//------------------------------//
// 4. Scootaprediction 
// Story: Applied Scootascience 
// by Samey90 
//------------------------------//



CHAPTER IV
SCOOTAPREDICTION


Twilight moved a pawn with her magic. Unlike many beginner players, she didn’t have to say “checkmate”. Starswirl already knew the game was over. Besides, they were playing a variant of chess known as “Horde”, where Starswirl started with a regular set of pieces and Twilight only had thirty-two pawns.

“It seems that, even in chess it’s good to have many friends,” Starswirl muttered, looking at the pawns overrunning the board. “Although if I only got a queen behind their defences…”

“We can try again.” Twilight looked at the calm surface of the sea. “I wonder how my friends are.”

Spike walked to them, carrying a tray with drinks. “Well, you can always write to them.”

Twilight nodded. “Yeah, I should write to Star–” She paused when Spike suddenly choked, dropping the tray. He coughed, spitting out a scroll. 

“It seems that your friends had the same idea,” Starswirl muttered when Twilight levitated the scroll. “Also, your slave owes me a bottle of twelve-year-old whisky.” 

“He’s not my slave!” Twilight exclaimed. “We don’t own slaves anymore!”

“Indentured servant, then.” Starswirl shrugged. “Back in my day, I bought a zebra slave from Flash Magnus for seven bits. I should’ve paid five because he claimed that she had all her teeth, but it turned out some of them were–” He stopped talking, realising that no one was listening to him. 

“I need to go to Canterlot!” Twilight exclaimed. 

“Ah, this occasionally happened back in the day,” Starswirl said. “The princess would call one of her servants to Canterlot and when such a pony came to the court, the executioner was already waiting for him with an axe. Did you commit high treason recently?”

“It’s not that.” Twilight showed Starswirl the parchment. 

It was a rather peculiar letter. The first sentence was written in Rarity’s proportional hornwriting, but the rest of the parchment was covered in huge, uneven letters resembling ramshackle houses – most definitely Pinkie Pie’s deed.




Dear Twilight,

Due to a sudden attack of an army of Scootaloos, we, along with the whole population of Ponyville, were forced to leave the town and run to Canterlot. We are fine, except for Rainbow Dash who got captured and became a Scoota-god and Starlight, who felt a bit off her trolley and they had to put her in a room without doorknobs. We asked Celestia for help but she said this is a dangerous precedent or something like that and now a lot of ponies are discussing it in the war room and so on. So, long story short, we need your help. Right now. 

Yours,
Pinkie

PS: Rarity wanted to write this letter, but she has a migraine. She’s helping me with difficult words, though.

PPS: When we say “right now”, we really mean it!



Starswirl furrowed his eyebrows. “What does ‘off her trolley’ mean?” he asked. “From the context, I’m guessing Pinkie may be off her trolley too.”

“Yeah, that’s exactly what it means,” Twilight muttered.

“Back in my day, we’d put her in the tower of fools,” Starswirl said. “A month in chains does wonders to one’s mental condition.”

“Maybe.” Twilight sighed. “We’ll play again later. Now, I need to go to Canterlot. Spike!”

Spike sat on Twilight’s back and she took off, flying towards Canterlot. Spike waited until the beach and Starswirl were outside of earshot and said, “Finally something’s happening. I was sick of this old fart calling me a lizard.”

Twilight groaned. “He’s one of the best casters of his generation! Also, don’t forget that Ponyville is in danger.”

Spike rolled his eyes. “I still prefer that over him. Scootaloos? Please. How can that be so bad?”





The war room in Celestia’s palace was rarely used, and the staff didn’t clean it as often as they should. However, as soon as the maids realised it’d be needed, they quickly got rid of layers of dust and the remains of some hapless servant who had gotten lost in there – judging by the state of the skeleton, about five centuries ago. 

Removing the tribe of really aggressive pixies who created a whole civilisation in the cabinet with old maps was, however, a different story. They were loud and, despite the constant drunkenness, they apparently invented wheel, literature, and miniature crossbows. Eventually, Celestia just teleported the whole cabinet to one of the unused rooms in the dungeon and the meeting finally started.

However, as Celestia soon discovered, the old saying was still true – putting the most gallant sailor, the most intrepid pegasus, and the most audacious soldier, as well as several other brightest minds in Equestria gave her the sum of all fears.

