The town of Ponyville, while on the fringes of the Everfree Forest, had a reputation for being calm and quiet, basking in the light of its shining neighbour of Canterlot. From afar, one could barely distinguish where the town ended and where the forests and fields around it began. To say it was an idyllic little town would be an understatement, and yet it had given the nation of Equestria so much over the recent years. Above all, however, it was home: a place to feel comfortable and safe.
Twilight Sparkle longed to be there. Canterlot Castle had always been a home to her, make no mistake, but for the moment, looking at her new hometown from the windows was about all she could do to find comfort. The mighty white walls and pristine marble floors under her hoof may as well have been made of ice for all the warmth they gave, enough to make her shiver despite not being cold at all.
A week and some days had passed since Spike returned from his tutelage under the dragon Astrale, and, true to his word, he had remained mum on a wide breadth of subjects and spoke very little when he did peel the veil back. He had never been one to hide things from her, and now that he was… Well, as Rarity would say, everyone is entitled to keep secrets now and then. There was nothing she could do about it, other than try to not dwell on possibilities.
Considering what else was floating around in her mind though, worrying about Spike and his secrets was by far the better option. Why did she ask me to do this? Twilight asked herself for the umpteenth time. I have absolutely zero experience in this field! There are ponies that have been doing this longer than I’ve been alive! So why ask me? It was not normal for her to question her mentor, but in this instance she felt like she had been asked to become a defence lawyer with absolutely no time to study or clue what she was doing.
Twilight put a hoof to her head as the analogy strangely caused her head to ache, as was becoming frighteningly more common over the past few days. She had thought of bringing it up with Princess Celestia, but every time she tried, she got cold hooves. How could she complain about something as minor as some headaches when there was more vital work riding on her back!
The unmistakable sound of hooves upon the marble floor broke into her quiet reverie. Though not uncommon in this lightly-traveled hall, Twilight found herself tensing every time a guard came by on patrol. She had been there so long that she had compiled a mental schedule of the times where a guard should be passing by. It was necessary for her to not instigate a premature panic attack, or so she rationalized, and calm herself down to avoid a scene. But this time it was worse: the steps were off-schedule!
Faster than you could say ‘hayseed’, Twilight Sparkle picked her rump off the floor and teleported into the center of the hall, standing at attention while simultaneously attempting to not be too military or overbearing in stature. First impressions were going to mean everything here and she was not going to fail! Though behind the calm, serene, exterior she attempted to build in homage to her teacher, inside she was already on the cusp of an all-out panic attack.
After what felt like an eternity, the source of the noise rounded the corner of the hall. Approaching her from a fair distance was a tall and slender reindeer stag with horns that were about as long as her own, yet as he drew closer she could see that there were little nubs where they would branch further, marking him as a younger adult. His coat was a mixture of brown with white spots, most prominently over his right eye. He stood at Princess Luna’s height, if not just shy of it. A smile flashed across his muzzle as they finally came within speaking distance of one another.
“Hyvä päivä sinulle, nimeni on Benta,” the stag spoke with a very slight bow of his head to her.
Twilight was stymied for just a second. She had never heard the Vinnish language spoken by a native before! She would have to take notes on inflection while she could… if he was willing, of course. “Hyvä päivä myös sinulle. Olen Twilight Sparkle.” She replied quickly.
The reindeer known as Benta smiled at her and replied, “Your accent is off and you’re being a tad too formal but, overall, I must say I am impressed!”
Twilight could not help but blush a little at that. “I-I’m sorry. I’ve never spoken Vinnish with a native speaker before.”
“Then, perhaps,” he replied as he finally came to a stop in front of her. “I could teach you some more informal phrases.”
“I… Yes. I would romance that greatly!” she said, quickly becoming puzzled by the smirk on his face. As she thought on it, her error became evident and she blushed in embarrassment. “I meant LIKE! I would LIKE that greatly!”
“I knew what you meant,” Benta laughed and gently nudged her shoulder with a forehoof. The smile and mirth faded from his face though as silence dragged on. “So, your Princess-Queen told us that you were going to accommodate us and give us a tour of your capital city. I suppose we should get started.”
The unicorn, however, blinked a little in confusion. Hard as she tried, she could not see anyone but the two of them in the hall. This, naturally, caused her to worry that her Vinnish was rustier than she anticipated. “Us?” she questioned, hoping she was not making a foal of herself.
“My father and I,” he replied. He looked over his shoulder as if expecting to see someone there. “Oh for the love of- It would seem my father decided to continue his… warm debate… with your Princess-Queen. He will join us eventually, but by all means, please begin.”
“Y-yes, please. Follow me,” Twilight replied, turning around. She then began to walk down the hall and over towards the castle’s entrance where she had things set up to impress the reindeer. Although she had a lot of practice of keeping a calm and collected exterior whenever around politicians and the like, she had never been—nor did she think she would ever be—anywhere near as good at it as her mentor. Throw a wrench into a situation, like one of the delegates being absent, and that façade could crumble quickly as demonstrated by her slight trot.
“Speaking exclusively Vinnish to us will not earn you any points,” Benta spoke. “Though I am more of an open mind, my father is far too stubborn for his own good. It does nothing to soothe the sting of your Princess-Queen’s title to our culture.”
And here they were at the center of the political shrubbery maze, far sooner than Twilight had anticipated too. Thankfully, she had practiced an answer for this and, while too nervous to improvise, she used it. “I will not deny or defend Princess Celestia’s title of Regent of the Sun’s insult to your god, Hathar. However, having known her for as long as I have, I am certain that she means no harm by it and is just as frustrated at the divide it causes between us as you are by the title saying she claims the sun over your god.”
