//------------------------------// // Comical Judgement... Curse you Murphy! // Story: The Wacky and Wonderful Misadventures of Buggy the Clown // by Hoppa_21 //------------------------------// Some people believe in karma. That all bad that we did would come crushing down on us sooner or later. That there would be some comical judgement even, or some junk like that. Like for example if you are sentenced to several hours of community service for littering to end up actually picking up trash. Such things like irony. Well, even with Murphy having his hand in on this I still could hardly believe the ridiculousness that I was subjected to right now. The irony a villain, or pirate in my case has to endure. The sick joke that Equestria was pulling on me. “Welcome to the Everfree Reformation Center, short ERC. The place where you will learn to be a useful part of society!” Yes. This part of irony that right up had to be some twisted joke of Murphy. A Reformation Program. Fuck you, Murphy. “We will teach you the how’s and why’s of the topics why it isn’t worth to be a villain and how to achieve a normal everyday life along your fellow peers!” the all too familiar purple unicorn droned on much to my chagrin, “My name is Twilight Sparkle, and I’m leading this highly-established institution. Our success rate here at the ERC is one hundred per cent, so I’m convinced that you will all be reformed in no time! I also hope that you will gain lots of valid information and see the light of friendship during your stay!” “Ugh. I would rather like to see the light of an exit sign,” I muttered. And I could see that the others who were standing in line with me were thinking like that as well judging by their frowns. The people here that have to ‘see the light’ were a mix of diamond dogs and ponies. Though I noticed the bounty hunter from yesterday wasn’t one of them. Lucky bitch. We were also in the middle of a forest. The same forest I trudged through yesterday. Only were we standing inside of a huge light blue colored shield. It encompassed this so called ERC which main building was a castle. But they also had walls and a large gate, which kind of blocked my view from most of it as we walked inside, so I didn’t know what to expect. Though I imagine some kind of prison. We pretty much got some clean clothes, which looked normal, and not like anything prison-like at least. I of course persisted on keeping my clothes. I mean, if they let me keep it, then I sure as hell would keep them. I was also lucky they got washed yesterday as I was deported on the airship that flew here. You know, them giving me pajamas and me giving them my clothes to have them cleaned. It was actually quite nice. Like a hotel stay almost. Albeit movement of course was restricted on the quarter on the airship. But let’s get back to the situation at hand with this, ugh, reformation thing… “Ah would like it if we could just get ta the point fer once, without the whole shindig,” an orange mare suddenly said with a slightly irritated voice. Oh, and the rest of the six were also here, in case you were wondering. Honestly I still haven’t found out who they exactly are. Only that purple is the student of Cake Butt. Speaking of which, she huffed indignantly at orange. “I can’t just cut the introduction short Applejack! It is important to inform our guests what to expect from our service! Giving them plenty of information is the first step to reformation! We can’t hold anything back and let them feel like we are forcing us on them!” “Yeah, because you are,” said the scratchy voice of diamond dog. Twilight’s ears perked up as she wandered in front of said dog. A smile adorned her face. Though that smile was everything other than reassuring. “We are simply trying to help you,” she stated calmly, but the diamond dog did have none of it. “You mean by attacking our packs?” The small dog beside him quickly agreed, “Yeah, Rover is right! You ponies are destroying our towns and dognapping every one of us without reason!” “Mhm,” agreed a larger dog on Rover’s other side with a nod. Twilight simply couldn’t help but shake her head disappointedly at the three. “We are not ‘attacking’ your packs. We are simply trying to help you! Diamond dogs are known for their greed, so they need our guidance, just as you three need it now. Your alpha was lying to you. You need to accept that.” “Well, we won’t! Alpha is going to fight back against you and petty pony princesses!” At the mention of the Royal Butts Twilight’s eyes narrowed dangerously, and said eyes were never leaving the three diamond dogs, even as she started talking again. “Moondancer, could you take the tour from here? It seems I have to ‘guide’ these diamond dogs right now.” A mare I didn’t notice before suddenly looked shyly from behind Applejack’s back. She had a nerd appearance with the glasses, black sweater and sloppy denim she was wearing. Not to mention the way she stuck up her hair. And no, it can’t be compared in the way I stick it up while wearing my hat. My hair up sticking is one that strikes fear in the hearts of these whimsy ponies, while hers just would make a fashionista cry. I know that considering a white horse fashionista wasn’t looking all too pleased. More like looking as if she wanted to jump that mare and correct the crime against fashion immediately. “Um, yes. I-I will take it from here,” the new mare meanwhile said demurely while doing a breathing exercise to seemingly calm her nerves. So only a low threat level I assume. “If you please follow me,” she continued while the guards behind us simply drove us forwards with their spears in hand and outside into the reformation center. I was taking one last look at the diamond dogs who had their own guard entail leading them off…somewhere, with Twilight in tow. I have no idea actually where they are going but I have a