“We could use our experimental depopulation bomb,” the Head of the Department of Wartime Technologies said. She was a unicorn in a black robe, wearing a domino mask. Everything about the Department itself was classified and not even Celestia knew her name. “It’d permanently erase from existence everyone within a mile radius, but the buildings would stay intact. Citizens would be able to come back after a year.”

“Have you tested it before?” Moondancer asked. She was one of the civilian experts Celestia invited to share their views on the situation.

The Head of the Department of Wartime Technologies blushed under her mask. “Once. On a cage full of hamsters.”

“Nice to know where my taxes go,” Moondancer muttered. 

“Also, we can’t do that.” Spitfire looked at the map of Ponyville. “The clones failed to capture the hospital and while the seriously sick patients were evacuated with an airship, the staff refused to abandon their post. Our reconnaissance flights revealed that they’re patrolling the roof with shotguns from their Zombie Apocalypse Survival Kits. If we drop a depopulation bomb, they’d be caught in a blast.”

“Acceptable losses,” The Head of the Department of Wartime Technologies said. 

Celestia furrowed her eyebrows. “I don’t think we should erase those ponies from existence. Such an act of bravery…”





Berry Punch knocked her hoof against a copper pipe and turned the tap. A few drops of a transparent liquid was all the distillery managed to produce. 

“Bad news, girls,” she said, turning to the two nurses lying on the floor. “If you want more moonshine, you need to get me more potatoes.”

“There should be some in the kitchen,” Nurse Redheart muttered groggily. “Also, do we still have disinfectant?”

“Yeah,” Nurse Sweetheart replied. Unlike Redheart, she seemed at least partially aware of her surroundings. “But we’re keeping that for when the hangover strikes.”

“When Pinchy comes back, I’ll send her to the kitchen,” Berry said. “Also, what do you think, when will they come to save us?” 

“A week or so,” Sweetheart replied. “Assuming my stunt won’t kill all those little fuckers before.”

Berry raised her eyebrows. “What stunt?” 

Nurse Redheart suddenly started to laugh. Due to her state, it resembled a pig’s cough. “I read the files.” She hiccuped. “Scootaloo didn’t have horsey hives yet.”

“So?” Berry asked.

“Remember how I started to throw cushions at the clones when you and Pinchy were running for the door?” Sweetheart chuckled. 

“Nah, I was busy running for my life, you know,” Berry muttered.

“I took them from the ward,” Sweetheart said. “Foals with horsey hives spent a week wiping boogers in those cushions.” She smirked. “In case this doesn’t work, we still have A.K. Yearling’s samples in the lab. You know, back when she collapsed during a meeting with fans and it turned out she had…” She scratched her mane and poked Redheart. “What did she have?”

“Cholera and tuberculosis,” Redheart slurred. “One’d think she travels like Daring Do instead of bathing in bits or some shit.”

“Funny you mention shit,” Sweetheart muttered. “But if it comes to this, you’ll get the samples. You’re already disinfected…”





Moondancer looked at the map. Most of Ponyville was marked with orange flags, indicating places where Scootaloos were spotted. “Do we really have to get rid of them?”

“What do you mean?” Celestia asked.

“I did my research,” Moondancer said. “They must’ve come from that ancient pool in the Everfree Forest. Meaning they’re not tarnished by our civilisation.” She turned to Spitfire. “You told us they started to build some structures on their own. It may be an interesting sociological experiment, watching what they’ll do.”

The door to the war room opened and Twilight walked in, taking a seat between Moondancer and the Head of the Department of Wartime Technologies. “I just talked to a few evacuated ponies,” she said. “I’m afraid Mayor Mare wouldn’t be happy about any sociological experiments.”

Moondancer fixed her glasses. “Of course, we can relocate the citizens–” 

“Carrot Top said that if we tell them to move to Appleloosa, she’ll shove a carrot up our–” Twilight blushed. “– nostrils.”

“So, what do you propose?” Celestia asked.

Twilight shrugged. “The same thing as with Pinkie Pie,” she replied. “We’ll find the real Scootaloo and then send the rest back to the–” She paused, feeling the heavy gaze of Celestia and the Head of the Department of Wartime Technologies.

“Not bad!” the Head of the Department of Wartime Technologies exclaimed. “Finally someone who’s not afraid to vaporise sapient creatures. Have you ever thought about working in my Department?”

Twilight blushed. “Well, I don’t think it’s the time and place…”

“It’s not, indeed.” Celestia looked at the map. “I expect serious propositions now. What should we do about ten thousand Scootaloos rampaging across the town almost at the outskirts of Canterlot?”

