“What were you guys thinking!?” Rockwell shouted at both groups. They were now recovering themselves from the blow, slowly raising their bodies up again.
Octavia released a drawn out sigh of relief. “Finally!” She said. She gave the camera a pleasant smile, as if a huge load was taken off her shoulders. “For a moment I thought he wouldn’t do anything at a-”
“This vampire to werewolf ratio clearly violates E.P.I.C’s Section C of the Vampire-Werewolf Antipathy Settlement Rules of Engagement!” Rockwell shouted, catching Octavia’s attention as well as the camera mare’s.
“I’m sorry.” Octavia said, her face a combination of panic and confusion. “What did he say just now?”
“Stay out of this Agent Rockwell.” Vinyl warned him.
But Rockwell stood his ground. He didn’t seem intimidated despite being sandwiched by two groups of deadly creatures who were hissing and growling at him threateningly. He tucked his unlit cigarette in his jacket pocket. And he looked back at Vinyl.
“Equestrian Peaceful Integration Code” He began, his voice as calm as still water. “Vampire-Werewolf Antipathy Settlement Rules of Engagement Section C clearly states-”
“Alright. I’ve had enough of this.” Nightblossom said as she pounced to attack Rockwell.
“Nightblossom NO!” Luminous shouted. “He’s a-”
But it was too late. The crowd gasped at the sight in front of them. Everything just happened way too fast that it barely registered in everypony’s mind. Nopony anticipated this outcome. The crowd spoke in soft murmurs, probably talking on how much brutality one can fit in a single moment.
Nightblossom gave a few whimpers before passing out. Her right hind leg twitched for a second or so before joining the rest of her limp body.
“B.I.S Agent.” Luminous continued, slamming a paw on his face.
“Now where was I?” Rockwell said, scratching his head. “Oh yeah.” He cleared his throat before speaking. “Equestrian Peaceful Integration Code...uh...Vampire-Werewolf Antipathy Settlement Rules of Engagement Section C clearly states that an average werewolf has twice the physical strength compared to a regular vampire. Therefore, in every regulated encounter there should be two vampires for every participating werewolf.”
Rockwell got the cigarette stick out again. He bit it in his mouth and didn’t light it. He adjusted his glasses and looked at the purple werewolf snoring softly on the ground. A look of regret can be seen on his face.
“Alright.” Rockwell said lazily. His eyes still lain on the sleeping wolf. “Here’s the deal. It’s either you guys follow the rules established in situations like this or risk getting another socking from me.” He lowered his glasses to look at them, pointing a hoof at Nightblossom as an example.
“You have two choices.” He added. “Fight a lawless ‘war’ that would result in unnecessary injuries and arrests that’d achieve nothing or...you would follow through match with slight regulations that will at least resolve something.” He shifted his stare from Vinyl to Luminous. “So what say you?”
Vinyl and Luminous looked at each other intensely. A look hesitation was carved on their faces but nevertheless they both agreed, by nodding silently.
“Okay.” Rockwell said. “But before we begin, please note that these rules of engagement only applies if both parties agreed that they’re ensuing issue cannot be resolved by any method except through a violent encounter.” He shifted his stare at each of them again. “Are you guys really sure you can’t talk this out anymore?”
Luminous stepped forward. “I originally came here to reason with them but their leader acts way too childish despite her supposedly long age.”
“I’m still twenty-six you (Beeping) mophead!”
“See what I mean!” Luminous pointed a paw at Vinyl as proof. “She literally sucks at leading.”
“So no more talking?” Rockwell asked again for further confirmation. “No more?”
“No More!” Both leaders cried.
“Eh.” Rockwell shrugged. “Suit yourselves. Let’s proceed with the rest of the rule then, shall we?” He suddenly stopped, as if to recall something. “But shouldn’t you guys be familiar with this by now? Come on.” He dragged on the last syllable. “Anypony here memorized and remembered the R.o.E?”
