//------------------------------// // Introduction to Evil 101: P is for Planning // Story: Letters from an Irritated Princess // by Tired Old Man //------------------------------// Sitting in a mostly empty classroom behind a large oaken desk, a blazing monstrosity of white-hot color addressed her attending audience with authority, intensity, and a little bit of bubbly cheer. “Alright, everypony! Sit down and listen carefully as I go over Operation: Ice Scream! Before I begin, does anypony have any questions?” Moony quickly raised her hoof. “Yes, you in the front! What’s your name?” Moony blinked, and quickly looked around the classroom for a moment, wondering if there was anypony else Sunny saw that she didn’t. But no one else was there. “Hi, uh, I’m Nightmare Moony. Why, exactly, are you doing a chalkboard presentation to explain the plan to your… lone co-conspirator?” “Because all plans need elaborating, little sister! Be it to enemies, friends, frenemies, or enemends, all shall be revealed in due time!” Sunny turned her head toward a wall-mounted clock before continuing, “Which in this case is probably three or four minutes.” Moony narrowed her eyes, skepticism rolling off the tongue as she pressed, “Can I ask for the real reason, Sunny?” Without the slightest bit of hesitation, Sunny answered, “We’re almost out of chalk and I want to use the last of it so biggest sis can buy more for us later!” After a moment of consideration, Moony nodded. “I am satisfied. Please proceed!” “Today, the plan is simple.” Sunny lifted a yardstick with red-hot magic that instantly lit it on fire. Pointing the flaming stick that would burn away its inches, she began, “Today, we will steal ice cream from Sorbet & Sherbet’s Ice Cream stand! We will complete this task in three phases that I’m told will guarantee success! “Step one: Approach the vendor discreetly! If there is a line, we approach in the line.” Moony raised her hoof again. “What if we cut in line?” “Then we’ll be out of line! We don’t want that as it will ruin the discreetness!” Instead of lowering at the answer, the hoof stayed upward. “What if we just cut the ponies in the line in half, with a sickle or a machete?” “Then we’re just out—period—because there is no line! Also, that’s double discreet ruination! No cutting lines or ponies!” “Fiiine… killjoy,” Moony replied, the last word muttered under her breath as she finally lowered her hoof, now pressing it against her chin. Sunny pointed her two-foot stick toward the chalkboard. “Step two: Ask for ice cream politely!” Once more, a hoof shot up in the air. However, it was not Moony, but Sunny who raised hers. “Before you ask, I will! ‘Why are we being so polite when we’re committing theft?’” Moony wore a bewildered expression that was half-perplexed, half-amazed, and slightly askew. “I… wasn’t going to ask anything. I figured it was part of your insistence on being discreet.” “Wrong!” Sunny boomed, launching the desk she sat behind over Moony and crashing into many other desks, turning the once-orderly classroom into a chair and desk massacre. Her eyes flared with such intense heat they scorched two spots on the wall an eye-width apart behind Moony’s head. However, the heat faded as quickly as Sunny’s volume as she said, “This time, the reason is because politeness lowers defenses and gets ponies to do things that they wouldn’t do if they were asked rudely!” Moony brought a hoof to her chin. “That makes sense… but aren’t we going to be rude once we actually steal the ice cream?” Sunny pointed a hoof at Moony and opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came. She held that position as her eyes unfocused, seemingly deep in… something. Paralysis? Sleep? No, no, it has to be the improbable—nay, the most inconceivable thing imaginable: thought. After a moment that lasted an eternity and a whole minute, Sunny came back to reality with an answer: “That will be then, and this is now!” Moony considered the response in significantly less time before nodding in agreement. “This is true! Very well, what is the last step?” Affirmed by Moony, Sunny returned to the chalkboard to point the scorched footlong ruler at her final point. “Step three: When it’s offered, snatch it and run away screaming!” “Screaming? Why screaming?” “Because screaming is mandatory for any ice cream-related activities. Eating, sharing, dropping, crying, brain freezing, and now stealing! It will be the perfect escape plan! Probably!” For much of the presentation, Moony sat at her desk content with asking questions and giving quizzical reactions. However, at this juncture of the presentation, she stood up from her desk and approached Sunny. “...Sister, I have but one important question I need to ask for this escape plan.” Leaning forward and sporting a devilish smile, Moony asked, “Are we screaming at maximum volume?” Sunny mirrored her sister’s wide and wicked grin. “The voice knows only one volume: deafening!” Moony rose out of her chair, giddy and ecstatic! “I love this plan!” “Me too!” Sunny concurred, pronking in place and bounding with energy! Soon, very soon, the ice cream would be hers for the taking! Okay, some for her sister too. But mostly hers!