“Block the roads,” Spitfire said. “Continue the reconnaissance flights.” 

Twilight looked at Celestia. “We need to free Rainbow Dash. Then we can find some magical solution.” 

“Find some empty plot of land, relocate the clones there and see what happens.” Moondancer looked into her notes. “The data we’d gather about the formation of societies as we know today…”

The Head of the Department of Wartime Technologies furrowed her eyebrows under the mask. “Have you read Lord of the Parasprites? You’d know what such a situation may end like. I suggest donating the clones to our necromancy research program. I’m pretty sure they’d be useful.”

“Better not,” Spitfire said. “We already discovered traces of necromancy in Ponyville…”





“Rainbow Dash is best pony!” Scootaloo 022 exclaimed, standing in the middle of the ruined corridor. She turned to Scootaloo 021 and looked at her unsurely.

“Go on,” Scootaloo 021 muttered, taking a bite of her sandwich. “You’re doing very well.”

Scootaloo 022 took a few steps forward and suddenly stopped in front of a tall wall of jelly, blocking the whole corridor. Several eyeballs floated through the orange-ish substance and focused their gaze on her. 

“Great.” Scootaloo 021 smirked. “Now, try to touch it.”

“Rainbow Dash is best pony?” Scootaloo 022 asked, taking a step back.

“I’m pretty sure that’s a very friendly gelatinous cube,” Scootaloo 021 said. “It totally didn’t eat Fifty-Nine after she sprouted a pair of tentacles from her eyes. And didn’t catch 111AXC and dissolve her body until there were only bones left. You’ll be fine.”

“Rainbow Dash is best pony!” Scootaloo 022 exclaimed. She turned away from the cube, lifted her tail and marked the carpet as her territory. The eyes inside the jelly focused on a puddle for a second before floating away, deeper into the cube. The whole creature shuddered, trying to move away, to barely any effect – as the Scootaloos discovered before, it could only move a few metres a day. 

Scootaloo 021 groaned with disappointment. She briefly considered pushing Twenty-Two into the cube, but then she heard somepony clear her throat. She turned back and saw Fifty-Three.

“Having fun?” Scootaloo 053 asked.

“We made an interesting discovery,” Twenty-One said with a sheepish grin. “Piss scares it.”

“Great.” Fifty-Three deadpanned. “We’ll all take a leak here and drown this thing. And you too, if you don’t stop trying to get Twenty-Two killed. Even if you succeed, we cloned her. Remember?”

“It was a mistake,” Scootaloo 021 muttered.

“Your second name is ‘mistake’,” Fifty-Three said. “In five minutes, I want to see you in the palace. We need to discuss a few things.”

Four minutes later, Scootaloo 021 was sitting on her throne. When exploring the palace, they found a room with seven of them, standing around the table. Fifty-Three immediately took the one with Rainbow Dash’s cutie mark on it, so Twenty-Two had to settle on the one with apples. 

On Twenty-Two’s left, there was Dee-Dee. She had a broken nose, but survived the attack on Ponyville without other problems. As soon as she saw gems on the throne, she claimed it as hers. 

Next to her, the throne with balloons was taken by Silver Spoon 2.0. While Silver never got any clone herself, Scootaloos still dropped her into the pool (from a considerable height), just to get an advisor. 

Hundred-and-Fifty took the throne with butterflies, while the two seats on Fifty-Three’s left were occupied by one Apple Bloom clone and the sole remaining Sweetie Belle copy. Initially, there were six of them, but when the battle started, they got too excited with their newly-discovered magic skills and most of them perished in fires. 

“Okay,” Fifty-Three muttered. “For starters, I’d like to ask about those pegasi flying above us…”

“We’re working on a solution,” Apple Bloom’s clone replied. “We’ll be done by tomorrow.”

“Good,” Fifty-Three said. “What about the housing?”

“Still not enough.” Silver Spoon’s clone shrugged. “This town is too small for so many ponies. Our food supplies may also run out.” She shot Twenty-One a glare. “Someone even ate the leg of one of the fried Sweetie Belles.”

“Ugh…” Fifty-Three looked at Twenty-One and sighed. “Something else?”

“Some of the clones got a rash and high fever.” Silver Spoon produced a book. “I spent a night reading about diseases and it seems to be horsey hives. We need to do something before it spreads.”

“Like what?” Hundred-and-Fifty asked. 