“I understand that,” he continued. “And most of my generation really does not care so much for the gods as previous ones. But there are still many does and stags like my father who take great offence to it. If you wish for our cooperation, I am afraid you will need to get that through the old moose’s thick skull above all else. Besides, her offence goes deeper still than that mere blasphemy.”
“What… do you mean?” Twilight asked, thrown off by this piece of information.
“If you are as close as she says you are, and do not know, it speaks greatly of her attitude to our people. I shall dwell on this topic no more,” he replied with such finality that Twilight knew not to press for details. Instead, she decided to file this nugget away for later questioning.
A silent sigh of exasperation passed her lips as the discussion fell away into awkward silence once more. Perhaps, if she could only convince one of them of Equestria’s worthiness, Benta would be the better option. After all, if they impressed him enough, he might know the right buttons to push to bring his father on board with it too! It was a bit of a fool’s gambit, but it was one she knew she had to take in order to assure her mission’s success. Thankfully, she had a secret weapon neither of the reindeer could anticipate. Well… more accurately, five secret weapons.
After a final turn of the hall, the pony and reindeer came to the second floor landing of the Entrance Hall. Guards flanked the various doors leading to areas off-limits to visitors and castle staff busily moved from place to place, but in the center stood five distinct hues against the backdrop of the royal purple carpet. It was not until Twilight and Benta started coming down the stairs that they were noticed by them.
“There she is! Howdy, Twilight!” Applejack called, waving a hoof eagerly at her. “Who’s the tall glass o’ water with ya?”
“Girls,” she replied with a smile. “I would like you to meet Benta. He’s a delegate from the country of Vinland. Benta, nämä ovat ystäväni Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, ja Rainbow Dash.”
“Ja, I’m Rainbow Dash alright!” the pegasus said, puffing out her chest proudly.
The reindeer chuckled slightly and smiled as he spoke, “It’s a pleasure to meet all of you too.”
“Oh, you know Equish?” Twilight said, surprised.
“As well as you speak Vinnish, Twilight Sparkle,” he replied with his thick accent. “Maybe little less.”
Finally, the ball was back in her court! She knew her friends would add a factor of randomness to her plans, and that was precisely what she was counting on! How could any pony, never mind any reindeer be able to expect the unexpected? Alone, she would have been far too nervous being polite to be sincere, but with her best friends around, there was nothing that they could not accomplish! A genuine smile crossed her lips as they all chatted up Benta and he replied as best as his Equish would allow.
“So this is the princess’s special assignment?” A voice spoke knowingly from the crowd. Snapped away from the group, her eyes focused on the lone dragon in the room. How long he had been standing there for, she had no idea.
Without another word, Twilight grabbed the baby dragon into a light hug. “Hi Spike! Sorry, but yes. This was sprung on me rather suddenly,” she apologized, letting him go.
He shrugged. “It’s no big deal, Twi. I figured it was for something important like this. Well. That or you went off the deep end agai—”
“Hahaha,” Twilight laughed nervously, after—rather forcibly—patting him on the shoulder to cut him off. “Oh, you kidder!”
“So what should we do first!?” Pinkie Pie spoke loudly, distracting everyone before attention could be called to Spike’s words. “A party is obviously going to happen, but first maybe we should go out on the town! I suggest going to Party Pete’s Phenomenal Party Palace! It’s kind of like that place with the mouse, but adults can get in without foals around too!”
“Well, I suggest that the number one item on the itinerary should be a stop at my Canterlot Boutique! I’ve never had the opportunity to design an ensemble for a reindeer before, and I’d be crazy not to take it! After that, I’ve heard good things about the Cleansing Waters Spa. They were expensive things, yes, but good things nonetheless!” Rarity suggested.
“Ah don’t know about y’all, but ah’d rather we go an’ get us somethin’ to eat. It’s lunch time after all, and they only had those itty bitty, really expensive little sandwiches on tha train. Do they have a farmer’s market here, Twi? Ah reckon I could cook up an apple pie fer our honoured guest here.” Applejack added.
“Lunch can wait,” Rainbow Dash injected. “The pegasus races at the aerodrome should be our first stop! Who can eat before getting a little blood pumping through their veins? Nothing says excitement around here like the sweet smell of victory!”
“Um… We don’t need to do it first but,” Fluttershy spoke. “Maybe we could stop by the Botanical Gardens some time today? I mean… I-if it’s okay with all of you. I just think it might be nice to show off Equestria’s natural beauty.”
“While those all sound very interesting, and some things I would much like to see,” Benta said. “I would actually very much like to know more about Equestrian History? Is there a… how you call it?”
“A Museum?” Spike suggested.
“Yes! A Museum! I would very much like to go to one first, if it is fine.”
Twilight’s eyes sparkled for just a brief second. “Yes! In fact, I had one planned!” Twilight chirped with great enthusiasm. After she said that, there was a general murmur, which Twilight took to mean that ‘yes, a museum would be the best first stop.’ Except for Rainbow Dash, who just had a glowering expression on her face, but she made no voice of protest.
“By all means, lead the way, Twilight,” Benta continued with a smile.
Before she could get moving, Twilight was startled by a sudden drop of weight onto her back. Quickly wheeling her head around, she saw the once-familiar sight of Spike sitting there. He had not ridden her since before he left for his tutelage, and thus caught her off-guard. Relaxing instantly, she started towards the front doors of the castle; leading the group out the doors and down the path to the end of the castle walls. However, she could not help but note how weird it felt to have Spike riding on her once again after his absence. She also noticed he had grown a little heavier in that time interval.
