//------------------------------// // You Cannot Win: Reality // Story: Imbalanced: New Age // by Nameless Narrator //------------------------------// [Blazing’s Entry] It’s been two days since I left Manehattan. Nine days since I received the official letter regarding being kicked out of Manehattan University of Economics. My second shot, and I blew it again. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I’m just stupid, that’s all. My parents supported me, paid my schooling, and all I had to do was learn some dumb shit and then write it down on paper when final exams came. I couldn’t even do that. I left. I had to. There was no way I could look into anypony’s eyes anymore, and there’s no reason anypony should ever look at me again. All I took with me was a bag of bits I managed to save up from my allowance, my old red hoodie, and this book I bought, in which I intend to keep a daily journal of my failures and successes if there happen to be any. At this point, I gave myself an ultimatum. I will either make it on my own without bothering anypony, or I won’t, and do the world an immeasurably tiny favor by taking myself out of the equation. Let’s face it, I’ll never be able to achieve anything big. It’s gonna be a short journal. [End Entry] Ckjduwvxpou dbiuua xvgxxxsn. [We’ll be arriving at Upper Canterlot train station in five minutes!] The train announcer’s voice wakes me up. I yawn, rubbing my eyes, then hiss as pain shoots from my back. “Ouch...” I rub the hurting spot, still hazy,“Weird, dream about me being an alicorn. Wheee, I can fly,” I wave my forelegs and stop quickly, “Nope, just imagining the height makes me sick. Blazing Light, the alicorn of bluearhg...” Overnight trains to Canterlot aren’t comfortable. Good, I haven’t earned comfort. I’m getting exactly what I deserve. The train is already slowing down as I unroll my hoodie from under my head, put it back on, and leave for the door of the mostly empty train. Ponies are standing around on the platform, groggy but already lining up to get on. In the distance, I spot my target - a guardspony. If there’s somepony who knows Canterlot inside out and and tell me where I could find a place where I can get some demeaning job even I can’t screw up then it’s a guard. “Umm, hello, sir?” I trot over to him and wait until the unicorn takes the cigarette out of his mouth. “How can I help you?” he says in a surprisingly pleasant tone for being bothered this early. “Can you tell me where I can find the employment office or something similar around here?” He ponders the question for a moment. “The one in Upper Canterlot is about twenty minutes that way,“ he points in the direction of what looks like a long promenade, ”They always have offers. It would be more difficult if you were an earthpony, but as a unicorn you might get lucky.” “I don’t mind earthpony jobs. In fact, I’d like to find something… easy.” “There’s always Lower Canterlot,” he shrugs, “but if you wanted to end up there, you should have gotten off of the train at the last stop.” “I… just woke up. I missed the stop.” Damn it, I screwed up already! The guard laughs before puffing on his cigarette again. “Well, you can take the long route down the mountain path from the west gate. It takes about an hour on hoof, or you can hitch a ride on a cart. There’s traffic going up and down at any point of the day. You’ll have to ask around there for the employment office, but there’s always a Royal Guard nearby, ready to stop some criminal scum.” “Thank you, sir.” With a clear plan of action for today, I enter the white city of Upper Canterlot. I, of course, am not going to even waste time of good ponies up here. The lower city is where I belong, if even there. *** “So, you’ve got nothing. Not even a cleaning job? I’ll wash dishes or scrub toilets, I don’t care.” Heck, I’d probably suck a dick behind a dumpster for few bits, since that’s all my mouth is apparently good for when I can’t persuade a damn mud pony to let me clean her shit. The elderly earthpony mare pushes her glasses up, frowning. “Look, it’s nearly winter, and Canterlot isn’t a place for seasonal work anyway, so there isn’t much to do. There are courses you can take, though,” she nods towards a pinboard behind her. Shaking my head, I sigh. “I can’t afford waiting that long without a job,” it’s bad, but not as if I wasn’t expecting it, “Thank you for the offer.” “Look, I’ll go through all the offers we’ve got here and maybe I’ll find one where they’re willing to take a complete newbie. How about you come back next Monday and we’ll see what I found?” “Thank you,” I mumble. Hayburger? There has to be a Hayburger in Canterlot, right? I heard the working conditions are atrocious, but that’s the best I can do, I think. “Don’t worry,” the elderly mare pats my head out of nowhere, “We’ll find you something. Although it wouldn’t hurt if you looked around on your own. We only have job offers from those places which decide to inform us, and the smaller shops or stalls don’t usually bother.” “I’ll have a look around,” nodding, I stand up, knowing my time’s up, “After all, I’ve got time now.” After she shakes my hoof, and I close the door to her office just as another client comes inside, my fake smile wilts completely. I’ve got enough bits on me to last a week or two, close to a month if I stretch those as far as possible. Alright, the day has finally started, and most shops are open. Let’s go bother some ponies! “Yaaaay...” I mutter quietly to myself. They day proves to be quite the experience. As it turns out, nopony needs… a body. That’s what I am, a lump of flesh. Warehouses are full of earthponies and don’t need a unicorn barely able to levitate things. Grocery stores are full, and the already working clerks are pissed off as is. Should I find a griffon-run shop to sell myself as meat? Not yet, but we’ll keep it as plan B. Eventually, after