Rarity showed up at Rainbow Dash's Cloudominium one evening with a smile on her face. Rainbow Dash was a bit confused, because Rarity couldn't fly. She said Spike carried her all the way to the top with his new pair of wings.
"Spike? He did?" Rainbow Dash said.
"Yes. All the way up." Rainbow Dash was trying to picture little Spike carrying big Rarity. She giggled. Oh, the things that dragon would do for Rarity. But the fact that Rarity went to all that trouble, just to show up at her place.
Rainbow Dash wasn't expecting Rarity, which was strange. They almost never met in pony without a prior appointment. And she was smiling, which wasn't unusual, but…that smile. The smile was different today.
Rarity took on seat on Rainbow Dash's couch. "So how was your day?" she asked.
"Aww, I just came back from Wonderbolt practice." She still had her Wonderbolt uniform on. "We've been working on a new formation for the festival coming up. I'm in the middle. I'm doing this new move I came up with. It's AWESOME! I call it the Sonic Rainloop."
"Oh, that's wonderful," Rarity said. "Absolutely wonderful."
Rainbow Dash turned to face her. Something…wasn't right. She couldn't put her hoof on it. She was blinking, but…blinking? She was blinking at…her. She was blinking at her a lot.
After a long silence, Rainbow Dash said, "What's wrong, Rarity? You're…you're kind of not yourself today."
Rarity didn't answer the question. She kept fluttering her eyelashes, and smiling weird, and she said, "Rainbow Dash, darling. Is there something you would like to tell me?"
Rainbow Dash sat up, dumbstruck. "Erm…not…really…?" Is she expecting me to say something? She thought.
"Oh really Rainbow Dash?" Rarity said. "You have nothing to say." She was smiling with that weird smile again. Her voice turned sultry as she leaned closer to Rainbow Dash. "I was thinking…we might…kindle that fire you were talking about."
Rainbow Dash thought about what Rarity said—more like whispered to her, in a low, sultry voice. She'd never heard Rarity's sultry voice before. That I was talking about? What could that possibly…oh. Rainbow Dash's eyes widened, as if she realized something. Her face turned frightened.
"Erm…I-I-I don't know what you're talking about Rarity! What note? I…I don't know what you're talking about!"
"Come on, Rainbow Dash. You know. Don't be fussy." Rainbow Dash cringed as Rarity groped her flank. She struggled more than she expected. Was Rainbow Dash…that averse to intimacy? After a few seconds of light pushing, the Wonderbolt screamed, "NO WAIT STOP WHAT ARE YOU DOING GET OFF ME!" She shoved Rarity all the way to the other end of the room.
Rarity went to a corner of the room. She used her magic to grab a tissue from the table, and she wiped her tears. It wasn't a lot of tears, Rainbow Dash noticed. Just a puddle the size of a dinner plate. By Rarity standards, it wasn't a lot of tears at all.
The unicorn was mumbling to herself. Rainbow Dash could hear her: "But who in Equestria could it be? It has to be you. I thought if I used my feminine wiles on you, you'd give in. Sigh. I guess you're not as much of a sex-crazed pushover as I thought."
"Rarity, what are you going on about? I think you have some explaining to do. That was really weird just now."
Rarity nodded. Her ears dropped. "I'm…I'm terribly sorry, Rainbow Dash. Well, I see no other possibility but to explain it to you straight," she said. (She realized her bad pun later.) "Early this morning, I received this…love letter in my mail. Here."
Rainbow Dash read it out loud. Her eyes widened. Written in verse, it said:
"'My loveliest dearest: I am your secret admirer, I long for you to kindle my fire. I love you very much, and your beautiful mane I long to touch. I may be a little fussy, but deep inside I would love to lick your…' EEW! That's gross!" It was signed at the bottom: "'Your lesbian best friend.'"
"Th-this is disgusting!" Rainbow Dash said.
"What are you talking about!? You sent it to me!"
Rainbow Dash shook her head violently. "I-I-I didn't! I swear!"
Rarity wasn't smiling anymore. She had a stern, angered look on her face. "Well, the poem doesn't even have a paucity of class or sophistication. The verse is off-meter, the rhymes weak at best. Considering the poem is so witless, I figured it could only be you."
"Hey! I resent that! I can write well! I read more books than you do!"
"If you can even call that 'Daring Do' literature!"
Rainbow Dash was fuming. She was flying back and forth the room, trying to release her anger. "We…we're not starting this again!" Rarity closed the distance between them, until their snouts were just touching. They glared at each other. They looked…oddly the same. Their eyes were squinted the same. They were angry. They were both…growling at each other? Softly. It almost sounded like cooing. Like, they would totally growl/coo at each other if they were angry. Of course.