Everypony went silent. They all looked away shyly from the agent, probably afraid that he might ask them. Even the crowd who was freely chatting from the sidelines had zipped their mouths shut. Though his wolf form was double the size of a regular pony, Luminous looked small as he shrunk himself away from Rockwell’s question. The vampires, despite having their eyes concealed with their own personalized glasses seemed like they’re looking at everywhere except in Rockwell’s direction.
“Octy probably heard something like that in the orientation.” Vinyl muttered softly, hoping the agent won’t hear it.
Rockwell sighed. “Let’s just get this over with. Section A of the Vampire-Werewolf Antipathy Settlement Rules of Engagement clearly states that” He rotated his shoulder as he approached Vinyl. He groaned with every cracked his tense shoulder made.
He swiped a hoof up at Vinyl’s scabbard. The sword glided smoothly upwards and lifted itself several inches into the air. Rockwell caught the blade in its handle.
“Vampires are required to wield any weapon that does not exceed four point five pounds.” With his hoof, Rockwell weighed the weapon with his hoof, shaking it up and down in the air. His face contorted upon realization that Vinyl’s weapon went over the weight limit. He raised an elbow and struck it at the center of the blade, breaking the metal in half.
“Hey! What the (Beep) dude!?” Vinyl cussed in anger.
Rockwell weighed the sword again, shaking it up and down. Once satisfied with its weight, he continued. “As long as said weapon is not made of silver or coated in wolfsbane or any substance that can cause immediate death.”
He placed the sword a couple inches in front of his nose. He took a whiff of it. “Your blade’s made of silver, and it’s coated with” He took another sniff. “Yep. Wolfsbane extract. So nope, you’re disqualified.”
“Give it back!”
He tossed the sword back to Vinyl. She caught the weapon, but juggled it in surprise, hoping none of the metal touches her skin. Rockwell did same with the other Vampires. He snatched their swords from their hooves.
“Hey!”
“Give my sword back!”
They bore their fangs at him, hissing and snarling menacingly. But they all went silent when Rockwell tried to tuck his cigarette stick in his pocket again. He gave each sword an inspection similar to what he did to Vinyl’s. He shook and sniffed at them, giving his verdict individually.
He tossed Silver’s sword back to her. “Disqualified.” His tone sounded tedious. “What’s your name?” He asked the blue mare standing beside Silver, tossing her sword back to her.
“Snowsworth.” She replied.
“Disqualified.”
“Parsley, right?” He asked her while giving the sword back.
“Yes?”
“Yours and what’s his name?” He said, gesturing at the orange stallion next to her.
“His name’s Cliff Hanger.” Parsley answered.
“You guys are good.” Rockwell said while giving Cliff Hanger his sword back.
“Nice!” The vampires cheered in unison, giving each other a high hoof.
“So what’s next?” Rockwell hummed in contemplation. He looked at the werewolves. His ears perked. “Oh, here it is. Section B of the R.o.E clearly states that werewolves participating in the battle must be in control of themselves. Feral combatants will be immediately removed from the conflict. And since you guys including Miss KO here,” He pointed again at Nightblossom. “Are still capable of speech and can transform at will, I say you’re all qualified.”
The werewolves’ looks were still as fierce as before. But their tails can’t help but wag at Rockwell’s declaration.
“I already explained Section C earlier so let’s just move on to Section D, the most important part of the R.o.E. Section D of the Vampire-Wer-”
“Just cut to the chase!” Vinyl cried, voicing out the ponies’ frustration regarding Rockwell’s lengthy beginnings in announcing each rule.
“Can’t wait for the D, eh?” Rockwell looked at the camera and smiled knowingly. “Alright, I’ll give you the D.” There was some soft giggling coming from the crowd. Vinyl’s pale features seemed to darken while Octavia’s has turned scarlet.
“Section D of the R.o.E clearly states that no civilian or private property shall be damaged during a conflict. Doing so will result with the battle ending early with no victor along with the arrest of all participants.”
