Our meeting went as such:
Rainbow rattled off numbers and estimations, something about how if this happened again the town would be a lot less prepared…
Applejack gave us all a rough outline of the buildings that needed reconstruction as well as cost, only to be reminded that I was quite possibly the richest being in existence.
Twilight had several appraisals taken care of…apparently I am severely over armed (if there even is such a thing), and I learned the names of some of my more mysterious acquisitions (Hel~lo Ultra Guardian Scythe).
Fluttershy had hospital documentation, as well as several letters of admiration from those she saved during her...berserker’s rage (Heh, her blush was just too cute).
Finally, Pinkie and I discussed that we'd be reforging the Frozen Dragon Buster into the French Vanilla Ice Katana, but...
As it turns out, as evidenced by an I.O.U FOR the weapon in question, that when Disco Q stole that God forsaken egg...he took my God damn FDB.
“Seriously!! Why!?” I shout at the top of my lungs. Today was swell.
“Look, ain’t all bad. We're all still breathin’ right?” Applejack said in a calm and collected tone.
“True...but how many weapons exist that can carve through me like rice paper?” I say in retort.
“According to Cy’s approximations...one hundred and twenty seven.” Rainbow stated. She proceeded to shrink at my incredibly disapproving gaze. “I mean...you know he'll never hurt you right?”
“Twilight! Please tell me we still have ice!”
“We have at the least five and a half pounds of ice. It should be more than enough to make your...what did you call it?” Twilight said as she tapped a floating notebook with a quill.
“The French Vanilla Ice Katana. Pinkie’s gonna help me forge it.”
“Oh it's really quite a shame I can't make anything to go along with it. You would look absolutely marvelous in a celeste and snow white ensemble,” Rarity said as she gave my body more measurements. “We'd have to do something about all of this fur of course. It seems rather unsanitary.”
“Lay off the werewolf fur, it keeps me warm.” With a sigh, I take a moment to massage my temples and realize I was late for a very important date. “Meeting adjourned, we’ll pick up again later!”
And with that, the group had dispersed.
-Ponyville Spa-
“OHDEARGODTHISISDIVINE~” I blurt out in a sing-song tone as I delve deeper in to the warm pool of enriched bath soak. “Thanks again to agreeing to this spa day Fluttershy, I feel like we haven't spoken all that much.”
Next to me in the pool was Fluttershy, eyes closed in pure bliss.
“I'm glad I agreed...This whole mess with the Dragon Lands has been so stressful I could just scream.” And she did. Kinda. It was an adorable attempt. More akin to a baby puma’s roar.
I was relaxed for once. The twins finally had me to themselves as they worked my body but made damn sure not to hurt my body. That Lotus has quite the grip. It felt like for once I could finally sit back...relax...and-
“Sir Azure? What a pleasant surprise!”
‘Shit was that Rarity?’ I look up aaaand yep. Definitely Rarity. I put on a fake-ish smile as Fluttershy slowly and silently hid within the waters.
“Oh hey!” I say with a smile. “What brings you down to the spa?”
“Well I was hoping on getting my hooves done, my pores cleaned, and my knots eased. What about you?” She asks, completely oblivious of the bubbling surface of the pool of soak.
“Oh you know...finally getting some work done on my body. The twins really know how to treat their patrons.” The bubbles became frantic and I started to worry as they started to stop. “Well, I shouldn't keep you. Enjoy yourself beautiful!”
A mad blush appeared on her face as she sputtered incoherently and abruptly teleported away.
Once the coast was clear, Fluttershy burst through the water in a coughing fit, now currently in her new human demon form.
“It *GASP* I couldn't *COUGH*COUGH* Increasingly difficult to breathe. Is she gone?” Illyrishy asked.
“Yep, what's got you so worked up?”
“I-It's nothing…” She hides herself in the water part way in embarrassment.
“Buuuuuut…”
“Um...promise not to tell her?” She asks with a pleading look.
“Photo Finish?”
Fluttershy’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise and worry. “H-how did-!?”
“Watcher,” I casually say.
“Of course...you've nearly memorized the entirety of our lives...both of our lives.” Shy held a hand to her chest as she became rather crestfallen and somber.
“Who's talking right now? Fluttershy or Illyria?” I ask.
“I suppose at the moment I am more Illyria than Fluttershy...but even as I am I feel her will upon me. Strange...she is mortal and yet…” I put my finger on her lip and motion for her to go back in to the soak.