a day full of utter failure, darkness falls on the lower city. It’s cold, but not freezing like it was up the mountain when I arrived… shockingly. Maybe I could save few more bits? That does sound like a smart idea. I could barely believe it came from me. It takes ten more minutes to find a secluded yet clean-ish dead-end alley. Wind isn’t blowing here, the smell of trash isn’t completely overpowering, the huge dumpster in the back is light enough so that even I can move it a little and hide behind it. Putting my hood on, I curl up on the cold cobblestones, and close my eyes. “-behind it!” a rumbling, slurring voice wakes me up. The dumpster slides away easily, three rather large earthponies staring at me. “A unicorn hobo? Here in Canterlot?” the biggest, brown one looking like the leader of the group laughs, “Young, too,” he leans in, lowering his voice, “Got lost, little hornhead?” “Ehm… no?” I back off, my plot hitting the wall, “I was just… relaxing… before my night shift. Yeah.” “Good,” he leans even closer, “We like ‘em relaxed.” Uh oh... I dart forward, lowering my horn to stab him in the chest. He’s fast for somepony his size, and I barely scratch him before he shoves me hard backwards into the wall. As he’s standing up on his hind legs, grinding me into the bricks, his two cronies spread around.. “Unhoof me, mudpon-urgh!” I spit out blood and a tooth as I fall onto all fours. “HEL-ooof!” hoof into my left cheek, wall on the other side. I’m on the ground now, trying not to throw up. Everything tastes like iron. The earthpony wraps my short mane around his hoof and jerks upward. “We were only teasing until that ‘mudpony’ part. Now, though, I think it’s time for you to apologize.” “...msrry...” he tugs harder, “...owww...” I can’t speak much anymore, nose stuffed and muzzle filling with blood. I have to, or it’ll get worse, though, “Sorry.” “Good start, good start,” he grins. I whimper as he shows me his big hoof covered with my blood and spit, “but what about bleeding all over my foreleg?” Just stop. Please, just stop. “Please… just stop...” I mumble. “Hey boys, looks like our uptight little hornhead is out of ideas about how to fix the mess he made, and is open to suggestions. Turn around!” he orders. Hanging my head low, I obey, sniffling as I feel hooves on my plot. “Now,” I feel the larger pony’s belly on my back and his hot breath in my ear, “If you’re a good little pony, this will only hurt a bit. If you’re not… let’s just say it’s easy for a runaway colt to disappear.” I nod, trying to sob quietly not to draw any attention. I close my eyes, and hear the dumpster being moved further. The earthpony on me guides me to the side, and something soft and flat pokes my bleeding muzzle. “Open!” orders a different voice. I unclench my teeth, “Good, now if you feel like you’re choking, that just means you’re doing it right.” For a fraction of a second, I see a pegasus silhouette through my shut eyelids. Help! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP! I DON’T CARE WHO, I DON’T CARE HOW, JUST MAKE IT STOP! I’LL PAY WITH ALL THE BITS I’VE GOT! I’LL WORK FOR YOU JUST FOR FOOD, I’LL DO ANYTHING, JUST MAKE IT STOP! He was lying, it didn’t hurt just a bit. *** “I deserved it, I deserved it, I deserved it...” I keep repeating, rocking back and forth in the pool of filth in the corner of the alley. It’s so cold now. I… I… what do I do now? Everything hurts. I shouldn’t have resisted at all. I don’t have some of my front teeth. Nopony wanted me before, and now? I can’t even be a greeter anywhere. I should have just rented a room, but no… I wanted to save money. Money… my bits… MY BITS… MY POUCH?! Where is my pouch? Panicking, I jump up and run around the alley. T-They took all my money… They took everything… and I deserved it. “At least...” I sniffle, realizing what comes next, “Who am I kidding? Who was I kidding all along? Only myself. The only difference now is that I don’t have to pointlessly search for somepony who wants me.” I take a deep breath, which is more and more difficult with each step out of the alley. “T-Thank you.” I wipe my eyes, and start walking back the way I originally arrived. After all, I’ve got a long, slow trip ahead of me, and then a short and fast one. The few late night ponies I pass by back up in upper Canterlot scrunch their noses. Smelling of piss, blood, and semen would do that to one’s social life. Oh well, I won’t bother the good ponies for long anyway. They can handle a worthless hobo walking by them once in their life. They are strong, not like me. “I deserve all of this,” I say again, looking down from upper Canterlot walls far down into the darkness lit only by the faint lamps of lower Canterlot at night, “Not this quick and painless, but I don’t have a choice... in anything anymore. Good, nothing left to screw up.” I keep my eyes open as I extend my foreleg into the vast emptiness. I’m not going to make it easy for myself. Not anymore. I will see every detail as I fall d- “Ooof!”  my gasp is drowned out by clanking of metal on stone. My side hurts, and something heavy is lying on me. “What do you think you’re doing?!” There’s a pony atop me. He doesn’t have a horn... ...or wings. “No no no no no!” I curl up as best as I can, closing my eyes, “Not anymore… I’ll be good… I won’t resist… please don’t beat me up anymore… I won’t even gag again… don’t… don’t… don’t...” I hate myself with each plea, but I can’t control it. “What is this? That’s disgusting-” “I know I am… I’m just a dumb hornhead. See? I think that too… I didn’t mean to call you mud ponies… I didn’t mean to… I didn’t...” I try to cover my muzzle with my forelegs, but the earthpony is sitting on them. “Stop flailing!” he orders firmly. I freeze, whimpering, A hoof begins stroking my mane, and I’m pulled upwards against the cold armor, “Shhh...” “I won’t resist… do what you want with me… I’ll jump