//------------------------------// // 19. - 20,000 Leagues // Story: No Nose Knows // by Irrespective //------------------------------// “Bean?” Celestia’s delectable voice drifted into one of Bean’s ears. He replied with a blissful grunt and a quick wiggle into her warm shoulder. “Be-e-an?” Her dulcet call came with a gentle nibble at the base of his ears. “Muh! Guhwai,” he replied with an ill-hidden smirk. “Are you sure you want me to do that?” she whispered. “Nuh uh. Stay. Cozy.” He then wiggled so that more of him was pressed up against her, and she replied with a playful giggle. The wing that had been covering him began to stroke his back, and he let out a full smile and a grunt that any primitive cavepony would have been proud of. “I stay here with pretty pony princess. Younger sister can raise sun. Hives are fun.” “Younger sister looks funny when she breaks out and she gets incredibly grouchy.” “There is that.” He grunted, and then he stretched his forelegs out straight in front of him. “Luna already has it out for me, so I should probably not irk her.” “You are filthy,” Celestia noted with a kiss to his cheek. “I was bucking apples,” he retorted with a return kiss of his own. “But at least I have been coated in a fine, high-quality soil, which is dirt with a good reputation, if I understand properly.” “I see, but now I am dirty too,” she continued. She stood and lifted her wing, which made Bean snicker at the oblong brown smudge he’d left in her immaculate white coat. “Oops?” he offered. “Oops indeed.” She smiled. “I suppose we shall have to bathe before starting the day.” “Bath?” he repeated, and he sat up quickly while shaking his head vehemently. “No way. I had one last year and I’m still good.” She gave him a dubious look. “I doubt your hygiene is that poor, especially given your prior profession.” “Nope, I’m being totally honest.” “One bath since this time last year?” “Yep.” She then offered a sly smile. “And how many showers do you take in a year?” “Um, well...” he sheepishly replied. “Twice a day, so…” “Well, it is high time you had another bath,” she declared with a laugh. “If you don’t like this one then you may wait another year.” “Fair enough. I have no doubt you will convince me to bathe more frequently.” Celestia gave him a quick nip on the neck, then crossed the room and stuck her head out into the hallway for a moment as he stood and shook the last bits of sleep from his coat and mane. She then trotted back, but paused at the doors that led to the balcony. “Would you like to join me for the sunrise, Bean?” she asked kindly. “Do fish swim?” he replied, and he trotted over to her. “I’d love to join you.” She giggled at bit at his eagerness, and then they both walked out onto the balcony, side by side. Once they reached the railing at the far end Bean tried to move out of the way, but Celestia’s wing reached out and pulled him into a warm snuggle. “If Luna could raise the moon with Star Struck under her wing then I can do the same with you and the sun,” she simply stated. “Has raising the sun ever gotten old?” he asked. “How so?” “Well, you’ve been doing this for over a thousand years. Do you even think about what you’re doing anymore, or it just automatic now, like when a pegasus flaps their wings to fly?” “I try to be very mindful of what I am doing, but at times it has become just one of many steps in my morning routine. Doing the same thing every morning will do that.” “Huh. So, what helps you to keep it from being ‘just another step?’” “I think back to how things were.” She closed her eyes, and Bean could feel the sea of memories flowing to her. “I remember how the unicorn tribe believed themselves superior and how fundamentally wrong that was. I remind myself of the suffering I saw among the earth ponies, the sorrow I felt when I walked amongst half-starved colts and spoke with frozen mothers. I hope I never lose the emotion I have attached to those images of families struggling to survive on the roots and scraps left by Hurricane and her soldiers. “Mostly, though, I remind myself of how important my duty is by thinking back to when I first raised the sun. It was peaceful, but beyond any power I had ever experienced in my life. I realized then, as I strained against the weight of it for the first time, that I was controlling the one thing that could bring life or death to untold millions. The very survival of my world and everything that I held dear within it rested upon my back. If I remember the full scope of what I am responsible for, it’s easy to regain the proper perspective.” Her horn then lit while she continued to speak, and Bean eagerly watched the eastern horizon. “I suppose the same thing will be true for us. We could become distant due to familiarity.” “Then we should remember how we feel right now,” he replied before a blast of pure joy electrified his entire being with the first rays of morning light. “I believe that will be quite doable,” she happily replied. “But, I really was just expecting you to answer with a simple yes or no.” “Have I ever done that?” she asked playfully. “No,” he replied with a nuzzle to her neck. “Now, we can’t spend very long in the tub,” Celestia reminded Bean. “Wrinkles?” He lifted a hoof. “Mine get all scrunchy after a few hours.” “No,” she chided mildly. “We have a lot to catch up on today.” “’We?’ You have a lot of work to catch up on. I don’t have any clue about what to do.” “Well, that changes today,” she replied as she pushed open the bathroom doors. “If you’re going to be my prince, then I want you to do prince-y things.” “That might take awhile, you… realize...” Bean’s eyes went wide, and it took him a minute to fully process and admire the opulence before him. The marble tub was closer in size to a swimming pool, large enough to accommodate his entire school swim team and still have room left over for both Celestia and Luna to do the backstroke alongside them. The tub was fed by a large waterfall at the far end of the room that cascaded down several layers of cool grey granite rocks. Similar rocks—which looked very much like enlarged version of those little hot stones Bean had seen used in massage therapy—lined the far edge of the tub and slowly rose from the main level in uneven steps, giving the impression that a pony could climb up to the top of the waterfall and dive in if they wanted to. Thick and verdant foliage ran around the perimeter of the room and bunched up around the gold-trimmed marble pillars, and Bean gawked at the frosted-glass ceiling for a moment as he tried to make out the swirling and swooping patterns. Steam was hugging the water like a soft, semi-transparent blanket, and he could feel his muscles relaxing just from thinking about the temperature. His hooves clicked alongside hers as they crossed the checkerboard tiles that ran up to and around the sparkling blue water, and he was eager to hop in, if he could only find the diving board. At a momentary loss for words, Bean focused on something simpler. There were small clumps of suds being churned up by the waterfall, swirling around in the currents, and building up into frothy peaks in the corners of the immense tub. “It smells like strawberry bubble bath. Right?” “You would be correct,” Celestia happily replied. “And there are enough for however many bubbles you desire.” Bean whistled. “How deep is it? I never learned how to swim.” “You may want to stay away from the middle, then. The tub is deep enough to allow me to be fully submerged, even if I am standing.” “So if this is the bath, why is your shower so small and plain?” “It’s only been used for one before,” she responded, then wrinkled up her nose with a smile. “No, I tried to keep my personal quarters simple when the palace was constructed, but there are some ponies who just get...” She paused, looking at the waterfall cascading down the back of the room. “Carried away?” asked Bean. “I think I understand how that can happen.” Celestia preened under the praise and continued. “This was built without my approval by a certain earth pony foreman who had a little too much access to the Royal Treasury for his own good. He thought he was getting in on my good graces. I then insisted that my shower and other facilities be unadorned and simple to make up for this, and twice a week there is an open plunge for the staff and their families.” “Not a bad perk,” he replied, and he moved with her to step in. “Not at all.” “Oh! Wait! I need to grab something,” he suddenly announced, and he darted towards the bedroom. “What are you doing?” “Nothing! I’ll be right back!” She chuckled with the thought of  Luna giving him a hard time about how he was actually doing something, but then she simply shook her head in amusement and entered the tub. The water was the exact perfect temperature, and she sighed as she felt the tension in her muscles melt away. She then flipped onto her back, spread her wings fully, closed her eyes, and then simply floated in bubbly goodness. Baths were a bit of a luxury for her as well, simply due to time constraints, but when she was able to sneak one in she reveled in it. Now that she had a special somepony to share them with, she was highly inclined to bathe more and shower less. She giggled a bit with the thought. A special somepony. It was quite enjoyable to have the words apply to her. Her own Bean to hold, and to snuggle, and to kiss. Oh, and they were going to. She had to fight back a constant urge to bar every door, pin him in place with her magic, and then smother him with kisses, but her Bean would soon find out that even her willpower had its limits. Whoever said the waiting was the best parts was a liar. There were a lot of best parts she was looking forward to just as much or more. Her new husband just needed a little bit more time to adjust to his new life, and then… And then life would be perfect. She floated with this happy thought for a moment, but then gave herself a small dose of reality. Her married life might be perfect at that point, but life in general would not be. Though Equestria was peaceful and prosperous, there were still plenty of threats, and eventually they both would have to deal with them. Chrysalis and her Changelings were still loose out in the Badlands, for one example, and they could very well try to return. She then frowned. Was Bean a changeling? Could he be an imposter? The thought left her mind as quickly as it came while Celestia remembered their dance from last night. He was real, he was a pony stallion, and he was really hers. The thought of him being a changeling was impossible based on his actions, his nervousness, and his eagerness to be respectful of her. He was giving her love, and that was a concept that changelings simply couldn’t comprehend. She giggled a bit when she heard hooves clacking on tiles. She bit her lower lip in mischievousness, gauged where Bean would be—an impressive feat, if she did say so herself, given that her ears were underwater—and then quickly lashed out with her magic, seized him, and flung him in a neat arc into the bath. She began laughing as she flipped and stood up, but her mood