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// Swarm of the Century 
// Story: Unpleasant Correspondence 
// by StormLuna 
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Dear Princess Celestia, 

Here we go again.  I have come to the conclusion that you are nothing short of an attention whore.  I'm not sure how often you demand that this dump hold festivals for you but they are at it again and of course like a pathetic little peon, I have to make sure that it goes on without a hitch.  One thing I will admit though, one of my acquaintances seems to care way too much.

Fluttershy has decided to not only collect flowers for this event but she has decided to take another critter into her home, a bug.  Yep, a stupid bug and that really makes me question her sanity and proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that she is an idiot although I will admit, out of all these acquaintances, she is the one idiot I wouldn't mind initiating into my circle of ponies worthy of being in my presence.  Hey I already did it with the spa twins so why not her too?

I will tell you one thing, the ponies in this town are idiots.  Two little country bumpkins wound up misspelling your name on some banner they made for you.  Oh well, it could have been worse, they could have only put "Welcome Sexy Twil" when I got here.  They aren't the only morons though, the whole damn town and then some share the same pathetic trait.  Even some of my old friends were there and when I tried approaching them about a bootie-call, they said they'd think about it, only think about it! 

One thing I will let you in on, the one with ADHD ate every single cake that was supposed to be for you and me, so now she is on my true shit list, nopony eats my cake and gets away with it!  Yes I will continue to tolerate her presence but if she so much as touches any cake of mine ever again, you'll have to replace her, preferably with one of my old friends. 

Now for the one I suddenly want to screw, she brought a bug into town and now those dumb things are multiplying.  Well that is just dandy now isn't it?  The last thing I need is for you to get pissed off over some stupid bugs and then blame me for the infestation.  I'm thinking I need to invest in some Raid so I can kill the dumb things before they make my life a living hell.

Unfortunately my worst nightmares came true when they not only made my life hell but my other acquaintances and it is all PETA girl's fault.  She brought the damn things into town to start with and now we have a full blown infestation, it is time to round these fucking things up and get them out of here.  Now believe it or not but it worked until Fluttershy kept one, the infestation began again and Pinkie ruined our chances of containing it and suddenly the damn things were eating all the food in town. 

Now I know what a bitch you can be without your cake so I cast a spell to make them eat the buildings instead but as you know, ADHD filly ran them out of town with musical instruments.  I guess those things are just as pathetic as my acquaintances are. 

I would like to know one thing, couldn't you have took Pinkie with you to Fillydelphia, left her there and purge her from my life?  Oh and don't bother writing me back right away, I have some private time at the spa and I do not wish to be disturbed. 

Your Spa Loving Student, 

Twilight Sparkle





To my Spa Loving Student, 

For starters, I told you to invite me next time you were going to get those two in bed so I am not a happy princess right now.  Just like it is with so many other things, I did not raise you to be a greedy little cunt, I raised you to share the wealth with me so you'll have to be punished sometime. 

Now for the bugs, leave it to the animal lover to not only take one in but to create a whole infestation.  One little note though, you aren't little miss innocent, you took one of the damn things into your home too, remember?  In the future, please don't allow bugs into government property.  Just because you live there doesn't mean you own it. 

For the one who ate my cake, warn her that if she ever does it again that I will banish her to the moon when her presence is unnecessary, or even worse, I'll make her move in with you and then you can both suffer.  That would be so much more fun if you ask me!

Regarding this festival though, I am not an attention whore!  You are simply jealous that ponies love and worship me while you are nothing more than a jealous little bitch who wants festivals of your own.  Guess what, proteges don't get huge festivals.  Maybe Aloe and Lotus will throw you a private one in the steam room but that is the most you're going to get because everypony else down there hates you.

Now don't go bitching about Pinkie running those bugs out of town, she did the right thing.  I'll let you in on a little secret, I was going to take Pinkie with me to get rid of that infestation but I decided that you weren't worthy of me depriving you of her presence so I let her stay. 

Now let me know if you get PETA girl in bed, she looks like she would be pretty fun.  The shy and quiet ones always are the best after all. 

Your Sex Deprived Overlord, 

Princess Celestia