//------------------------------// // The plan // Story: Twilight Tries to Get Fired // by Silent Whisper //------------------------------// The day was warm, the sun was up, and Twilight Sparkle hated her job. It wasn’t the hours that she hated. In fact, the manager had been extraordinarily reasonable with her about them. She worked evenings and afternoons, and got the days off that she requested. Her schedule was moderately flexible, and the store manager had even understood when she had to take a few impromptu days off to save Equestria. She didn’t hate the location. The store was conveniently near her castle, and it was just a short walk away every day. When the weather was nice, like today, it made the commute downright pleasant. Too pleasant, really, since it was one less thing that she could reasonably hate about her work. She didn’t even hate the low pay. Sure, retail wasn’t known for being generous in their entry-level employee’s paycheck, but Twilight was a princess, and she hadn’t expected a hefty sum. She did find it amusing that she had to pay taxes. She did, after all, receive a cut of the taxes, so wasn’t she really just paying herself? Twilight amused herself at the thought of this, before remembering that she was being upset about her job, and her smile disappeared into a moderately polite frown. No, what Twilight Sparkle hated the most was how mind-bogglingly boring her job was. There were only so many times that Twilight could wander the same aisles before every rack of clothes became achingly familiar. Twilight wished she could knock them all over, just so it would look somewhat different, but then she’d just have to clean it up again, and re-organize it by color, size, and style. Everything was routine, and the music that played on repeat never ended. At the very least, Twilight had expected the humdrum to spark some creative ideas in her brain, but it just made her mind go blank as her hooves went numb from hours of standing and walking around. Her cheeks hurt after work from smiling so much, and when she returned home every night, she passed out on her bed instead of reading a book like she wanted to. Why did she ever think that doing retail was a good idea? She had heard from her friends that “everypony should work retail at least once, to understand what they go through,” and Twilight had thought it would help her connect with other ponies better. Besides, it would be a great way to make some new friends with customers and coworkers! She hadn’t realized that her coworkers would be too tired to talk, and that ponies would be fairly indifferent to her cheerful customer service demeanor. It was on one particularly ordinary day that Twilight resolved to do something about the tedium. Her plan was simple: get herself fired. That way, she wouldn’t feel guilty about quitting a job, because quitting means giving up, and she couldn’t just do that! What if Celestia found out, and decided that Twilight wasn’t allowed to be a princess anymore? What if everypony lost all respect for her and she ended up alone in her castle slowly cracking under the pressure with no friends and Starlight Glimmer moved out to go be Cadance’s student instead? She couldn’t go back home! Her parents were renting out her room! Oh, what could she do, what could she do? She had been trying to get fired subtly for weeks, with no luck. Showing up late? The manager had excused it, since she saved Equestria so many times. Doing almost no work? Her coworkers happily picked up the slack. It was so frustrating, and she didn’t know what to do next. Maybe she just needed to think bigger. How could she guarantee that she be fired? Would changing the prices to 1 bit for everything do it, or maybe having a picnic in the middle of the aisle? Hmm… it had to be so outlandish that the manager would have to get rid of her, Princess or not! She’d have to do something as crazy as Pinkie Pie Twilight’s muzzle split into a grin as she clapped her hooves. She’d get herself fired, and everything would be perfect! She’d plan it out and make a checklist and everything… once she was on her break, of course. Twilight resisted the urge to giggle and rub her hooves together evilly. This was it. This was the most perfect getting-fired plan of all time! She gripped the restocking trolley she’d commandeered with her hooves, holding onto the rails. Rainbow Dash would be proud! With a wild whoop, she pushed the cart forward and jumped onto it. Twilight raced down the aisle, wobbling on the trolley and narrowly missing customers. She swerved around a corner, running her hooves along any shelf she could find and knocking over every sign and stand she came across. Clothes flew in every direction, and each one, she was proud to see, landed unfolded on the floor. Perfect. Her head swiveled forward just in time to catch the surprised look on a coworker’s face seconds before her cart crashed into the rack of clothes the coworker had been maneuvering. Twilight spilled onto the ground, spread-eagled and breathless. That was fun, the most fun she had in her entire experience there. Hoofsteps alerted her to the presence of her manager, whose face looked as though it couldn’t decide on which emotion to express at the moment, and was therefore attempting to express all of them at once. “Am I fired?” squeaked Twilight hopefully as she lay sprawled across the floor. The manager’s muzzle scrunched up in an unreadable expression as he took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Weeeeeell…” he began as he took in the disaster she had wreaked with her cart. “I did intent to have you reorganize the shelves, so I suppose this is one way to go about it.” His eye twitched as he took another calming breath, and let it out in a huff before stomping off to the break room. Twilight sighed as she picked herself up off of the floor. Why didn’t he fire her? And, more importantly, would anypony help her clean up the mess while she thought of a new plan? This time, it would be perfect. Twilight got out her supplies as she prepared. Her manager was on break, the store would open soon, and everything was absolutely ready! She raised a purple marker and ran to the first mannequin. She giggled. It was just like art class! The first mannequin was decorated with tattoos and a moustache. The second one received pink eyeliner and big anime eyes. The third one looked angry, and the fourth became a zombie. She raced across the aisles, doodling on every visible surface she could. If this didn’t get her fired, then what could? She was drawing little stick ponies all over the face of one of them when she felt a tap on her shoulder. Twilight wheeled around and beamed at the manager, who wore a rather forced smile. “Twilight, I… admire your creativity, and… wanted to, ahhh, thank you for your attempt to make our mannequins more… visually… appealing.” His voice cracked on the last word, and he nodded brusquely before running off to the front doors to open the store a few minutes late. As customers walked in, Twilight felt her eye twitch. Why didn’t he fire her? She messed everything up! She had to do something, anything! If she worked another day here, she would lose her mind! Twilight’s manic laughter echoed off of the store’s walls. This had to work, it just had to! There was no way in Tartarus that she wouldn’t be sacked after this! Thank Celestia that Fluttershy hadn’t asked too many questions about her plan, since she promised to treat her guest with gentleness and care… though, she wasn’t entirely sure why it would need it. She pushed the box towards the center of the main aisle, and then tapped on it with a hoof. A low grumbling sounded from inside of it, and she giggled. Perfect! Twilight cleared her throat, and prepared to use the Royal Canterlot Voice that Princess Luna had taught her. “MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE?” she shouted, smiling politely as all the heads in the store swiveled towards her. “I HAVE A SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT!” Twilight winked at the startled customers before opening the box with a burst of magic. Harry the bear wasn’t having a good day. He had been stuffed in a box and brought to a strange place. He stood frozen for a few seconds, blinking in the fluorescent lights before letting out an irritated growl that startled every pony in the store. With a roar, his paw swiped at clothes racks. Ponies ran around frantically, trying to avoid the upset bear. It was a level of chaos that Discord would be proud of, Twilight realized as she observed the bedlam. The manager exited the break room, took one look at the bear destroying displays, and backed into the break room again. He didn’t fire her, though, even after she cast a spell to calm the bear, who curled up on a mound of shredded clothes. The manager didn’t say a word to her about it, he just held his face in his hooves. Twilight wasn’t okay with this. So, like any reasonable pony would do, she went to the nearest bar to go get a drink.