The rain hadn't abated when Starlight and her friends returned to the Immortal Dream, but between her crystal umbrella, Valey's shadow swimming and Jamjars having wandered off some time ago, everyone managed to make it back only mildly damp.
"And with that," Gerardo announced, tromping down the staircase to the library, "Gerardo Guillaume, griffon adventurer extraordinaire, is going back to bed. Wake me if the world is suddenly threatened or if I sleep past two in the afternoon..."
"Will do," Maple sighed as Starlight slipped off her back. "I might need to sleep on this too..."
Valey hesitated, sounding conflicted. "You, uhh... You sure about that?"
Maple glanced at her. "I can't imagine what else I could do. Why?"
"Because there's no way I'm getting to sleep after that." Valey shrugged. "Bananas, that was... I dunno. Wasn't what I expected going in at all."
Maple stopped in the hallway and turned around, taking a step back into the library. "...Need to talk about it?"
"Yeah, kinda. I do." Valey looked down. "Just trying to think about with who. Amber's asleep, Shinespark is sword stabbed and basically mute, and even if Gerardo wasn't going to bed, he's a dude and I'm not really sure he'd get it."
"Any reason I can't help?" Maple stepped closer, putting a hoof on Valey's shoulder as Starlight watched from the hallway. "I'm not sure how much sleep I'd get, either."
"You sure?" Valey raised a concerned eyebrow. "Bananas, you remember what that whacko was talking about. I thought you have issues with, like... foals and stuff."
Maple stiffened a little, then slumped. "I do. But I think that might just mean I need to talk about it, too."
Valey took that as an invitation, collapsing in a reading chair and massaging her sore muscles. "Bananaaaas," she groaned, rolling back her head. "This whole thing just wasn't cool. Like, maybe it's bad of me, but I was honestly looking forward to another Herman. Some deranged psychopath trying to take over the world and masterminding a conspiracy, or whatever, because beating problems up is what I'm good at! And the dude we found was insane, alright. Probably trying to take over the world. All the stuff we thought was his fault was his fault. We even got Nyala's body back." She waved a wing at the empty, insectoid body sitting in the corner of the room like it had nothing better to do and nowhere else to be. "But it just feels... wimpy. Disappointing. Yeah, he was evil, but he was also pathetic. And still did all that, yet for no real reason at all..."
Maple walked up alongside the chair and sat down next to it, leaning her shoulder on a hoofrest. "I wanted to hear there was a good reason for it too," she admitted. "I don't know if I'd felt good about it if it was an evil reason, but having it just be one mad pony... He couldn't even explain what he was doing."
"Yet he obviously tried." Valey folded both forehooves under her chin, involuntarily puffing out her cheeks. "What really gets me is that the dude kept trying to be friendly. Like, he had a point at the end: I really do think he wants to be on good terms with us. Stanza makes my cutie mark go haywire, but Chauncey never even thought about fighting us. And with a shield like that, even if he couldn't take us, there's no way we could hit him back."
"It makes no sense at all," Maple agreed, whispering. "I couldn't even tell if he realized why we were upset at what he was doing..."
From the hallway, Starlight quietly stepped back in. "No, it makes a lot of sense," she said. "I used the Nightmare Modules too, remember? I think I know what he was thinking."
Both mares perked their ears, so Starlight continued. "I forgot things while I was transformed. What certain things or feelings were like. I didn't realize I had forgotten how to see color. If he's been like that for thirty years, I think he would have forgotten even more. We weren't the same, because I did have empathy and compassion, and I don't know if he's missing that because batponies and me are different or because he's insane and is blaming it on the Nightmare Module. Normal ponies can lack empathy, too. But I think he wanted to be friends just because."
"Just because?" Valey frowned.
"When I was gray," Starlight continued, "ponies were..." She fumbled for words. "Bright. Except I saw it with something other than my eyes. It's hard to explain, but I wanted whatever they glowed with. It's hard to remember well, and I think I might have forgotten what it was actually like when I turned back, but ponies like you and Maple were some of the brightest. I really wanted it. When I got home, or..." She folded her ears. "It made it feel more special than normal. Like maybe I was lonely and didn't realize it? I don't understand how it works, but if he's been like that long enough to forget that isn't normal... maybe he really does just want to be friends with you."
Valey stared at her for a moment. "That's, uhh... Huh. That's some cool insight, actually."
"Mmm," Maple agreed. "Starlight, you look tired... I don't know if you want to go snuggle with Amber while me and Valey finish, but you don't have to wait for me. I'll come join everyone soon."
Starlight yawned, not really wanting to but unable to deny it would feel good. "Alright. I'll see you in the morning..."
Valey waited for a moment until a door had clicked and Starlight was gone. "Got stuff you didn't want her listening in on?"