“Mr. Benta,” Rarity spoke after they passed the castle gates. “Having thought on it a little, I think you would look absolutely dashing in a tuxedo! Not that I mean to push my wares, I would gladly do this for you for free, but I have a feeling the does would be all over you if you went home wearing what I have in mind!” She smiled with her tell-tale “inspired” way.
“I’m…” he hesitated, “I’m not sure how well my doefriend would react to the sight of me being followed by other women, Miss Rarity.”
If she was deflated by this, nopony would ever know. “Ah! Of course! I should have known a well-to-do deer of your stature would be spoken for. No matter; just imagine the look on her face when you walk through the door shining like a bright, new Makkah!”
“You know our currency?” he asked, taking his turn to be surprised.
“Oh, I know a few things about every country, darling,” Rarity smiled. “After all, my fashion ambitions are not just limited to Equestria!”
Leave it to Rarity to hit on a stallion—er… deer for professional gain, Twilight thought. Still, she had to admire the subtle brilliance in that display of knowledge as, sadly, Equestrian ponies were generally known in the greater world for… being a little ignorant about the cultures of others, and being insulated from outside harm. But that tends to happen when a nation has two literal Goddesses for rulers. Already, she could feel the muscles in her back relax as they strode into the tunnel separating the castle from the city of Canterlot.
“Speaking of doors,” Rainbow Dash asked, flying closer to him. “How do you guys manage them with your horns? I mean, they grow to be gigantic, right?”
For his part, Benta just chuckled at her brazen attitude. “Our doors are built a little wider than Equestrian doors,” he explained. “And if a deer lives long enough for it to be a problem, he just turns his head a little.”
Before she knew it, Twilight and company found themselves at the steps of the Equestrian Museum of Military History. The building was a tall, grey and proud structure inspired by Cloudsdale architecture; built with narrow windows and many more columns than was typical in a pegasus-designed structure, as it was built of granite and other stones rather than clouds. With a casual wave of her magic, the tall oaken double doors yielded to her and gave way to a vaulted ceiling decorated with the night sky and a statue of a stallion clad in Early Equestrian era armour poised for battle set in the middle of the foyer.
A smile crept across her face despite herself at the joy of being here since she had not been in this museum for years now, and they undoubtedly had new exhibitions since then! However, she was not the only one who was excited. A moment before she did it herself, Benta trotted forward to examine the statue in the entrance hall and study it, eyes wide.
“Is this accurately scaled up? I certainly hope so! I can’t tell what metal it was made of, but this form and function… superb for the era and for the subject! I can see a weak spot in the barrel, but that’s likely a sacrifice for the sake of mobility and comfort,” he mused in his native tongue.
Twilight was just a little surprised by this development, not by the fact that he was interested in the subject (reindeer had a history of being combative with their neighbours), but she had not expected quite this level of enthusiasm. At least, she did not expect this so early on. Maybe this whole venture was not as far-fetched as she thought! “I believe it was Cold Iron; old Earth Pony tribal doctrine claimed it dampened magical effects on the wearer,” she replied.
“Ah, right, that makes sense! I can see the sigils carved into the cuffs.”
Turning to look at her friends, she could see they were lost, but she shot them a knowing smile and gently got the enthusiastic young stag’s attention. “Perhaps we should do a self tour then?” she asked.
“Ah. Yes, that sounds good,” Benta replied, clearing his throat. “Please, lead on, Miss Twilight.”
Armed with the knowledge that he was a connoisseur of armour, Twilight gently lead the group over towards the “Gleaming Shields” exhibition, which contained not only shields, but armour and weaponry from the pre-classical era. In her more reclusive past life, or so it felt, she had visited this museum (among the many others Canterlot housed) enough times to know the layout by heart and recall the history of a majority of the pieces in each permanent exhibit. Of course, there were new pieces added since the last time she visited, so for those she simply read off the plaque or poster if she had not done independent research on an item at one time or another.
Even though she was in what her friends teased as “Lecture Mode,” said friends were doing their best to at least pretend to be interested, excluding Pinkie, of course, but even their attentions were waning thin. Rainbow Dash had already started finding high places in each room to perch on. If Benta noticed any of this though, he sure as hay was not letting on as not only was he paying rapt attention to her, but asking questions! No one had ever asked follow-up questions during her lectures before!
“How do you know this set belonged to Errant Blade the Gallant?” he posed after looking at the armour on their way to the next exhibit. It was simply labeled ‘An Earth Kingdom Hero’s Armour’ on the plaque.
“It’s written on the lapel of the chest plate,” she replied matter-of-factually.
“Really? ‘Cause all I saw was a bunch of squiggles.” Pinkie puzzled.
“It’s not squiggles, it’s just Old Equish. Honestly, does no pony in this museum even know Old Equish?” Twilight answered, rolling her eyes in mild annoyance at the oversight. One would think they’d have experts of this sort of thing to prevent such glaring errors.
“How many languages do ya reckon you know?” she heard Applejack ask. “An’ why in the wide world of apples do ya need to know Old Equish? Regular Equish works just fine!”
Twilight sighed gently. No one seemed to get it. “Okay, first, it’s called Modern Equish, AJ. Secondly, while there is no benefit to most ponies knowing it, in the field of academia, the more old languages you know, the better. I know six languages, with varying degrees of fluidity.”