afterwards anyway… you don’t have to worry about me talking… just don’t beat me up again… please...” “Shhh...” the stroking keeps going for a while, before the voice says, “You’re covered in grime, urine, and, ugh, semen. It’s all over your hoodie. You need to take it off.” The earthpony begins pulling it up from my barrel. “Wait, no no no,” I flail my forelegs again, smacking against his helmet and armor, “My mom gave it to me! It’s the only thing I have left. My mom gave it to me. My mom...” I break into tears as my struggle is in vain and he pull the hoodie over my head and then off. He’s too strong. No, I’m just too weak. His armor clanks on the ground too as he pulls me into a hug. “Do what you want… just give me back my hoodie...” “Shhh… nopony’s going to hurt you.” It’s clear he doesn’t intend to give it back, so I stop moving completely. I’ve lost everything. Two days, I didn’t even last two days. “Feeling better now?” asks the earthpony after the forced hug therapy. “Yes,” I say flatly. Now please go away so that I can finally jump and make the world the tiniest bit better. “Are you from Canterlot?” “No.” “Do you have anywhere to go?” “No.” He gently grabs my head with his hooves, and makes me look at him. Now that his helmet and armor are off, the helmet illuminating the area with soft glow, I notice he’s definitely a good-looking pony. With his long, blue mane, pure white coat, and warm, brown eyes, he must be a mare magnet. Great, another thing a mu- an earthpony is better at than me. Well, it’s not like I’m surprised at this point. “I can’t just leave you out here, and I can’t have the guard lock you up for the night,” he rubs his chin, “Hmmm… I could smuggle you into the barracks as a visit. You can take a shower there and in the morning we could go to the police station and-” “No.” “What? Why?” “I’m not going to make anypony’s life difficult anymore. Not yours, not the ponies who… beat me up, nopony’s.” He takes a deep breath. “I’m not blind. Somepony raped you and robbed you. You still have a ripped off- no, cut off money pouch string on your belt, and your back is all crusty. Look, let me help you.” “Don’t waste your time.” “You’re making this VERY difficult even though you just said you didn’t want to.” So there’s no way I won’t bother anypony. I can’t even NOT be annoying properly. I just hang my head lower. “Alright… I’ll do whatever you say.” After all, the city walls will be here tomorrow. “Good. I’ll take you to a friend of mine. He’s a bit wild, but he’s got a heart of gold. I thought about the barracks, and it wouldn’t be the smartest idea.” “Can I get my hoodie back?” “No.” “...okay...” “It’s utterly disgusting. I’ll drop you off at Cromach’s place, take the hoodie with me, and clean it. Wait, no, it’s a proof of what happened. I should drop it off at the police station.” “...but it’s mine...” “And you’ll get it back. I just… look, I don’t know, I’m only a recruit and this is my first month here in Canterlot. I just don’t think it’s a good idea you should have this on you right now.” “...okay...” Don’t cause trouble for anypony. Just wait, let them get bored with you, then jump off of the mountain. With that in mind, I just follow the earthpony through Canterlot, flinching as I realize we’re in the mountainside area which is distinctly shabbier than the rest of the upper city. There are a lot of dark alleys here. I begin trembling again. Don’t cause trouble, it’ll only hurt that much more. He leads me into an apartment complex, up the stairs, and knocks on a door from behind which I can hear muffled music. The door opens. The music suddenly blasts at unreal volume. A huge white griffon stumbles out of it, finishing off a can of some drink, then crushing it in his talons. I barely stop myself from running away. The guard wants to sell me for food. I just hope they make it quick. “Heyyyyy, Heavy,” the griffon pats the earthpony’s shoulder and gives me a drunk stare, “Who’s that guy? He looks worse than some ponies at MY party, hah!” “Cromach, can I speak to you for a moment? it’s serious,” Heavy leads the griffon away, although I can’t help noticing they positioned themselves between me and the stairs. After a hushed conversation and glances thrown my way, Cromach nods, walks over, and throws a foreleg around my shoulders. I shudder at the touch, and he withdraws it. “Hey, buddy, you can stay at my place tonight. There’s like ten other ponies already totally wasted in there, so just be careful where you walk. Hey, you can drown your sorrows too. We’ve got booze aplenty!” “You don’t have to do this,” I mumble. “Heavy’s a good guy, and I trust his judgement. If he brings me a filthy young unicorn, I’m gonna take care of a filthy young unicorn.” “You’re gonna eat me, aren’t you?” “Bleh, no!” Cromach waves at Heavy and closes the door behind us, “Raw ponies taste awful. Well,” he grins to himself, “depending on which part is in your mouth.” He leads me with a wing wrapped around my back towards a smaller door in the back of the dark and packed suite with a lava lamp in the center surrounded by a bunch of relaxing ponies with paper cups full of probably beer. Inside the bathroom, there’s a mare holding the toilet seat and throwing up. Cromach ignores her, shoving me into a shower corner. “Wash yourself off a bit, or do you need help?” His offer might be genuine, but I back away from him into the corner, shaking my head. “Right, right, I get it, trust me,” he points to a plastic shelf hanging nearby, and draws the shower curtain behind himself, leaving me moderately alone, “I’ll be back in a bit.” This all could have already been over. I crumble on the floor and start crying, unheard over the music and warm water running through my coat. *** Something touches me under my forelegs. “Hmm...” groggy, I open my eyes, failing to see… anything really. Something is covering my face. The