Unfortunately, I Am The King Of Equestria

by Sofa King Zill-E


Interlude: Fear Of The Unknown

From The Journal Of Royal Chronicler, Moondancer

The only thing more terrifying than knowing exactly what you're up against is knowing nothing about what you are up against.

For over a year now, we've done battle against King Sombra and his army of mind-controlled slaves. For over a year now, we've struggled to make any kind of progress towards victory. And we've failed. And all because of one simple, undeniable fact.

We know absolutely nothing about King Sombra.

Here's what we know: We know that he appeared in the Crystal Empire, wrested power from its rightful rulers, stole and corrupted the Crystal Heart that protected the kingdom, fought the alicorns, was sealed away, and then came back, intent on conquering Equestria, if not the entire world.

And that is the totality of all we know about him.

Where did he come from? Is Sombra his real name, or a moniker he took on to mask his true identity? How is he so powerful? Why is he so driven to conquer the world? Why do his eyes leak crazy purple smoke like that? We have no answers to these questions. And it is possible that the keys to defeating Sombra lie in those answers.

Is Sombra even a pony? There's any number of creatures that can change their appearance to suit their purposes. If Sombra were some manner of magical creature with a specific weakness that could be used against him, it would make sense to take on a new identity and a completely different appearance. However, our finest mages have used spying spells from afar to try and gain any insight to his true nature, and have come up with nothing.

And yet, no pony who ever lived has ever been as vicious, as cruel, as outright evil as King Sombra.

...Wait, perhaps that is not completely true. There is one pony, as old as myth, who was as outright terrible as Sombra, but... I shudder to think of the possibilities if there were any correlation between the two.

I suppose I should explain, in case somepony needs to read this later. And to do so, I'll need to crack open a book of our oldest legends.

In the beginning, our world was not, or so the legends say. There was naught but a cloud of cosmic dusts, gases, and raw magic. Then, the Builders came. The Builders were beings of immense power, and sought to create a new world. Not for any purpose or plan, but for the simple joy of creation, and because all of existence was empty of life, save themselves, and they wished to have others to share the wonders of the universe with. The Builders took the masses of dust, gas, and magic, and used them to build our world. It is difficult to say how long this took: The words for different lengths of time in Primeval Equestrian are almost identical to one another, so it could be anywhere from six days to six billion years. How long it took and how long ago are irrelevant, though: The fact is, they made a world. And then, using their own blood as a base, created life. The first ponies.

Things quickly went downhill from here.

You see, the Builders were not born with such great powers. Instead, they had gained their abilities through an amount of time that, while difficult to be precise about, context indicates was very, very long, and extremely arduous. During this time, they became immortal, but the Builders had to struggle for ages to gain the full powers they possessed. This meant they remembered what it was like not to have those abilities. They knew what it was like to be powerless. To have nothing. The Builders didn't want their 'children' to have to go through the same struggles that their parents did, so the Builders gave great power, knowledge, and immortality to their offspring.

In the Builder's defense, they had no other sapient lifeforms to compare themselves with, so they didn't understand just how bad an idea this would turn out to be. They were trying to do a good thing, giving such lavish gifts to their creation. They didn't understand just what these gifts would mean.

Don't understand? Well, then I should explain: If someone has started with little or nothing, and then worked hard to reach great wealth, power, or office, that person will, more often than not, be humble, kind, and generous. They'll remember what it was like to be helpless, and be more likely to reach out a helping hoof to others.

However, those born with wealth, power, and privilege that they had to do nothing to earn will often think of themselves as a 'special existence'. They will often be arrogant, selfish, and cruel. They'll be quick to use their power to cause harm to others, instead of helping them.

Don't believe me? Two words: Prince Blueblood. Need further evidence? Diamond Tiara. The prosecution rests, your honor.

Thus, the first ponies were nothing like the Builders. They had an entire world to themselves, and they treated it like garbage: They played 'games' that would ravage entire continents, and then demand that the Builders fix things. They pulled the sun and moon from their intended orbits, and tossed them about like playthings, to the point where it was impossible for them to be returned to their proper course and required constant guidance from the Builders. They changed the weather and seasons at a whim, to the point where all the plants and other animals on the planet would go extinct every other week, and the Builders were forced to recreate and repopulate them over and over again. Their creations didn't care: They were all-powerful and absolutely immortal, so no matter how utterly they ruined their world, they'd survive.

