//------------------------------// // U.F.Oh-No!!!! // Story: "Scoota-Loo, Where Are You!?" // by Kieva Lynn //------------------------------// Dame Margorette Duvalle was, in all ways, typical of the second-generation uber-rich. Which is to say she was flighty, ditzy, totally disconnected from the reality of life for the rest of the world, and fixated on the occult. In her case, this fixation focused on the specific topic of ufology; the study of flying saucers and little green men. Unlike most of her contemporaries, however, Duvalle was determined to go beyond the mere study of the subject. She was going to do something about it... "Madam I really must protest..." Duvalle's butler, Niles, said as he helped her into her antique mink coat, "This party can only end with you seen as a laughing stock." "Nonsense Niles." Duvalle replied. "The company needs money. And while I will of course provide for any shortfall from my own pockets, everyone knows you seek out investors for any new endeavor." "But those are exactly my points madam. I'm worried that you are throwing your fortune into the proverbial rat's hole... This company is a scam! I'm certain of it ma'am!" NIles said. Duvalle looked over her shoulder and smiled at the butler. "Just like you are so certain that aliens and flying saucers don't really exist? Oh don't worry Niles! You've been with me since I was a child and I'm not going to dismiss you simply for disagreeing with me... I know you mean well darling. But it's my money and I'll spend it as I see fit." "Of course madam." Niles answered, as he finished adjusting the coat. "Well, I do believe you are ready." "Quite. Come along then, let's meet with our future investors shall we?" XXXXX The investment party started just before sunset and lasted several hours. Duvalle mingled, regaling her guests with tales of U.F.O. sightings and abduction accounts, while plying for cash. She seemed blissfully unaware that the majority of those present were chuckling and shaking their heads behind her back. And whenever she was out of earshot, openly mocking the product prototype displayed at the center of the ballroom as well. For his part, Niles could only sigh and mentally prepare to update his resume. It happened around ten o' clock. The ballroom featured a full wall of floor to ceiling windows facing to the east, and a stir went through the assembled crowd as they began to notice an exceptionally bright green light moving through the night sky, drawing slowly closer. "Oh my..." Duvalle whispered. "Niles! The binoculars!" The butler rushed to retrieve the field glasses, though by the time he had done so the point of light had gotten close enough to resolve itself into a glowing disk. Duvalle took the glasses and looked for but a moment, then giddy with excitement announced "It's a saucer! Oh this is wonderful!" She strode to the center table and retrieved the product she was wanting people to support. It was a small aerosol can. "Now, watch closely ladies and gentlemen, as I demonstrate the efficacy of this wonderful new discovery!" To the surprise of most of those present, Duvalle then boldly walked out the door and stood directly under the hovering disk. Looking up, she said "Shoo! Shoo!" and then sprayed the bottle up onto the flying saucer's underside. To the surprise of no one but Duvalle, nothing happened. "What!?" She exclaimed. "Oh silly me, I forgot to shake it first!" She vigorously shook the bottle and sprayed again, with the same results. "It doesn't work? But why... Oh no!" The heiress screamed as a bright green beam shone down from the saucer and began to lift her upwards. "I'll save you madam!" Niles exclaimed, as he ran out the door and grabbed his boss by her feet, pulling her back down to the ground. Just then,the green beam stopped, and in it's place a pair of aliens jumped down to the ground and began to approach the pair. Duvalle and Niles ran back into the mansion, slamming the door behind them. The aliens began to beat on the glass panes, and when the first cracks appeared everyone panicked and ran in terror... XXXXX Roswell, New Mexico, a mile west of Madam Duvalle's mansion. On the outskirts of town was a small pizza parlor, appropriately named 'Aliens 'n Anchovies.' Mystery Machine was parked in front, with the gang clearly visible in a booth by the front windows. "So what's the deal with this town again?" Sweetie Belle asked as she magicked a slice of pizza onto her plate. "Back in the nineteen forties," Velma explained, "There was a claim that an alien spaceship crashed here. As such, the town has become a sort of tourist trap for people who believe in little green men." "Way y'all say 'claim' Ah'm guessin' you don't buy it?" Apple Bloom said. Velma shook her head. " I never did before. But since we've met the three of you, I'm trying to be a little more open minded." "Like yeah!" Shaggy agreed. "And since even if it is true the army hauled all the crash debris away decades ago, we shouldn't run into any alien monsters either!" His eyes went wide as the waiter arrived with his order, a ten layer extra-giant deep dish pie with the works. "Careful Shaggy..." Scootaloo warned. "You know saying stuff like that is just