instantly ran into horror when she saw that the pony she had caught was not Bean. “HAST THOU GONE COMPLETELY DAFT?!” Luna bellowed in the Royal Voice at her sister after she breached the surface like a furious whale. She then began hacking and wheezing to clear the water from her lungs, and Celestia moved over to assist. “I am so sorry, Luna! I thought you were Bean!” “Thou didst believe me to be Bean?!” She coughed again and glared as she pulled her mane out of her eyes. “How could thy magic not detect the weight difference between us?” “Lulu, I swear, you felt about the same as Bean.” “But, of a truth, I am taller and larger than he.” “I know, I know.” Luna coughed one last time, but then glanced behind and looked at her flank. “You are speaking truly, Sister?” “On my word of honor, you did not feel any heavier than Bean.” “Hm! Perhaps those rice cakes are working then,” she replied, while giving her hips a slight shake. Bean then entered again, humming a happy little tune and holding a small rubber duck in one hoof. He stopped once he saw Luna wiggling her rear in the tub, gave a small shriek of alarm, and quickly grabbed a nearby towel to hold in front of him as he looked back to Celestia. “Both of you?” Bean’s eyes darted back and forth, and he took a step backwards. “I didn’t think Luna would be joining our bath.” “That makes two of us.” Luna tossed back a lock of sodden dark mane. “I was merely stopping by to inform you that the Duke of Maretonia has had to cancel his visit. I had no intention of staying, but since I am in here and sopping wet anyway I might as well join you.” “So, how did you end up in there?” Celestia’s ears folded back, and she let out an uneasy chuckle. “I thought she was you and I dunked her.” “Oh! So, thank you for saving me from that, I guess?” “I hope you appreciate my sacrifices for you, Bean,” Luna dryly offered while she removed her wet regalia and placed it on a small pile of towels. “What do you have there, Bean?” Celestia asked. “Oh! This?” he looked at the toy in his hoof, and he dropped his towel. “It’s just a little rubber duckie. I bought him the morning of our first meeting at the train station.” “May I see it?” Bean nodded and entered the tub with a smile, but he paused and shuddered in delight when the water washed over his back. “Wow, this feels good. I don’t know if I’ll ever get out again.” Celestia giggled while she watched Bean bob over to her, the tips of his hooves bouncing against the floor and propelling him forward. “That would be nice, but don’t forget about the wrinkles.” “Out of curiosity, do you know how to swim, Bean?” Luna asked. “Not really,” he replied to her while handing the duck over to Celestia. “I can doggie paddle but not much else.” “This is a cute toy,” Celestia remarked while Bean sat down on the bench next to her. “I like his little smile.” “Yeah, I saw him in one of the stores and I thought he’d make a good little memento of my visit to Canterlot. Since I’m going to live here now I figured I should let him swim free.” Celestia put the duck on the water and gave it a soft push. It floated along, as happy as any little rubber duckie had ever been, and even Luna chuckled a bit. “I will admit the grin is cute,” she remarked. “He will be most welcome here.” “Bean, could you scrub between my wings?” Celestia asked, as she floated a soft, silver colored scrub brush over to him. “Please?” There was no way Bean was going to refuse. He took the brush and softly worked in some soap, but then kept going onto her neck and withers. She didn’t say anything, but the hum of satisfaction told Bean how much she enjoyed his actions beyond what any phrase could. While he scrubbed, Bean’s mind began to ponder what was happening at that moment. He knew full well that Celestia’s beauty had been known for centuries. Sonnets had been written about it, pictures had been painted on the subject, and there was a good possibility wars had been fought over the matter. Though Luna arguably held the advantage in dark allure and mysterious seduction, it was Celestia who time and again was considered the consummate and preeminent example of the Equine ideal. Every angle, every curve, every part and portion of this Mare among mares was what defined the word ‘beautiful.’ So far, he had managed to suppress that knowledge by reminding himself that he was associating with Princess Celestia, and that it was very uncouth, at the least, to think of your liege in such a crude manner. But now she was here, inches away from him. He could smell the softness of her coat, he could feel the silk of her mane, and he could not avert his eyes from the pure perfection that was before him. Even her very pose at the moment could not be any more enticing; she simply sat, her body tilted slightly forward and her wings lowered softly into the water but oh-so slightly angled to allow Bean to scrub. Her mane was still dripping, but she had pulled it over one shoulder and twisted it once to keep it from interfering in Bean’s work, and her head and neck were angled down as she looked into the water before her. Bean swallowed hard. The vision of perfection before him was his wife. Try as he might, he could not simply call her Princess anymore and be done. By law and by love, she was just as much his as he was hers. And then his gaze went to his own reflection in the silver of the brush. Granted, the image was distorted, but it still held enough truth in it to remind Baked Bean of what he really was. A fool. Oh, how he wished he had more strength against these feelings of doubt and