Maple, Valey and Gerardo rounded a corner, coming to a stop at the top of a flight of steps in front of a closed iron door and an armored terminal. Valey pulled a card key from her mane, having found and replaced her hat, and swung it through the reader. "Zoop!"
A red light beeped, and the door didn't open. Valey frowned and stuck out her tongue.
"Oh... pardon me," a magically-distorted stallion's voice blared from the terminal, the communications array at the top lighting up. "Is that thing not working? Did some not-a-pony's access get revoked?"
Valey narrowed her eyes, stepping back and looking at the security camera above the terminal. "Hey, Selma. What's up?"
Maple and Gerardo drew up defensively alongside Valey as the terminal continued. "What's up, you ask? Oh, not much at all, I'm afraid. I've been merely sitting here in this control room having the time of my life listening to you pour your heart out to a bunch of strangers you met not two days ago while all the noble soldiers under our command are quaking in their sabatons and scurrying about like ants trying to find a way to combat the illustrious Spirit of Sosa. It's really quite exhilarating. And I'm not even being sarcastic!"
Valey nodded. "Uh huh."
"Did you cry?" Selma's voice asked. "I couldn't get a good look, but it sounded like you were all choked up. I don't suppose you'd care to give me a repeat performance, would you?"
"With all due respect, Captain," Gerardo interrupted, "is there a point to this? And how can you even hear us? You informed me yesterday that the security system lacks microphones!"
"Good old Gerardo..." the terminal crooned. "Always getting hung up on the how... Is that a thing you do? We barely even know each other. Regardless, the cameras lack microphones, but these security terminals are much newer! And there is a point. Quite a few of them, even."
"Is one of them to monologue at us?" Maple asked. "You sound like a book villain, and you sound like you're enjoying it."
Selma cackled. "Exactly! You have no idea how long I've been waiting for this. You see, Valey, you just threw in the towel. Abandoning the Defense Force? Leaving Ironridge and its protection all to me? How did you know it was my birthday? I don't believe you've ever shown up before..."
"I'm sorry to hear that," Valey yawned, fanning her mouth with a wing. "Get well soon, and all."
"Oh, boo," the terminal droned, magical lights flickering with the tone of Selma's voice. "Really, I wish you had skedaddled years ago. You've been a constant annoyance and thorn in my side as long as I've known you, Valey. What was it you liked to be called again? Allergen? Amphibian? Some cheesy title starting with an A... Regardless, I thought it would be a stunning sendoff to trap you in here for a spell and force you to take some of your own medicine. A little catharsis for yours truly, or something. All you have to do for me to open this door is let out a single yowl of frustration and rage! Preferably with an eye tick. You do so love inspiring those in me..."
Gerardo stomped forward. "Selma, must you really? Surely you're aware of how much danger much of Ironridge is in right now! Should we not be working together to defend it?"
"Oh, you mean that silly little bomb threat, or your intended invasion of the Water District? Those are your and Herman's plans, not mine. By the way, have you figured out precisely what Herman is doing yet? I'm curious now that you're playing the game how smart of creatures I'm up against..."
"And you have?" Gerardo countered. "Tell us what you know! It could be critical!"
"Oh, but I already have," Selma cooed. "Remember? I teleported you to the very room you're standing in now shortly before we 'discovered' those bombs and told you everything! Don't tell me it's slipped your puny mind..."
Gerardo blanched. "What!? I... I can't say I..." He hung his head in realization.
"Too bad, so sad," Selma mocked. "Now do you mind taking your hideous mug elsewhere? It's Valey I want to make fun of, not you."
"Keep trying, lard silo," Valey remarked, relaxing against a wall. "You have no idea how to be annoying. Honestly, I'm kinda enjoying this."
"What's he talking about?" Maple asked, turning to Gerardo and raising an eyebrow. "He told you something important earlier? And you were here?"
"You didn't even tell your friends?" The terminal sounded astonished. "Fascinating. And here I thought you cared about them. In that case, maybe I'm feeling like a crash course after all! Let's see... Yakyakistan, running a top-secret project. Shipping some crates here, by sea and not air as a backup in case they failed. Been in planning for forty years, all they're really in Ironridge for... sound familiar? It should..."
Gerardo nodded. "Continue to jog my memory."
"Look at the griffons, or the Varsidelians! Do you see them taking over the political scene or forming militias and hiring underhoof mercenaries to get what they want? The yaks are in it deep. Everything that's happened here since you showed up with those crates has just been part of the culmination of a plan forty years in the making. I tried to stop it, of course. What reasonable Defense Force commander wouldn't? My entire livelihood hinges on it! If the yaks finish, the yaks leave, and no more Defense Force. No more me, and no more Valey. Isn't that sad?"
