“Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow-
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.”
~Edgar Allan Poe
Day zero
I have absolutely no idea how to start this. It wasn't my idea in the first place, anyway, but I'm a bit desperate at this point. I haven't had a good night's sleep in over a month and it's starting to get to me. I'm willing to try anything, is what I'm saying.
Twilight says I should treat this like a diary. I dunno why she thinks that's a good idea; this is just about writing down my dreams, so why should I put any effort into it beyond that? But whatever, if she says this works then I'll do whatever. Desperate, remember?
So I guess I should start from the beginning. My name's Carrot Top, not that I should have to tell you. And I've been having dreams. Weird dreams. Not, like, nightmares or anything, but really weird dreams. I don't remember anything about them, but I remember that they're really -
Unsettling? Yeah, unsettling is the word I'm looking for. Every morning I wake up feeling like I haven't slept at all. I'm tired all the time, I have no energy to do my job, and I'm constantly grouchy. I find myself snapping at everypony I know for the stupidest things. I mean, I yelled at Derpy for making too much noise for crying out loud. That's when I decided enough was enough. Derpy doesn't deserve abuse from anyone, least of all from her so-called best friend. So I went to Twilight. That's what you do in Ponyville when you've got a problem like this; you go ask the weirdo mare who lives in a bucking library.
Twilight said that it's probably not a sleeping disorder, or I'd have shown symptoms sooner in life, so there's clearly something else going on here. I said I didn't really give a damn about what's wrong with me and just want to find a solution as soon as possible. Besides, I already know what's wrong; it's the dreams. That made Twilight get a little indignant; she muttered something about how the dreams were just a symptom but whatever. She said she couldn't really do anything for me without more information, but she also said she was going to ask that creepy zebra who lives in the Everfree. And in the meantime I'm supposed to write my dreams in this thing so that she can hear about them in more detail. Whatever works, I say.
I'm really tired now. I can barely keep my eyes open and I know this whole thing probably looks like crap but whatever. It's Twilight's own fault for asking me to write a dream diary because I'm not going to be able to remember the dreams at any point while I'm not still mostly asleep. I'll try my best to be coherent. But I'm rambling waaaaay off topic. I guess I'm just stalling. I don't wanna go to sleep.
Dammit, I'm making zero sense. I need to just... go to bed. Yeah, that's the ticket. I'll write more of this tomorrow. Officially start things off, as it were.
Good night, I guess. Really need to stop writing as though I'm talking to a person and not writing in some dumb journal. Maybe I'm going crazy.
Day one
Ugh, I knew this was a stupid idea. I'm tired and cranky and I remember jack about what I dreamed. Twilight is full of it. I'll try to write something but blugh whatever.
I remember being in my apartment pretty clearly. I don't remember what I was doing, but I was in the kitchen. And then... something happened, but I can't for the life of me remember what. But whatever it was, it wasn't good. And then... and then... something. Bucked if I remember specifics, though. But then I wasn't in my kitchen anymore. I was somewhere else. No clue where, just somewhere. Somewhere bad. And -
And then -
Something. I'm saying that a lot in this stupid thing. I can't help it, though. It's not my fault that I can't remember my dreams. No one remembers their dreams, and if they say they do they're lying. But Twilight said that I should write stream-of-consciousness. Just start writing and not stop until I -
Uh.
Until I stop, I guess? Whatever, I don't even care anymore. I'm still tired and still cranky and I want this thing to work already but it isn't. I know I should be more patient and I know it's not Twilight's fault that this idea of hers isn't getting immediate results but I'm frustrated and she's easy to blame, I guess. I... probably shouldn't have written that 'cause Twilight's gonna read this later.
I'm going to go give this to her and then head off to work. Those carrots aren't gonna sell themselves, you know?
Day one (ctd)
Twilight says I shouldn't hand these in on a daily basis or anything. Just when we have sessions. Sessions, like she's some kind of bucking psychiatrist. Celestia as my witness, I'm not crazy. I'm not. I said that I figure giving them in on a daily basis might speed things up, but Twilight just shrugged and said she has other priorities and I just wanted to buck her in the face until she was an unrecognizable pulp and...
Celestia, what the hell am I writing? Maybe... Maybe I am crazy? No, I'm just tired and frustrated and I'm still taking it out on Twilight and now I feel awful for even considering the possibility of hurting her. She's one of the nicest mares in Ponyville and she's just doing what she can to help me get over this. She doesn't have to help, but she's doing it anyway. I don't know what to think anymore, so maybe I should just stop dwelling on this and live my life. But it's hard to just ignore your problems when they're shouting in your face and refusing to leave.
Did some business with the Apples today, which was a breath of fresh air. They're the biggest farm in all of ponyville, so any business with them is going to result in a bunch of profits, and Applejack is...
Well, Applejack is a very pleasant pony to spend time with. Let's just leave it at that, shall we? We came up with a bunch of ideas for apple and carrot based products, and we're also going to be working together to sell our products to a bunch of restaurants in town.
... Sorry if I'm being vague. I'm still tired and my brain's all fuzzy and stuff. I'm pretty sure everypony's been that tired before, and my sleep issues haven't exactly been helpful. It's early, but I should go to bed before I say something I'll regret later. Good night, Diary.
I really need to stop writing like you're actually a person.