"Anon?"
"Zzzzzzzzz."
"Hey, Anon. Wake up."
"Zzzzzzzz......get me the 2-piece special......zzzzzzzz......lots of hot sauce, a-and all the fries you can give me-"
"Red Robin's-"
"YUMMMMM!" you hum, snapping out of your deep slumber.
"Ha! It actually works." the voice chuckles.
"Where am I?"
Suddenly, something jerks the room forward, throwing your head into a bench and earning a low "Oof!" from you.
"We're here."
You see Starlight sitting beside you with a warm smile. Behind you, Twilight, Spike and the others are looking out their own windows in awe.
"Wait, we've JUST arrived?" you ask.
"Yeah, something wrong?"
"Duck."
"Say what now?"
You pull the unicorn down behind the seat with you as the sound of an obnoxious party cannon going off sends a wave of confetti and little balloon animals soaring overhead.
"WOOOOOOOOO, WE'RE HERE YOU GUYS!!!" Pinkie hollers.
After a while, you hear the Crusaders cheer along as well.
"Phew, dodged a balloon." Starlight chuckles.
Outside the station, the girls trot on ahead, gawking at all the sights of the elegant area. And who could blame them? With clean streets, impressive topiaries, 5-star resteraunts as far as the eye can see and overpriced shit, it's a rich mare's paradise.
Starting to wonder if Whooves'll ever improve those walkies cuz you would've run the storage ragged with sum sic pics.
"So what do you think of Canterlot, Anon?" Starlight asks approaching you.
"It looks pretty great. Very nice, very high class."
"Yep. Sometimes a little TOO high class."
"What do you mean by that?"
The unicorn points to a sophisticated group of ponies with their noses so high in the air, you could've sworn they were TRYING to shove their heads up their flanks.
"Oof, I see your point."
"Mmhmm."
Eventually you notice poor Spike struggling with a tall pile of luggage, bags, packs, you name it, all by himself. "Uhhh, give me a sec, Star. I'll catch up with ya." you call out as they move on.
Every once in a while, you witness the little scaly scamp getting the short end of the stick.
"Sheesh, does literally NO ONE help you with the luggage, Spike?"
"Urghhhh. Occasionally." he grunts, trying to push the mountain of stuff that you're pretty sure most likely 60% belongs to Rarity. You hop around the other side of the load and lift it with ease, leaving a few bags for the little guy to easily carry. "You get used to it. But that's what friends do, ya know?"
"Yeah, I guess you're right."
['Friendship is magic' my ASS.]
Well THIS was the most stressful semi-tour of your life so far.
Between high-priced stuff you want but can't have and Pinkie's off-the-wall erratic enthusiasm, you just couldn't do it anymore. Plus, these snobbish aristocrats are eyeballing your appearance with either a look of curiosity, confusion or a mixture of both. It's like they've never seen a human before......
Wait a minute.
NOTE TO SELF: Beg Twilight to buy you overpriced coffee.
Anyways, Princess Sunbutt Celestia's hooked you and the girls with a 5-star hotel with 5-star decor, 5-star food, 5-star folks and, the best part, 5-star TOWELS!!!
.......
Meh, WAAAY too 5-star for your tastes.
2 and a half stars outta 5. ;P
Might smuggle a towel or two though...
Finally, you all manage to find your rooms, but your arms give out and drop the bags of bricks clothes the minute you enter.
"Christ, what are IN these things, ROCKS?!" you huff.
Pinkie hops over, grabs a greyish-purple suitcase out of the pile and eagerly flips it open, revealing it's contents:
GODDAMNED ROCKS.
"Ha! Dwayne and Johnson made it in one piece, Maud!" she squeaks.
"Hooray."
You flinch as the odd grey pony suddenly pops up next to you.
"Oh, hey Maud." you say.
"Hey."
"..."
"..."
Crazy how this mare's silence STILL makes your scrotum shrivel up unlike her sister, who prances and dances around the room doing what you could only describe as 'Gangmane Style'.
Ya know, Pinkie's wacky excitement and quirky personality is slowly but surely starting to grow on you...
Like a cyst.
Later that evening...
"Hmmmm.....I'd say go with that one."
"You sure, Spike? I'm still not that crazy over the green tie. A red one, sure. But green?"
"Again and again, you keep doing this bro." the dragon sighs. "You ask me for my opinion, then you ignore it. Besides, it's the better tie."