"Parent things." Maple folded her ears. "I don't know. Maybe I just don't want her to see me decide this. I feel..." She became slightly more aware of the harmonic flame stored in her heart. "Ohhh... I don't know how to do this or how to decide! If Starlight's right, Chauncey just wants ponies to be nice to him, and I love believing in good things being possible. In happy endings... It's how I started digging out of my slump two years ago. I want to. I feel like it's the right thing to do. But all the things he's doing or done... How can I? Maybe building Stanza or hurting the Firefly Sisters with their songs I could say are for other ponies to forgive, but the moon glass foals are just..."
"Nah." Valey patted her on the back. "There's being kind, and then there's enabling scumbags by stepping out of the way and refusing to stop them. There is nothing and no part of yourself you'd be betraying by wanting to trash his plans and take him down however many notches it takes. You wanna be nice to him and believe that maybe he just needs a chance and someone who'll stick with him like you did for me? Do it after he's stopped hurting stuff without even realizing it. Or he'll take your second chance, think it's his first one, and blow right through it faster than you can say, 'I forgive you.' Seriously. Don't feel bad for him."
"Urgh..." Maple winced. "But Valey, that's my nature. Wanting ponies to do better and come out alright is who I am!"
Valey rolled in the chair to better face her. "Then boom. Easy way for you to feel. Except you're clearly way more conflicted than that straight of an answer."
"I-I don't..." Maple looked away. "Didn't you have problems of your own about this you needed to talk to me for?"
"Maaaybe." Valey gave her a frown of concern. "But at least I know the way I feel. I'm frustrated, annoyed, and really want to punch something, both because Chauncey is dumb and I hate that I'm feeling pity for him. You look like you're not admitting something basic to yourself."
Maple's ears pressed against her skull. "I'm really not okay with what he's doing," she whispered. "Just thinking about it makes me feel wrong inside, like my heart and lungs are swapped and my stomach is upside-down, and I know that's because of my older issues with having children I'm not thinking about. And I don't know what to do. I don't know how to find a balance between wanting to condemn what he's doing and wanting to help him, because I care but it also hurts. It hurts right now just saying this, because I feel like there's something I should know without thinking and I'm betraying it because I can't..."
As Maple cringed and started wrapping herself into a ball, Valey leaned out of the chair, grabbed her, and hauled her into the chair with her. "Easy, girl," she gently urged. "You, uhh... kinda smell like shame right now, yeah. But it's okay. No judging from me, yeah?"
"No, not okay." Maple suddenly hyperventilated but caught herself in time, swallowing hard and still curled up. "Because... Because... I'm afraid..."
"Afraid of being mad at him?" Valey frowned, then awkwardly rubbed Maple's mane, trying to calm her. "Look, if you're feeling bad about not being nice, I'm pretty sure it's nicer to knock some sense into someone for being a bad guy than it is to let them go about-"
"Afraid of remembering," Maple groaned painfully, moving her face to a different part of Valey's coat and leaving behind a trail of wetness where her eyes had been. "It hurts..."
"Oh." Valey stopped, then hugged her more gently. "Talk about it. Whatever this is, lemme remember with you."
Maple sniffed wetly. "My life b-before I got depressed after Aspen and my husband is all compressed into one block in my mind. I hadn't been thinking about... There were happy times before that, you know, before everything went wrong. Involving my husband. I always looked u-up to Willow, and after we couldn't go to Ironridge because she became a mother... I loved her foals so much! I thought a lot about love. I was a hopeless romantic, actually. Bet you wouldn't have guessed, looking at me now..."
"Heh." Valey let Maple lean against her through a shudder. "Nah, not really. Sounds like quite the time."
Maple wiped her eyes on Valey's coat again. "All the things he was talking about, I used to think about too, you know. Chauncey. I-I thought... so much about how it was the most wonderful thing in the world that Willow had kids, and maybe I could someday too. Maybe I thought about it too much. Amber and I both got our cutie marks for going to Ironridge, and they weren't enough to make that dream come true. It hurt a lot, having that fall apart for us, and the way we made it through was by focusing on each other and the good things that came out of it. Children might not have been my special talent, b-but... for a while, especially as I got old enough to think about starting a family of my own, as Willow's learned to talk and grew and I got to see the world growing up around me..."
Valey closed her eyes, listening. "They were your world? Bananas... Yeah, if that was a coping mechanism..."
"It was a coping mechanism," Maple whispered, "a little. But it wasn't a fake joy I got from seeing Alder running around and making a racket or Willow chasing him around. I might have had more reason to appreciate it than usual, but it was wonderful. And all because I looked up to Willow... The more you care about something, the more you can be hurt by it, though."
"It's really all that, huh?" Valey listened patiently, doing her best to help Maple along.
"Have you ever thought about having children?" Maple looked up, meeting Valey's eyes.
"Uhh, who, me?" Valey blinked down at herself. "Bananas, no. Forget how you get them in the first place, you think I remotely wanted to care about anyone in Ironridge, let alone lug around a helpless foal on a nomadic, everyone-hates-you lifestyle? Never even considered it."