“I sent a few Scootaloos to raid the pharmacy,” Silver’s clone said. “And we have to isolate the sick ones.”

“Iso-what?” Scootaloo 053 asked.

“We’ll put them on the farm until they get better,” Silver replied.

“Alright, let’s do that.” Fifty-Three leaned to Hundred-and-Fifty. “Remind me to replace her with another Silver clone before she gets too smart,” she whispered. 

“I’ll think of that.” Scootaloo 150 nodded and looked at the rest of the council. “Anything else?”

“Prisoners keep trying to riot,” Dee-Dee said. “The dungeon of this castle is unsuitable for our needs. Diamond Tiara bites anyone who tries to get into her cell and I’m pretty sure Sweetie Belle and Silver Spoon are plotting something.”

“They’re in separate cells,” Scootaloo 021 muttered. 

“Yes, but they’re knocking at the wall suspiciously,” Dee-Dee replied.

“Ah’ll take care of that,” Apple Bloom’s clone said quickly. “Maybe we’ll relocate some of them to another building.”

“As soon as you’re done with those pesky pegasi,” Scootaloo 053 said. “Do you need more Apple Blooms for that?”

“No, fifty is enough.”

“Okay,” Fifty-Three said. “Is that everything? Yes? Meeting ad… Ad...” She furrowed her eyebrows.

“Adjourned,” Silver Spoon’s clone said.

“What I said.” Fifty-Three shot Silver’s clone a glare and stood up. “Let’s go to Rainbow Dash.”

The Scootaloos left the throne room and walked to another room. There were more clones there, surrounding a red fainting couch, stolen from Carousel Boutique. Rainbow Dash reclined on it, eyes half-closed, while one of the clones was feeding her grapes. Another one waved a large rigid fan above her head. 

Scootaloo 053 bowed before Rainbow Dash. “Welcome, oh great Rainbow Dash!” she exclaimed. “Will you share any new trivia with us?”

Rainbow Dash opened one eye. “Bring me more cider and I’ll tell you a story of how I stopped the White Walkers,” she said.

Fifty-Three made the best puppy eyes she could muster. “Not even a little trivia?” 

“After eating a lot of cheese, I get a really bad gas,” Rainbow Dash replied. “Will you let me sleep?”

“Maybe some advice?” Scootaloo 021 asked.

Rainbow Dash looked at her. “Eat less, or you’ll turn into a Scootaball.”

Twenty-One bowed. “I shall do that, oh great Rainbow Dash!”

“Finally,” Rainbow Dash muttered. “Wake me up when you have cider.”





When the Scootaloos went off to bow to Rainbow Dash, Apple Bloom’s clone stood up. “Ah’m goin’ to visit the prisoners.”

“What for?” Dee-Dee asked. “You keep visiting them.”

Apple Bloom’s clone rolled her eyes. “If ya hadn’t noticed, there’s fifty of us. It’s not always me. Also, Ah’m tryin’ to figure out if they’re worth clonin’.”

“They are not,” Dee-Dee replied. “Besides the ones we’ve already cloned, most of them are totally worthless.”

“Most of ‘em,” Apple Bloom muttered. “Ah’m gonna find the minority, then.” She walked out of the throne room and trotted downstairs. She noticed a few Scootaloos guarding the chambers, with an occasional Apple Bloom rushing somewhere with a set of tools or some reclaimed wood.

The castle dungeon was filled with cages; most of them were taken out of the barns and inhabited by whoever didn’t manage to run out of Ponyville in time. Apple Bloom’s clone spotted Toola Roola scratching obscene words in crystal walls, much to the displeasure of Coconut Cream, who was sitting in the cage next to her. Behind them, Chip Cutter reached his hoof to Apple Bloom.

“I figured it out,” he said. “If you let me out, I’ll make a giant statue of Rainbow Dash!”

“Interestin’,” Apple Bloom’s clone said. “I guess Fifty-Three will grant ya the right to be cloned.”

“But I want to make it myself!” Chip Cutter exclaimed. “I don’t want to be cloned. You let Babs out so she’d give you different manecuts!”

“Yes, but her clones were… unstable,” Apple Bloom’s clone replied. “Scootaloo 011 wanted a manecut from one and now she’s wearing an eyepatch. Shoulda said somethin’ else than ‘Ah don’t wanna look like the others’...”

Chip Cutter winced. “What did you do to Babs’ clones?”