You fold your arms. "It's cuz Rarity picked it out, isn't it?"
"N-No! Of course not....GET OFF MY BACK, ANON!"
"Okay, okay. Is this the one you wanted?"
Spike flies over and ties it around your neck. "Yep, THAT'S the mare magnet."
"I have to say it's kind of......BIG."
"The size doesn't matter, Anon. It's ATTITUDE that makes the guy." The kid then pulls out a large red carnation and clips it to his tuxedo. "Come on, let's go."
You roll your eyes before heading out.
Out in the hallways, the ladies chat it up wearing their fabulous dresses and gowns. Even Maud looks.....semi-fashionable? The Crusaders look adowable as ever, everypony's outfit matches their style, now you realize how Rarity 'outdoing herself' is an understatement.
"Oh, don't you two look dapper." said unicorn says warmly.
"It's that Joker guy, RUN!" Scootaloo shrieks, running down the hall with the other two following after.
"No girls it's me, i-it's....ugh!"
[Damn you, human 'history'!!!]
"It's fine, Anon." AJ nods. "They'll be back."
"Where's Starlight?"
"I think she's finishing up." Twilight says.
"I'll go check on her."
"Go get her, Casa-Neighva." RD chuckles.
You give the cocky pegasus a devastating death glare. "So, tell me what's it like dressing in style, Dashie." you ask slyly. "Had fun playing dress up?"
Her smug grin fades away and forms into one of disdain.
"Thought so."
And with that, you walk in the room.
"Hey pal, are you almost rea-"
You pause.
Your bestie turns to you after checking herself out in the mirror.
"Hey, pal!"
[Whoa....]
"H-Hey Starlight."
"So. What do ya think?"
There the radiant unicorn stood, wearing a sparkling teal gown with yellow trimming, silver necklace and hoof shoes, the back of her mane is tied in a ponytail and topped with the same shiny gold crown you spotted at the boutique.
She's literally GLOWING.
"Starlight.....y-you look amazing."
"Aw, thanks Anon. You're not too bad yourself."
"You're pretty......G-GOOD at....fashion..."
"It's nice. I was just finishing up. Do I look okay?"
"..."
"Anon?"
"'Okay' doesn't even begin to cover it." you say dreamily.
"Aw, Anon. You're the greatest friend ever." she chuckles, playfully bumping you.
"Yep.....that's me. Friends forever."
*awkward silence*
"Well......shall we, then?"
"Oh, sure. After you, Star."
"Is that what I think it is?"
"Heehee, maaaaaaybe." Pinkie giggles.
That sweet aroma, that oh so sweet aroma continues to rape your nostrils as you and your friends enter the extravagant castle.
"Pinkie, don't mess with me." you hiss, clutching the mare. "Do they actually have it?!"
"See for yourself, Nonny."
Eventually, as soon as you enter the throne room, you spot the source of that captivating scent:
[THEY HAVE A GIANT CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN?!?!]
You prepare to bum-rush after the nectar of the gods before the party pony stops you with a hoof. "Geez, and I thought I was crazy around sweets." she laughs.
"Might wanna keep that craziness on the low, Anon." AJ states.
[YOU SHALL NOT TAKE ME FROM XANADU!!!]
Now that you notice, she was right though. Judging by all the soft, sophisticated, jamless music, the snobby chatter, the snobby ponies, the snobby snorts and laughter COMING from said snobby ponies and the always bland hors d'oeuvres, you were in the center of the hornet's nest. These ponies are so filthy rich, you could almost SMELL it...
Ugh, it smells wealthy.
"Wouldn't want to attract...attention to yourself." Flutters whispers.
"Fair enough," you sigh. "But no promises on that."
Then, you're yanked down, meeting the icy cold stare of the purple beast. "No. Shenanigans." she says with gritted teeth.
"Y-Yes ma'am."
"Great! Now let's have FUN."
Everypony spreads out to mingle, leaving you with your trembling legs. With an unsure step, you walk amongst the attending predators ponies. It's fine so far, everypony's minding their business, yucking it up with one another, everything's fi-
[Dear gawd they're staring at me, THEY'RE STARING AT ME!!!! Don't worry dude, just act casual. No, FORMAL. Act.....formal.....]
You 'formally' STAGGER your way through, giving formal hello's and brief waves, etc. to these folks. However, their stares and noticeable gossiping whispers are NOT helping in the slightest. But you manage to squeeze out of the crowd, a wall of sweat soaking your forehead. At least you can finally move on with-
"Oof."