“I never took you for a linguist, Twilight. I thought you were more into… theory and magical studies,” Rarity said. “Parlez vous en prancais?”
“Oui mademoiselle,” Twilight replied. “My goal was to know seven by the time I turned twenty, but I could never decide between Shanghese for the utility or Neighponese for the manga, and then Nightmare Moon happened and I got too distracted so I never made it.”
“I never knew you liked Ponaime too!” Pinkie Pie shouted with glee.
“What in the hay bale is ‘Ponaime’!?”
“I think she means ‘anime’, Applejack.” Fluttershy spoke for the first time since leaving the castle.
“Why did she call it that then?”
“Because we’re ponies and everything needs to be a pun on pony or horse-related names! Ha-duuuh!” Pinkie offered, emerging between Rarity and Fluttershy.
The room went silent as soon as they heard a sound not too unlike a pony wheezing. Benta was doubled over a few paces behind the group, struggling with something. “I’m sorry,” he said before chuckling a little. “Is just you two,” he gestured between Pinkie and Applejack, “remind me of my doefriend and my sister is all.” Collecting himself, he caught up to the group. “Apologies, Miss Twilight. Please, continue. Though, I must ask… what languages do you know?”
“Oh, uh… well,” Twilight pondered a bit before continuing on to the next exhibit. No one had ever asked that before. “Obviously you know that I understand Vinnish, Equish, Old Equish—though I count that more as a side-language than one in its own right—and Prench. What hasn't come up, however, are Germane, Zebaran, and Polyneighsion.”
“Why do you know Polyneigh—” Rainbow started before catching herself. “Actually… I don’t want to know.”
“Um… Twilight?” Spike said, still sitting upon her back. He had not spoken in a while, so she almost forgot he was there, much to her embarrassment. “When did you have the TIME to learn all these languages again?” he finished, a tinge of concern in his voice.
“It was my hobby for a while, remember? Whenever I hit a wall in my magical studies, I’d try to learn a language to see if I could get inspiration in their texts?”
“No…” he trailed.
“Huh. Well… maybe I did it when you were sleeping?” she offered.
“Maybe,” he replied, though he did not sound too convinced by her answer.
About two hours and a few exhibits later, Twilight was finally on the cusp of the one she wanted to see the most: the one that may help Benta convince his father into giving Equestria a chance! The group passed under a sign of brass and white-painted wood that read ‘Hall of the Grand Arcanum’. Within the room were strange magical devices, depictions of dragons among other monsters of all sorts, models of battlefields, and a plethora of swords mounted on the walls. This had to be her favourite exhibit in the whole museum, if not one of her all-time favourites!
The vaulted ceiling above them was enchanted to show the night sky, even in the middle of the day! Even as a grown mare, looking up at it made Twilight feel just a little bit giddy and amazed at the feats that magic could accomplish. Not a minute into her lecture on one of the objects held in the room (a lunar clock developed by Clover the Clever herself), she found herself cut off mid-sentence. Unnoticed by her, the group had split up to look at different things, leaving only her, Benta, Applejack and Rainbow Dash close at hoof.
“Sorry ta disturb ya, Twi,” Applejack apologized, “but what, exactly, is a ‘Grand Arcanum’ anyway?”
“Oh, for the love of-” Rainbow Dash, of all ponies, started. “Even I know what a Grand Arcanum is, AJ!”
“Well then, what is it?”
Rainbow rolled her eyes, landing on the ground. “The Grand Arcanum was basically the most dangerous, bad-ass warrior unicorn of their generation! Before Equestria, anypony who was anypony knew not to mess with the unicorns too badly or else suffer the Grand Arcanum’s wrath! It’s what prevented all-out war with the unicorns for centuries!”
“Rainbow, I…” Twilight struggled for words. “I’m really impressed! I didn’t know you were interested in Pre-classical Era history!”
“Only the interesting bits, Twi,” she said simply. “Like the tale of Indigo Daze stopping an entire army of griffons with a single spell.”
“Ah still don’t see what all the fuss is about,” Applejack continued. “Yeah, they sound like impressive warriors, but fightin’ ain’t everything, and it don’t happen often no more.”
“Well, Rainbow Dash was only half right,” Twilight continued.
“What did I get wrong?” she asked, furrowing her brow.
“It’s true that the Grand Arcana, as is the plural form, were generally powerful and capable warlocks, but it’s not true that all of them were feared for that prowess. In fact, most of them were scholarly folk first and war-capable ponies second. Starswirl the Bearded and Clover the Clever are the first examples that spring to mind. In fact, there were no recorded circumstances of Starswirl ever wielding ‘Nocte Volu’, his Vorpal Sword, in battle.” She gestured to one of the myriad of swords hung against the wall. This one in particular was made almost entirely of shimmering silver, with a simple t-shaped cross guard with a purple hexagonal diamond in the centre.
“Woah! Is that really-?” Rainbow Dash started, staring at it.
“Of course not, Rainbow; it’s just a replica. The real Nocte Volu was destroyed when Starswirl the Bearded passed.”
“Oh,” she replied.
“So… these were all their swords then?” Applejack asked, gesturing at the plethora of replica swords on the wall. “An why was Starswirl’s destroyed anyhow?”
“I dunno,” Rainbow replied. “They didn’t want anypony to get their hooves on their cool-looking weapons?”
“Huh,” Twilight said. “I thought a pony as big into history as you would know what a Vorpal Sword is, Rainbow,” she teased.
“I said I was only interested in the good bits,” she retorted with a slight pout.
