind blustering all around before abruptly falling quiet again. Much to my surprise, when I opened my eyes again, a line of doors had been placed before me, stretching away in both directions as far as my vision could make out. Most importantly, a single door was placed squarely in front of me, the fear emanating from this specific one. Lavender in color overall, it was striped with deep purple and magenta offset to one side. At eye level, a magenta starburst was emblazoned, surrounded by five smaller white twinkling stars. It took me a moment for my memory to recall where I had seen that mark before. The one who had saved me from myself, Celestia's young prodigy, Twilight Sparkle. At once, I was torn with the scenario set before me. On one end, I would love nothing more than to repay my debt to the pony that freed me from self-destruction and reunited me with my elder sister. However, this would also be the first time I had spoken to her since... since I had become myself, free of the anger and jealousy. The last thing I wished to do was to strike fear into her when I was hoping to offer comfort. Yet the same could be said for anypony, and she had at least witnessed my change. Without another thought, my magic eased open the door, allowing me access to not just a dream, but perhaps my future. Darkness was my initial greeting upon stepping through the portal; it was either my eyes adjusting to this new realm or the realm adjusting to fit within it another conscious entity. But I could hear sounds right away; the shuffling of paper and parchment mixed with a healthy helping of frantic scrawlings of a quill tip informed me this bad dream was something quite unexpected. After a few moments, my surroundings came into view. By the looks of it, I was inside of a massive hollowed-out tree, the walls further chiseled out into rows of shelving. Each one was filled to the brim with books and texts, albeit crammed into any spot they could fit in haphazard fashion. Even worse, the floor was dotted with islands of perilously stacked books of varying heights, making my movements somewhat disjointed as I did my best to navigate the maze, eager to find the source of this madness as well as the frenzied sounds that continued. It took what felt like minutes before I came to a clearing, finally finding the pony to which this dream belonged. Twilight Sparkle looked like a mess, her mane frayed and disheveled as she leaned over the table in the center of the room. Her eyes darted frantically as her magic danced in time, jumping from textbook to textbook, back to a scroll which was tended to by a quill equally as energetic as it scribbled away. As I observed in secret, a scroll suddenly popped into existence in front of the mare, enveloped in a haze of golden energy before falling to the table. Twilight seized it at once, unraveling it and studying the contents for a time before letting out a groan of exasperation. Once again, she returned to her frenetic studies, faster than ever. It really didn't take much thought to understand she was feeling pressured and overwhelmed. My sister had given me a brief explanation of Twilight Sparkle and her new direction of study in Ponyville, where I had first found her. Where she had first encountered me and recognized me as Nightmare Moon. My mind ran through the malevolence I displayed toward her in an effort to thwart her from putting an end to my plans for Equestria. Fortunately, she had made friends and came to realize the significance, and their link to the fabled Elements of Harmony. Yet one sobering thought still sticks with me that I find myself unable to extinguish. With everything I had tried, I could have quite easily killed her or her friends. Perhaps it could be argued I was not of sound mind at that point, that it was not truly I, Princess Luna, that did these deeds. But such arguments lead to a slippery slope of thought; at what point is the line drawn to delineate sound and unsound mind? When can one be held accountable for his or her actions when exceptions begin to be made? I am forced to live with what I have done; while others may already be willing to forgive, I do not have the same sentiments toward myself. Ponies can make a change for the better, but they may also regress all progress. That specific thought scares me to this day. But I was here now; it was senseless to turn tail when somepony was standing before me feeling troubled. I stepped forward into the clearing, unsure of how exactly to get Twilight's attention without startling her. Almost stomping upon the floor as I approached from the other side of the table seemed to have no effect, as she continued her rapid pace of work. Clearing my throat likewise failed to garner even a glance upward, as another scroll suddenly appeared before the mare. She quickly seized it, as did I. The tug of my magic against hers finally brought Twilight to take notice of her surroundings. A look of confusion upon her face rapidly twisted into shock. "Greetings, Twilight Sparkle," I said calmly. "Gah!" she shouted, jumping back a few feet as her eyes widened. "Do not fear, I mean you no harm," I quickly clarified. It seemed to do little to quell her startled mind. "Who are you? How did you get in here?!" she shouted. It was only then in occurred to me this was