“Nothin’. They had a tendency to run with scissors.” Apple Bloom walked further into the dungeon, passing by more cages.

“The horror! The horror!”

“The Great and Powerful Trixie demands you to shut up!”

“I am afraid that your friend Daisy had finally gone completely crazy.”

“Oh, the horror!”

“Zecora.” Apple Bloom’s clone stopped by one of the cages. “Ah guess we’ll need ya soon. Some clones caught horsey hives.”

“I’d rather not be taken to the pool,” Zecora said. “My clones may become a bunch of fools.”

“More zebras?” Lily Valley dropped on the floor of her cage. “Oh, the horror!”

“What?” Apple Bloom furrowed her eyebrows.

“Oh, I have no problem with such a thing,” Zecora deadpanned. “They react like that to everything.”

Apple Bloom nodded. She walked to another cage and looked inside, finding Silver Spoon sitting on the floor and staring blankly at the wall. 

“Psst,” Apple Bloom whispered. “It’s me, Apple Bloom.”

“Which clone?” Silver asked, barely raising her head. “I don’t want to be cloned again!”

Apple Bloom rolled her eyes. “Ah’m the real one. It was easy to hide among ‘em once they cloned fifty of us.”

“Impossible,” Silver muttered. “This must be a provocation. You are a clone, admit it!” She trembled. “And if you aren’t, prove it.”

“Durin’ the first slumber party we had when we became friends, ya brought a bottle of beer ya stole from yer dad,” Apple Bloom said. “Ya drank two sips, tried to make out with Sweetie, started cryin’, and fell asleep while snorin’ loudly.” She shrugged. “Then ya wet the bed and tried to blame Scootaloo.”

“You could’ve heard that from anyone!”

Apple Bloom rolled her eyes. “Should Ah remind ya what exactly ya said about Scootaloo’s–”

“Okay, I believe you,” Silver Spoon said. “But why are you cooperating with those barbarians instead of helping us?”

“Ah’m tryin’ to help y’all,” Apple Bloom replied. “Ah want to destroy ‘em from the inside.”

“Oh no,” Silver Spoon’s eyes widened.

“What?” 

“I just remembered how we tried to teach you to play chess,” Silver Spoon replied. “And your tremendous ability to plan ahead.”

“Don’t worry, Ah got this!” Apple Bloom exclaimed and leaned closer to Silver. “First, Ah need to get Sweetie out and replace her clone with her–”

“I knew it.”

Apple Bloom froze. She turned back slowly to see Dee-Dee standing behind her and furrowing her eyebrows.

“You’re not a clone,” Dee-Dee said, smirking. “You’re a real one.”

Silver Spoon looked at Dee-Dee, then at Apple Bloom. Then she looked at Dee-Dee again and noted that the mirror pool was pretty good at copying Diamond Tiara’s physical features. Which meant a fight with Apple Bloom would be a short one. “Did you tell anyone else?” Silver asked.

“Oh, please.” Dee-Dee laughed. “You think I’m stupid. Why’d I tell those morons about you when we can join our forces and replace them with a far superior individual… Someone who deserves to be cloned more than this pathetic poultry...” 

“Kill her,” Silver Spoon whispered to Apple Bloom. “Or else we’ll wake up in the world full of Diamond Tiaras…”

“We should give it a try,” Apple Bloom said. 

Silver Spoon smacked her forehead with her hoof. “Why are we doing this to me?”

“Because I’m better than you,” Dee-Dee said. “I already know that Twist needs rubber bands for her death ray, that you want  to swap Sweetie for her clone, and that Babs wants to stab Fifty-Three with scissors. Not to mention the idea to whack me with a crowbar and replace me with the real Diamond Tiara. How would she even pretend to be me?”

Silver Spoon rolled her eyes. “She looks the same. And Scootaloos aren’t very bright.”

“That wouldn’t work,” Dee-Dee said. “She’d reveal herself, sooner or later. But me? We live in a huge library and those morons think bookshelves are there just for show. I read half of the books in a week. Starswirl the Bearded’s books on magic. Flash Magnus’ war memoirs. Adenoid Hoofler’s diary. All the Daring Do books…”

“I’m still smarter than you,” Silver Spoon spat. “Get in that cage and I’ll show you…”

“Well, it’s you who sits in the cage,” Dee-Dee said. “Worry not, soon we’ll free you and your friends.” She walked to Apple Bloom and wrapped her hoof around her. “And now, excuse me, we need to start Operation Havoc…”