grabby something digs its sharp bits into my barrel and under my forelegs. No… not again! “Aaaaah!” I try to push whatever is blinding and groping me away, flailing ineffectively against the soft surface, “No no no no no no! Go away.” “Shhh… it’s okay,” says a soothing male voice. The invading, sharp gropey grabbers stop trying to pick me up, instead just gently scratch my back and ears until I stop trembling. The fluffy cloud blinding me moves away, revealing I’ve had my face pressed against some griffon’s soft chest. Cromach, was it? “There, better? I know that being touched by anyone else is the last thing you want right now, but falling asleep on the shower floor can’t be healthy. I sort of managed to dry you up, but then you woke up screaming.” “I… I thought… that I just passed out with them around me and… that I woke up just for them to continue.” “I’m not going to molest you or anything,” Cromach smiles, “no matter how good you look with that damp coat and mane.” “Sorry… I didn’t mean to cause you trouble,” managing to stand up, I catch the towel he throws at me. It’s not a clean one and smells faintly like the griffon himself, heavy but not unpleasant. He waits there until I’m done toweling myself off, watching, “Thank you, sir.” Chuckling, he leads me out. “Cromach is fine, and I didn’t mind you punching me, but the screaming was hell. Damn, I think I drank myself through being wasted straight into a hangover. Anyway,” as we leave the bathroom, I realize it’s quiet, the party is over, and vast majority of ponies are gone with the rest leaving right now, “I’ve got a lot of mess to clean up before I have to leave.” “Let me help,” I levitate few plastic cups, putting them on the table in the center of the room. “You should rest. Heavy told me what he thinks happened to you, and you’ve slept for like three hours on the floor. Heh,” he scratches his head, “I kinda forgot about you. There was this mare who was really interested in my talons and-” I let him yammer on about his party mare as I gather all the mess I can see. In the meantime he brings a trash bag, never stopping to vividly describe how mares react to having the dock of their tail scratched. Well, it’s not like I’d get a chance to find out myself. Mares either ignore or straight up dislike me. Understandably so. They don’t need another pussy in their life, they already have one. When the cleanup is over, I sit down on the bed, realizing Cromach’s apartment is quite large. The griffon himself is putting a gold-foiled plate armor on with some lion insignia I don’t recognize. “You’re a guard?” “Technically a recruit here sharing Griffon Legion training methods with the Royal Guards,” he yawns, “Okay, today’s gonna suck. We kinda overdid it on the drinking and screwing around part.” I can’t help chuckling and immediately covering my mouth. Cromach smacks his chestplate with his talons. “We griffons, we stronk, we drink, we fight!” after looking around for the keys which he finds inside an empty can on the table by the door, he offers, “Look, I can either lock you up here or you can go outside and come back in the evening when I’m done at the castle. I’d advise you to go to the police and tell them everything, but if you want to rest that’s fine with me.” “I’ll go,” no to the police, of course, but I’m getting a second chance here, and… it’s not like the city walls won’t be there tomorrow. With that in mind, I follow Cromach outside, “I’ll try going door to door and asking for a job.” “Good luck,” Cromach slaps my plot and laughs at my squeak, “Just don’t do anything stupid, and I’ll see you tonight.” I’m too stunned to say anything as we split up, he walking eastward towards the castle, and I in the opposite direction just to get away from him. I… I’m into mares, pony ones on top of that. Then why, when the initial disgust and shock passed, did I feel happy when he said I had a nice butt. Is that even true? It can’t be. I turn my head as far as I can. Too bad it’s not full three-sixty degrees. That would solve all my problems. Nope, nothing interesting about my backside. Alright, day three. Something I hoped I wouldn’t say or think again after yesterday. [Blazng’s Entry] You can guess how well it went, book. Upper Canterlot, Lower Canterlot… I’m too weak to do earthpony jobs, I can’t fly, my telekinesis sucks, and I don’t know any real magic. Maybe yesterday was a sign… maybe all I’m good for is a cheap hole. Perhaps if I find some public stall like the ones I read about in Manehattan, if I don’t resist and do what everypony says, maybe it won’t hurt that much. Hey, without some of my front teeth, I’m already halfway qualified. Maybe I could knock the rest out myself... [End Entry] And here I am again, hesitating before knocking on Cromach’s door after a day full of failure. In the end, I softly tap against the wood, deep down hoping Cromach isn’t there or he just doesn’t want this hobo to defile his home again. He opens within a moment, my ears drooping. “That can’t be good,” he comments, ushering me inside. “Nopony wants me.” “Yeah, that’s winter for you,” he waves it off, then pats my back and stops,“You’re freezing. Have you been just walking around the whole day?” I chuckle. “Not much else to do, really. I’ve got no money, but I at least still have my legs.” “Not for long, if you keep going like this,” he frowns, pointing to a chair at the table, “Sit down, I’ve got tea brewing.” “I’m alright, it’s not like I did anything you didn’t.” “Royal Guard training keeps you pretty warm, and the armors are enchanted to keep a little bit of warmth. I doubt you’ve got magical hooves.” “I’ve got magical nothing,” I mutter, sigh, and rub my horn, “Not even this damn stub.” Cromach must have excellent hearing, because he answers from the kitchen: “I’d think a unicorn would have a natural advantage over an earthpony even in a warehouse. I saw some signs