//------------------------------// // My Little Pony: The Movie, feat. Fishy Clams, Clammy Fish Birds, and a Crotch-Grabbing Fish-man // Story: Letters from an Irritated Princess // by Tired Old Man //------------------------------// High up in a room within Canterlot Castle, lined with various stained-glass windows, three alicorns encased in obsidian stood in a circle, still as statues of a decidedly less chaotic nature. Fear reflected in their darkened, glassy eyes as clear as the moment of their capture… yet, among the horror-filled expressions chiseled on their faces, a small spark of blue light brightened up the room. The tip of Cadance’s horn fluctuated in small magical pulses as bright white lines extended outward to Celestia and Luna. Upon contact, their horns brightened in response to join in, bridging the last gap between them with a bright white line to complete a triangle of telepathy. Yes, this was their moment to speak in secret, plan an elaborate escape, or even break free of their prisons in an explosive retort to their predicament or… or… “Well, this could have gone better,” Cadance began in a displeased tone. “Agreed. I believe we could have performed better than this,” Luna added. “Especially my sister.” ...Or, uh, do none of that? Celestia snorted. “Well spoken from the one that flew away in a straight line from our stormy attacker and didn’t even attempt to swerve or serpentine.” “I thought I could outfly it!” Luna retorted. “You are not Rainbow Dash, Luna!” Celestia snapped. “You cannot simply ‘outfly’ a shot from a star blitzball player like Tempest!” “Don’t you mean ‘buckball’ player?” “You know what I meant, Cadance.” “Well what about you?! You can’t tell me standing there could have possibly worked in your favor over trying to block it!” Luna fired back. “But it was going to work, sister.” “...How? Why?” Celestia laughed. “Because it’s the last thing she’d expect!” The response met silence from both alicorns for a time, the pregnant pause growing steadily as if a decade had passed… Or was it three days? Was there even a way to tell how much time had passed? In this room of stained glass and closed doors and bare walls, would it hurt to hang a clock somewhere, anywhere? “...Celestia?” Cadance finally asked a millennium later. “Yes, my darling niece?” “Have you made your New Year’s resolution yet?” Celestia wanted to shake her head, but couldn’t. “No, I haven’t. Why?” “Can I make a personal request for you to resolve never to use or justify the paralyzed goat defense from now until forever?” “Hrmm… I will consider it, but I was also thinking I should eat one less slice of cake this year instead. That seems far more reasonable!” Celestia said with a chipper note. “That’s it, I’m getting out of here!” Luna declared, her horn glowing brighter as a thin aura formed at the base of her statue. Groaning and straining noises accompanied small shifts and tilts as Luna tried to lift herself off the ground, but to no avail. Summoning all the strength she could muster, she attempted one last burst of movement… and she succeeded! A thunk echoed through the room as Luna’s obsidian statue toppled over. “...Okay, levitation did not work as well as I hoped it would.” “Luna! Are you alright?” “Unfortunately, yes,” she groaned. “Barring escape, I was hoping to lose an ear so I could stop hearing this nonsense.” Celestia rolled her eyes as hard as she could. “Sister, we’re speaking with telepathy.” “WE RESOLVE TO NEVER USE TELEPATHY AGAIN!” Luna punctuated this outburst with a dimming of her horn, falling silent once more. “...Very well. Cadance, since we’re on the topic, what’s your resolution?” Cadance paused for a moment before responding, “To raise my darling Flurry Heart with the purest of unconditional love.” “Aww…” “And to limit visits from relatives to once a month instead of three times a week,” Cadance added without hesitation. “Oh… HEY!” Celestia’s horn flashed brightly as she shook around angrily in place. “I do not visit that often!” “And for me to pick and choose what parenting advice to follow!” Celestia stopped shaking immediately. “...Okay, you’ve got something on me there, but—“ “And for you to stop spoiling Flurry Heart!” “...” was the only response Celestia had for that. Cadance gasped. “That was too far, wasn’t it?” “Yes it was, but I get the point.” Celestia sighed deeply before asking, “Can I visit twice a month at least?” “Deal.” “I will also bring cookies every time. I insist.” “Fine, but only if you promise to not make it a cookie mountain. A modest platter, and no more!” “Oh, you are driving a very hard bargain Cadance… but I accept!” “It’s settled then! But there is one more thing to do.” Cadance shifted in place slightly to turn towards Luna. “Should we try to stand her back up?” Celestia’s horn grew brighter as a faint golden glow formed on Luna’s head. “It’s the most we can do for her right now.”