“Then you missed out on the best part! A Vorpal Blade is said to be the most powerful form of magical weapon to ever appear. They’re so sharp and magical that cutting through dense materials such as lead is less than foal’s play. Even pure Adamantine is nothing to one! But it’s also for that reason why ONLY the Grand Arcanum can wield one and why, upon one’s passing, it is destroyed.”
“They also have to be extremely well-crafted,” Benta added. “Is a very grim fate and ill omen for a Vorpal to be broken.”
“Why is that, exactly?” Spike asked as he walked over to them, drawn by the lack of lecturing, most likely.
Both the reindeer and the mare shrugged before answering “I don’t know” simultaneously.
Twilight was not surprised by the looks on her friend’s faces at that confession. It was not every day that Twilight Sparkle said she had no idea about a particular question. Usually, she’d offer theories that somehow turned out to be correct, as if by magic or suspicious convenience, but in this instance she genuinely had no clue, and there were no sources available to even hint at an explanation. So, she resorted to her backup plan and decided to at least offer an explanation as to why she could not find anything.
“It is said that once upon a time there were many Vorpal Blades. But their overabundance lead to a cataclysm of some nature, and thus all knowledge of their creation was lost for millennia until the institution of the Grand Arcanum,” Twilight explained.
She knew this would have little effect, but at least it added context to the predicament, and that, at least, satisfied her. So, with that bit of exposition over, Twilight decided to lead them over to another artifact to talk about it at length. Just as she opened her mouth, her stomach committed high treason against her, and verbally protested as it had not been satisfied with just toast for breakfast.
“I think, perhaps,” Benta said, “it is time for lunch?”
~*/\/\/\*/\/\/\*/\/\/\*~
After spending the morning in just the one museum, it was decided by the group that their minds were now suitably heavier than when they started, and that it would be best that they stop for the day. Though the scholarly mare was remiss to do so, she did not want to displease the reindeer she was supposed to entertain and thus acquiesced. After lunch, they stopped at various other sites in the city that her friends wanted to go: they caught an afternoon race, took a leisurely stroll through the botanical gardens and the farmer’s market, and then stopped at Rarity’s store where Benta exited with a dapper custom-tailored suit in a bag—free of charge—by Rarity’s insistence.
With the sky slowly turning amber and the lights of the city beginning to come to life before the break of twilight, the group decided they were too tired to carry on. Canterlot Castle stood before them as they walked the path between the exit of the tunnel and the drawbridge; the smell of wild flowers and the sound of falling water wafted gently past. Though they were near the precipice of a cliff, it always amazed Twilight how the Outer Gardens felt so calm and safe. The peace was only disturbed by the occasional snore of Spike, who passed out some time ago (she chalked it up to him still re-adjusting from the time dilation), and the sounds of her friends chattering among themselves and with Benta, on occasion.
“If nothing else, you mares know how to make things interesting,” she heard Benta say when she decided to tune into the conversation.
“Well… It’s um… not every day you… you meet a reindeer and they’re so friendly. N-not that reindeer aren’t friendly or anything! Oh my…”
He snorted in amusement, or at least Twilight hoped. “Is okay, Miss Fluttershy. No offence taken.”
“Let me just say, if yer ever in mah neck o’ the woods, yer more than welcome at Sweet Apple Acres, Benta. Ya seem like a stand-up stag,” Applejack offered. “Er… ya’ll DO call guys stags, right?”
“Not really, no. Translated to Equish, males are bulls, females are cows,” he explained. “But I liked your… how you say?”
“Alkusointu, alliteration,” Twilight offered.
“Ah, yes! I like your alliteration, Miss Applejack.”
In the course of the exchange, the group had crossed the bridge into the castle proper. Normally there would be a checkpoint, but when one was the student of the senior princess and also a multiple time hero of the realm, checkpoints were... superfluous. She did sometimes wish they would at least ask her a couple of questions, in case she was actually a changeling or something. However, seeing the front doors of the main building reminded her of something: she still had to play nice with another reindeer she had yet to meet.
The guards, seeing their approach, opened the doors to let the heroic mares into the castle; but what they revealed was something Twilight dreaded. Standing there impatiently in the middle of the hall, was an aged reindeer bull at least a head shorter than Celestia; but his huge antlers made him look nearly half-over her height! His coat, still brown and splotched with white, was faded and blurred with age, and the dour expression he wore on his face told her he was going to be as difficult to sway as she had feared.
“Finally, you’re done gallivanting with those stupid ponies,” he said bitterly to the younger reindeer.
“Hello father. I was hoping you would have joined us during the course of the day. Miss Sparkle here was showing me around their mus—” Benta replied.
“I do not care! I have better things to do with my time than pretend to be friendly with filthy equines. This whole thing was a waste of time. I don’t know why we even came here.”
Okay, maybe things were worse than Twilight had feared.
“Because grandfather said if you did not at least consider this offer, he would disown you?” Benta replied with a very slight, youthful smirk. “Also, Miss Sparkle here can understand every single word you’re saying.” Twilight blushed slightly when he gestured to her and brought her into it.
“Like I care,” the grouchy bull growled.
“Twilight, ladies, this is my father, Duomis,” Benta introduced. “He is… uh… cranky. Also, he speaks no Equish.”
“What are you saying about me, you insolent little runt!?” Doumis said, confirming what his son had just revealed.
“Nothing they couldn’t guess, father,” Benta replied.