“Alright.” Rockwell sighed. “Everypony got it?” He looked at both vampires and werewolves. “Everypony good?” Both sides muttered in agreement. Rockwell gave a concerned but soft hiss. “I’d really love to pit you all against each other but Section C clearly states that the ratio should always be one is to two and there’re only two qualified vampires so...” He scratched his head. His pose an attempt of looking apologetic.
“I got this one.” Dusty said. She stepped forward, presenting herself.
Luminous one upped her daughter. “No. I got this one.”
“But dad!” Dusty whined.
“You fight tonight, you’re grounded for six months. You got that?” Luminous warned her. “I’m in deep (Beep) already. The last thing I wanted to see right now is to see you get hurt. Your mom will probably kill me if you did.”
Dusty turned back to her pony form. “This sucks.” She stepped back behind her dad. An annoyed look was drawn all over her face.
Luminous turned to Rockwell.
“I’ll fight.”
“Alright!” Rockwell jumped. His movements became animated, almost giddy. He gestured the participants to get closer to each other. “Participants! Kindly step forward please and prepare yourselves!” He leaned to Luminous’ wolf ears, attempting an exaggerated whisper pose.
“Hey. You better win. I’m betting good money on you.”
“You mother(Beeper).” Vinyl growled.
“Remember!” Rockwell jumped into middle, like a referee does in every match. “No killing allowed! Treat the rival party with dignity and respect! Use minimum force when participating! And always avoid destroying any private property or hurting any civilian okay!?”
“Okay!”
“And with that out the way,” Rockwell casually trotted to Vinyl and Silver, backwards. He snatched both their swords from the scabbards again.
“Let’s get ready to rumble!”
He raised both of the swords and banged them together to make a sound similar to a bell.
“Really?” Cliff said with a chortle. “You’re using that cliché?”
“You know,” Rockwell backed away, slowly moving in to the crowd. “You really shouldn’t look at me right now.”
Luminous dashed into the unsuspecting vampires, leaving a gush of smoke in its wake. With claws at the ready he swung his foreleg behind him, gaining momentum. As soon as the two suckers looked back to their opponent, a quick blue blur flew into their faces.
The crowd cheered as Luminous knocked both of them down in a single swipe. The vampires are now rolling in the ground, their weapons tossed up the air and landed on a roof. It’s now stuck there.
“Go dad!” Dusty cheered.
Cliff Hanger got up first. He jumped up to the ground when Luminous took another swipe at him. While in the air, he looked at Parsley. She didn’t get up.
“Parsley!” He cried out.
As he landed, he and Rockwell rushed to the downed vampire. Rockwell pressed an ear to Parsley’s mouth. He also held her foreleg up to check for a pulse.
“It’s alright! She’s still alive!” Rockwell called. He then dragged Parsley out of the street and set her near the camera mare.
“Alright.” Cliff looked at Luminous with murderous intent. He bore his fangs. He assumed the position of a predator about jump on its prey. His eyes glowed redder than ever.
“No more Mr. Nice Guy.”
Rockwell whispered into the camera. “He called me out for using clichés, and yet here we are.”
“Kick his butt!” All the vampires shouted. The crowd was now rowdier than ever. Rockwell was with the other betting thestrals, discussing on which side would probably win. Octavia was still. She’s sweating beads, and was biting her hoof nervously.
“Yeah!” Dusty shouted. “Kick his butt!”
Both participants followed their corners’ advice. They charged towards each other in blazing speed. When they’re only a few inches from clashing, they spun around to add more weight to their blows. Their swift and powerful strikes landed on both of their behinds, literally kicking themselves in the butt.
“Aughh!” Both corners slammed their hooves on their faces. The crowd burst out into laughter.
They two fighters broke contact. They walked away from each other, caressing their rear end in pain.
“Head-butt!” Vinyl commanded from behind.