when I was on patrol that the airship dock is looking for workers.” “Been there, failed that,” I raise my voice just so he doesn’t have to strain his ears, “Telekinesis is a bonus only when you can carry something you couldn’t in your mouth.” “Oh right,” he returns, shuffling on three legs with a plate of two tea cups held in his talons, “no grabbies,” he puts the plate down, stretching his ‘grabbies’, “Speaking of which, Heavy asked about you, but I didn’t know where you were so we put it off until tomorrow. I don’t suppose you visited the police station about the ra- what happened to you...” “No, and...” I lower my head, “mind if we don’t do that? I mean, I’m not really worth causing trouble to anypony. I called them mud ponies, I deserved that. What would you do if I called you a catbird?” “Laughed?” he raises an eyebrow, “No, I’m not backing down from this. Either you’ll tell the police or Heavy will.” I don’t answer, preferring to burn my lips with the fresh tea. “Nopony saw it anyway. I screamed, but they knocked my teeth out… nopony came to help. It’ll be my word against theirs, and I’m nothing. It’s not like I can remember how they looked either. It was dark, everything just hurt… that’s all I know.” “The hoodie Heavy took from you will tell the police all you can’t or won’t. They have proper magic- oops, sorry.” “It’s fine. I’m used to it.” “Oookay, gloomy pony, aren’t you?” he leans back on his chair, “On a different note, since you’re having trouble finding a job and you’re sleeping here anyway, I could use a maid. Plus, you already have a good plot- I mean some of the qualifications.” Weird griffon. “I’ll consider it after I inevitably fail tomorrow.” He shakes his head, then furrows his brows as if realizing something. “Did you eat anything today?” I wave my forelegs defensively. “You’re already doing far too much for me. If I starve while looking for a job, then I really wasn’t supposed to make it-” “Oh for crying out loud,” he stomps off, raising his voice. He returns immediately, tossing a long, still packed sandwich onto the table, “Eat it, or I’ll shove it down your throat! And don’t you dare tell me it’s too big. Wasted or not, I remember in what shape Heavy brought you to me.” He sits down, forelegs crossed on his chest, glaring at me. I levitate the thing up, unwrapping the packaging. “Sorry...” I mumble, taking a bite, then a bigger one, and in a minute I’m stuffing my face, trying to shove the whole thing down my throat on instinct. After absolutely demolishing the sandwich and catching myself licking some crumbs off of the table, I gather the courage to look at Cromach again. The griffon is snickering with his beak covered. Well, at least he’s not mad anymore. “That was quite the spectacle, are you sure you aren’t part pig?” “Maybe-” He snaps his talons sharply. “Nope, stop! I can recognize how you go blank whenever you’re thinking something along the lines of ‘I probably am a pig more than a pony’. You’re going to bed, and your only choice is with or without me.” He’s joking… he must be joking. “I… I can take the floor. You’re a big guy, and I didn’t see a second bed-” “I’m also a Legion soldier and a Royal Guard,” he grabs me, tosses me onto his back, and walks to the bedroom. Don’t resist, don’t resist. You’ll just make it worse. Three earthponies, then a griffon. Wait, what? Quite gently, he lowers me on the bed before grabbing a spare blanket from a wardrobe, folding it in half on the floor, and taking a pillow as well. “I can-” he pulls the bedsheet over me, rolling me up like a burrito. “No complaining!” he orders firmly. Within a moment, the lights shut off, and I hear Cromach lying down on the floor and covering himself as well. I’m not coming back tomorrow. Cromach is super nice to me, and that’s all the reason I need to firmly decide that somepony like me shouldn’t even think of being around him. He deserves a better tier of friends, or even freeloaders. Tomorrow. After dark. Without hesitation. I have to. He seems not to dislike me, and that’s just wrong. I haven’t done anything for him, and the best gift I can give now is to stop wasting his time. *** Everything is pitch black. I’m standing still, watching a white, winged, asymetric, serpentine silhouette staring at me. To my right, there’s a pegasus one holding a tea kettle- Bxlcj ofh! “Hmm…?” I mumble. “I said ‘wake up’,” I recognize Cromach’s voice and his talons shaking me, “Heavy’s here, and he’s got something for you.” After some brief moaning and untangling myself from the bed, I’m back in the living room, hesitantly waving my hoof at Heavy who smiles. “Cromach told me you were having trouble finding a job, so I asked around, and it’s possible to join the recruits this late if you want. It’s hard and you’ll probably regret it, but they pay on time and give you a place to sleep.” “Can I keep him?” calls Cromach out from the kitchen, “I’ve always wanted a pet, and this one can talk. I just need to teach him more phrases than ‘I hate myself’ or ‘I regret not jumping down the mountain’. It’s a work in progress.” I hang my head, not wanting to look Heavy in the eyes. “That bad?” the earthpony asks, walking over and forcing me to. “Look, you’re too nice to me. What happened was my all fault. I should have been left alone to reap what I sowed. After the past two days, I’m more certain of it than before. I have no talent, not even a cutie mark, look!” Cromach’s head peeks out of the kitchen door. “I offer a proper ass-to-talon examination of afflicted area just in case the cutie mark is invisible!” “Grope jokes aimed at a rape victim,” Heavy facehoofs, “No wonder he’s not getting better.” “Hey!” “No! No no no no, it’s not his fault. It’s just the job thing,” I defend him, stopping for a moment when I realize it’s true. I... don’t mind Cromach’s jabs. It’s kinda nice being wanted for once in my life, even though