"Meh. Not really." Valey shrugged.
"Says you, now that you're getting out. Anyway, I fumbled about for a while, trying to come up with the perfect plan, not knowing exactly what Herman would do... and then I realized! He wants to start a war!" Selma cackled again, doing his best to sound unbalanced. "Now that, I can work with. Do you know what I'm going to do, Valey and Gerardo? I gave him the crates. I'm being the perfect henchstallion and playing along with everything. And then, when the explosions start, we'll see where the dice fall... but I'm betting the Spirit of Sosa are going to attack. And I'll be there to stop them! Even with the yaks gone, I'll be a city-wide hero who rebelled against my boss and restored order, just like the old legends of Blazing Rain. I'm going to save the entire Stone District from the threat of mass vengeance and pillaging, and everyone will be too indebted to me to allow the Defense Force to dissolve. It will make me the hero of Ironridge forever, and I won't have to answer to that scheming yak or pretend to share power with you ever again! I'll even get to put some nice mares in the Defense Force again. Doesn't that sound like a good plan?"
Maple's eyes widened. "You want to let things escalate to a conflict just so that you can be the one to get credit for stopping it? But what about all the ponies you're supposed to protect!?"
"I'm supposed to protect the Stone District. Nobody said anything about the lower two..."
"So, uhh..." Valey got up, sashaying toward the terminal. "I don't know if you're expecting me to be blown away by the evilness of your plans or what, but can we go now? Because otherwise I'm just going to shadow sneak us all through the door, and I happen to know this one isn't proofed against that. We're only here because you're entertaining, and I'm starting to get bored."
"Hmmph," Selma growled. "My throat's getting sore from talking like that anyway. Regardless, I have an offer for you, Valey."
"My ears are fuzzy," Valey chirped.
"...Right. I don't like you, you don't like me, and neither of us like Herman. Presently, none of the Defense Force know you're no longer employed. Perhaps you'd like to get out quietly, or perhaps you'd like them to all come down on your tail so you can beat them up one last time. But if you stay out of my way and don't interfere with my plans, I'll keep your treacherous little secret and let you get out of Ironridge unscathed. It's your deal to call. I'll keep my end until you break yours."
Valey nodded. "Cool, cool. Maybe I'll take you up on that. Anything else?"
"I really would like to hear you scream in annoyance... but it appears that's off the table. Good bye, and good riddance."
The communications array went silent, and Valey shrugged, holding up her card key. "Well? Anyone want to bet on whether that loser is letting us out?"
Maple shuffled nervously, and Gerardo said nothing. Valey took that as a yes, flicking the card once again through the reader. It beeped red... and then, with a flurry of static, the array crackled back on for a long burst of Selma's laughter. Then it went dead again.
"Har har," Valey droned. "He's camping it. Either that or he left a recording. Hmm..."
She tried her card again, only to be met with the exact same cackle. "Heh." Valey put the card back in her hat. "Points for him trying, at least. But I can totally do a better evil laugh than that. Anyway, shadow sneak time. Who wants to go first?"
"I've got something to try, actually," Maple announced, stepping toward the terminal. Digging around in the nebulous pocket of space that was her cutie mark, she found something she had stolen on the very first day while Selma's guards were carrying her into the Water District: the card key he had used to open a security door. She grinned, baring her teeth. "Let's see if he locked out his own card!"
Beep! The light glowed green, and the door hissed open.
"What!?" Selma's voice suddenly sparked over the array. "That's cheating!"
"Oh, so you were camping us, huh?" Valey leaned seductively against the terminal, grinning up at the camera. "Huh! And I thought you weren't even going to try. You are trying to annoy me, right? Sorry, it's the tiniest bit hard to tell..."
"Rrrgh..." the terminal growled. "This is why I hate you! Why can't you just let me have the last word for once? Get out of here and go! Good riddance, I said! Hurry up, the door is right there! It's even open!"
Valey got to her hooves, using the terminal as a step and sticking her face right in front of the camera. "Ehh... nah. Remember, I don't like you either. Here's a lesson, though: if you want to make others uncomfortable, you have to be totally shameless... like this!"
Happily, she started licking the camera lens.
"Aaargh! Ew! What the...?" Selma's voice flailed. "I didn't need to see that! You killjoy!"
The array clicked off, and Valey hopped back down, spitting. "Bleh, that tasted nasty. Totally worth it, though. I bet he's gone. Also, we're probably gonna have to deal with goons because of that, but..." She shrugged. "This is my home turf, so we'll be fine. And like I said, totally worth. Cool card trick, by the way, Ironflanks. Anyway, everyone ready?"
She was met with no resistance from the others, so they strolled out the door and into the rest of the Flame District.