Cliff looked at Vinyl for a brief moment. He nodded at her. Swiftly he turned into an orange blur, zooming straight into Luminous. He came from above him, forcing Luminous to stand on his hind legs in surprise. Cliff climbed up Luminous’s body and pulled his torso back, attempting to head-butt him.
Luminous, not wanting to be the receiving end of Cliff’s attack pulled his torso as well. Together, both vampire and werewolf sprang their bodies back to do the hardest head-butt they could muster.
SMACK!
Everypony groaned, feeling the fighters’ pain as well. Luminous and Cliff Hanger fell down in sync. Like a chopped tree, their bodies were cartoonishly stiff as they hit the pavement.
They stayed there for a while, groaning in pain. A foreleg rubbing their forehead, hoping it would alleviate the throbbing sensation. There’s no way to know, but they’re probably staring at a group of imaginary birds flying above their heads.
Luminous got up lamely, so did Cliff. As the two dizzy heads wobbled themselves up the ground, their corners were already shouting battle tactics at them.
“Sleeper Hold!” Vinyl advised loudly. Cliff shook himself awake and rushed to Luminous’ direction. He leaped mid run and spread his forelegs, hoping to grip his opponent’s neck. Luminous got up in haste after seeing Cliff jumping on him. He also did the same and spread his forelegs open, hoping to catch Cliff with his grip upon landing.
The two were now choking themselves. One foreleg was wrapped on the neck while the other was forcing the foe’s foreleg from further strangling its owner. The two of them were on their hind legs again, struggling and awkwardly dancing on the street. The sounds of them suffocating were drowned out by the cheering of the crowd.
“Use his own weight against him!” Silver cried.
Both of them nodded. Even Luminous was following the advice of the enemy now. They dragged themselves to the ground. With nopony resisting, the fall was hard as it was fast. The first thing slamming the ground was their head.
Silver facehoofed once more.
Cliff and Luminous slowly got backed to their senses. Both their faces were facing each other, lips just inches away from touching. Their eyes popped out when they realized that their heads were resting on each other’s foreleg. They quickly separated and dry heaved in disgust. The crowd laughed so hard that coughing can be heard.
“Triple backflip!” Vinyl commanded yet again.
Cliff looked at Vinyl and nodded once more. His face can’t maintain to open both eyes now. But he still endured and leapt midair. He extended all of his legs and spun his body around. Forelegs, hind legs, forelegs, he aimed himself towards Luminous.
Luminous just got back on four legs when he saw the approaching Cliff Hanger tumbling towards him. He stopped flipping when he’s now in front of Luminous.
BONK!
Luminous gave Cliff a sharp jab straight to the face. Every muscle on Cliff’s face shuddered like ripple on water. Slowly, he backed off. Every step he took was a wobbly one. He turned around to his fellow vampires. He gave them a dumb look before kneeling. And then he kissed the ground.
Rockwell was laughing so hard that he can only manage weak wheezes now. “Boy, these guys are wimps! At least I bet my money on the right one this time!”
A stream of green fire came from above and went inside Rockwell’s jacket. His face that was drunk from laughter earlier turned stone-cold. He adjusted his glasses before reaching a hoof inside his jacket pocket. He pulled out the flare gun got the message out. He hid the gun again and unrolled the message. He read what’s inside silently.
“Oh look.” He said, opting Octavia to read the message as well. “HQ wants me to resolve the Vampire-Werewolf hostilities.” He also got his notepad out.
“So you will follow it right?” Octavia said, getting hopeful. “Because it’s a direct order right?”
“I’m telling them,” Rockwell loaded his newly written message to the flare gun. “To go suck my (Beep).” He fired his gun again. But nopony noticed, all eyes were on the fight now.
Octavia was appalled. “You can’t just do that! You’ll get in trouble!”
