Chapter 4: Breakfast
Sunlight streamed through a crack in the curtains and landed directly in my eyes.
“Nngh, sun go away,” I mumbled, “I don’t want to face the day yet.”
The sun refused my desperate attempts for more sleep and presently burned in my eyes.
“Fine, I’ll get up, you ungrateful bitch.”
It dawned on me that has more meaning now.
“Hmm, I should be more careful on what I say,” I laughed, “Who am I kidding? I don’t give a fuck what other people, err, ponies, think of me.”
I threw off the blankets and got out of bed. I cracked my neck and looked around. The remains of my fort were still on the floor, as well as the empty bowls from my dinner yesterday. I went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror.
“I need a shower, but I have no clean clothes. Guess I’ll just wash my face.”
I filled the sink up with warm water and took off my shirt. I stuck my head in the sink and tried to scrub my face clean and meet with limited success. I looked around for a wash cloth and found some underneath the sink. I noticed the piping was similar to Earth’s, except everything seemed a lot higher quality.
“Well, I am in the royal castle.”
I scrubbed my face with the wash cloth and dried off. I put my shirt back on. I walked out of the bathroom and stretched a little more. My stomach grumbling told me it was time to get breakfast. I opened the door to the hallway when an ostrich ran past. It took me several seconds to fully process that. Several guards ran past, no doubt chasing after the rogue ostrich.
“One of Luna’s pets I assume?” I asked the guards.
“Yes, but it is far from the most unusual thing to escape. Or the dangerous,” one of the guards said.
“Shouldn’t she have some type of system to prevent animals from getting out?” I asked.
“She does, but sometimes she lets them out to play and forgets to put them back,” the other guard answered.
Celestia came walking down the hallway from the same the direction the ostrich came.
“Ah, Anthony, you’re awake,” she said, “From what you said earlier, I thought you weren’t getting up.”
My eyes widened. She heard me?
“Don’t worry, I only heard you because I was the one causing the sun to shine in your eyes. The window in your room is a few degrees off for the morning sun to shine in your room.”
I scowled.
“It was all in good fun,” she said, “And did you happen to see the ostrich run by?”
“Why, were you the one that set it loose?” I asked.
“No, I saw it running around earlier. I was just curious as to where it went.”
I nodded.
“Is there an actual reason as to why you’re here?”
One of the guards hit me in the crotch and I fell to my knees.
“What the hell was that for?” I said in a noticeably higher voice.
“You do not talk to the Princess like that.”
“Fuck you.”
I groaned and held my crotch.
“Oh, my balls.”
“I thought I told Shining Armor to order you to not harm my guest,” Celestia said.
“With all due respect Princess, I can’t stand to watch anypony talk inappropriately to you,” said the guard that crushed my family jewels.
“You didn’t have to kick my manhood,” I said, voice returning to normal, “Well, I never really wanted kids anyway.”
“Serves you right for disrespecting the Princess.”
“Cocksucker,” I said under my breath.
“If you are done antagonizing my guards, I would like to ask you to join me for breakfast,” Celestia said.
“Yeah, I think I’m done,” I said, carefully standing up.
“Follow me then,” she said before taking off down the hall.
I followed her and the two guards outside my room came with me.
“How did you sleep?” Celestia asked.
It took me a moment to realize Celestia was talking to me.
“It was good. The cloud mattress was interesting,” I said.
“Yes, most of the guest rooms use them so we don’t need to constantly change the mattresses. Guests have become flustered when they don’t get a good night-“ she was interrupted by the ostrich running past.
“Normally, I would say there’s some weird shit going on when I see an ostrich run by,” I said, “but I have a feeling that this isn’t the most unusual morning you’ve had around here.”
“No, it’s not,” Celestia said with a sigh.
We reached the dining hall to find a large table covered in food. My mouth watered at the smell of all the deliciousness.
“I see you’re hungry,” Celestia said.
“Yes,” I said, practically drooling.
“Well, do sit down,” she said, pulling out a chair.
I sat down and waited for her to sit as well.
“You have good manners, I see,” she pointed out.
“Only until I get the food,” I responded.
“Well, by all means, dig in.”
“Thank you.”
I began by piling some pancakes on my plate, followed by scrambled eggs, biscuits, and-
“Aww man, I forgot, no bacon,” I moaned.
“Don’t worry, I knew your kind were omnivores so I had the kitchen prepare some meat for you,” Celestia said, motioning for some servants to get the meat.
“Why do you have meat on hand?” I asked, “I thought you were all vegetarians.”
“We are, but the castle caters to guests from all over the world, from griffons to dragons. And Luna has several carnivores in her menagerie, so it’s good to have a supply of meat,” Celestia rubbed her temples, something she was doing a lot, “Thank the cosmos none of them have gotten out.”
“Okay,” I said, stuffing my face with pancake.
Soon, a servant came over levitating a tray filled with sausage, chicken, and BACON! As soon as the tray was set down, the bacon appeared on my plate and I began wolfing it down.
“I take it you like bacon?” Celestia said.
I gave Celestia a look that said, “Touch my bacon, and I will fucking kill you.” She smiled deviously and levitated a piece of bacon over to her. I stared in disbelief as she opened her mouth and put the bacon inside. My jaw dropped, half eaten bacon falling out, when she started chewing and finally swallowed it.
“Wha-wha-wha-“ I shook my head, “I thought you said you were vegetarian?!”
“I am,” she said, “but I’m also a goddess.”
“You know what, I don’t care what you eat,” I said, returning to my food, “As long as it isn’t human.”
“What about pony?”
I almost chocked at that question.
