Dear Sunset Shimmer,
How dare you come back to Equestria and not stay! I saw that you had actually changed and I know that you would have made a great student with the exception that you think Twilight is a better teacher than me. I am going to let you in on a secret. I was going to do my best to convince you to come home, have you move into Twilight's old study tower and teach you to be the second most powerful unicorn in all of Equestria, only to be bested by my daugh.....I mean Starlight Glimmer. Oh well, if you would rather be a lowly human with no magic just because of "friendship" then it is your loss.
Oh well, I suppose you being a complete loser and absolutely nothing special beats the shit out of you going on and on about how you could be an Alicorn princess someday and making plans to overthrow me. All I can say is you better be glad Twilight brought you because had you come alone, I would have either cast you into Tartarus or banished you to the moon. Have fun having no magic and having to become a fast food worker in the human world Sunny......and just like I used to tell Twilight, "Damn it sucks to be you!"
Your Former Teacher,
Princess Celestia
P.S. I have always had a sense of humor, I just never showed it around you because you were a conniving little bitch.
Dear Princess Celestia,
Look, there are things in this world that are more powerful than magic. Friendship is more powerful and I thought that out of all ponies, you would know that. After all, you tried to get me to befriend my schoolmates but you want to know the real reason why I never befriended them? I never befriended them because all they ever wanted was horn sex and Colgate threatened to hurt me on numerous occasions if I didn't put out. That is the real reason I ran away. It wasn't because of you being upset over me being overly ambitious, it was to escape Colgate and her sex crazed cohorts. Damn it, I didn't see them that way! I tried telling them that on numerous occasions but they wouldn't listen so I figured the only way to get away from them was by running off.
Now wait just a minute, are you implying that Starlight Glimmer is your daughter? Are you telling me that Twilight's suspicions are correct? Now I know why Twilight bitches about how much you love her, adore her and treat her like she is more valuable than gold. I'm going to tell you the same thing Twilight does, if she is your daughter you need to take her up to Canterlot to rule with you, ascend her and give her her birthright authority. Now I might come home from time to time but I'm not staying just to be constantly harassed by Colgate. At least her human self doesn't try to molest me since she owns human Fluttershy which is something that still really bothers me.
Your Former Student,
Sunset Shimmer
Hiya Sunny,
Now I am going to tell you this right up front. It really pisses me off that you would have the audacity to come to Canterlot without dropping by to tell me and the girls hello. You know, we could have had a lot of fun especially since Starlight and Trixie were up visiting. You and Twilight could have come over, we could have had an eight-mare romp and made you forget all about the human world. You may have acted like you didn't like but I know how you are, I know you are missing the horn sex we all gave you. That human world has probably corrupted you but oh well, I'll talk to my human counterpart and have her do to you exactly what she is doing to her domestic slave, I mean wife Fluttershy.
Now you really should come back more often and see us. Hell if it will make it any better, I will be gentle with you, honest!
Hoping to Screw You Again Sometime,
Dr. M. Colgate, D.D.S.
Dear Colgate,
Wait a minute, you're a dentist? How the hell did you manage that? Well to be honest, considering how smart you are and how much Celestia liked you, it shouldn't surprise me. Let me make myself clear though, I am not going to come back just so you and your friends can gang rape me or whatever the hell it is you want to do. I know how you are and chances are you'd either do to me what you did to Fluttershy or you'd have your way with me the way you do Twilight and that isn't happening. Besides, from what I understand you have a whole harem as it is, you don't need to add me to the mix.
Also, my stance on you returning to my world stands. I still don't want you coming over to take care of any problems because you are too violent to handle things in a civilized manner. Now I guess I should let you go because chances are you and Twinkleshine probably have a "date" coming up before too long.
Not Wanting You,
Sunset Shimmer
Dear Wallflower Blush,
You have failed me, just like almost everypony else. I gave you one task, I gave you the task of erasing Sunset from the memories of her so-called friends so she could come home and be relevant again. Had you simply covered your tracks a little bit better, ran off into the forest and kept that memory stone for just a little while longer, you would have succeeded. I could have got Sunset back, I could have taught her better magic and my daughter would have had yet another pony to show up on a regular basis but oh no, you just had to mess up and be a crybaby.
I suppose I shouldn't be surprised though, when you came to me you seemed rather weak minded. Next time I need some dirty work done in the human world, I will have to go and do it myself. You may have "friends" now but just wait, they will stab you in the back and when you're all heartbroken again, don't come running to me for advice on how to get revenge or to have a shoulder to cry on.
Disappointed in You,
Princess Celestia
Dear Princess Celestia,
Look, I don't think you know all the heartache I have gone through my whole life. I told you about it when I came to inquire about the location of the memory stone and you seemed to understand my plight but you obviously didn't. I know you are all powerful and everyone adores you but deep down I know you are just a spiteful bitch who only cares about ascending that Starlight pony you were bragging about and stuffing your face full of cake like a damn glutton.
Guess what, I have friends now and I am far happier than I would have been being your damn gardener. Luckily that memory stone is no more and one less dangerous magical artifact from your world will be causing us problems.
Happy the Memory Stone is No More,
Wallflower Blush
Dear Princess Twilight,
Let me make this short and sweet before you pester me over it in the future. No you can not go into the restricted section ever again. That is reserved for my sister, myself and a certain light pink unicorn once the time is right so don't even bother asking.
Keeping You Out of the Restricted Section,
Princess Celestia
Dear Princess Celestia,
Ugh fine but don't be surprised when I start bitching about you keeping me from knowledge I should know. I am however pissed that you are going to be taking Starlight in there when the time is right. You know what, she doesn't even care that much about books so I don't know why you'd even bother.
Upset,
Princess Twilight
And let's not forget one of the best EqG moments of all time.