it’s by a pervy griffon… MALE griffon. Life’s weird. Unfortunately, all that does is give Heavy ammo. “Then come with us today, and we’ll see what we can do with you in the Guard.” “They won’t take me,” I say with absolute certainty. “Oh they take everypony. They just kick ninety percent out after a first month. You’re eligible for a bunk bed in the recruit barracks and three disgusting meals per day. All a growing stallion needs.” “I don’t know...” “It’s that or the police station.” Technically, it wouldn’t be me causing trouble to the guards, but them to me maybe? “You… drive a hard bargain,” I nod, and whisper, “I don’t know why you bother.” “You needed help, and Cromach wanted a pet, simple,” Heavy smirks. “I had all I needed when you found me, and Cromach can always get a dog. Those are smarter than me anyway.” “Can’t bang a dog, at least not in Equestria!” comes from the kitchen. “Oh Celestia damn it!” I facehoof. “He has that effect on ponies,” Heavy shakes his head, “Anyway, please don’t say that.” “Sorry...” “All done,” Cromach brings three bowls of cereal flakes, and few packages, “Breakfast, Heavy?” “Thanks.” We sit down and eat. As much as I dislike wasting Cromach’s resources, he clearly doesn’t mind. Besides, now I have a way out. There’s no way somepony like me can make it as a guard, so I’ll give it a shot, face the inevitable conclusion, and then finally do what’s right. But me saying that out loud bothers the two, and the last thing I want is to annoy them further. Everything I’ve seen until now pales in comparison to when I’m inside the glorious Canterlot castle, facing a measuring glare of a black, red-eyed alicorn mare looking like a villain from a bad fantasy novel. “My name is Joy. I am princess Celestia’s scribe, and I suppose you’re the pony I’m supposed to enlist.” “Y-Yes ma’am,” I’m shaking, and no matter what I do I can’t hide it. Joy’s bat wings ruffle as she circles around me. So this is what they wanted to do, not feed me to Cromach but to her. Bat ponies supposedly drink blood, and bat pony alicorns… probably even more blood. “Chubby, but workable. Extremely low level of magic, no special talent. Clearly has been doing low intensity exercise on his own. We’ll see in three weeks,” Joy’s levitating quill writes something on the sheet of parchment which she rolls up and gives me the scroll, “Done. Give this to miss Grey Shrine at the barracks, and she’ll tell you what next.” “T-Thank you, m-ma’am.” “Joy is fine.” “Damn well she is. Just look at that booty,” Cromach whispers in my ear. I freeze when she gives him a frosty glare and definitely not an icy gaze. She can’t have heard that, could she? Then she winks at me before turning away and leaving, her hips swaying with each entrancing step. “Work him to the bone, you two,” she adds. “No problem,” Cromach answers, “I’ll even bone him at work.” Heavy’s helmet thumps against the closest wall, repeatedly. “Stop staring, you two,” the earthpony eventually bonks each of us over the head, “We’ve got things to do. Blazing?” “Yes?” “I’ll show you around on the way to the barracks. Cromach, tell drill sargeant Rising Thunder I’ll be there shortly.” “Sure thing,” despite his armor, he opens the closest window and flies off as if he wasn’t wearing a suit as heavy as he is. “Ready for Tartarus, Blazing?” asks Heavy, leading me through the castle halls. “I’ve got nothing to lose, Heavy,” I follow him, “Absolutely nothing.” *** “Owww, my everything...” I collapse onto the bed at Cromach’s place. “I call massage.” Talons dig into my back, and when I just moan they go lower. Without asking, Cromach’s massage turns into open groping of my plot. I don’t care. When the world consists only of physical pain and exhaustion, he can do what he wants with my body after I pass out. I breathe out, Cromach, leaving one foreleg digging deep into my backside, turns us so that I face him, and presses his beak against my mouth. I blink as I feel his invading tongue. I blink again when I realize the white outlines aren’t leaving. Still, the same flying snake and a pegasus. Oh how innocent we used to be. Suddenly smiling, I push Cromach over despite his size, and put everything I’ve got into the kiss, not letting go until he gasps for breath. “Whoah,” his eyes bulge, “I didn’t know you were getting into it this much.” Standing up from the bed, I feel all the pain dissipate. “I had time, Cro. Far too much time.” Ready, Mistake? Xsfgw-what? You take the front, I take right. Will do. One Blade of Balance stabs into the empty air on the right, and the second one straight ahead. I close my eyes. When I open my eyelids again, I’m facing Discord looking in disbelief not at the greatsword piercing his snaky chest, but at the one lodged inside the skull of a yellow, pink-maned pegasus mare holding a tea kettle. “You know, Discord, I could believe everything bad that’s been happening to me was real, but making me successful and happy… that’s something I couldn’t stomach, that’s where your illusion failed. I’m broken beyond repair, aren’t I?” I chuckle. Discord ignores me, still staring at the faintly familiar pegasus. “Fluttershy? Fluttershy?” he speaks up to the pegasus undisturbed by the clearly fatal wound, pouring tea mixing with dripping brain matter into her cup. “More tea, Discord?” she asks quietly. “Fluttershy?” As she offers him the disgusting mess inside the cup, I sense something familiar. Where did I…? Inside Canterlot mountain? The abomination of souls? My tracing spell sends out a flash revealing a blue, see-through pegasus struggling against ethereal chains binding her to her ‘immortal’ body. It takes only a little mental poke from me for the chains to disappear. *Thud!