asking for it." "Reah!" Scooby agreed, punching Shaggy in the shoulder, "Take it back!" "Like okay... After I eat..." Shaggy began to cut a slice of his order when the front doors slammed open and a fearful crowd rushed inside. They were shouting and screaming, and the last of them in slammed the door shut and stood with his back to it, which was kind of dumb considering it was a glass door. "Now what's going on here!?" The pizzaria's manager demanded. "You can't just come barging in like a... ...Miss Duvalle!?" "We need shelter!" Duvalle exclaimed. "It's after us!" Freddy stood and asked "Begging your pardon ma'am, but... what's after you?" "That!" Several members of the crowd answered, and pointed out the front windows. At first the gang saw nothing. Then a luminous flying disk hovered into view from behind the row of shops across the street. "Zoinks! It's a flying saucer!" "Coooooooool!!!" The Crusaders chorused, looking up in wide-eyed awe. "Oh the aliens must have gotten wind of what we were doing!" Duvalle moaned. "Whatever shall we do now!?" "Fear not madam... If these are intelligent beings, as they must be to create such a craft, then surely they can be reasoned with..." Niles said. He brushed aside the man blocking the door and stepped outside, looking up at the saucer. "Boy howdy! Not too smart but he sure is brave!" Apple Bloom said. "Reah!" Scooby agreed. Outside, Niles suddenly screamed as a beam of green light shone down and he was drawn up into the waiting craft, which then slowly drifted away over the top of the pizzaria, a buzzing sound accompanying it's passage. Duvalle fainted at the loss of her butler, while the rest of the crowd fled in the opposite direction to where the saucer had gone... XXXXX It took twenty minutes for Fred and Daphne to bring the heiress around. Afterward, sitting in a booth nursing a cup of coffee, she explained to them what had happened. As Duvalle reached the end of her story, Velma had just one question: "So, what exactly is this product you were trying to raise funds for?" "I'm not sure what difference it makes." Duvalle said, "It didn't work." Scootaloo said "But it could still be a clue." "Well, yes, I suppose it could... Might any of you have a laptop handy?" Duvalle asked. Velma nodded and retrieved hers from the van. Duvalle then typed in a web address and clicked through a series of links. "Here we are. This is their infomercial, it explains everything..." The gang leaned in to watch as the video started: --- On the screen was a still image of a green lawn with a large, perfectly circular spot in which all of the grass had turned brown and died. A voice over announcer spoke: "Oh no! Unsightly crop circles ruining your perfectly manicured lawn?" The image changed to a small 12oz. aerosol bottle as the announcer continued, "Fight Back! With 'U.F.O.B-Gone,' the world's first and only flying-saucer repellent spray!" The still images were replaced by video of an ancient man who looked and talked like a grizzled 1860's gold prospector. Captions at the bottom of the screen read 'Customer Testimonial' and 'Old Macdonald.' "Derned sky-critters!" Macdonald complained, "Tearin' up mah corn fields 't make they circles! Cost me so much money in lost crops, Ah thought ah was gon' lose the farm!" He held up a bottle and smiled. "Then, a friend tol' me about U.F.O.B'gone! One quick squirt, an' the buggers runned like the French! U.F.O.B'Gone saved mah farm! Thank you, U.F.O.B'Gone!" A series of still images of claimed 'U.F.O.' pictures began playing across the screen as the announcer came back. "U.F.O.B-Gone is effective on saucers of all shapes, sizes, and colors, and is guaranteed to work -Or your money back!- No matter what planet they came here from." The saucer pictures were replaced by a stock drawing of a molecule. "The secret is U.F.O.B-Gone's patented proprietary blend of all-natural, gluten free, homeopathic, titanium ceramic composite-carbon fiber nanotechnology polymers, which gently irritate saucer's tender underbelly, positively driving them away without causing any permanent harm that might precipitate an interstellar war. And, since U.F.O.B-Gone works on all types of saucers, it's not just for getting rid of crop circles! It also puts an end to annoying abductions and painful probings!" The ad transitioned to another 'customer testimonial,' this one featuring an extreme valley-girl airhead stereotype identified as 'Peaceout Moonbeam.' "So, like, Ohh... Emm... Gee...! Like, all I wanted was to hang out on the beach tanning and surfing, right? But these little grey guys just would NOT leave me alone! Every night with the needles and the probes! It was, like, totally harshing my chakras right? So then one day I'm using, like, a ouija board? And I ask it how to get rid of them? And, like, it says 'U-F-O-B-G-O-N-E.' And then I'm all like 'No way!' And the board is all like, 'Y-E-S-W-A-Y.' So, like, I tried it and stuff, and, like, Ohh... Emm... Gee...! It totally worked!" --- From there the infomercial descended into the typical pattern of offering ever larger quantities for ever lower prices to those who ordered quickly. "Only available through this special T.V. offer, you get twenty-eight ounces