“Please don’t be serious,” I begged.
She began laughing.
“Oh, your reactions are so priceless,” she said in between chuckles, “No, I’ve never eaten pony, though I have heard that it isn’t that good.”
I rolled my eyes and continued eating. After we finished eating, the servants cleared off the table and I started talking to Celestia about me making arrangements back home.
“I never go out anywhere,” I was telling her, “My parents will be looking for me, thinking I’ve been kidnapped or laying in some ditch dying. They need to know I’m still alive. And I also want to get some personal affects.”
“I hope nothing dangerous,” Celestia said.
“Just some clothes, maybe a few electronics.”
“While I don’t disagree with you on telling your family about your whereabouts, I don’t think you will have the time.”
“What do you mean; Luna said the spell would last for two weeks.”
“On a pony,” Celestia said with a hint a sadness, “For you, the longest we can guarantee is 2 days, and even then we aren’t sure if it will last that long.”
“So what do we do?” I asked, “I assume you want me to spend as little time there is possible, but what if my family isn’t home. I won’t know how long they’ll be gone and when they do arrive, I may have to leave. How will I explain everything to them?”
“With this.”
Celestia levitated a small, round stone over to me. On top was a small button with a strange rune on it. The rest of the stone was covered in carvings.
“What is it?”
“It’s a recording stone,” Celestia explained, “It will record everything you say and do and can be replayed by pressing the symbol on top.”
I held it up.
“Is that all it can do?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.
“No, it also has a twin that allows you to have face to face communication,” she said, “It will alert you to when the message is being played and when it is finished so you know they are there.”
“Fascinating, but will it work between worlds?”
“It hasn’t failed yet.”
“I’m going to ignore the fact that you know more than you’re telling.”
“Who’s to say I know anything?”
“Good point. Now how do I start recording?” I asked.
“Push the symbol and it will start.”
“Like this?”
I pushed the button and the runes on it started glowing.
“Now put it down and look at it. It will record everything you say and do, including what is happening now.”
“You could have told me that,” I said as I put the stone down.
“Hey mom, hey dad, hey- wait, will they be able to see you,” I asked Celestia.
“Not unless I walk behind you,” she answered.
“Could you not do that, at least not yet?”
“Of course.”
I cleared my throat.
“Where was I? Ah, yes, hey mom, hey dad, hey whoever else is watching this. Um, I don’t know how to say this, but you should probably call off the search you have for me right now. I don’t think you’ll ever find where I am now. This will sound crazy but…”
***
A flash of bright light and I’m kneeling in some grass. Moments before I was in the dining hall in Canterlot Castle, preparing to return home for a short while. I looked around to make sure I was where I wanted to be and to be sure no one saw me. I slipped around to the backside of the house and looked in the garage. No cars were parked in there and the driveway was empty. I went back the way I came, making sure to stay hidden as much as possible, and went to the front side of the house. I crawled onto the porch and to the front door. I tried opening the door only to find out it was locked.
“The one time they lock it,” I said to myself, “but I have a trump card.”
I pulled out a small runestone and held it to the handle. It glowed faintly and the door clicked open. I slipped inside and shut the door. I listened to make sure I was truly alone. Silence, except for the fish tank filter. I went to my room and grabbed a large duffel bag out of the closet. I began stuffing several sets of clothes in. Then I looked around for my laptop and found it sitting where I left it. I put it in my carrying case, along with my tablet and old cell phone. I probably wouldn’t get any service, but I think one purple unicorn and one midnight blue alicorn would love to get their hooves on any technology from this world. I saw my backpack with a solar panel charger on it. I don’t think they have electrical outlets back at the castle, so I took that and put in a few books, just some random ones on astronomy and mythology. I went into my bathroom and grabbed a few toiletries for my stay. I went back in my room and looked around for some random crap to take back. My eyes alighted on my nerf guns. I decided what the hell and threw my Raider in my duffel bag, as well as two large bags of darts and several extended clips. I left the drum behind as it was too big to fit in my bag. I picked up everything and as I was leaving my room, I noticed some of my stuffed animals on my desk. I smiled and picked one of them up. It was a Teddy Grahams chocolate chip bear I got when I was 5.
“Ready for an adventure?” I asked it.
Silence.
“Well too bad Cookie, you’re coming with me.”
I looked over at the foot of my bed.
“Sorry Azure, you’re staying here.”
I put him in my backpack and went into the living room. I looked into the kitchen and saw the plywood board was still on the table. The pile of ash from the burnt changeling was gone, but the scorch mark from Chrysalis trying to fry me was still there. I wrote a quick note that said, “Play me. (Push the button) P.S. This isn’t what it looks like.” An arrow pointed to the plywood. I set the recording stone down and picked up my bags. I went out the back door and onto the patio. I fished out the other runestone Celestia gave me. All I had to do was slam it on the ground and it would teleport me back to the castle. I took one last look around the area by my house.
“See you in two months.”
I slammed the runestone on the patio and closed my eyes. I opened them again and saw the area around my house.
“Piece of crap.”
I picked up the runestone and slammed it down again. It flashed a bright light and I was back in the dining room.
“Finished so soon?” Celestia said, sipping some tea.
“They weren’t there and I had no reason to stay. I grabbed what I wanted and left,” I said.
“Well then, here’s the other recording device,” she said, levitating a stone identical to the one I left behind, “It will glow brightly and hum when the message is being played and will stop when the message is over. Press the symbol on top and it will transmit an image to the other stone and receive an image from that stone as well.”
“Cool, now can you show me to my room? I kinda forgot where it was.”
Celestia shook her head slightly.
“Of course.”