Maple sighed. "Then you wouldn't understand. But try to imagine... You're happy. Things in your life haven't worked out as perfectly as they could have, and if you look at it one way, they've gone very badly. But you're alive, you have your friends, all three of you are flourishing... You're not just happy, you're happy to be alive. You love life, and you love others for being alive, because your life is just good enough that you can afford to do that. Think about feeling that ponies are the most precious thing in the world and that everything could be perfect if only everyone alive cared about everyone else as much as you did. It's stupidly optimistic and unrealistic and I'm probably viewing myself a lot more extremely than I actually was, but... try to put yourself there."
"Thinking about it." Valey nodded, frowning in concentration and eventually getting a silly little smile that lasted for a whole second. "Huh. That's weird. Unrealistic, but weird. Actually feels a little warm."
"There," Maple said. "Now imagine, now that you're feeling how incredibly special life is... that you, simply by being you, get to make more life of your own. Someone. Somepony." She sat up, poking Valey's belly with a hoof. "A brand new soul for you to love and cherish and guide and nurture and watch grow, and you have a partner at your side who shares every moment of it with you as your equal. Can you feel how that feels, how precious it is that you can do that? How precious you are for being able to do that?"
Valey's mouth hung slightly open in confused contemplation, and she regarded Maple's hoof for a moment... and then pushed it aside. "Uhhhhh... Yeah, that sounds kinda like work. Maybe I'll get it when I'm older, but I really don't see myself that way..."
"That's okay." Maple deflated a bit. "I don't know if age has anything to do with it, though however we measure your age, you probably are younger than me. At least you tried to imagine it. But for me, I just... felt all of that, and then... the pony who I had chosen to be by my side like that decided they didn't want to and left, just like that." She started to solidify, voice and posture growing stiff and tight. "And then I couldn't do it. Couldn't bring my foal into the world after all. All of a sudden, all of those hopes and cherishment turned into me not being able to do that, me not being fit to be someone's partner, not a-a-able to..." She stilled completely, not even breathing for several seconds. "I'm sorry to dump all this on you. You probably already know about my husband and foal. I just... got hit all at once by the memory of how much I was looking forward to everything, and..."
"Because Chauncey was talking about the same thing, yeah?" Valey's tone hardened as well, starting to see exactly what Maple had to say. "Bananas, that really... Ouch. Yeah."
"Yes," Maple whispered, shaking quietly. "I guess I held it in until now. I'm glad. I didn't want to have this breakdown in those tunnels. Thank you for being here, Valey..."
Valey smiled. "Yeah. Glad I could help."
"I feel like I broke something," Maple went on. "In my mind. Something that was painful, but just trying to avoid more pain. I-I... Thank you..."
"You gonna be alright?" Valey frowned, rubbing her back a little.
Maple choked, clearing and steadying her voice. "I think so," she breathed. "After a while. I think I need to grieve all over again, the right way this time. And I don't know if I'll feel all better in the morning. My head's sort of hazy right now..."
Valey gently bowed her head. "...Hey, no one's problems are solved in a single talk. But is there, uhh... anything you feel like you need to do? Anything I could help you with?"
"Sleep and think," Maple murmured. "And probably dream about it all over again. I'm glad Amber's here. I wish I could talk to White Chocolate and Willow, too, but they're far away..." She sighed. "I need to figure out how I feel about Chauncey, too. I'm not okay with him taking something that's supposed to be precious and thinking that's a justification for doing whatever he's done, but my emotions are all so extreme right now, I... So many years of hopes and dreams..."
"Cool. Then let's get you to bed." Valey stiffly stood up, stretching her wings and yawning toothily. "I'll deal with sorting out what I think about all that another day. Honestly, I'm still pretty beat up from Wallace, that huge flight and Morena, so a good nap would probably do me just as much good..."
Maple stood up too. "Thanks for listening to me, Valey. And helping me talk about that. Sorry if I was too sentimental. I probably really overstated a lot of it, and-"
"Nope." Valey silenced her with a wing to the lips. "Didn't overstate nothing. Come on, you heard Wallace talking about telling stories, right?" She turned Maple toward the hallway, pushing her along. "Historical accuracy doesn't matter as much as getting the feel across. And okay, maybe I don't get how you felt about having a kid back then, but I get that you felt strongly about it, right? You're cool, Ironflanks. And I'm, uhh... I'm glad to have you as a friend."
Maple's smile cracked a little, and she stopped at her door. "Thanks, Valey. Where are you staying, tonight?"
Valey rubbed the back of her head. "Well, I'd feel a little weird crashing with Sparky when she can't talk or move and I don't know what our relationship is, so I was sort of just going to figure something out..."
"Hmm." Maple's smile steadied. "Well, you're welcome with me and Amber and Starlight, if you wouldn't like to spend the night alone. I know you've stayed with just me before, and I bet our bed can hold the four of us."
"...Yeah, sure, whatever." Valey nodded, lowering her voice as Maple opened the door. "I can role with a weird little platonic snuggle pile. Honestly, the world would be a fuzzier place if this was the norm for everyone..."