And speaking of the animals... Celestia above, the things that are described in these pages make me glad I've not eaten dinner. The first ponies tormented animals for sport in ways so cruel that words fail me... and I've not exactly lived what you might call a sheltered life this last year.

In short, the first ponies behaved like the most spoiled rotten colts and fillies on the planet. Spoiled colts and fillies who could flatten continents with their tantrums, and loved torturing small animals for fun. Meanwhile, the Builders played the part of the well-meaning parents forced to clean up the mess.

This went on for a long time, which speaks volumes for the Builders' patience. However, they finally came to the realization that this wasn't working. If things kept going on this way, then they'd basically be the slaves of their offspring forever. Finally, they said enough was enough, and that if their offspring wanted things fixed, they'd have to do it themselves.

The first ponies reacted to this in a calm and rational... oh who am I kidding? They turned against their creators and tried to force them to return to the status quo. The creations had spent ages believing that they were gods, and their creators were nothing but their slaves, in spite of all the evidence to the contrary. When their 'slaves' rebelled, they did what any 'master' does when the 'slaves' get uppity, and 'asserted their authority'. Through the timeless medium of violence and bloodshed.

This did not end well for the first ponies.

The battle that followed was long and terrible. But it could only end one way: All the first ponies knew was how to break, crush, and destroy. They had the powers of gods, but they had the mentalities of spoiled colts and fillies, and no real imagination in regards to how to use their powers. The Builders had eons of experience in how to use their powers, and had imagination to spare. And neither side could be killed. Thus, the first ponies could throw wave after wave of unbridled cosmic annihilation at their opponents, and the Builders would just sit and take it. After the first ponies exhausted themselves, the Builders would then restrain them and move on to the next group. It took perhaps a week, although as mentioned, it is hard to say for certain when reading Primeval Equestrian.

But once the first ponies were restrained, the Builders finally understood that they'd made an error with their creation, and something needed to be done. As long as the first ponies had phenomenal cosmic powers and absolute immortality, there was nothing to prevent them from pulling the exact same stunts all over again. And given their immortality, the first ponies could just ravage the world over and over again, destroying continents and eviscerating bunnies and kittens, and never having to worry about consequences.

Thus, their powers needed to be taken and their immortality revoked.

One by one and with great sorrow, the Builders stripped their children of their nigh-omnipotence and invulnerability. Then, the Builders rebuilt the world one last time. Then, they populated the world with dozens upon dozens of other sapient creatures, and thousands of other ponies (versus the two or three dozen first ponies) , some of whom could fly, and some of whom could do magic. They then dragged the first ponies up into the heavens, and made them gaze upon a world where they were not the masters of all creation, and were now as ants before the might of their creators.

"Where before you had this world to yourselves," the Builders proclaimed to the first ponies, "now you must learn to share it, else you will find yourselves surrounded by enemies. Where before you could control the sun and moon, the weather and the seasons, with but a thought, now you will be forced to work tirelessly to manage them, else you and this world be brought to ruin unending. Where before you had no fear of pain and death, now you must live forever under their shadow unto the end of your days. Where before you thought yourselves special and unique, you are now but a few amongst many. And where before you lived as gods, now you will live as the beasts you once tormented. And in the fullness of time, when death claims you, you and all who follow you will be judged for your deeds in life. Those who have been good, kind, generous, and honest will be treated to an eternity of happiness. But you, who turned against your creators and who have spent countless ages steeped in wretchedness and cruelty, you and those like you will know an eternity of suffering and torment, lest you change your ways and redeem yourselves. And you will know that you have earned every moment of it, either way."

And the first ponies wept, knowing now the depths of their folly. They'd been given paradise, and proved themselves to be wholly unworthy of it. Now, they would be sent to what was, in their eyes, Hades itself. And more Hades would inevitably follow it if they did not change. And they had no one to blame but themselves.

The Builders, before sending their creations to their fate, did a final counting of the ponies... and came up one short.

And the Builders turned to count their own numbers... and came up one short as well.

The Builders searched for the missing Builder and the missing pony. It took a long time. And when they found them...