of U.F.O.B-Gone, enough to repel an entire invasion fleet, for just $9.99!" And, "Order in the next ten minutes and we'll throw in, at no extra charge, a three-pack of 'Exor-Bomb,' the holy water powered exorcising fog bomb guaranteed to cleanse even the most severely haunted house in a single application!" Finally, it concluded with all the typical legal boilerplate: Restrictions, exclusions, exceptions, warnings, ("Do not use U.F.O.B-Gone in the presence of liquid water and never feed it after midnight.") and at last it was over. All the members of Mystery Inc. looked at each other in disbelief. Save for Shaggy who said, "Like, gang, we're investing in this." "Oh Shaggy it's obviously a scam!" Velma disagreed. "Like yeah I know. A guy can dream." Shaggy sighed. Freddy looked to the heiress. "Don't worry ma'am. My friends and I solve mysteries like this for a living. We'll get to the bottom of whatever's really going on here." "I thank you... But are you certain it's a scam? I mean, you have aliens right here with you!" Duvalle motioned to the Crusaders. "Actually, we're more extra-dimensio-whatsis than extraterrestrial." Apple Bloom said. "Right." Velma said. "But yes, in all likelihood, there's some kind of scam going on here. Speaking of which, do you still have the bottle you tried to spray on that saucer?" Duvalle nodded, handing the bottle over to Velma. "It's still about half full." Velma took the bottle and looked it over, Sweetie Belle standing on a tabletop to read over her shoulder. "Hay! Look at this!" The unicorn said, "Isn't this address right here in this town?" "It's manufactured here in Roswell?" Daphne asked. "It sure is." Velma confirmed... XXXXX A few moments later, the whole gang was standing by the back of Mystery Machine. "So what's the plan Freddy?" Daphne asked. "Hmmm..." Freddy mused. "Apple Bloom, you've got an interest in chemistry right?" "Ah've made potions an' such back home." "All right... Three way split." Freddy decided. "'Bloom, you stay here with Velma. The two of you can use the instruments in the back of the van to analyze the contents of that bottle." Apple Bloom saluted. Freddy continued, "Meanwhile, Daphne, Sweetie Belle, and I will go check out the manufacturer. If we're right about this being a scam, there's sure to be some clues there." Velma said "If you can, try to get another bottle. I'd like to compare, see if this bottle didn't work because it's defective, or if they're all the same." "Right. While we're doing that, Shaggy, Scooby, and Scoots will go take a look around the Duvalle mansion. See if there's anything that doesn't seem right." "Like Freddy it's a place that just got attacked by aliens! I'm sure a lot of stuff won't seem right!" Shaggy exclaimed. "Be that as it may, we've still got to investigate." Velma said. Shaggy reluctantly nodded. "Yeah, yeah... Come on Scooby, Scootaloo, let's do this..." XXXXX Scootaloo trotted alongside Shaggy and Scooby as they crossed the desert on foot, heading to the Duvalle mansion. "So, what'dya think we'll find?" She asked. "Like I'm tryin' not to think about it." "Reah!" "Oh come on you guys, how bad can it be?" "Look Scoots, you've not seen many Earth movies yet." Shaggy said. "So you don't know the horrors that might be lurking out there... But we do!" He laughed nervously. "Aliens! They vaporize you and possess you and lay their eggs in you! And that's when they don't have cookbooks full of recipes for human tacos and shaggy-kabobs!" "Rand Scooby Snacks made rith real Scooby!" The dog added. "But... Aren't those just movies?" Scootaloo asked, eyes wide. "It's not the kind of thing you take a chance with, is my point." Shaggy answered. He looked up at the three story mansion they now stood before. "Anyway, here we are. Where you think we should start?" "How about this?" Scootaloo asked, galloping over to a busted out glass door. "This must be the doors the aliens broke in through." "Like it sure looks that way..." Shaggy agreed. After a slightly too-long pause he sighed and said "Okay. I guess we gotta do this. Slowly... Quietly... Don't do anything that might draw the attention of something horrible..." One by one, the trio crept into the abandoned ballroom, stepping carefully around shards of broken glass, Shaggy, at least, more worried about the sounds stepping on it might make than the possibility of injury. Or, at least, he was worried about such until he saw what was inside: "Like mother load!" He exclaimed at the sight of all the abandoned food piled high on tables around the perimeter of the chamber. Scootaloo rolled her eyes as Shaggy and Scooby immediately set to work filling plates. "You guys? Mystery?" "Like yeah we'll get back to that." "We can't ret all this food go to waste, Rootaroo." Scooby agreed. Shaking her head, Scootaloo said "Oh alright then... You guys eat, I'll take a look around the ball room..." The first thing Scootaloo did was examine the shattered glass where the aliens had broken in. Only a single door panel was broken, the remaining windows and doors undamaged. She noticed writing on the bottom of one pane, and leaned in closer to read it. "Tempered" the writing said, and "Safety Glass" on the line below that. "Hay