Obnoxious yelling echoed through the walls as Fluttershy once again began to drown herself.
“FIND THAT TARTARUS FORSAKEN PONY! NOW YOU DUNG HEADED WORK HORSES!”
One “Captain Golden Hilt” of the royal guard began to tear through the halls of the spa. I reached down to fish Fluttershy out of the pool and managed to find the fur of her coat.
She coughed as she gasped for air and flailed her hooves in hopes of finding stable ground.
“I'm gonna have to cut this short Shy, but don't you think this is over. You tell Rarity how you feel because that is what friends do,” I say as I lift myself out of the soak and shake the water off my soggy fur...much like how a dog would. “Oh and Illyria, you keep her to it.”
Her eyes flashed a darker hue, before she hid behind her mane.
Guards littered the spa halls as I did my absolute damndest to escape without being seen.
“Psst, zis vay.” I heard an incredibly enticing voice whisper from around a corner.
“Oh I know that voice from anywhere!” I dipped in and was immediately thrown into a false wall.
Looking up from my current jumbled position on the floor, I saw sir biceps, (more than likely the one who pulled me in), the sensual twins Aloe and Lotus (I recognize Aloe’s voice from anywhere, Heaven in a green glass cup she is) and another of the spa hooves (whom I know nothing of). Though come to think of it, I think he had a chat with big L before he left.
The twins gave me this sad “come hither” stare, like they wanted to do their job and spend time with me, but also knew that it was neither time nor place for a massage.
Bulk, in his bulkiness, gave a silent “yeaaah” as another false wall was pushed away to reveal a tunnel out of the spa.
“Sir, if you could? Time is kind of “of the essence”, so to speak,” Mr. Mysterious stallion of Mysteriousness stated as he made his way through the tunnel. “Please follow me.”
“On it.”
Twists and turns, climbs and descents, forks and bends...our journey seemed rather unnecessary and meaningless.
“What is with the labyrinthine detour? Just what IS all this?” I asked as I tried to take my mind off the silent trudge.
“Has no pony told you sir? These are the Ponyville catacombs. They were built…” The off white, blonde unicorn bobbed his head back and forth for a bit.
“Give or take eight hundred years back. They just about cover the entirety of the town. We’ll be heading to town hall from here-and watch your head.”
My forehead got conked by a low hanging bar, groaning with a bit of irritation, I caught back up with my guide.
“Oh hey...Scales right? I'm sorry, you're rather new to me.” I say apologetically.
“I'm glad you remember sir, it was an honor seeking council from an outworlder.” He pressed a switch upon a false wall, opening a path straight into Town hall’s catacombs.
“Take your time sir.” With a bow, Heavy Scales walked backwards into the labyrinth.
I began to walk idly through the well kept underground library, my hand idly snagging a loose tome.
“Earthlings and You: A comprehensive guide to...Cuddling?” I flipped to about halfway through the thick piece.
“Ahem, now that we have covered the various exercises you can use to better acclimate to the fact that you'll be soon snuggling with a tame and cultured predatory beast, we will now be reviewing the basic epidermal needs of your new human cuddle buddy.”
I closed the book. Took a step back, and opened the cover. “Okay, who the Hell wrote this boo- “Lifeline, Felt”.”
Felt Lifeline? I think I remember that name...He certainly had a lot of questions about humanity. Specially regarding the various mating rituals.
“What else is there…” I picked up another random, one “Punching Made Easy: An Equestrian’s guide to Human Pugilism”? Okay, I definitely remember when this one was made!”
“Chapter one: A history. Since time immemorial (or so the only human in existence says so) mankind has been wacking each other in the face with various objects for a number of inane and absolutely foalish reasons.
Supremacy, Pride, Nourishment...no one reason more insane than that which they call “Sport”.”
The rest of the chapter went on to mention how barbaric and uncouth the Roman’s were for their views on gladiatorial combat, to the creation of “The Ring” and how disrespectful it was for having turned once beautiful dances into a brutish show of force.
The following chapters were detailed breakdowns of the various stances a human fist fighter could ever take whenever the need arose, followed by a step by step human to pony restyle.
“Huh, you know, for not being connected to the net, the Omni-Systems did have quite a lot on Earth’s history.”
I walked along the aisle, idly viewing book after book. Most dealt with human history, but some had to do with me…
“The Hero: The Birth of an Idea.”
“Forward: The following is a history, a sad and tired tale of how an alien from another planet sought to change the rule of law that governed a “peoples” not his own.
