//------------------------------//
// VI 
// Story: Bacon and Egghead 
// by shortskirtsandexplosions 
//------------------------------//

"How's it lookin', Rarity?" Applejack asked, leaning in over the table and staring out the coffee shop's window.

"Hmmmmmm..."  Rarity squinted one eye shut while she peered through a bejeweled spyglass with the other.  Adjusting the lens with a painted finger, she focused on the two girls seated at the furthest table within the cafe.  The fall of evening made it difficult to get a good bearing across the street much less through two separate plates of glass.  "Hard to tell..."

"Well, is it rainin' cats and dogs?"  Applejack asked, struggling and fumbling to see better.  "Can ya at least see if Twilight's thrown her drink in Sunset's face or somethin'?"

"Good grief!"  Rarity spat, lowering the spyglass to scoff at her country friend.  "Nothing of the sort!  How could you predict something so horribly disastrous for our friends?"

Applejack merely shrugged.  "You ain't givin' me much else to glean from."

"They're sitting and talking, Applejack."

"Just givin' the gab?"

"Yes.  Quite."  Rarity looked through the spyglass again.  "If you ask me, they're engaging in a simple, friendly conversation.  As intended."

"For real?  No lurvin' or cuddlin' or any of that smoochin' nonsense?"

"Oh A-A-Applejack..."  Rarity chuckled, spyglass rattling in her humored embrace.  "Don't be such a silly cowgirl!  This sort of thing takes time, darling!"

"Pfffft.  Shoot..."  Applejack leaned back, kicking her boots up onto the table.  Cl-Clank!  "Ain't how I learned to do a proper romantic outing!"

"Uh huh..."  Rarity twisted the lens of the spyglass in and out.  "And just what, pray tell, is your concept of a 'proper romantic outing,' Applejack?"

"It's not that complicated!"  Applejack tilted her hat back and folded her arms.  "All Sunset Shimmer's gotsta do is seal the deal as early as possible!"

"You don't say..."

"She's gotta take control, y'know?  Show who's really pullin' the plow!  After all, Sunset's the big'n of the relationship."  Applejack gestured.  "Just lean over to Twilight and go 'Now listen here, ya little scamp!  I ain't takin' no more of yer sass no longer!  Pucker up, y'all!' And she scoops her petite lil' figure up, cradlin' her all nice and gentle... so that she knows that even though she could very easily run away with them lil' athletic legs of hers, ain't nowhere else on God's green earth that'll be even half as comfy-like as bein' right there in Sunset's arms."  Closing her eyes, Applejack smiled and charaded a "cradling" motion with her forelimbs.  "And then Sunset scoops her up super close... runs a hand through her short silky hair... and swings sweet-nothings into her ear—y'know, songs taught on the farm since the beginning of time—until the varmint's raspy voice's been reduced to a lil' cooing sound, and then the kissin' begins... and boy howdy does it go on for a long time."  Applejack sighed dreamily.  "Gotta drown them stubborn colors out, y'know?"

Throughout the course of this monologue, Rarity gradually and icily turned her gaze from the spyglass to her drawling companion.

"Applejack, darling..."  Rarity's lips pursed.  "...since when does Twilight have a raspy voice?"

Applejack's eyes popped open.  "Uhm..."  She adjusted the brim of her hat, overshadowing a fresh curtain of sweat.  "...I-I might have heard the lil' librarian let out a sq-squeak or two."

"... ... ..."  Rarity glared at her.

"Ahem..."  Applejack leaned towards the spyglass.  "...how are them cats and dogs rainin' now?"