Shaggy!" Scootaloo called out, "Isn't tempered glass really hard to break?" "Like yeah! Ten times tougher than normal glass or something! That's why they use it in car windows! "Really tough glass... But the aliens were still able to smash it..." Her eyes went wide again. "They must be really strong!" Continuing her search, the filly found two sets of faintly glowing footprints, starting at the window and heading into the ball room until they stopped about halfway to the far wall. "Gotta be alien tracks." She thought. "But why did they stop?" Deciding with a shrug that it was a mystery for later, Scootaloo trotted the rest of the way across the room to the far wall, where a pair of double doors stood open. Dropped plates, glasses, and flatwear littered the floor, clearly indicating that these were the doors the partygoers had fled out when the aliens attacked, but there were no real clues to be found. Scootaloo considered exploring further on her own, but the deep darkness of the hallway and chambers beyond decided her mind against. Returning to Shaggy and Scooby, Scootaloo's jaw dropped at what she found. Of course, having known and traveled with them for several months the filly was all too aware of the duo's prodigeous appetites. But this was something new altogether: The food was gone. All of it, several hundred pounds worth, was gone. And in it's place, laying sprawled across the empty tables, were man and dog, bellies slightly distended but looking normal otherwise. "Okay... Seriously... Are you two related to Pinkie Pie!?" She asked, only half joking. "Like the rich eat soooo much better than the rest of us, eh Scoob?" Shaggy mused. "Reah!" "Wait a minute..." Scootaloo slightly cocked her head in confusion, "Shaggy, isn't your family rich?" "Eh kinda sorta... But there's millionaire rich and billionaire rich, see, and while my folks are the former it's pretty obvious this Duvalle lady is totally the latter." "So now that there's nothing left, can we please check out the rest of this place together?" "Sure thing Scoots. Come on Scooby, let's get this over with..." And so together the three began to explore the mansion. There was an obvious trail left by the fleeing crowd, down one long hallway, hooking a left into another, across the vaulted-ceilinged foyer, and out the front door. Nothing of value in solving the mystery could be found there, so they searched through a second ballroom, a conservatory, an arboretum, three bathrooms larger than most entire homes, a grand dining room, and the kitchen where Scootaloo was forced to physically drag Scooby away from trying to eat even more food. Nothing of interest showed up in any of those places either. Finally, after perhaps an hour, they were about to give up and start back for town. "I can't believe nothing turned up." Scootaloo complained. "Like it happens sometimes." Shaggy said. As he spoke he leaned against a wall, and with a sudden sound like 'Clonk' a hidden panel slid open. "Zoinks!" Shaggy yelped as he jumped back in surprise. "Cooool...! Let's check it out!" "Ret's not and ray we did." Scooby disagreed. "Okay I know we gotta look Scoots." Shaggy said, "But don't get your hopes up eh? Lots of richy mansions have hidden passageways so the servants can move about unseen. Like that's probably all there is to this." Shaggy in the lead, they slipped into the narrow passageway. In one direction, it led to a storage room filled with cooking supplies. There was also an odd-looking tool left sitting on a shelf. "Like check out this crazy hammer!" Shaggy said, picking it up. "You couldn't hammer anything with the ends like this!" The hammer (For that is what it was basically shaped like) was very small, with a handle only four inches long. It was made of bright neon orange high-impact plastic, and the ends of the head were not flat for hammering but came to sharp metal points. "Is it a rue?" Scooby asked. "It's too funky looking not to be." Scootaloo said. Shaggy nodded his agreement, slipping the item under his belt, then looking all around the room. "Okay, I think that's all there is here. Let's go see where the other end of the passage leads..." It led, in fact, to the servant's quarters. Four doors, two on each side of the hall, opened into generously proportioned apartments for the head maid, head gardener, chauffeur, and chef. A fifth door at the end gave access to Nile's slightly larger rooms. Sticking close together, knocking at each door first just in case someone was home, they investigated the first four apartments, finding nothing. But when Shaggy knocked on the door of Nile's apartment, someone did answer. Or, rather, something did answer. "Zoinks!!! It's an alien!!" The beatnik screamed as he stumbled backwards, the hideous creature stepping through the door after him. "Rhaggy!" Scooby cried out. Shaggy stumbled but jumped back to his feet, and the chase was on. They fled back down the hall, through the kitchen secret door, and across the main foyer hoping to reach the front door. But as they drew near the door another alien appeared from the shadows in between a pair of expensive sculptures, cutting Scootaloo off from Shaggy and Scooby. "Roh no! Rootaroo!" "Help!" The