“Oh believe me, I can.” Rockwell hid the flare back to his jacket. “My side is justified here. This is my third mission for the day and I’m really tired. I just stopped by here for a moment to earn money on some street fight. But other than th-”
Another message came.
“That was fast.” Rockwell got his gun and pulled the message out. He read in silence again.
“What does it say?” Octavia asked.
“Still the same order but now with an incentive.” He kept his gun while still staring at the message. “That is some sweet, sweet deal.”
“That’s it?” Octavia raised her brows in disbelief. “Just like that?”
“Uhuh.” Rockwell trotted towards the street. He gently pushed away the thestrals that’s crowding up his path. It took him a while to get through the thick wall ponies but he managed eventually.
“Hey!” He stretched a hoof upward, waving it wide. “Hey! Fight’s off!”
All eyes were suddenly upon him.
“WHAT!?” Everypony sung in disbelief. They’re like a disappointed choir, singing a crescendo of disgust.
“But we’re winning!” Luminous cried.
“Yeah I know.” Rockwell replied flatly. “Fight’s off.”
“You can’t just stop the fight!” Cliff Hanger pleaded. “I still need to beat him!”
“So sorry, buddy.” Rockwell’s words may seem apologetic, but his tone was flat, like before. He looked at the crowd in all direction and shooed them away with his hoof. “Fight’s off guys! Thank you for attending!”
There was some grumbling coming from the crowd. They made their dislike on Rockwell apparent. Some thestrals walked out of the gathering while mumbling unpleasant things to the agent. Others just stood there, procrastination being the glue that bolted them to the ground.
“But he hit my marefriend!” Cliff pleaded once more.
“Hey Nice Guy.” Rockwell retorted. He raised his voice slightly, he’s not getting annoyed. “I thought suckers like you have super hearing? I said” He lowered his glasses, showing Cliff his narrowing eyes. ”Fight’s off.”
Cliff hissed aggressively at Rockwell. He assumed a fighting pose. Rockwell didn’t even look at him. He just looked sideways, tucking his cigarette stick back to his jacket. Everypony took a step backwards upon seeing Rockwell do it. Now wary of his next actions, they’d rather stay away from it. Even the now conscious Nightblossom whimpered at the sight.
But Cliff remained from where he was. He just stood there and glared his eyes at the agent that even Vinyl had to shove him away. Surprised at why she did it, he gave her a confused look. Vinyl didn’t speak a word. She stared at him silently while pointing a hoof away, signalling him to leave the street. Cliff spat on the ground in front of Rockwell before dashing into a blur.
Vinyl scowled at Rockwell before following Cliff. The other vampires did the same. Snowsworth also attempted to spit at Rockwell. But the spittle she produced didn’t fly far and instead swung like a thread down her chin.
Rockwell got the cigarette stick back and bit it in his mouth. “Now that’s over with.” He said while looking around. His eyes landed on the thestral from earlier, the one that was collecting the bits from the bets.
“You there!” He called the thestral. “Hey you! Give me my money back! Don’t fly away! Imma get you!” He raised a shaking hoof up the sky. “I know where you live!”
Rockwell looked at the camera. He breathed a frustrated sigh. “So anyway, did you get all of that?” He asked the camera mare.
“Yes.”
“Send me a copy later. I may submit it to Equestria’s Funniest Home Videos. Minus the clips where I’m in of course. And the poster’s name left blank. Because you know...Boy, I didn’t really expect we’d see slapstick in that kind of qua-”
“Cliff no!”
Vinyl’s was low. But it’s clear enough to assume that she’s not far away when she cried. The camera immediately panned its shot straight to the source. The screen centered in on a rooftop, the one where Parsley and Cliff’s swords landed earlier.
Cliff Hanger was standing at the top. His hoof held his sword like a spear. He aimed it at Rockwell’s direction, but the Agent just gave Cliff a bored look and didn’t move an inch. This added more into Cliff’s anger. He threw the sword at him.