Throwing caution to the wind for this one instance, Twilight decided to at least be civil and make a proper introduction for herself and her friends. Obviously he was pulling the reins here, so she would tolerate this grumpy old reindeer as best she could. “Greetings to you, Mister Duomis,” she started with a bow of her head. “I am Twilight Sparkle, and these are my frien—”
“I do not care who you or those other Technicolor twats are,” he replied venomously. “Tell your ‘friends’ that I think they are all…”
Twilight had never been exposed to Vinnish cursing before this moment. She was now receiving a crash course in the subject. As he ranted, she could feel her ears fold backwards in desperation to be spared the onslaught of filth and vile spewing from his aged mouth. Looking to Benta, she could see even he was a little surprised by this explosion, if not repulsed in a quiet familiar manner.
“… So, in summary, they can all sit on the pointed ends of a fence!” Doumis finished.
“What did he say, Twilight?” Rarity ventured cautiously.
She was quiet for a minute as her mind raced to put a positive spin on the foulness to which she had just been exposed. “Cranky… may be an understatement,” she said with resignation.
Before anything else could be said, a member of the castle staff approached the group, clearing his throat loudly. “Ahem. Her Grand Royal Highness, Princess Celestia Corona, hereby formally invites Master Doumis, Master Benta, Master Spike, Lady Twilight Sparkle, Miss Fluttershy, Miss Rainbow Dash, Miss Rarity, Miss Applejack and Miss Pinkie Pie to dine in the Royal Dining Room. Please, follow me, sirs and ladies.”
Dutifully, Twilight and her friends followed behind the herald, while Benta and his father were a little slower to answer the invitation. “Ugh, finally,” said the sleepy voice of the baby dragon upon her back. “I’m starving! There’s nothing like a good nap to work up an appetite!”
Rolling her eyes and giggling very quietly, Twilight replied, “I’ll defer to your expertise on that matter, Spike.”
In no time at all, the group were upon the ornate oaken doors and stock-still guards leading into the Royal Dining Room; it was one of the more exclusive rooms in the castle, as it was the place where the Princesses Celestia and Luna ate their meals every day. The doors’ façade told the tale of the unification of Equestria in carved splendor with the different tribes of ponies at the extremities, and one pony of each tribe in the middle. Tours through the castle would pass the doors, if only for their craftsmanship.
As soon as they were in sight, the twin doors gave way with a very slight creak, betraying a small want of oil in the hinges. A couple of the girls behind her (mostly Rarity) vocalized awe at the sight that they beheld. The dining room was light with gleaming walls of alabaster and floors of marble, with delicate veins of emerald-like cracks in the otherwise flawless surface. The table was long and intricately carved mahogany decorated with several bouquets of flowers. Eleven firm, yet softly cushioned, chairs surrounded the table, inviting them to rest their flanks upon them. Twilight could have sworn that there were not supposed to be windows on the west wall (something about an assassination attempt during the Lunar Rebellion that the princess never elaborated on), but there they were, standing proud and tall. She decided it best not to dwell, lest she make her head hurt again.
Naturally, seated at the head of the table was Princess Celestia in all her radiant glory, though Twilight caught just a very brief and uncertain wariness in her composure. On her right-hoofed side was Princess Luna, almost as regal as her sister, save the expression on her face that Twilight knew all too well as ‘the first pony to bother me before my coffee dies’. Sure enough, as they filed in to their seats, a scared-looking servant dropped off a platter with a mug and pitcher of coffee for her and backed off just as quickly.
“Mr. Benta,” Celestia spoke. “If you would please, I have reserved these two seats here for you and your father.” She gestured to the two closest seats on her left.
“What did that hag say!?” Doumis grumbled as Twilight deftly chose the seat beside Luna while Spike chose the seat beside her.
“She wants us to sit in those two seats for ease of conversation, father,” the younger reindeer translated.
Doumis simply continued to grumble as he sat in the second seat away from Celestia as Benta took the one between them. To Twilight’s surprise, they both offered Luna a small bow of their heads; a gesture they did not offer Celestia whatsoever. “Hail, returned Princess of the Moon,” Benta said after taking his seat.
Looking to her side, she could see Luna taking a moment, possibly to filter the greeting through her coffee. “We are well met, Mister Doumis and Mister Benta.”
Huh, Twilight thought as she noticed her friends taking their own seats and getting settled in. I guess I’m not the only pony here to know Vinnish. Mercifully, there was not much to be said as unicorn waiters appeared from a set of doors behind her, bearing literal silver platters laden with food that, upon revelation, Twilight knew to be a traditional appetizer enjoyed by reindeer. Of course, she knew their guests would not be surprised by this as it was a common diplomatic gesture, according to her research.
“Ooo! Berries!” Pinkie exclaimed before jamming her muzzle into the plate.
“Pinkie Pie! This is the Royal Dining Room! Please, try to show some sense of decorum and, most of all, table manners! We do have esteemed guests, after all.”
“Sorry, Rarity,” Pinkie giggled nervously. “I was just trying to lighten the mood a little, especially for Mr.Grumpy-Pants over there.”
“Reindeer, typically, do not wear pants, Pinkie Pie,” Luna said after polishing off the entire pitcher of coffee, already looking far more alive than just a few minutes prior. “Their fur is too thick to necessitate clothing.”
“What are they neighing about now!?”
“Pants, father. Calm down.”
“What the aurora are they talking about pants for!?”
“So, Mister Benta,” Celestia said calmly, yet assertively. “I am curious to know what you and my alumna and her friends did during the day.”
“Oh,” he replied, shrugging slightly before he answered. “We went to a museum in the city, and lunch at one of your rest-your-ants. Then we saw Wonderbolt Races, went through gardens and then I got new suit from Care-a-sail Boutique. All-in-all, it was a very pedestrian and wholesome experience.”