filly exclaimed. Shaggy looked frantically around the foyer, his eyes finally settling on something that might work. "Come on Scoob!" He said, pointing to what he had seen, "Let's do this!" Grabbing a landline phone off of it's stand, they ran right for the alien and ran around and around, quickly wrapping it in the long trailing wires. "Rhone home! Rhone home!" Scooby snickered as the alien growled and struggled to free itself. "Like let's get out of here before any more of them show up!" Shaggy said, and there was no disagreement. They reached the front door threw it open with a bang, and rushed out into the night... Just in time to look up and see a saucer floating silently over the mansion's roof. "Like run!" Shaggy yelled and they did. But after perhaps thirty seconds Scootaloo glanced back over her shoulder and skidded to a halt at what she saw, or more accurately didn't see. "Guys hold up! It's gone!" "Like huh!?" Shaggy rapidly turned his head to and fro in all directions, but the saucer was indeed totally gone. "Rhere'd it go?" Scooby wondered. "And so fast." Scootaloo agreed. "Like you know what? I don't care where it went. I'm just glad it's not here. Now let's get our clue back to town eh?" XXXXX Meanwhile, Velma and Apple Bloom were conducting their own investigation in the Mystery Machine. "So tell me again how this works?" The filly asked. "It's pretty simple." Velma answered. "You know how if you shine a beam of white light through a prism the prism breaks it into a rainbow pattern?" "Oh sure. Miss Cheerilee did that in school one time." "Okay, now let me show you something else you can do using that..." Velma said. She set up a light and a prism, with the rainbow shining onto a white panel. Then she slid a small slide into the beam of light before it reached the prism. Black lines appeared in the rainbow. "Interesting fact 'Bloom... Any time you put a substance thin enough to be translucent into the white light beam, you'll get these black lines in the rainbow. And the pattern of the lines is unique for every chemical element in the universe. So..." Catching on, Apple Bloom interrupted "So if we put some of that stuff in the light, you'll be able 't see what it's made out of!" "Exactly." Velma answered. "So let's see what the active ingredients in 'U.F.O.B-Gone' really are..." Working together, they prepared a slide with some of the fluid from the bottle, and slid it into the light beam. A pattern of black lines appeared in the rainbow. "So how do we read it?" Apple Bloom asked. "Do y'all have a book on these or something?" "I do, in point of fact." Velma replied. "But there's a faster and easier way these days. Like anything else, there's an app for this." She produced her cell phone and snapped a picture of the lines. "Just a few seconds and we'll see... ...Huh. Well that can't be right." Velma held the phone where Apple Bloom could read the screen as well. "This is where we try again 't be sure we didn't mess up right?" Bloom asked after reading the results. "Correct. Let's prepare another slide." Before they could begin, the Mystery Machine began to be rocked violently from side to side. Looking up towards the driver's side rear-view mirror, Velma saw an alien standing alongside the van pushing hard. "Jinkies!" We've got company!" "Over here too!" Apple Bloom exclaimed, pointing to the passenger side mirror where another alien could be seen. "It's time to roll!" Velma said, jumping into the driver's seat and slamming down hard on the accelerator. The wheels spun for but a moment and they were off. "Did we lose them?" "Ah don't think so!" Apple Bloom answered as the back doors were pulled open to reveal the aliens clinging to the back bumper. Velma tried to dislodge the creatures by driving erratically, making random hard swings to the left and right, but the beings were hanging on for dear life. Then it got worse, as one of them grew bold enough to start trying to climb up into the van. "Stop swervin' for a second!" Apple Bloom whispered into Velma's ear, then as the van's path straightened out the filly jumped into the back, spun around, and bucked the closer alien hard in the face. With a loud crunch and yell it let go, flying out the back doors and bouncing along the pavement. Bloom jumped back in the passenger seat as Velma started swerving again. "Nice work Apple Bloom!" Velma cheered. "One down, one to go!" "Yeah but he's hanging in there. How we gonna get rid of him?" "Well he won't be dumb enough to try what his friend did, that's for sure." Velma answered. "I think we're going to have to get creative with this one. " And with that Velma pushed the van even harder, testing it's maximum speed and acceleration... Just as they entered a roundabout. Mystery Machine really shouldn't have been able to handle the constant curve as Velma looped around and around, but somehow it stayed on it's wheels, even if only two of them half the time. And on the eighth trip around, the alien's grip gave way, throwing it into the bushes alongside the roadway, while Velma quickly reacted, turning onto the road opposite the way they had come from. "Boy Howdy! That was a trip an' a half!" Apple Bloom cheered. "He hung on long enough though