It was far too late. The pony had figured out a way to sever his bonds, and had abducted one of his creators for a fell purpose: He knew that the Builders possessed secrets they hadn't shared with their creations, and these secrets had held the key to their victory over their creations. This renegade pony had tortured the kidnapped Builder in order to obtain those secrets. Or at least, the one that mattered most.

The secret of true immortality, a form of invulnerability that, once gained, even the Builders could not take away. Immortality that would mean that he could not die until he chose to die.

I cannot imagine what torments could have been used against the poor Builder that this renegade had captured, but when his comrades found him, the victim's second action upon release, after telling his rescuers who had done this and where to find him, was to allow himself to die.

The Builders before had acted as disappointed parents. Now, with one of their own dead, after torture at the hands of their own creation, the Builders were like a force a nature. They found their quarry, stripped him of his power (or tried. There's mention of how 'he had a shadow of power that would eternally be his', whatever that means), and then did everything in their power to destroy him.

But it was, again, far too late.

The Builders tore the renegade limb from limb. The renegade's body pulled itself back together. The Builders turned the renegade inside out. The renegade turned himself outside in. The Builders broke the Renegade down to the smallest possible particles. The Renegade put all of those particles back together again. The Builders converted the Renegade's body into pure energy, then dissipated that energy into pure heat and spread it all throughout the cosmos. The Renegade created a new body for himself from stone and water, sand and air.

What had been done could not be undone. The Renegade was immortal, as the Builders were immortal. He could not die until he chose to die. Or so he thought. The Builders proclaimed that there was a way 'for his death to find him', and called to it.

Death did not answer.

Yeah, this part is weird. There's about a page and a half of the Builders searching everywhere for the Renegade's death, including the back of the moon and the heart of the sun, but never finding it. I'll skip that, because I think you get the idea. The Renegade had duped his creators thrice-over. First, by escaping his bonds, then by obtaining seemingly irrevocable immortality, and finally by ensuring that whatever loophole the Builders had in subverting that immortality would not work.

Understandably, the Builders were livid. They bound the Renegade to an unbreakable stone with unbreakable chains, and imprisoned the Renegade in the heart of the world itself, where unending fire and unimaginable pressure would torment him until the day he 'chose' to call out to his death. And if his death was released from wherever the Renegade had hidden it, it would seek him out and claim him, whether he wanted to die or not.

And when it did, the Renegade would be sent to a place worse than anyplace else, a dark and terrible pit that would make the fires and torments of Hades seem as Elysium in comparison.

With that, the Builders left, and vowed never to return, for if they did, they might choose to undo their judgement out of pity. They're probably out there, somewhere, making worlds and creating life. Hopefully, they're doing a better job than they did with their first run.

Supposedly, the Renegade was bound inside the heart of the world for eternity, and could never escape. But then, he's slipped his bounds once before. And if he ever escaped his bonds... then how long would it take a truly immortal pony to dig his way out from the center of the world? After all, he'd have all the time in the world...

You're probably laughing at this, and think there's no way this could be. Well...

I was there, observing, at Fielder's Hollow. I witnessed Rainbow Dash and her command fearlessly charge Sombra himself. I watched as she kicked the dread tyrant in the face. I heard the pop of his jaw shattering, and the snap of his neck breaking... and then felt the cheer of triumph die in my throat as his jaw healed and his neck popped back into place, and then used his magic to shear the wing off of Rainbow Dash's body.

Far too much makes sense if King Sombra is truly this immortal: Dark magic harms its user, and King Sombra has used enough to slay an ordinary pony a thousand times over. Perhaps this is why he is bold, and so terrible. If he cannot die, then there is nothing that can truly stop him. Strike him, and it will not hurt him. Break his bones, and they'll pop back into place. Seal him away, and he'll patiently wait until his bonds wear away with time. His conquest of the world would be inevitable. All anyone can hope to do is delay it. After all, he has all of eternity with which to grind our defenses down to dust... and then all of eternity to grind us under his hooves.

I'm tired, and exhaustion has made me morbid. I need to get to bed. Sunset Shimmer is returning from her trip through the mirror portal tomorrow, and I need to be well rested: I'm sure she's got lots of fun stories to tell about the world that she visited, and I could definitely use something to cheer me up...