So there we were, having a picnic in the main park of Ponyville. Ya know, just having a great time. While I had spent the past few days flirtin’ with Annabeth, Alkaios had been busy chatting up Fang Hua. It turned out that they had a lot in common. They both worked for insanely powerful royalty, they were both crazy overpowered at any sort of physical combat, and they both LOVED weapons. In short, it was a match made on the battlefield. All their free time was spent sparring and exchanging techniques. They seemed to particularly love grappling as it they were almost always found in some rather "awkward" positions, if ya know what I mean. Applejack and Rainbow Dash also expressed interest in learning a few techniques, but they didn't seem to enjoy it nearly as much as Fang Hua and Alkaios did. Rarity and Fluttershy were constantly around Annabeth talking about the differences between our world and theirs. The different fashions, cultures, and even the differences in the wildlife. Twilight tried to occupy most of my time, grilling me for information regarding our technology and science. I was a little hesitant to say the least. I mean, sure it'd be awesome to help a society totally skip the fossil fuel stage and go straight to renewable energy, but at the same time, I didn't exactly want to give information regarding nuclear technology when I don't fully grasp all the science behind it. I may just be rambling here, but I'm pretty sure that if any of my actions led to a nuclear meltdown, that would probably be a one way ticket to the moon... or the sun if Luna got ahold of me first.
Where was I? Oh yeah! The picnic! OK so we were chilling under the shade of one of the trees there, everyone and everypony were all having a great time snacking on some veggie sandwiches (what I wouldn't have given for some bacon with that...) and drinking some lemonade. Alky and Fang were off to one side, sparring as usual. RD was laying out with her awesome sunglasses, Twilight was talking with Rarity about a new book, yadda yadda yadda. You get the picture. Now one important detail that I cannot skip is that this was the first time that I employed that age old maneuver that all men know: The Yawn. Oh yeah, you know what I'm talking about. Ya sliiiiide a little bit closer to her, take a deep breath and stretch out your arms as you let loose with a ridiculously large yawn. As you're wrapping it up, you casually let one arm draped around her shoulders in a totally "accidental" manner. Now, as you may have guessed, this maneuver ALWAYS works... about 68% of the time at least. Needless to say, I was quite comfortable with those odds. I mean, YOU know the kind of odds that I usually get myself into, but back to the main story. Annabeth looked up at me with a coy smile, perfectly aware of how smooth and awesome I was being and leaned into me. Everything was going great.
Until Pinkie chose that exact moment to appear out of the tree above us.
"Hiya!" She beamed a comically large grin.
"Hi there Pinkie, how have you been doing?" After a few days of her literally appearing out of thin air, ya kinda get used to it.
"Oh I'm doing just great!" She hopped down out of the tree, brushing a few leaves out of her mane casually. She drawled, "So... how did your date go last night?"
Annabeth and I exchanged a cautious glance. It was unusual for Pinkie to be so laid back about such matters. Annabeth answered, "It went quite well, thank you for asking."
Pinkie nodded sagely and rubbed her chin for a moment before continuing, "Well then, did you two smooch?"
It was all I could do to keep from bursting out laughing the moment she said "smooch." Who even uses that word anyway? Annabeth on the other hand turned a shade of red that would have made Big Mac jealous. "Wh-what?!? Pinkie! I- I-"
Rarity intervened, "Pinkie Pie! A lady does not kiss and tell!"
"Oooooooohhh..." the pink pony pondered this problem. Then she turned to me. "So Isaac, you're not a lady so YOU can tell me!" Pinkie sat there, a grin so wide it almost split her face. You gotta admit though, that is a pretty clever way around that line of logic.
I had to come up with a distraction quickly. Not because I couldn't answer the question, but because I didn't want to embarrass Annabeth (and no, I'm not telling you what happened). so, I did what you would have done in that situation, I used DISTRACTION. "What do you mean I'm not a lady!?" I put my hands on my hips, "Do I not have that 'hourglass' figure? Am I not pretty enough for you?"
Now the shocked expressions that were watching us earlier were all snickers and grins. Mission accomplished... or so I thought. Pinkie chuckled and replied, "Silly Isaac, a man can't be pretty." She wagged her hoof at me in a disapproving manner.
I fell to my knees and raised my fists heavenward, "Where is it written that a man can't be pretty?!?" At this everyone except for Pinkie was nearing tears from our antics. Even Annabeth was having a hard time breathing.