didn't he? They must've really wanted us!" "Us? Or the bottle? Velma wondered. "In any case, let's find a safe place, call Freddy and Shaggy to let them know where we'll be, and then run that second test... I'm getting really suspicious now..." XXXXX "This is it?" Sweetie Belle asked. "What a dump." The unicorn filly was standing in the parking lot of the factory building where U.F.O.B-Gone was supposed to be made, along with Fred and Daphne, who also had surprised expressions on their faces. Because the so called factory was a run-down old strip mall storefront. There was a sign over the indicated suite, written in black spray paint on plywood. None of the other suites were occupied. "Well we've come this far." Freddy said. "We might as well check it out." They went to the front door, which was unlocked, and stepped inside. There was a receptionist's desk, unmanned, a wall mounted television showing the infomercial on an endless loop, and several cardboard pdq's with 'Five dollar sample' bottles of the product. Fred pocketed one for Velma's backup, leaving a five on the desk in payment. "Hello? Is anyone here?" Daphne called out, but there was no answer. Investigating further, they stepped through a door marked 'Employees Only.' The back room was mostly empty. There were no machines, no workers or robots, no boxes of product ready to ship. There was a loading dock, with the big roll-up door in it's open position. A closed door marked 'Restroom' stood in a back corner. The first thing the trio checked out was the open loading door. There were footprints covering the entire surface of the outer dock, which was deep with dust. "Well nothing's been loaded here in a long time." Daphne said. "There's footprints, but no wheel tracks." "Right." Freddy agreed. "And take a look at this... There are some funny glowing footprints that come in from outside, then, I guess, follow the normal prints back out." "Jeepers! The aliens must have attacked this place too, and chased everyone that was working here away!" "But working at what?" Sweetie Belle wondered. "There were no factory machines inside." Freddy nodded. "Now that's a good question Sweetie Belle. Let's take a closer look inside." Back inside, they looked closely at the condition of the large room, but the only clue, at first, was what wasn't there: Not only were there no manufacturing machines, there was no indication that such had ever been there. There were no bolt holes drilled into the concrete, no discolored spots marking where large devices had sat, no safety signs or marking anywhere. Indeed, the only thing in the entire room was a series of three five foot long folding tables with a small home water purifying machine on one of them, a long water hose coiled haphazardly near the restroom door, and a door stop which was, oddly, nowhere near either of the doors. "I wonder..." Freddy said, picking up the door stop and examining it, "How this got so far from either door... It's almost as if someone kicked it over here in a hurry." "Well I guess we should check the restroom anyway. It's the only place we haven't searched." Daphne said. They approached the door, but when Freddy reached to open it, someone threw it open from inside. "Get away! Get away!" He screamed, flailing and kicking. "Whoa! Calm down mister!" Freddy motioned for the man to relax. "What!? Oh! Oh, I thought you was them!" The man shuddered. "I thought you was the aliens!" "Wait, they've been here too?" Sweetie Belle asked. "Came in not an hour ago, through the rolling door. Chased everyone else off, save that I was in there and they didn't see me. Once the place was empty, I unhooked the hose right quick, threw it out the door, kicked the door stop away so I could close it up tight an' lock it, then waited 'til I thought it was safe." "Your story makes sense except for one thing." Daphne said. "Why would you have a restroom door propped open with a hose running in?" The man's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Who are you anyway!? Cops!? I ain't sayin' nothing!" And with that he fled out the back door into the night. "Well that was weird." Sweetie Belle said. Freddy shook his head. " Oh, I don't know... I'll need to find out what the others have learned, but I think I'm starting to put half of this mystery together..." Before he could explain, Freddy's phone rang. "Hello? Velma? Wow! Okay, we'll meet you there soon." He hung up. "Velma and Apple Bloom just got away from two of the aliens. They've hidden in a grocery store parking lot. Let's go..." XXXXX Soon everyone was back together, along with Miss Duvalle. Freddy told the others about what they had found, handing Velma the 'sample' bottle as he did so. "Thanks Freddy." Velma said. "But after what you've told us you saw, I'm not sure there's any reason to bother testing this. After all, what we already found testing the first bottle twice lines up perfectly." "And what did you find?" Daphne asked. "It's just water!" Apple Bloom said. Velma nodded. "Precisely. Just as I suspected in the first place, 'U.F.O.B-Gone' is a fraud. These bottles contain nothing but distilled water." "Which explains what we found!" Sweetie Belle said. "They didn't need big