"This isn't real, this CAN'T be real! It's TOTALLY real, HOW is this real?!" Starlight babbles, frantically pacing around trying to rationalize how this is, if you haven't caught it the first million times, NOT happening. All while you're watching the giddy baby roll around in the crate. "What is a little colt like him doing here?! There's another MOUTH to feed here and we still don't have any FOOD!"
"Yeah. No food at all..." you mutter, leaning into the crate, lightly licking the baby's horn.
"Anon!"
"Just kidding! Just kidding.....mostly."
"Bah!" the colt squeals happily.
"What's that?" you ask.
"Bah!"
"Hey, I am NOT silly!"
"Wait, you can UNDERSTAND him?" Starlight asks, shocked.
"A little. My Baby-ese is a little rusty. When you hang out with Pinkie and the Cake twins, you tend to pick up a thing or two."
"Does he know where his parents are?"
"No go. I've learned it the hard way that it's difficult to actually COMMUNICATE with these li'l rugrats. Short attention spans, ya know?"
"Can you at least TRY it?"
"Fine." you sigh. "Uhhh......boobah hub, I think it goes."
"Bawki!" he babbles, blowing spit bubbles.
"What'd he say?"
"He says.....'I like bubbles'."
"Aw-gah."
"Agreed, NOT as good as the soap kind."
"Well, what are we gonna call him for the time being?"
You ponder on the name choices. "How 'bout Jack?"
The baby stares blankly at you.
"Horace?"
No response.
"Ta-"
"Anon, there is no way in TARTARUS you are gonna call this little one-"
"TASERFACE!!!"
"Bleh!" he gags.
"I've got nothing, then. But we'll find a good name for ya. Whataya say?"
The drooling colt blows a raspberry.
"THAT'S the spirit."
Suddenly, he rocks around in his crate, laughing and giddily clapping his hooves.
"What, you like that name? Spirit?"
"Sappa!"
"He says he likes it."
"Who knew babies were such name critics?" Star chuckles. "Spirit's a nice name."
Spirit's cute laughter is stopped by a wee grumble in his baby belly.
"You too, eh?" you huff.
"Nyah!" he whines.
"We don't have any milk or formula on us at the moment, afraid we're out of luck at the moment. Any ideas, Sta- Starlight?"
You notice your cuddly pal has vanished.
"Up here!"
High in the sky floats the unicorn mare, carrying herself in her magic.
"See anything?" you ask as she descends.
"I think I saw a hut not too far from here."
"Think it's legit?"
"It BETTER. If it's all a fluke, I am going to LOSE it."
"It's alright, Glim. Let's just take a moment to chill."
*CLICK*
"What is this?"
"Little River Band. Music's chill pill." you state matter of factly.
The stubborn mare turns off the player and tosses it aside. "Now's not the time for jamming, Anon. Now's the time for SUR-VIV-ING, got it?" she growls, magically placing the crate and baby in your arms.
"Roger, chief."
You then see the sneaky squirt holding your player in his juicy jaws. "Hey, give me THAT. Just know that I don't expect any dirty diapies from YOU, ya got it little mister?"
The slobbery infant crawls up and licks you across the nose.
"I guess I deserve that."
"Hee hee..."
"And your dear auntie Dashie likes to brag about how her below average rainbooms brought auntie Twily and the others together."
"Eeyah!" Spirit yaps.
"Gotta admit, they're still pretty impressive." Star states.
Soon, an evil smirk forms across your face.
"But before ALL that can happen, a time-travelling unicorn RIPS the fabric in ti-"
A rock colliding with the back of your head silences you. "A-And that's how Equestria was made, little one..."
"That's what I thought." Starlight huffs.
Eventually, the three of you find a tree-like hut located in a pretty serene part of the forest. Nice, sturdy wooden walls, roof made of grade-A hay, and an ENORMOUS garden in front of the quiet little home.
Kinda looks like Mother Nature's shed.
In the center of the extravagant garden is a plump, orange fruit dangling from a thin vine.
"FOOD!" Star exclaims.