In response to my question, Pinkie pulled a book labeled "Da Rulz" out of her mane. "It's right here! See?" she said, flipping to a seemingly random page.
Wary of anything that Pinkie had pulled out of her mane, I slowly leaned forward to examine the book. Upon reading the line she was pointing at, it clearly stated, "Rule #3918 A Man cannot be pretty." I fell back to my spot next to Annabeth, confused at how my distraction had led to such an earth shattering discovery. I can never be pretty... Meh, what do I care? I'll just be sexy instead.
Twilight took this moment to speak up, "Pinkie, where did you get that book? I've never seen or heard of it before."
The pink mare in question shoved the tome back into the depths of her voluminous mane and explained, "Oh, it isn't mine. I'm just borrowing it from a couple of fairy friends of mine."
At that very moment, a boastful voice rang out, "Come one! Come all! Come and watch the Great and Powerful Trixie as she defeats the pitiful Twilight Sparkle and her insignificant friends!" The azure pony came trotting out to the middle of the road leading past the park. Numerous ponies pointed and whispered at her arrival.
Yep, that's right. Such an overused cliche actually happened while I was there. I literally facepalmed when I heard her voice. I have nothing against Trixie, I mean she is just a blowhard. She doesn't really do anything horrible to anyone, she just is irritating. Now GILDA on the other hand...
"Yeah! You dweebs are going to get it! Even you Rainbow Crash!" A Griffon alighted next to the blue show-pony. She tugged at the feathers that acted as her "hair," trying to look cool. Fluttershy cowered down behind Rainbow Dash at Gilda's arrival.
Now, I'm normally a very reasonable person, it takes a lot to make me mad, ya know? This being said, as soon as I saw Gilda, I stood up and if it weren't for Annabeth holding on to my arm, I would have walked right up to Gilda and ripped her a new one. I'm sorry, but you DO NOT MAKE FLUTTERSHY CRY.
“OI!” I yelled at Gilda, “Yeah! You! The stupid turkey without a brain!”
“Whadda ya want, you freak?”
“What I want,” I started, suddenly serious, “is for you to really consider your next actions. Do you really want to just start throwing threats and insults around?”
Meanwhile, a ‘hooded figure’ watches from high atop Town Hall.
“Oh yeah? Well, consider this!” With that, she proved that a Griffon’s claws are capable of some surprisingly familiar rude gestures.
I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something distinctly... off about this entire encounter. Something about the look in their eyes. I’ve seen that look before... and I never thought I would see it here, of all places. Intention to do harm.
As if to confirm my fears, the two were suddenly joined by three monsters whom I definitely did not recognise from the show. One was a hulking minotaur, similar in appearance to Iron Will, but since he lacked the microphone, he was clearly a different guy. That and his color was slightly off. Another was a Diamond Dog, and didn’t seem altogether impressive. The effect of his tough-guy expression was ruined slightly by his poodle-like afro. The third was a small lizard-like creature, and I had to hold back a snicker as I put a name to its features... was that seriously a Kobold?
“Trixie, for one, is looking quite forward to this coming engagement. Imagine - Twilight Sparkle, laid low by the Great and Powerful Trixie! I can practically taste the fanfare!”
“Trixie, I don’t want to fight you!” There was an edge of panic in her voice. I couldn’t tell if she was afraid to fight the showmare, or afraid that she might have to fight her.
“Well, Trixie wants to fight you, Sparkle. And once you are defeated, there will be no doubt just who is the most powerful magician in Equestria! Mua ha ha ha ha!” Trixie kicked her forelegs into the air as she laughed her villainous laugh, and fireworks exploded behind her for effect. Even Gilda had to face-claw at the cheesy display.
“Now, Ah don’t reckon we need no scuffle to prove anythin’.”
“I agree!” Rarity sounded downright scandalised. “Why, fighting is so uncouth! Can’t we settle this like civilised ponies?”
“Who ‘ya callin a pony, fru fru?”
“Oh, you know what I mean. How about over some tea?”
It was a reasonable suggestion. I myself wasn’t particularly keen on fighting them, but Fang Hua and Alkaios wouldn’t likely have those same qualms. In fact, I could see that both were raring for a fight. This could get ugly.