machines! They just ran the hose from the tap in the restroom to the purifier, then bottled the water that came out of it and sold it!" "Right!" Freddy said. "Which is also why that man ran when he thought we were police. He knew he was part of a scam." "Why I never...!" Duvalle grumbled. "The nerve of some people... Oh Niles, you were right..." Scootaloo said, "But hold on! If it is a fake, why are aliens bothering to attack over it?" "Like yeah! And what about this clue we found?" Shaggy added, producing the odd hammer-looking tool. "Um, Shaggy..." Velma reached into the Mystery Machine's glove box and produced another tool identical to the one Shaggy held. "Zoinks!! Aliens have been in our glove box!!" "No Shaggy, I bought this myself. It's an emergency escape tool." "Remergency escape rool?" Freddy said, "Right. Let's say we somehow drove into deep water and the van was sinking. We couldn't just push the doors open, all the water pressure would hold them shut. And rolling the windows down is out too. Power windows, they'd short out. That's where this comes in: The sharp tips are titanium allow, so sharp and strong they can shatter tempered glass, letting us escape." Scootaloo's eyes went wide. "And we found this at the mansion, near where the tempered glass windows were broke... The aliens weren't so strong they could smash the glass! They cheated!" "And, between that, something Miss Duvalle just said, and the fact that the product is in fact fake, I think this mystery is finally adding up." Velma said. "Freddy, it's trapping time!" "Alright gang," Freddy said as they huddled together, "Here's what we're going to do..." XXXXX The plan went like this: First, everyone would return to the Duvalle mansion, where Freddy and Shaggy would replace the busted out glass windows, then coat them with a special non-reflective spray that was so good the aliens wouldn't be able to see it and would think the windowpanes were still empty. While they were doing this, Daphne and Velma would go up to the roof and rig up the netting to drop down onto the aliens at the right moment. And Scooby and the Crusaders would clean up the mess in the ballroom and get the lights back on. Once all of that was ready, the trap would be set in motion. Shaggy and Scooby would go out, find the aliens, and lead them on a chase back to the mansion. When they arrived, they would be sure to run right past the ballroom. Inside, Freddy, Daphne, and Velma would be disguised as a news crew, interviewing Miss Duvalle who would pretend that the alien attack had convinced her to donate her entire fortune to the company for the good of humanity. Hearing this, the aliens would presumably break off chasing Shaggy and Scooby to try to run into the Mansion after Duvalle... Smacking head first into the glass they wouldn't know was there. Knocked onto their butts, they would be an easy target for the Crusaders waiting on the roof to release the nets onto. Naturally, the whole plan went to pieces rather quickly. Shaggy and Scooby crept slowly and quietly though the streets of Roswell, searching for the aliens. They passed the pizza parlor, the town park, the roundabout where Velma had lost the aliens earlier, but there was nothing to be found. "Like maybe they gave up and went home, eh Scoob?" Shaggy asked. "Reah! Home to Mars!" Scooby agreed. Continuing on, they eventually made their way back to the grocery store where Velma and Apple Bloom had hidden, and were considering going in for a snack when a familiar sound reached their ears. Moments later, the flying saucer passed overhead, taking no notice of the duo, and flew on towards the east. "Like I guess the snack will have to wait Scooby. Let's see where it's going." Pursuing the disk, they were surprised to see it land in an open field on the outskirts of the Duvalle Estate, whereupon the whirring noise it made began to subside and three aliens emerged. "Like okay Scooby, if we're gonna do this, I think now's the time, while they're on foot." "Right Rhaggy." Shaggy stood, waving his arms to get the aliens attention. "Hey uglies! Your mama was a facehugger!" He yelled. The aliens looked at each other, then gave chase. "Zoinks! Here they come run for it Scooby!!" And with that they fled full speed, all three of the aliens hot on their heels. Meanwhile, atop the Duvalle Mansion, Scootaloo had found something odd. It was a metal box, obviously electronic of some sort, with an on/off button, a slider labeled 'focal length,' and a glass hemisphere on top. Curious, she pushed the on button. And yelped as a flying saucer materialized in the air above the mansion. "What 'n tarnation!?" Apple Bloom yelled, and Sweetie Belle gasped. Scootaloo was frightened, but only for a moment before she realized what must be happening. Reaching up, she swiped a hoof right through the saucer. "It's an illusion!" She realized. Sadly, Shaggy and Scooby were slower to make said realization. As they ran towards the mansion, aliens close behind, the saucer illusion appeared before them, hovering over the roof. "Zoinks! We've been outflanked! About face!!" They turned and ran back towards the aliens. As they did, Scooby exclaimed "Roh no!! They're rill coming!" The aliens stopped