Twilight was surprised to hear this, and not in a good way. He made it sound like she bored him out of his mind when, in fact, she could tell he had as much fun as she did! Perhaps he was just being partisan and did not want to show his father that he was warming up to them? If there was one thing that irked her, it was ponies (or other creatures) who tried to play both sides of an argument. Something told her that, as weird as it was to think, she could get away with mouthing off to a dragon goddess but not to a pair of reindeer.
“Well, I hope you enjoyed yourself all the same,” Celestia replied.
“Oh yes, it was a very eventful experience.”
Before she knew it, everypony had finished their appetizers and the plates were whisked away by many different hues of magic as the waiters moved on to the main course. As usual for large groups, a few different conversations had sprung up but Twilight remained silent. How could she converse when she had so much to think about? Had the museum trip been a good idea? Did Benta just humor her while being bored out of his skull!? What was she even doing? She was no diplomat! She was not even that good a hostess half the time! The only thing stopping a full-out panic attack was the presence of her mentor and her occasional smiling glance at her.
Mercifully, dessert arrived shortly before the last of her fragile nerves splintered. In retrospect, the only thing she could recall about the meal was its rich taste and bold presentation; all else was washed away as her mind reeled to try and salvage her assignment. Doumis hates ponies on principle it would seem, meaning he is likely very religious and takes great offence to Celestia. Why couldn’t I find that book on Seku-… Suko-… whatever the hay they call it!? Maybe then I could come up with some theological points and counterarguments but as it stands now, with him at the reins, there is no way in Tartarus he’ll ever agree!
Twilight nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt the soft touch of feathers upon her back. She looked around quickly to see that Princess Luna had outstretched her wing. “My apologies, Twilight Sparkle; I was merely stretching my wings after a long day’s slumber.” Princess Luna said before Twilight could get anything out. She was almost certain it was a lie, but she nodded her head gently in understanding as the wing retreated back to the lunar mare’s side.
“You know, Mister Doumis,” Rarity ventured once the desserts were consumed. “Your son looks absolutely fetching in a tuxedo. I bet you would look just as dapper. I know you don’t wear clothes as often as ponies, but I am willing to compensate for your fuller coat.”
“What is that bordello dweller talking to me for? As if I would ever associate with someone of her filth!” Doumis spat.
Before Twilight could open her mouth to retort, she was silenced by Luna speaking. “I shall translate if anypony wishes to talk to our… esteemed guest.” She then turned to the older reindeer and translated for her faithfully to tone and content. The same could not be said, however, for his reply.
“Tell that working mare I’d rather roll in moose shit than wear her filthy, needless cloth and that if she wants to impress me, she should shut her neighing trap and suck on my b-”
Twilight decided not to pay attention to him anymore. He was succeeding in trying to get her angry and mouth off at him. Instead, she decided to bore holes into her plate while the insults kept coming.
“My goodness, it certainly seems to take a long while to say things in Vinnish,” Rarity spoke, as the reply had turned into a full-on rant.
“He’s meandered from the topic, but in short, he’s declining your offer,” Princess Luna paraphrased.
Benta, meanwhile, hunched over the table with his shoulders visibly tensed and with a strange look on his face halfway between offence and resignation. For all the scholarly unicorn knew, he was either ready to tell his father off, or chide Pinkie Pie, whom had started juggling balls of tofu; possibly in an attempt to distract or placate the ornery bull.
“Why don’t you like ponies?” She asked while balancing another tofu ball on her muzzle for a moment before eating it. “I get you not liking Princess Celestia on account of the whole ‘blasphemy’ thing, but you’re being way too grumpy and biased to do anyone any good.”
If Twilight had thought she heard Doumis at his worst, she was woefully mistaken once Luna translated for him. He launched into another tirade so profane and hateful that even Luna blanched a little. “Father!” Twilight heard Benta exclaim at a few of the more venomous comments. At the end of the tirade, Doumis slammed his forehooves down on the table, shaking the entire length. A tense silence hung over the air as even Princess Celestia could tell a nerve had been struck.
“So… to summarize,” Luna began carefully. “Mister Doumis” she seethed just a tiny bit, “feels that ponies in general are self-interested with no respect or tolerance for outside cultures or opinions.”
To say she glossed over some details would be to say that Cloudsdale hovered a few feet off the ground. In between the rant and expletives that Twilight did not dare repeat even in her mind, he painted the most exaggerated viewpoint on Equestrian culture she had even seen. In his mind, they were all saccharine pastel-coloured and dull creatures who obeyed an obvious swindler and con artist. If it were not so filth-ridden it would have been a respectable opinion that could be debated, but the emotion and vulgarity of it told her any attempts at civil discussion would be met with a hoof to the face, in more ways than one.
At least things could not get much worse, or so Twilight hoped. Applejack, on the same side, but the opposite end of the table from Doumis, looked far more interested in the stained glass windows and carved reliefs on the walls than in the present conversation. Rarity and Pinkie looked, well, not satisfied with their answers, but also not willing to risk another explosive rant. Spike, at the extreme opposite end of the table, meanwhile, looked more concerned with his ice cream.
“Um… Benta?” Fluttershy spoke. Twilight blinked. Until then, Fluttershy had been sitting in the corner doing such an impressive impression of a fern that she nearly forgot she was there! “Could you tell me more about the Snow Bears you have up there in Vinland? If you don’t mind, that is.”