“That is not an option.” The gruff voice of the minotaur caught our collective attentions, proving that a peaceful solution was likely out of reach. Rarity frowned at being brushed away, though I could see determination in her eyes. If it came to a fight, I knew she would hold her own. I wasn’t sure if I could say the same for Fluttershy, however, who was trying to make herself invisible behind Alkaios.
“Let’s see what you’re made of. Glib Glib, attack the skinny one.”
“Glib Glib? Who...” My question was answered before I even asked as the Kobold, armed with a small dagger, charged towards me. Well... they wanted to see what I could do, right? With slight amusement, I wondered if Equestrian kobolds were still only one-third challenge rating.
My foot connected with the tiny creatures dagger hand with a snap kick, sending the weapon flying into the air. His eyes widened in surprise as my foot reared back and shot forward once more, this time into his face. His gaze followed the dagger as it soared skyward, but he should have been watching my other foot as it slammed into his chest, throwing him back into a nearby tree. I’m pretty sure I saw some literal spirals in his eyes, but I could be wrong.
I turned my attention to my friends to see if they needed any help.
Fang Hua and Alkaios reacted immediately, their warriors’ instincts taking control as soon as combat was initiated. Fang’s target was the Diamond Dog, and with reflexes that made even me slightly jealous, she ducked beneath the swing of his claws and delivered a painful looking kick to his ribs. Alkaios, meanwhile, met the minotaur head on (not literally. Those things have horns).
I quickly learned a few things about my new friends. For one, Fang Hua is REALLY flexible. I mean, the kind of flexible that is so crazy it is really close to the point of disgusting, but not quite there. I wonder if she can teach Annabeth how to... ANYWAY! Alkaios. That guy. That guy is so freakishly strong. Do you know what he did to the minotaur? He suplexed it. Yeah. Alkaios, the Spartan, literally lifted this massive minotaur up over his head and slammed him into the ground. ONE HIT KO.
*deep breath*
OK, I think I’m done freaking out over those two.
So then, as for the Mane 6 - well, to be honest, I didn’t really see what was going on. What? I was kind of distracted, after all. I mean, I actually got to watch a legit Spartan soldier tussle with a freaking minotaur. Admit it... that's where you would be looking, too. Whatever the case may be... well, this part of the fight didn’t really last very long.
Things were going well for us, as far as I could tell. Neither the minotaur nor the diamond dogs lasted very long against their respective opponents, and I knew the Mane 6 would be more then able to hold their own.
Naturally, someone would have to come along and remind us that we’re not as big and bad as we’d like to think. The mysterious figure leapt from the Town Hall, landing in the center of the group with a shockwave which stunned nearly everyone (and everypony) present. It was that moment that I realized that we might be in serious danger.
Alkaios recovered first. With a battle cry worthy of a true Greek warrior, he charged, aiming a powerful roundhouse at the newcomer. His opponent blocked the blow, returning with several quick jabs of his own to weak points in Alkaios’s armor. Each hit was accompanied by what looked like a small static burst. Alkaios is a powerful fighter, but even his famed Spartan toughness was no match for the electric assault, and it was only a matter of time before he went down.
Next was Fang Hua. She fared slightly better, actually landing a few hits of her own, while dodging most of the charged punches and kicks her attacker sent her way. However, Fang’s fighting style relied on speed and quickness rather than stamina, and each successful hit took its toll on her. Soon, she was down as well, as the stranger turned his attention to me.
It was at that moment that Annabeth struck, having approached silently to attack once the stranger’s attention was elsewhere. I had to hand it to her... her covert training was something to behold as she delivered what should have been a debilitating blow to the side of his neck, following that up with a jab to the kidney. A lesser opponent would have gone down from an assault like that, but that was not the case here. Clearly pained, the stranger nevertheless turned sharply, gripping her arm and landing an electric blow directly into her gut.
Remember when I said I was a hard guy to move to anger? Well, guess what. That, right there. That really pissed me off.
On our first day here in Equestria, the four of us made a promise to the Princesses to avoid lethal force at all costs, and I’m nothing if not a man of my word. As angry as I was (and believe me, I was angry) I was not about to break that promise unless I absolutely had to.
The cloaked figure didn’t even wait for Annabeth to hit the ground before he charged towards me. In one quick movement, I drew the service pistol still holstered at my hip, firing a single round into his foot. This shot had precisely the desired effect, as my opponents charge was broken and he fell flat on his face. Content with my momentary victory, I re-holstered my weapon, and made a charge of my own.