“It is here you will learn how “childish” and foolhardy such an endeavor truly was and still is. For as I scrawl upon this piece of hide, I must admit that it is these very acts of madness and stupidity that keep me alive.
“The Princess has betrayed us, our “Royals” have failed us, and our divine “goddess” has abandoned us. Yet this overgrown, idiotic, and self conscious wet rag smelling mutt did all he could to make us believe that our lives could and should be better.”
Your “Neigh” Sayer
I had to close the book as the page had begun to mysteriously create wet spots. I wiped a bit of dirt off my eyes as I pocketed the book for further research.
“I hope she's alright, I hope they're all alright…” In fact...I was starting to contemplate suicide, just to get back there. I couldn't really think more on it as the entrance to the archives was activated and opened.
“Hero? Are you down here!? Oh!” Hurried steps clambered down stone steps as the familiar lens glare of Mayor Mare shined with light.
“There you are! I was starting to think you may have gotten lost in all this.” She beamed me a smile which I returned wholeheartedly.
“There are a lot of books here, I'm surprised they're all in such wonderful condition.”
The mayor picked out a random scroll and blew off the dust it had accumulated. “Not good enough, though now that a skilled mage AND bookkeeper is finally in town, we may be able to preserve the more delicate articles.”
I blinked a bit, wondering how Twilight got through to the mayor. “I’m surprised you’re letting Twilight down here to sort your books.”
Mayor Mare’s eyes widened… until she fell down in peals of laughter. Gathering her bearings, she dusted off the random dirt that had gathered on her. “Hah… no. I still don’t fully trust her. No, I mean a certified Loremaster under the Pactagonal knights has applied for the position.”
Oh right… the Pactagonals… “Don’t they work for Celestia?” I asked, as me and the mayor made our way out.
“Haven’t you heard? They quit! Oh this is so grand, the Pactagonal Knights have been allies of Ponyville for two solid decades, and now they’re going to build a guardian tower here!”
That was something to ponder, a guardian tower in Ponyville proper... I would have pondered further, but my pendant was going nuts.
Clic~ “Master you need to go home now! One of your changelings just suffered a terrible epileptic episode!” Twilight called out as the line went cold.
“That’s not good… mayor, let’s catch up later yeah? I gotta jet.” I took to the shadows and begun my hurried trek.
-Home-
“GREAT FIRE CONSUMES US! ALL WITHERS BEFORE HER! THE GREAT FIRE IT COMES!!”
The chronicler amongst the changelings was thrashing and writhing something fierce the moment I burst through the door, elemental scars of fire ran along her body and no one knew how to help her.
“NAYRU!” I shouted as I rather haphazardly summoned a wave of paper thin screens of blue to wash over the chronicler. Her scars had frozen over and closed, her pained and frightful gaze softened as she rode the wave of icy love.
“What just happened? What the fuck just happened!?” I shouted at the changelings in the room.
“Our queen has risen from the depths of Hades… she brings ageless fire to sear the world in her image…” One one of the maids whispered, fear written all over her face.
The Changelings thusly gathered around the Chronicler, aiding her as she stood shakily to attention.
“My master… our queen has been corrupted… hatred engulfs her like a flame engulfs a forest.”
The Chronicler attempted to call upon her magic, only to stumble and fall from fatigue. I knelt by her side and cupped her chin with my hands.
“Shh… take it slow… show me the world through your eyes.” I closed my eyes as our lips met. Opening them to a world engulfed in volcanic fury. At the top of a mountain stood Chrysalis, but she had changed.
Long gone was the blackened and green accented carapace of the Changeling Queen, replaced by a body of crimson and gold with eyes of an unending torrential flame.
Wicked pincers grew from her back, a wave of fire flew along her scalp, and flanked was she by an army of fire corrupted Changeling foot soldiers.
All had the same new features, and each and everyone had gone completely bonkers.
Mt eyes blinked once more, I was back in the comfort of my own home, lying on the ground and the Chronicler passionately making love to my face.
I tapped her neck and she finally let go, a pink stream of energy connecting our open mouths.
“You could have told me you were hungry.” I said a little absentmindedly.
“My master, I did not wish to impose.” She replied.
Chuckling, I opened my mouth again, each Changeling now gathering a bit of sustenance for themselves as well.
Once I finished their feeding, I got to my feet and made for the door.
“Veral!” I called. “I'm gonna be at Pinkie’s, keep everyone here safe!”