“Sure, I’d be delighted to. You see, Snow Bea-”
“What does the yellow twig want?” Doumis interrupted.
“Not everything being said is to you, father.”
“Like Tartarus it’s not! Or did you forget your place, BOY?” He delivered a sharp smack of his hoof against his son’s cheek. “Now sit your rear down and tell that freak exactly what I say! No offence, Princess, but I don’t appreciate you softening my blows!”
Twilight sat up straighter in her chair. “Mister Domuis, Princess Luna has been faithfully relaying the spirit of your messages, if not their actual con—”
“Shut your trap! You’re just like my son; opinionated, know-it-all twit who doesn’t know how the world REALLY works outside of your insulated incestuous community!”
“Okay, that does it!” Rainbow Dash shouted, getting up from her chair to hover in front of the grouchy reindeer. “I know you can’t understand me, and I can’t understand you, but your tone? It stinks. And I’m tired of you abusing a language barrier to say whatever the buck you want and get away with it! So tell me, exactly what your dad is saying and I may not kick his flank.”
“Rainbow Dash,” Princess Celestia said gently, yet firmly, standing up. “Please, do not antagonize our guest.”
To Twilight’s horror, Benta translated what Rainbow said completely. She sunk back in her chair. Whatever hope there was to improve relations with the reindeer evaporated in an instant. A dark deep recess of her mind whispered the best idea would be to strangle her friend and throw her out the window for her tactlessness, but it was a whisper drowned in a sea of little Twilights running around in her brain screaming in horror and frustration as they rooted around looking for some way to salvage this situation.
Benta stood up as Doumis finished talking; Twilight was not paying attention, so all she could do was listen to the translation. “These are my father’s words; not mine,” he prefaced. “Ever since I got here, you namby-pamby ponies have done nothing but try to sell yourselves to us like does in heat. Yes, I am a cranky old bastard and yes, I don’t like ponies one bit, but none of you have done anything to change that. Not with your showing my doe-eyed son trinkets, or with you trying to flatter and soothe me. In fact, the only one of you to be honest with me is the blue lesbian pony. I think I have seen enough. Good night.”
“I-I’m not a—” Rainbow started to protest, but as soon as she spoke, both reindeer got up from their seats and exited the room soundlessly. Nopony moved or made a sound until the door slammed shut.
“I’m sorry, Princess!” Twilight spoke, fighting back tears welling up in her eyes. “This is all my fault! I should have tried harder! I should have known better! I should have—I should have…”
Perhaps it was because she could see that Twilight was on the verge of tears, but nonetheless Celestia offered her an apologetic smile. “You did the best you could, Twilight Sparkle.”
“But! But I probably set back relations with Vinland a century in one night! I should have known better that they’d be sensitive to honesty and—”
“I believe, Twilight,” she interrupted, “there may have been a miscommunication here.”
“What do you mean, Princess?” Spike asked, with his bowl of ice cream now empty.
“Doumis and Benta are not diplomats; otherwise I would have asked a diplomat to try and make them feel at home. They’re blacksmiths I wanted to hire to make the Vorpal Sword for the new Grand Arcanum my sister and I are going to appoint. Ideally, we wanted them to make it, but we do have a backup who has already accepted in case they were not willing.”
The world spun as the words sunk into her fatigued and panic-stricken brain. The fires were out and the Twilights were no longer running around, but the figurative room in her brain was still choked with smoke. Twilight took a sharp inhale and breathed a heaving sigh of relief. She failed, but it was not a critical failure that would doom anyone or anything.
“The fact you got one of them sympathetic, or so it seems, is an accomplishment in itself, Twilight Sparkle” Luna spoke before rising to her hooves. “I will see if I can apologize, sister. T’is my rule and I am not so vilified. They may listen to me.”
Celestia nodded “By all means, try.” Luna quickly trotted out of the room after the reindeer.
“Wait, we’re getting a new Grand Arcanum!?” Rainbow said, breaking out of her stupor. “Awesome! I bet it’s going to be Twilight!”
“Wha-?” the bookish mare said in shock.
“Darling, please,” Rarity said. “Not to discredit Twilight, but there are many qualified ponies already on the Leaflock Council. Besides, one needs to be on the council first before they can have a hope of being named the Grand Arcanum.”
“I think that’s enough excitement for me today,” Princess Celestia spoke as she stood. “Good night, girls. It is time I retired for the evening. I shall see you all tomorrow for the official announcement.”
They all bowed as the princess of the sun made her exit and they followed out of the dining room shortly thereafter. At last, the stress was beginning to catch up with her and, despite the early hour, Twilight now had a greater appreciation for Spike and his insistence on naps. “I think I’m going to bed as well.”
“So, do you know, Twilight?” Applejack asked. “Or, are you even allowed to say?”
“Hmm?” She replied blearily. “Oh, you mean Grand Arcanum stuff. What I can tell you is that I have legitimately no idea who the Princess is going to give the title to. I have, however, been asked to help with preparations. I guess this business with the Reindeer was part of it… and I failed.” Her head fell in shame. Despite the princess assuring her that it was not critical, failure was failure.
“Cheer up, Twi!” Pinkie chirped. “Sometimes… ponies or deer are just set on being grumpy. You gave it your best and that’s all that counts!”
Twilight smiled, pretending to feel better. “I suppose you are right about that. And I’m honestly too emotionally exhausted right now to argue with you.” Thankfully, her room was not more than a few steps away. “Good night, girls,” she said before stepping inside, shutting the door and falling asleep the instant her head touched the pillow on her bed.