"Woah, hold your horse.....I-I mean WAIT!" you stutter, stopping the galloping mare in her tracks. "This could belong to someone, ya know. Don't you think we should, like, ASK first?"
"Sorry, hunger makes ya do CRAZY stuff."
"Yeah, let me ask before you see me as food."
"Alright, Almond."
"Say huh?"
"I-I said alright, ANON."
Carrying Spirit, you approach the smooth, brown door and give a few light knocks.
Silence...
You knock again....still nothing.
"I don't think anyone's home, Gli- GLIMMY!"
"Calm down, I'm just....ADMIRING the look of this....irresistible fruit." she states, staring crazily close at the plant.
Suddenly, the shiny fruit violently jitters about in front of the unicorn before spewing thick, orange dust dead straight into her eyes. Your poor pal writhes in pain on the ground in her futile attempts to wipe off the stuff.
"Starlight!"
As you rush to your fallen friend's aid, a large, leafy-green vine bursts from the dirt, knocking the three of you back. You carry the crate in the woods and lay it out of the vine's reach. "Spirit, are you alright?!"
"Naga!" the baby whines, taking cover under his blanket.
Out of nowhere, the plant yanks you by the ankle and shakes you around the air like a rattle.
"H-Hey, you don't have to do this, planty...thing! Your wiggly appearance would be GREAT for hent-AH!"
The aggressive thing slams you against the ground.
[HOW CAN YOU COMMUNICATE WITH A PLANT?! Wait a sec....]
"Uhhhh, I am Groot?!"
The plant slams you down even HARDER and proceeds to STRANGLE you. "Was it something I SAAAID?!" you croak. "Augh, Star! A little HELP here?!?!"
"I- *cough* I'm TRY- *cough* -ING!!!" she gags, blindly blasting her magic willy nilly, miles away from the attacker with her red eyes closed shut.
Everything's growing dark as the vine's tough grip tightens around your throat. Spirit's helpless wails echo in the back of your mind while your eyelids grow heavy...
Growing....growing....growing...
"MR. JAMMERS, STOP!!!"
Your eyes shoot open and you notice a greenish-gray mare with a dark green mane and a striped beige sweater down below, charging into action. "BAD!!! BAD, YOU PUT HIM DOWN, NOW!!!"
The plant suddenly loosens his grip on your neck and eventually lays you on the ground. You cough and gag as you try desperately to catch your breath.
"Did I get it?!" Glim Glam grunts, continuing her aimless shots. "Anon, are you there?!"
"Starlight, you- *cough*, can stop now!"
"Huh, wha? Where are you? I can't see!"
"OMC OMC OMC, I am SO sorry!"
You're soon held down by the worried green mare, who dramatically examines your battered body.
"I'm good, I just need to- YOUCH!!!"
A sharp pain shows up on your arm until it immediately fades away in a snap. You raise your shoulder and see a long, skinny thorn laced with a purple liquid on it.
"W-Whaaat is this?" you slur.
"I-It's a muscle relaxer. I-I call it lazy lavender." the embarrassed mare stammers, pulling the thorn out.
[Whoa, I......I'm trippin' balls here!]
Your savior gallops over to the blind unicorn and dabs a soaked rag on her teary eyes, washing away the crust.
"Sweet relief, THANK you. What is that sprayer thingy?"
"T-That's a aureus pulvis, commonly called the 'Orange Duster'. It spews a pollen-like dust when they're threatened. Ponies tend to mistake it for f-fruit."
[Nature's pepper spray.....nice.]
"Again, I am REALLY sorry for all of this."
"It's totally fine, no need to APOLOGIZE." you grunt, struggling to stand on your heavy legs. "Name's Anon. This is Starlight and-"
Soon, you notice your hand feels moist and warm. "And the little goober snacking on me at the moment is Spirit.
"Eeyah!" the little one squees.
"He says it's nice to meet you, Miss...."
"O-Oh, I'm......Wahfurerbluh." she mutters, failing to make eye contact.
"I'm sorry, what was that? I think I still have dirt in my ear....and in other places."
"W-Wallflower Blush."