her first view of my dream form. Nonetheless, I found myself rather surprised she did not have any sort of inkling of my identity based on my markings, or the simple fact I was one of only a few existing alicorns. "I am not here in the sense that you believe, Twilight. You are dreaming," I explained, trying to calm her a bit before revealing who I was. Needless to say, my brief explanation was met with some skepticism. "Right, I'm dreaming and you aren't actually real. Just a figment of my imagination?" she asked, in almost a demanding tone. "I don't have time for this, I'm already behind and I have so much to do, so if you'll excuse me-" "What is it that you are so preoccupied by?" I asked. "Friendship studies! Magic studies! Reports to be read, to be made, sent to Celestia-" "You feel overwhelmed by what my sister asks of you," I clarified for her. Twilight's preoccupation with her issues came to a crashing halt as my words finally made her take a closer look at me. "Sister? Wait... you - you're Princess Luna!" she shouted. In an instant, she dropped down to the floor in front of me, bowing profusely. "I'm sorry, I meant no disrespect! I'm just so busy with all of th-" "Arise, Twilight Sparkle," I interrupted, shaking my head. "There is no need for apologies, I understand you are stressed." "But how did you know? And - well you look different from when I last saw you. I mean after you reformed, not that I hold that against you, I just..." Twilight trailed off with a string of unintelligible, rambling mumbles as the worries within her mind multiplied. I was forced to look around as the light that shone in through the partially obscured windows began to dim, as did the lit candles scattered throughout the room. Evidently, her concerns and uncertainties were beginning to further warp her dream. "Twilight Sparkle, you must calm yourself," I said, my horn glowing as I pushed back against the gathering darkness. Much to my surprise, it fought back with a vengeance, swirling around both of us, like a predator waiting to strike. With what little experience I have manipulating dreams, this was a new sensation, and it disturbed me. But the young unicorn ignored me as she continued her ramblings, pacing nerously as her voice raised in time with her stressed mind. "TWILIGHT SPARKLE, CALM THYSELF!" I roared, letting loose the full power of my Canterlot Voice. At once, the shock of its fury froze the dream, while Twilight shot back to attention, albeit trembling with fear. As I had feared, my presence had made the situation worse. Somehow, I had to bring her back to me, and quickly. I focused upon my form, changing it as I reverted back to the form Twilight would more readily recognize as me. She still looked fearful, but stopped her shaking. "What's going on? I don't understand..." she mumbled. "I know, Twilight Sparkle. My appearance tonight is not helping matters," I replied, softening my voice as I slowly approached her, shuffling around the table between us. "Please, just listen to me for a moment, I can explain if you give me a chance. Let me start off by thanking you for returning me to my sister." Twilight remained quiet for a time, her eyes wandering past me to the shadowy storm stopped in its place around the two of us. By this time, her home had been consumed, as well as all of its contents sans the table. I stopped myself as I waited for some sort of a response. I feared any further motions would only restart the nightmare that had spiraled out of control. All I could do was silently plead that she would be willing to accept my proposal. "What is going on here?" she finally asked. "As I said before, you are dreaming. More specifically, you were having a nightmare." "I... how? Are you part of my dream right now?" she asked. "I am in your dream, but I am not a manifestation of your mind, no," I replied. "But the 'how' and 'why' are not important, Twilight Sparkle." "Er, just Twilight, please," the mare replied quickly. "So, I guess getting past all those other questions, why - what are you here for then?" I couldn't help but grin as the growing storm around us receded, bringing back Twilight's home as we both knew it, sans the clutter from earlier. "I am here to ease your mind. Consider it a token of my gratitude for helping me in my moment of weakness. As I mentioned before, you seem to be quite overwhelmed at the moment. Your studies in friendship and magic, I assume that was what you were studying upon my arrival tonight?" "Yeah, it's been a little... overwhelming," she admitted sheepishly. "Not that I don't think that I can do it, or that Princess Celestia would have me do this if it weren't important!" With the sharp addition at the end of her response, the shadows eased back inward toward us. I fought back against its advance once again with my magic. "You do not need to apologize, I am here on my own accord. This is between us," I assured her. A few more steps forward and I was standing directly in front of her, noting she seemed a bit more at ease by this point in time. "I-I'm just worried about keeping up," she finally admitted to me. "I've already been trying so hard to excel in my studies as Princess Celestia's student in magic, and now she has given me this new assignment. I'm afraid of failing her." "I can certainly understand