This guy was a skilled fighter, there was no doubt about that. He recovered quickly, meeting my charge with a defensive stance as I launched into an attack. After seeing him fight, I knew that his primary asset in this fight would be his electrically charged attacks, which would debilitate a foe quickly. So, if I were to press the attack, and refuse to let him make an attack of his own, I should be able to at least wear him down a bit.
We fought this way for a while, with me throwing attack after attack, which he either dodged or blocked. Every now and again, I would land a glancing blow, but it would be absorbed by some kind of futuristic carapace armour which he wore under his cloak; possibly explaining the electric nature of his kicks and punches. Still, for a while, this seemed to be working.
Suddenly, he broke my assault with a surprise uppercut, which I only narrowly avoided. Unfortunately, this small gap in my attacks was all he needed to press the advantage, and soon it was me who was on the defensive. Knowing that it wouldn’t take many hits to bring me down, I focused my energy on dodging rather than blocking.
As the fight went on, I wasn’t even aware of the ponies who were no doubt watching us with rapt attention. All of my mind was focused on this man who had hurt Annabell. Even as I felt the fatigue settling in, my anger allowed me to fight on. Thankfully, I could see that this prolonged engagement was having a similar effect on my adversary, if his increasingly sluggish attacks were any indication. Still, all this dodging around was starting to take its toll, and I was worried that it would be over soon.
As the battle raged on, we were slowly growing more and more fatigued, so we both jumped back after a few more punches were thrown. We were taking a moment to catch our breath, so everyone and everypony else took the time to gather around to watch the final blow, to see the final victor, the survivor of the battle to end all ages. We rushed at each other, and...
... embraced each other in a spine-cracking bear hug.
I’ll admit, Nathaniel, that was one heck of a hug.
There was stunned silence all around as the two of us held onto each other, tears streaming down our faces. Slowly, step by step, they approached, forming a circle of shocked humans and ponies around us. After a long moment, it was actually Rainbow Dash who finally broke the silence:
“What.”
I couldn’t believe my eyes! It was you... it was really you!
“Nathanial, how...”
“Wait, Isaac, there’s no time! Get back! Everyone, get back!”
Of course, you didn’t finish that sentence in the park near city hall. Your warning came too late. There was that flash of light, and now, all of us, me, you, my human friends, and the Mane 6, are all here.
So, now that we’ve gotten all of that out of the way, Nathaniel, do you mind telling me where, exactly, here is?
Author’s Note:
Well, that’s it then. I am actually gone. I am sorry that I was not able to finish this story before I left, but I will not allow the story to die due to my absence. A few of my very close friends and fellow writers here on fimfiction have “volunteered” to help finish the story, and by “volunteered” I mean “been forced into.” 
I kid, I kid, they really did practically volunteer. Now, even though I am gone, the story will progress along the original storyline. I have spoken at length with all of my friends who will be working on this and they all understand my vision for this story.
Now I’m sorry for this ridiculously long author’s note, but I do want to say a few final things. First off, thank all of you who commissioned me for artwork. Thanks to you I was able to make it to TrotCon and had an AMAZING time. I’m sorry to those of you who ended up not getting a picture either due to time constraints or other issues.
For those of you who are a little lost, I will be spending the next two years of my life in Los Angeles, California teaching those who are interested about my religion, which is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I will not have internet access throughout this time, but I will be able to send and receive letters and emails (emails are only from my immediate family though). If you don’t really want to take the time to write an actual letter to me, pop on over to eldernoe.tumblr.com and send a question or comment to me. My parents will be maintaining the blog and will send me weekly updates about anything y’all have to say. I will also be posting pictures and stories about my mission there (by proxy of course) every now and again, so feel free to check in whenever you feel like it!
As a final note from me, I just want to say Thank You. All of you have been a great source of self-confidence and the real driving force behind this story. I still can hardly believe that this story has amassed over 1300 faves despite the fact I haven’t updated in over two months! (sorry about that BTW) I hope that my friends will do a good job with this story, and I know that they will appreciate any feedback that you guys can give. I hope you all have wonderful lives and I wish you the best in all that you do. If you’re ever in LA, send me a message ahead of time via Tumblr and I’ll try to hit ya up!
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