Suddenly you back into something...
Something soft and...fluffy?
"Oh, nice to see you again, Anonymous."
You turn around and come face-to-face with Sunbutt herself.
"E-Evening, Princess Celestia." you squeak, with a quick bow.
"So, this is the chap Anonymous you were talking about?" a white stallion standing beside her asks.
"Anonymous, this is Fancypants. Fancypants, Anon."
"N-Nice to meet you."
"Oh, the pleasure's all mine my good..." the stallion pauses.
"Human." the alicorn whispers
"Yes, indeed. My good'hyewmun'."
[This guy gets it. At least he-"]
"Are you a rare breed of ape?" a tall white unicorn mare constantly posing against Fancypants asks.
Your brain says 'screw you' and 'goodbye' to all the hope you had for ponykind.
"Not.....exactly."
The growing urge to snap necks is jacking up your cool level. These ponies are testing your gangsta.
With. Extreme. Prejudice.
"Anon, are you alright?" Twilight jumps in.
"Yeah....j-just need some fresh air. Back in a bit."
And with those rushed words, you scurry pass the group of pampered ponies and outside into the castle gardens. You crash on the bench near the entrance hyperventilating.
[Whew, I think Flutters was on to something with this 'EYES' thing.]
As you compose yourself, you hear a mare's voice declaring it is time for 'Insert Ballroom Dancing Time Here ____.
The violins and harps begin to kick in and you wished Vinyl was here to spice things up.
"Hey, Anon. What are ya doing out here?"
You look to see your date approaching you with a quizzical smile. "H-Hey Star, I just needed to get some air. What's up?"
"......do you wanna dance?"
That sentence ALONE struck you with the most fear you've ever felt in your life. You just don't know how to respond.
And you watched Son of the Mask!
"U-Ummm...I think I'm gonna take a rain check on that one, thanks."
"Come on, Anon. It'll be fun."
"I-I dunno. The way ponies ballroom dance looks kinda..."
You look back inside the throne room where most of the ponies do the waltz hoof in hoof with their partners, stepping back and forth in each other's arms.
"-uncomfortable to me."
"Well let's make it look MORE comfortable."
Suddenly, you're forced off the seat and to your feet by a light blue aura of magic. The manipulating unicorn staggers on her hind legs and rests her fore hooves atop your shoulders. "Dance with me." she says slyly.
"Are you sure about thi-"
"Hush! Dance with me." she barks.
"Okay." your voice cracks.
"Good. But first-"
Her magic pulls the player off your belt and places it in your hand. "What do you say we play the GOOD stuff?"
"Of course."
Starlight wraps her hooves around your neck and align her legs with yours.
Guess you're leading.
You hold on to your pal and immediately buck up already, constantly and clumsily bumping each other's legs.
"Ugh, I'm not so good at this."
"It's fine, Anon. Just relax."
The way her eyes glistened in the pale moonlight as she stares into yours fixes your rhythm.
"See? Now you're gettin' it!" she squees.
Then, she came in with the big knockout punch: she rests her head on your chest.
[Clever girl...]
But you've got a backup plan...
"Hey pal, ever wanted to know what it's like to fly?"
"Well, I do levitation spells on occasion. Why-EEP!"
Without warning, you lift your giggling bestie in the air with ease, dress waving in the wind as she spreads her arms wide like a majestic eagle. Her childlike excitement proved contagious as you too find yourself laughing like a foal. You two dance and twirl around the tranquil gardens under the shimmering stars until the song finally comes to a close.
"Starlight?"
"Yes, Anon?"
"There's something I need to tell you."
"I have something to tell you too."
"..."
"..."
"Wanna raid the fudge fountain?"
"I love you so much."
"What was that, Anon?"
"I-I said 'I want that fudge'."
"Oh, let's go, then."
"I love you."
"Huh?"
"I-I said let's go, too."
[Seriously...? -_-]
"Well come along Sir Anonymous Unknown." she says in an exaggerated British accent.
"Coming Madame Starlight Glimmer." you chuckle in the same accent.
[DUDE! YOU TOTALLY JUST DANCED WITH HER!!!]
You mentally bro fist all of your emotions who give you MAD props.
Except for Dirty-Minded Anon.
But whatevs, you got to get funky with your bud. You'll get her next time.
Eventually...
Maybe...
Least likely...
Plus, it's bout time you made an appointment with Mr. Fountain...