* “Fluttershy? FLUTTERSHY?!” Discord is shaking the now limp yellow corpse on the floor. ”Thank you,” I hear a faint whisper, ”He loves me, and I love him, but everything must end eventually, and he needs to accept it.” So this is why Discord didn’t show up to play some ‘games’ with me after my return. Locked in with the memory of his old lover, all he wanted was to stay here with her… forever. “You. Hurt. Fluttershy.” I may have made a mistake. ”YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO JUMP! THE ILLUSION SHOULD HAVE KILLED YOU. DO YOU SIMPLY NOT KNOW WHEN OR HOW TO GIVE UP?! IS RUINING MY PEACE THE ONLY THING THAT CAN SATE YOUR THIRST FOR BLOOD?” he screams. Readying the Blades, I face the snarling and drooling god. “Trust me, we want exactly the same thing. Unfortunately, you’ve shown me before that it’s either your peace or mine.” “YOU HURT FLUTTERSHY!” he lunges forward without any tactic or plan, like an attacking beast, and loses an arm for it as I easily dodge and with Mistake’s help hack it off. That doesn’t stop or even slow him. The arm is back in a flash, swiping at me in the next instant. Damn regeneration. As I cross the Blades in front of me to block Discord’s punch, his taloned fist shreds itself against the edges. The blow still makes me stagger, and in a flash of white light, his arm is alright again. This is worse than Harmony. His avatar did regenerate, but Discord just renews himself instantly. Another wild swipe followed by him biting one Blade, and me giving him the widest smile ever... for about a millisecond. He’s actually attacking really just like an animal. This is a battle of attrition. Minutes of our fight pass. Ten, thirty, more… I don’t know. I stumble, Discord immediately snapping his jaws an inch away from me. In response, both my Blades bury themselves into his neck, sawing his head off. It disappears with another flash, immediately returning onto his neck. Unlike Harmony’s avatar, Discord’s healing isn’t slowing down. I think I need all three Blades for this. Mistake, any ideas? We’re inside a reality bubble that looks like a small hill overlooking an apple tree orchard. There’s pretty much nothing to use but- huh, I can feel a crack. A small part of the bubble surrounding the picnic clearing flashes purple, looking like the crack I saw at the camp. I AM destabilizing this place after all, I just need few more… years at this pace before Discord grows too weak to heal himself. After Discord lunges again and faces yet another decapitation, I turn and dart towards the crack. He appears in front of me, snapping his talons. The crack duplicates… triplicates… multiplies far too many times to count, its mirror images spreading all over the surface of the bubble. “Now which one is real?” Discord laughs ruthlessly, “I’ll give you a little tip - don’t go in blind unless you can breathe magma.” Crap… plan B, Mistake? THINKING. Another lunge followed by a swipe which I dodge by a quick sidestep without even bothering to counterattack. I’m fighting as slowly and methodically as I can, but I’m losing strength. I might be preventing Discord from straight up turning me into a fly and squashing me, but at this rate it means very little. Gasping for breath, I finally feel a prick in my side where Discord’s clawed arm hits for the first time. It’s a small bleeding gash, a sign that my time is running out. As I wipe sweat from my forehead, time stops. Huh? ”He told me what you need and… and I think I can help.” What? You know what I think? Who told you what? ”Souls, you need raw souls to grant you power and protection. He told me how it worked. He told me that I would… be gone, all my memories, everything that I am. I will be just a blank soul, pure power for you.” Wait, well of souls? The army of the dead? That’s Void’s thing, not mine. ”He told me you would understand once it happened. Now trust me, and take it. What little my souls is worth, it’s yours now. Thank you for saving me, now… if you can… save Discord, please.” WHO told you? ”He called himself Void.” But he’s dead. ”Maybe there’s more of him inside you than you think, or maybe deep down you are like him. Now do what you have to. I can feel myself fading… drifting asleep. I needed that… for so long...” The blue pegasus spirit turns into a spark. It flickers, and circles around my neck before floating down on my back. As if very gentle lightning struck every cell in my body, with the next breath I take I cleave Discord in half. It’s about as effective as before, but now I feel I can keep it up. Pounce, slash, heal. Over and over and over and over. Until... Until I realize it’s gone dark. Considering I’ve been using my tracing spell to see Discord whenever I have to turn my back, it’s not surprising. Can it actually go dark in Discord’s pocket dimension? Regular day and night? That doesn’t fit the chaotic god. Discord is about to lunge again… ...when a blade as tall as he is and burning with black, cold flames bursts out of the ground, impaling his twisted form in multiple places. Discord screams as the expression on his face twists from blind rage to shock and agony. The blade starts sawing through him, making his whole form jerk and gush gore all over the now dying grass underneath. Mistake, is this a trap? I sense Nightmare. So it was one, I just assumed wrong who it was aimed for, and who sprung it. Out of the pitch blackness behind the cracked bubble marking the border of this place, a pony form appears, its coat and mane only darkness filled with stars. Just like last time, Nightmare’s grin and eyes are just glowing white holes. “My dearest brother,” she proclaims, the burning blade skewering Discord suddenly twisting and leaving the god of Life as two noodles of body connected only via the head impaled on the blade’s tip, “I learned so much from you, and then you devolved into this,” Nightmare shakes her head, crushing Fluttershy’s skull under her hoof. I sense her fading soul inside me twitch, “I’m pretty sure my friend here and I are doing you a favor by finally ending you.” I cross