the feeling," I said, debating within myself whether to share my own concerns with my own task at hoof. It didn't take much thought for me to relent. "Twilight, I am experiencing the same scenario right now, believe it or not." "You are part of Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns? But, you already have a head start on everypony else, and you're an alicorn..." I could not help but laugh at her question. "No, that is not what I mean. I imply that I too am going through new adjustments. Not just to presiding over Equestria at night, but new roles and duties as well. It can be overwhelming, but I also know my sister would not leave me to my own devices. The same can be said for your situation." Once again, the darkness and doubt that encircled retracted, this time significantly as, for the first time since my arrival, she seemed to relax. "If I know my sister - and I am certain I do - she sees a lot of potential within you, Twilight. She will never give you more tasks than you can handle, and if you ever begin to feel as such, do not be hesitant to talk to her," I said, finally resting a hoof upon her withers. With that notion, the shadows vanished completely, the sun beaming through the windows on every side of the library to light up the interior. Part of me began to wonder if my own insecurities had inadvertently afflicted Twilight Sparkle's dream, but it is impossible to say for certain. But it was certain I had succeeded in my goal, for without warning, the young unicorn threw her forelegs around me. Taken aback at first, I nonetheless relaxed and smiled, putting a hoof around her as well. "I still don't know for sure whether you're real or not, I've never heard of anypony able to enter dreams," she said. "But thank you." "It was my pleasure, Twilight," I replied. My internal clock told me this dream had gone on for much longer than anticipated, time seemingly passing by in an instant. But the moon could not be wrong - it was time to rest for the day. "While I glad I could dispel your bad dreams, I apologize for my abrupt departure." She nodded, releasing me from her clutches as she took a step back. Finally, this high-strung unicorn was at peace, allowing me to take my leave. I flashed her a serene smile and nodded my head as the dream faded away, as full consciousness returned to me. Sure enough, as my vision returned to the real world, the sun's rays were ever so slightly peaking up past the hills off in the distance, poking through the windows and into the throne room. Though I could not see it form where I was seated, my magic tenderly pushed the moon downward, until I sensed it had finally dipped below the horizon. However, two distinct sensations came to my attention as soon as I arose from my seat and trotted down to the floor. First, I felt exhausted, both in the mental sense as well as physical. I can only assume this fatigue is due to the experiences within Twilight's dream, as well as using an unfamiliar skillset dealing with her nightmare. With time, I am sure my powers with only strengthen, and such exertions will be less tiring. Time will tell. However, I also felt a physical sense of something... different. Almost as if something within me had shifted out of place, a foreign body invading my space. I had felt this before, when my eyes had shifted back to their normal - and less intimidating - form. But this felt much more drastic than that minor nagging feeling. Despite my fatigue, I trotted off with nary a nod of acknowledgment to the guards at the door as I exited the room. With an ever-increasing pace, I rushed to my personal quarters, almost slamming the door with how quick I was to close it behind me. I had to know what changed, the suspense was almost painful. Once I was certain my door was locked and nopony had trailed behind me in the hall, I released the shapeshifting spell from my body, trotting over to the other side of my room where I had a full body mirror. "By the stars..." Dream was becoming reality as I gasped at the reflection that stared back. My once sinister, hazy mane had flourished into the proper clear night sky I had seen first in Celestia's dream, complete with constellations shining brightly. The rich blues flowed into an outline of lavender, both colors flowing gracefully in a nonexistent breeze. While my coat of fine fur remained quite muted, it had lightened from the inky blackness that permeated it. Now, it had a noticeable tinge of blue to it, more obvious when hit with direct light. Still, my wings remained an odd blend, with the feathers of a normal pegasus and the leathery membrane of a dragon or bat. So too remained my fearsome sharp fangs, though it seemed they had shrunk somewhat as well. Step by step, I was making progress toward returning to my normal self. But this night was much more significant than mere looks or my first proper trek into the dream realm - which in and of itself was a new chapter in my life. After the events of this night, my confidence had returned. The self-doubt that had plagued me was rapidly receding into history as I looked at myself and actually feel I could return to a life of relative normalcy. Though I suppose it must be asked, at what point can the daily life of a princess that watches over the night itself be considered "normal?"