feeling I don’t want to find out. Reason enough for me to try and break out the first chance I get. “…And this is the orchard,” the cream mare said while waving an arm around, showcasing the many apple trees that were growing on this field, as well as the prisoners gathering the fruits. Yeah, no shit Sherlock. Anyway, the so-called tour of this prison showcased many buildings within these walls and barrier that were outside of the castle. A castle I now finally recognized. It was the old castle I first appeared in and the prior location of power for the Royal Butts. I did wonder what happened to it after I was transported back to this other castle. I honestly thought they had abandoned it, but no, things seemed to actually be in good condition. Well on the outside. I haven’t gotten the chance to take a closer look yet. And I’m not sure we will, since the tour exclusively concentrated on the outside buildings for now. Outside buildings we pretty much got introduced to were for example a large gym for sport activities, a zoo-like area with large pens and a building, and a school-like building for lessons of all kind, going from classes like Party Planning to Friendship Lessons. Oh, not to forget the punishment building they called: Reformation Room. I saw some fresh paw prints on the ground leading to it. So I can only assume that this was the room the Diamond Dogs were dragged off too. Albeit if it was a torture chamber nothing could be heard from the inside. But maybe they had a silent charm on the building, so that no distressed cries could leave it? It is a possibility. Not to mention a legit fear considering it was led by the student of Cake Butt. And Cake Butt was quite the violent one, so who wasn’t to say she wouldn’t rub off on her. And yes, I found out that purple, which name I believe was Twilight, is the student of Cake Butt. She kind of got introduced along the way as staff of this facility. Just like the others who seemed to own the jewelry I stole as I was told yesterday. A reason why they were rather peeved. Well, Rainbow was, but she was a hothead as I have already established, so that doesn’t count. The others seemed more approachable and rather determined to show me how to be a ‘useful member of society’. Bleugh. Suffice to say the most eager one was Pinkie as she was rather clingy and practically glued to my side most of the time if none of the others kept her at a distance, which brings us back to the present… “And we will bake apple pies with them!” Pinkie explained hopping around in front of me, and still not caring for her bouncing…packages. Honestly, I’m wondering if she even wears a bra… Bad thought! No horsefuckery! You are a human! Get a grip on yourself! Yup, I mentally slapped myself at this non-flashy thoughts. Makes me wonder if a thousand years of chastity in a gold prison had an effect on my psyche. Definitely would give Cake Butt the invoice for the costs of my psychologist in that case. …Meh. I would probably give her the invoice for everything I would get away blaming on her. Not that it matters considering the tour was still running with Apple…something chastising Pinkie for interrupting. After that was done, we pretty much were led down interestingly enough. Led down since there were tracks all over the orchards which led down underground. There was a nice way made out of stone, leading right beside the tracks and I even saw an apple cart rushing past us as we descended. It moved on its own, making me guess some magical shenanigans must be implemented in it. All the while cream pony explained that the tracks and carts were of course used to collect and transport apples faster. As we reached the underground we saw also a hall in which the apples were manually sorted on an assembly belt. They were also washed beforehand, so as to be clean. The sorted apples then were filled in crates with a face of an all too familiar winking mare printed on it. “And these apples after being sorted will get distributed through all of Equestria. So your work here does really make a difference!” Cream explained proudly. Of course the enthusiasm was not shared by anyone here, which made the mare cough in embarrassment and the Apple…Applejack I think was her name. Yeah, she laid a comforting as well as encouraging hand on her shoulder. Her gaze practically oozed the confidence that we simply haven’t seen the so-called light yet. And honestly I hope to never see it. Anyway, we were led into a room that was quite interesting since the crates were loaded on an actual train. An actual train those tracks led through a tunnel in the direction of the outer walls. The whole distribution bit only seemed to confirm my suspicions. If I got on that train I could actually flee. The magical barrier gets opened at this specific part after all so the train can move out. So, the big barrier could kiss my ass goodbye if I managed. It was rather fortunate the mare was explaining all of this valuable information so willingly, just like she did still. “This train actually is due in five minutes and send directly to Appleloosa, which is rather secluded. Barely any guards visit this place and none are permanently assigned, but that only shows that our reach is further than even the guard!” Cream further explained, making me raise my brows in clear surprise and interest. Well, if I could get on that train in five minutes I wouldn’t have to worry about anything. And I certainly wouldn’t mind a place with no guards so to speak. But I of course can’t break away from the group without a very good excuse. Something primal that can never be refused, and would give me some privacy… Just in that moment my eyes fell on a conveniently placed door. This made me grin. Pirate Luck is on my side! I coughed, getting the attention of Cream, as well as the others. Rainbow and Applejack eyed me with clear