the Blades of Balance in front of me and step backwards. Nightmare’s power radiates from her in waves. She’s drastically stronger than Harmony’s avatar or Discord. It’s clear she’s been scheming and gaining strength while I was busy fighting the others. Umm, Mistake, now would be an excellent time to work out which of the cracks leads back to the real world. Or you know what? If Nightmare is this much in control, I’m gonna give the volcano a shot. WORKING ON IT! Discord’s body bursts into dark flames, he screams one final time before his hoarse throat gives out, and then there’s only silvery, completely dead ash left. Huh. and a tiny, white, glowing… soul? I thought gods didn’t have one. I thought everything they are is inside their divinity, that they are a natural force which gained self-awareness. Chaotic rainbow mist appears at the place where Discord’s body got incinerated, surrounding Nightmare who absorbs it. I realize Nightmare just devoured another god within a moment, an amount of energy I could steal only a tiny fraction of. Mistake… if you don’t think of something, we’re dead. I don’t have the third Blade, and I’m pretty certain Nightmare just doubled her power. I KNOW. “Aaaah...” she cracks her neck, “the power of Life,” she sticks out a long, black tongue, “Tastes dreadful, but I assume I’ll have to ‘live’, heh, with that now.” she looks at me, her sawtoothed grin growing, “You’re still here?” “Unfortunately, yes,” I admit, readying the Blades shaking in my telekinesis. Nightmare squints, then bursts out laughing. “One soul? You got ONE? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” more and more cracks appear on the bubble’s surface, “Void had millions of the best, my own power refined over eons to harm us, our power was still divided into three parts, and he still managed to be BARELY relevant.” as I blink, she’s in front of me, booping my nose with her hoof, “Blazing Light. What. Have. You. Got?” My own divinity flares up, phoenix fire crawling up Nightmare’s foreleg before being sucked in, into the empty void. “Nothing,” she flicks my chin, “Absolutely nothing. Now, I’ll follow Discord’s example, and watch my little pet squirm. Make you struggle amusing, ‘Godslayer.’” Time freezes again. Having to stare into Nightmare’s glowing eyeholes is not a pleasant thing. Discord’s tiny soul circles around me. ”Soul? Heh, I guess I made it in the end. I loved Fluttershy so much. She was the one who made me who I was in the end, and I hurt her so much. I just couldn’t let go. You, alicorn… let’s make a deal.” Yes? ”I know how Void’s army of the dead worked. I know Fluttershy’s memories are fading with each second, and that her soul now willingly serving you is just an imprint which will turn into pure power within minutes. I just… I just want to be with her, even if I won’t know it.” Damn, this is embarrassing, but what have I got to lose at this point? Ehm, here goes - I beg you, alicorn of Death, in exchange for my soul serving you willingly, please let me spend my final moments with Fluttershy’s. I don’t have any divine power for you anymore, Nightmare took everything, but a willing soul is a soul, right? Even one as small as mine. Is this a trick? ”I am out of tricks, out of hope, out of… time. This is my last wish. Both of us will serve you like the most powerful leaders, magicians, warriors, and even the lowliest of peasants served Void.” You do realize that neither you or Fluttershy will know it, right? You will not stay as yourselves, only as pure soul power for me to use. I know you said you did, I’m just making sure. ”If you were in my position and I in yours, if you knew Cromach and Joy have given themselves to me willingly, what would you do? Especially if it just might bite the bitch who killed me, in her fat plot.” The answer is pretty clear. Alright, Discord. After all, I know with absolute certainty that while Void had the best souls from all ages of the world, he never had a god’s. ”That’s the spirit. Now, the correct crack is that one,” he points to one rather close, “I’d haul ass quick if I were you, otherwise Nightmare might get bored with you.” Time returns, I hack at Nightmare with one Blade which harmlessly passes through as a distraction, and bolt towards the one crack Discord pointed out. I hope he wasn’t just playing one final joke. Before ramming into it, I let out a burst of divinity around me, destabilizing the bubble even further, magma pouring in from every crack but mine. Before jumping through, my tracing spell simply shows Nightmare laughing in a growing orange lake of burning death. Well, it was more a question of honor than a real attempt at causing damage. I blink. When I open my eyes, it’s still dark, and I’m standing on a grassy clearing with tents behind me. I recall Discord’s illusion which was supposed to kill me. I refused to give up, but it showed me one thing... Now I know I will never be happy, I don’t know how to be, and it’s no one’s fault but mine. I will always be in doubt, always knowing I’m not good enough, never truly in peace. Like Mistake said - living paranoia pretending it’s a pony. When I walk back, I notice Joy is sitting by the fire pit, watching the gently burning flames. Sitting down by her side, I give her a surprise kiss on the side of her muzzle. She leans back, blinking. “Thank you for being here with me,” I put my head on her shoulder. She breathes out,  wrapping her wing around my barrel. “I can’t just allow you to get all depressed and give up, can I?” she chuckles. We sit there as the flames gradually dissipate. “Discord is dead.” “Good.” “The others will be worse.” “Shhh. That doesn’t matter now.” “Okay.” “Get some sleep, Blazing.” “Okay...” The last thing I feel before drifting off is Joy laying me down on the grass, and draping herself over me. Strange, I expected nightmares, but all I get is a peaceful rest. Finally.