They stopped glaring. Rarity was the first to pull back. "B-but if there's anypony who's my 'lesbian best friend,' I figured would have to be you."
"B-but I'm not…!" Rainbow Dash protested.
"…you're sure?" Rarity was glaring again.
"Positive!"
"Oh. Hmm. Funny thing. I always thought you were."
"I didn't send that note to you!" Rainbow Dash repeated. "I swear!"
"Are you sure…?" Rarity said. She glared at Rainbow Dash, but not too close. She didn't want to get contaminated by Rainbow Dash's alleged "gayness."
"I swear! Honest!" Rainbow Dash said. "I was at Wonderbolt practice all day. How could I have possibly sent you that letter?"
"You were?" Rarity was still skeptical. So, she visited some of the Wonderbolts that evening. They all saw Rainbow Dash at practice, from dawn to dusk. Rainbow Dash was doing Sonic Rainloops with 20 other ponies watching her at all times.
After Rarity learned this, she went back to say sorry to Rainbow Dash. "I guess I owe you an apology."
Rarity wanted to add, "So I guess we're still friends?" and give her a little friendly hug. But she didn't, because she thought, given the situation…that wouldn't exactly be very appropriate. Rarity just settled for a little head nod. Rainbow Dash nodded back.
"Well. Somepony we know very well wrote that letter. And I think we should find out who it is and bring them to justice!"
"Justice? You mean…an investigation…?" Rarity's face lit up. Like the last time, she thought, when I so gracefully cleared my friend Rainbow Dash from suspicion. And my detective's coat… "Ooh! Splendid! I've been dying to try out this new outfit…"
"Oh, come on!" Dash covered her face with her wing.
Rarity thought about it. "Oh, you're right, that regular velvet jacket I wore the last time looked absolutely ridiculous on me. Crushed velvet is much more in vogue this year. Come, Rainbow Dash!"
"It's getting late, Rarity! We don't have time for frou-frou things like that!"
Rarity had an idea. "On the other hand, I could go and re-interview your captain, Spitfire. There's some things about your past…I would love to know more about."
Rainbow Dash suddenly had a change of heart. "Well, what are you waiting for? Let's go pick your outfit! I'll fly you back down!"
"As I thought," Rarity said. Just like that. I'll use my feminine wiles to get what I want, and solve the mystery. I'm a detective after all. Detective Rarity.
"Detective Rarity, huh?" Rainbow Dash said, stifling a laugh.
"Oh, goodness, did I say that out loud? Well, you see, erm, I…I'm practicing my lines for a character I'm playing at an upcoming play," she lied. "The character's called…erm…"
"'Detective Rarity'?" Dash suggested.
It does have a nice ring to it. Detective Rarity. "Yes! Erm…I mean, no! I…erm." Rarity lost her high-class behavior to embarrassment. She stood at the spot for a while, sweating and fidgeting nervously.
Rainbow Dash nudged her flank in a teasing way. "And you made such a big fuss when I talked in my sleep when I had that dream about becoming the captain of the Wonderbolts."
"Well, that was different," Rarity said, recalling that time. "We were all watching you. You were practically screaming 'AWESOME!' in your sleep. And Pinkie Pie said that you…" she whispered the rest.
"I-I-I wasn't!" Dash said. Could I have? While I was asleep? I don't remember.
"Yes you were."
"You can do that in your sleep?"
"Well, you did. And you always said you'd do things that no pony could ever do."
No wonder there was a wet spot on the bed. And it felt so nice when I woke up. And when she opened her eyes, 5 ponies were staring at her. She remembered, she noticed Rarity first. And she asked, "Had a nice dream…Rainbow Dash…?" And then everyone started giggling.
"Come along. We best be on our way," Rarity said.
Just as they were about to leave, Rainbow Dash stopped. "Wait. Rarity."
The unicorn turned around, her mane swirling with her head. "Yes, Rainbow Dash?"
"When you came on to me just now…was it for real?" Her face looked serious.
It got quiet for a minute. Rainbow Dash thought she saw Rarity's face turn a little red. But then she went back to being stern and saying, "Oh of course not Rainbow Dash! Why would you think such a thing!" She turned away from Rainbow Dash, her mane swirling again. "Come along, we must be off."
(To be continued...who wrote the love letter? Will Rarity recover from her embarrassment? Will Rainbow Dash recover from Rarity's groping and low sultry voice? Will Detective Rarity discover the culprit? Will Rainbow Dash discover a wet spot on the bed again? Find out next time on...Raridash Investigates!)
Author's note: Thanks for reading. Please let me know your thoughts, I would appreciate it. See y'all soon!