on a dime at Scooby's shout. "A talking dog!!" One of them shouted in their first English words, and they turned and ran back the other way as well, Shaggy and Scooby now chasing them. "Oh no!" Freddy exclaimed as he watched from inside the ballroom, "They're going back the other way!" The aliens reached their saucer and climbed in, taking off as fast as they could. Shaggy and Scooby suddenly found themselves directly in the saucer's path and were picked up and carried along as it flew along. On board, the aliens began to argue with each other about how to get rid of their unwanted tag-alongs. "Just fling them loose like the chick in the van did to us!" One said. "No! We'll lose control if you do that!" Another argued. "It's a risk I'm gonna take!" The pilot alien said. "We're not going anywhere with them!" The saucer began to fly about erratically, up and down, left and right, even backwards and forwards. As they buzzed about, they got closer and closer to the mansion, until they were directly beneath the roof overhang above the ballroom. Two things happened at once then. First, the aliens finally shook Shaggy and Scooby free, sending them flying into some nearby shrubbery. Second, Scootaloo looked down, saw the saucer directly below the net trap, and signaled for Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle to drop the net. The net fell, and a terrible noise erupted from the saucer, which began to smoke and shake and cast off pieces of itself in all directions, the buzzing sound of it's flight turning, momentarily, into an ear-splitting shriek before winding down as the vessel crashed. Then a funny thing happened. The flying saucer's body went fuzzy and indistinct, then vanished entirely revealing a very different type of flying machine inside. "Jinkies! The flying saucer was really just a helicopter!" Velma said. From the roof, Scootaloo called down "Hay look! There's another projector like the one up here on the front of that helicopter! Both saucers were fake!" A door slid open on the side of the wrecked helicopter, and the three aliens stumbled out, and fell to the ground, clearly in no condition to continue their attack... XXXXX Half an hour later two county deputies arrived. They looked in surprise at the captured (And now hogtied) aliens, then demanded to know what this was all about. "It's really quite simple sirs." Velma explained, "Miss Duvalle was taken in by a company that claimed to have invented an 'alien repellent.' But it was all a scam. The repellent bottle were just filled with water. Then, these guys showed up, dressed as aliens and using a helicopter and holograms to simulate a flying saucer." Fred added, "They attacked Miss Duvalle's fundraiser, then the so called factory, as well as us when we tried to unravel the mystery." "But the things we saw!" Duvalle said, "Niles was abducted with a levitation beam! And they punched through tempered glass windows!" "Like the levitation beam was just a hook attached to a rope too thin to see from far away." Shaggy said. Scootaloo said, "And they used one of these to break the glass." She held up the emergency tool. Sweetie Belle said, "I'm still confused though... Why do all of this when the stuff was fake?" "Yes, and who exactly are the men under these masks?" The senior deputy wondered. Daphne looked at Duvalle. "Ma'am, I expect that two of these aliens are just hired thugs. But, I'm sorry, but there's only one person the ringleader can possibly be..." Freddy pulled the mask from the lead alien. "Niles the Butler." He and Daphne said together. "Niles!" Duvalle exclaimed, "But why!?" When the butler simply looked away and wouldn't answer, Scootaloo said "We don't think he meant any harm." "Jus' the opposite really." Apple Bloom said. Velma said "Right. Niles knew the repellent was a scam. He also knew you'd not believe him until it was too late. So he set all this up to prove to you that U.F.O.B-Gone didn't really work before you lost your fortune." "Niles? Is this true?" Duvalle asked. "Yes madam. I am sorry, but I saw no other choice." "Well like I guess that wraps everything up." Shaggy said. "Rot quite." Scooby said. "One more ring." Apple Bloom said "Yeah, why'd they come after Velma an' me when we were about to prove the thing they wanted to prove?" "Rand us here." Scooby added. Niles blushed with embarrassment. "Um, that was my mistake... We didn't know that's what you were doing. For all we knew, you were in on the scam. So we had to try to chase you off too..." As the deputies led Niles and his hired conspirators away, (To everyone's surprise, Duvalle refused to fire him since he had meant well, though he would still have to face the legal consequences,) Freddy said "Well gang, there's another mystery solved." "And like none too soon!" Shaggy said. "I'm just glad there weren't any real aliens!" As he spoke, moaning sounds rose and the three alien heads appeared from behind a retaining wall. "Zoinks!! There's more of them!!" "Yow!!" Scooby yelped, jumping into Shaggy's arms, the two of them running away as fast as Shaggy's legs could carry them. Scootaloo, Apple Bloom, and Sweetie Belle removed the masks. "Did we do that?" They asked, and everyone laughed...