//------------------------------// // Discount Floof // Story: The Potion Shop // by Ashfur //------------------------------// Juniper sat happily as the customers for the day perused the various potions on display, some coming up to drop off prescriptions for specific remedies to be picked up later, others choosing to purchase various concoctions for uses both recreational and utility.  It was all routine, and she even had perfected the art of making change without looking. Over on the front wall of the shop was the reason for her unwavering happiness: an unassuming small chalkboard hanging on the wall with three words and a number on it. Days without incident: 10 That was a new record for the year!  Juniper had even circled the number to celebrate, and while part of her was bracing for the inevitable, she mostly wanted to enjoy the peace and quiet of the day. Tap tap tap Yes, the foal screaming and crying over not getting the potion that makes everything taste like candy for the next ten hours counted as peace and quiet.  Compared to Arca's usual antics, an upset foal was nothing major noise-wise. Tonk tonk tonk There was, however, a strange, repetitive noise coming from the front wall.  Some of the customers took notice of it, but paid it no mind as such things were commonplace at Alchemiracles.  Juniper didn't even notice, having worked there for over five years. “Come on, you son of a-” WHAM With no warning, a hammer crashed through the wall with a mighty crack, also smashing through the blackboard and leaving a gaping hole where the number 10 once was.  The remaining circle now read that it was zero days since an incident. “Well, THAT got the nail through, at least!  Little too much oomph on that one though. Hi Juniper!”  Arca poked his head through the hole, smiling warmly at his apprentice.  “Hey, why are all the customers leaving? Come back!” He tried to pull his head back out, but realized pretty quickly his cranium was stuck in the wall.  Still, he kept pulling to try and escape. “Boss, just teleport out.” “No!  It's a matter of personal pride now!  Almost…” CRUNCH “Oops.” Juniper allowed an exasperated sigh to escape her.  “Nice necklace, Boss. I hear drywall is ‘in’ right now.” “Really?  Seems cumbersome, but I never understood fashion.”  Arca teleported a foot to his left so the wall he took with him could fall.  “Forget it, Boss.”  Juniper held a hoof go her head to try and fend off the impending headache she knew this was going to cause.  “Now, other than putting in a new doorway that nopony asked for or approved, what are you doing?” “Oh, I'm setting up a marketing campaign!  It should help bring in more customers to the shop so more ponies can benefit from my potions!  I was trying to hang up this poster but the nail wouldn't go through the wall.” He levitated a poster into view.  It had a stylized potion on it, in front of an aerial photo of Rainbow Falls. On it was written the text: HEY MARES AND GENTLECOLTS! ARE YOU BORED? TIRED? SLOWLY BEING TORN APART ON THE INSIDE BY A DEAD-END JOB AND/OR A HORRIFYING PARASITE? BUY POTIONS AT ALCHEMIRACLES TODAY! Juniper stared at the paper for a good minute before responding.  “Uh… Boss?” Arca nodded happily, clearly proud to show off his latest idea.  “Boss. Really?” “Is it not good?”  Arca tilted his head to one side, confused.  “I made valid points there. We do have potions for depression, and leisure, and parasites…” “Boss, it's the fact that ponies don't want to read about that.” “So, what should I put?  A picture of a third-degree burn?  We have potions for that… or maybe…”  He lit his horn with magic, summoning a rainbow-colored afro wig.  “I could use this and pose as a happy clown for the poster!” “Boss.” “But wait!  I have more!  What if we got a billboard to draw attention to the shop and make everypony know it exists?” “Boss!” “Or we could-” “ARCANE CATALYST!”  Juniper didn't often yell like that at her boss, but calling his full name never failed to get his attention. “What's the matter, Juniper?” She gestured to the poster with her wing.  “Boss, why do you even need a marketing campaign?  We are not only the sole alchemy shop in town, we are the only one for miles!  The next town over is thirty minutes by train. Everypony in town already shops here, and they CERTAINLY know about us.”  she paused to a moment, then added, “Well, Emerald doesn't shop here, but she's the exception.” “Who's Emerald?” “Nopony you'd remember, she never bought anything from you.” Arca shrugged.  “Well, when you get to be my age you tend to only try and remember certain things!  I remember my customers, that's why I made your first test as my apprentice buying a potion from me for one bit.  A purchase is a purchase!” “You know, Boss, I always wondered about that.  Thanks for clearing it up. But we don't need a marketing campaign.  Trust me.” “Alright, alright, fine,”  the stallion replied, rubbing the back of his head with a hoof in defeat.  “I guess I shouldn't have launched my free sample strategy then, huh?” Juniper felt her eyes widen in surprise.  “Free samples? Boss, that's not a bad idea.  If we used a potion everypony can use like an energy potion, we could have a lot more traffic through here.  Maybe even a few from other towns? Where did you put the samples?” “What do you mean?” “The bottles of free potion, Boss.  Where are they?” Juniper trotted back into the now empty shop, looking around.  “Are they in the back?” “Oh yeah, I forgot!  I decided that filling all the little bottles would take too long, so I made one big vat and put it in an easily accessible place!”  He held up a hoof to stop Juniper from replying. “And before you say, ‘oh, Boss, having multiple ponies drink from the same cauldron is unsanitary and it could be stolen’, I already thought of that!  It's not in the vat anymore. I poured it into the town well, so that everypony in town can enjoy its effects!” “You poured a potion into the main water supply and didn't tell anypony?!”  Juniper nervously glanced at her mug, which she had drank water from earlier.  “Uh… what potion was it?” “A good one!”  Arca beamed. “Now everypony can have long, luxurious manes!  And it should be taking effect… right now, in fact!” True to his word, the potion took effect.  With a mighty FLOOF, all the fur and tails on everypony across town fell off, leaving them down to their bare skin aside from their manes. “Whoops!  I guess I added too many moth wings this time.  Good thing I have a lab coat to keep me covered and warm!  Want a spare, Juniper? You look like a naked mole rat with a wig, no offense.” “Boss.” “Yeah, Juniper?” “Go to your room.” “Aw, mane… okay.”