suspicion, but I ignored them, seeing as Cream would be the pony to go for now. “I need to tinkle,” I said with a straight face. “Tinkle?” she parroted, making me roll my eyes. “Yeah, you know, taking care of my needs? Letting water? Shaking the snake? Going for big pirates? Bursting and needing to actually take a pi-“ “A-ALRIGHT!” Cream exclaimed with blushing cheeks pointing to the nearby restroom, “J-Just hurry. I wouldn’t want you to miss out on the tour,” she finished her head sinking in the thick collar of her turtleneck sweater. I nodded with a grin walking merrily to the room. Though I noticed a movement in my peripheral vision. “What? Wanna watch?” I grunted in annoyance to the prismatic offender. “No, just making sure you are not trying to take flight,” she said, flapping her wings with a cheeky grin, and making me deadpan at her for the lame joke, which in turn made her huff, “Not my fault you can’t recognize pure awesomeness. Now hurry up.” “Uh-huh,” I simply said before going in, and then closing the door behind me. Thankfully this brash mare at least had the decency to wait outside. Unfortunately however she didn’t look like the patient type. Additionally she blocked my escape route too, meaning I had to quickly find another way out. Luckily I found just what I needed. “Air ventilation, perfect!” I hissed gleefully with a grin, quickly getting to the shaft and taking off the lid. It wasn’t even secured and simply went off like that. Ponies really are idiots! I was just about ready to go. “Chop-Chop Disassemble!” I said, willing my body to split. …Nothing happened. But then I remembered the sea stone bracelet, making me groan. Yeah. They actually put a bracelet on my wrist first thing in the dining room. Not that it came unexpected. It only shows just how much I’m right with this place being a prison. Not that I had time to dwell on it with my escape plan having quite the tight time limit. “Great. You are really making me work for it,” I complained deciding to do this the normal way and actually squeezing my body through the ventilation shaft. It fit, but still wasn’t nearly as comfortable as my normal solution to this. I huffed a bit as I made my way forwards. There was even a part that went up a bit, before going down again, but I in any case soon got the best exit. An exit that was just out of the field of vision of the others. While they were standing a bit away to the left side of the train I was on the right. It was brilliant! And rather close to the train too! Ponies are idiots! Honestly, I would have loved to taunt them, but the sweet scent of freedom seemed more satisfying, so that I simply opened the shaft quietly before creeping on the train. Right on a wagon filled with dozens upon dozens of crates with the apple head logo. I simply sat down behind one for cover, making myself comfortable as I suddenly heard the train whistle, making me grin. Another perfect esca- And just then the door slammed open, flooding the car with light. Only seconds later a cyan pair of hands zoomed over, grabbing me by my shirt before making me sail straight outside. “Oomphf!” I remarked painfully connecting to the ground before dizzily looking up, seeing Rainbow and Applejack staring disapprovingly down at me. “Great. So what now? Do I get to see the inside of your torture, or Reformation Room as you call it?” I snark, making Applejack cross her arms and huff. “The Reformation Room is occupied. But yer all getting a freebie on the first day when it comes to escape attempts. Or did ya think ya were the first to try and get on the train? That’s almost a test of character by now since almost always somepony tries that way.” “So, back to the tour then?” I wondered, not liking to be so easily found out, but also not protesting to not see the inside of their torture chambers. ”Ah wouldn’t say that. Yer still gonna have to be punished. So yer placed in ‘Time-Out’.” “Time-Out?! What do you think I am?! A kid?!” I ranted, before two strong mare-guards took me by my arms and started to drag me off, despite my protests. “You will regret this! I AM Captain Buggy! The legendary and worldwide feared pirate captain!” Rainbow snorted derisively, “What a blowhard.” A response that made Applejack raise a brow. “What? You know what I mean!” Rainbow protested making Applejack roll her eyes as they got back to the tour. All the while I simply continued to curse them. It didn’t take long until I was led to a new building. Interestingly enough an underground tunnel led directly to some cells with guards standing watch, making me wonder if I was now inside of the castle. The guards dragging me certainly didn’t give me the time to dwell on it as they threw me straight into a cell, before slamming it shut. I of course immediately got back up and pressed myself against the bars in clear annoyance. “I will get out of here! You see! No one can contain the great Captain Buggy! MUAHAHAHHAAAHA!” I laughed and mocked them, but they just rolled their eyes, like this was something they have seen time and time again, before they turned around and left me. They completely ignored me! “HEY! I’m talking to you!” But before I could curse them even more another voice cut through the room. This one feminine. But then again, most voices around here are that way. However, this one had a rather haughty tone to it. “Shut up you imbecile!” I quickly enough found the voice to be a mare in the opposite cell. She was a blue unicorn mare with a lighter blue shade of mane and had a magicians outfit on her, directly over some blue one-piece swimsuit looking clothes. Or was that a swimsuit? Hard to tell with the low lighting here. “What? Cat got your tongue? Or are you simply that awed by the glorious presence of the Great and Powerful Trrrrrrrrrrrrixiiiiieeeeeeee!” I somehow had a feeling that we wouldn’t get along well.