With his vampiric strength, the sword flew as fast as an arrow, or faster. It now has the destructive powers of a ballista’s projectile. The sword’s sound was a high pitched wail as it flew at sonic speeds towards the Agent. Rockwell only smiled.
With practiced footing, Rockwell daintily slipped to his side. His movement was smooth, waltzing sideways at the approaching missile. The sword passed in front of him, just inches away from his snout. The sword hit the ground. Its impact was so strong that huge chunks of dirt and concrete were sent flying. Everypony nearby ran away to avoid getting hit by the debris. The camera’s lens now has some smudge of dust on it.
Rockwell looked back at Cliff. He flashed him a smug smirk. He raised a hoof and lifted a joint upward, asking for more. Cliff roared with rage. He pulled a second sword and threw it to Rockwell.
But this time, Vinyl intercepted. She dived straight at him as he threw the sword, changing its directory. Instead of zooming towards Rockwell, it was now headed to Octavia’s.
“Octy!” Vinyl cried, getting up as fast as she could.
The camera focused on Octavia. She stood there like a deer in the middle of the road. The sword was fast approaching her, merely seconds upon impaling her. She closed her eyes and hid behind her forelegs.
The sword hit the ground. Dirt and concrete came crumbling upwards. Along with the falling leaves, it was also raining debris. A pink hoof appeared at the corner of the screen. It was coated with spit and it slathered the sticky fluid all over the shot. The hoof then wiped it with a white hoofkerchief. The grime was now gone. It focused back on where Octavia was standing.
She was gone. The sword hit nothing but the ground.
“Agent Rockwell!” Octavia gasped. The sound came from behind the camera. She turned around to see a panting Octavia resting on Rockwell’s hooves.
“You saved me.” Octavia said between breaths.
“Lady, since when do bare hooves provide cover against sharp blades?” Rockwell quipped.
There was a dripping sound coming from Rockwell. Like a leaked faucet, it hit the concrete slowly, drop after drop. “What was that?” Octavia asked, just noticing the sound. She looked at Rockwell’s shoulder. A large fabric was slashed away from his jacket’s sleeve, exposing the grey fur underneath. And it was damp with blood.
“Celestia!” Octavia quickly got up from Rockwell’s clasp. “You’re hurt!”
“No, it’s me who’s hurt.”
“Is that blood?” Silver said. She was standing below the house on where Cliff was. Even at a distance she can still smell the scent of blood, like a shark.
“Everypony get outta here!” Vinyl shouted at her fellow vampires. “And don’t look at the blood!” She glared at Cliff. “And as for you, let’s have a little talk.” Gripping Cliff at the withers, she looked at Octavia before leaving. She gave a relaxed sigh. And she and Cliff turned to blurs.
“Somepony send help!” Octavia cried in panic.
“Nah don’t worry about it. It’s just a scratch.” Rockwell waved a hoof dismissively. He just realized that it was his wounded foreleg he moved. He winced in pain. “I’m much more worried about my suit. Do you know how much this cost?”
“How much?” Octavia asked. Her voice sounded shaky.
“It’s a secret.”
Octavia gave a nervous giggle. Rockwell, who was amused by the sound of her giggling, started laughing softly. Octavia slowed down her giggles, easing it down into a stop. Then she burst out laughing. But this time it’s genuine, lacking the poise and sophistication the grey mare usually wore. She laughed, she snorted, and she panted, like she’s unable to control herself with the all sudden mirth. Rockwell, who was caught in Octavia’s infectious laugh, laughed hard as well. The wound on his shoulder gushed hard like a scarlet geyser from strenuous muscle exertion.
“What’s with all the ruckus?” A voice cried out.
The thestrals, who were too lazy to leave earlier, finally had the motivation to flee after hearing that voice. The camera panned on a white pony followed by a dozen night guards marching on the streets of Elm. Rockwell and Octavia ceased their laughing when they saw the new arrivals.
“Mayor Inkwell!”