inadequacy! Celestia had told him several times that she loved him, that she cared for him, that she found him attractive and cute. But the far-too-yellow reflection in the brush just simply couldn’t be all that. He had no charms, no grace. He wasn’t tall, dark, or mysterious like Star Struck had been. He wasn’t well built, nor did he have roguish charm or stylish mane like Shining Armor had. He had nothing, especially when placed next to her. Tears started to silently trickle down his cheeks as he resumed scrubbing. Yes, Celestia said she loved him, but how could that ever be true? He just couldn’t comprehend it. How could the apex of Ponydom find anything attractive or redeeming in him, a mere smudge? “Bean, is everything okay?” He quickly dipped his head in the water as she glanced back toward him. He didn’t want her to see this. His tears would only make things worse. After a moment, he pulled himself back out of the water. “Lost the brush.” “It’s in your hoof,” she gently pointed out. “Huh, how about that?” He went back to scrubbing, and he fought against himself to keep his emotions in check. Celestia didn’t need his insecurities on top of everything else she needed to deal with. “Are you sure you’re alright? I thought I heard you sniffling.” “Yup, I’m just fine,” he said. He tried desperately to have it come out in a normal tone, but it came out so meekly and quietly that even Fluttershy would have been impressed. “He likes what he is seeing right now,” Luna quipped with a devious grin. “Garbanzo and Lima are going to get those grandfoals sooner than they think.” Baked Bean deliberately dropped the scrub brush that time and then immediately went under after it. Why did she have to say that?! Of course he liked what he saw, that was the whole problem! He stayed under for a moment as he pretended to search for the brush. He could make it through this. He could. He just had to keep those ridiculous emotions of his in check until he could get himself back to baseline. It hurt him to think of the hurt he would cause Celestia by not believing what she had said. As he came back up that time, however, he felt her twist him so he came up facing away from her. She then pulled him into a tight hug, and her breath tickled his ear. “Don’t block me out, Bean,” she whispered. “Talk to me. I am here to help you, to comfort you, and to love you. You will hurt me far more if you withdraw into yourself and push me away then you ever could by being open with me.” She then started nipping in his mane and around his ears, and he forced himself to enjoy what she was doing. Though his fears and insecurities remained, they were made manageable and tolerable as she tugged and pulled and snuck quick pecks in on his cheeks and neck. “Why?” he finally whispered. He felt her lips brush his ear. “Because with you, dear Love, I am home.” He dipped his head in pure shame, and the tears flowed freely. “Why can I not believe that?” he whispered through the tears. “Why is that so hard for me to accept?” “I do believe I have some moon rocks to sort,” Luna suddenly announced, and she paddled quickly to the ramp leading out of the tub. Water cascaded in small rivlets down her flanks and off of her mane, and a small puddle formed around her hooves when she paused at the top and looked back at Bean. “May I offer one bit of advice, from an old nag to a young buck?” He nodded, and she flashed a knowing smile. “Doubt your doubts before you doubt your love for—and of—my sister.” She then levitated a few towels onto her barrel and began to dry herself off as she left the room. “She left her crown,” Bean noted. “She’ll get it later,” Celestia replied. “We need to discuss this.” She then released him and guided him to the built-in bench she was sitting on herself. A wing slowly stretched out, as if to wrap around him in comfort, but it then retreated and settled on her side. “I hate not having the words to say what I’m feeling,” he muttered with his gaze on his reflection in the water. “I wish I had your eloquence.” “Sometimes there are no words for your true feelings. When ponies say they love each other, it usually means something much deeper than what is generally defined as ‘love.’” He chuckled sadly but his gaze remained downcast. “That sounds like something Cadence would say.” “She may be the Princess of Love, but she had to learn the concept from somewhere.” “I suppose that’s true. I just…” He grunted in frustration. “Take your time,” she offered. “You tell me you love me. I see that you love me, I feel that you love me, and you act as one would who is in love. But when you sway your hips at me, or when you start bathing and don’t even try to entice me, I find I am drawn to you, but then I remember who I really am.” The water had settled enough that Bean could see his face within it, and he glared at the pathetic pony he saw. “I’m nothing more than a common, low-brow yokel who has no place, right, or business in your life. Every time I take a few little steps on that bridge over the gap between us, I remember that and I run right back to where I am safe, and I hate myself for doing so. You, as the perfect picture of female beauty, are weighed down and fettered with me.” A tear slid down his cheek and ripped the water. “A pony who looks like a bag of stale popcorn.” “Do you believe yourself to be unattractive?” “I find it hard to comprehend that I have something you like, or that you want. What could you possibly find enticing about me?” “Let me first say that I am quite flattered that you consider me to be the ultimate in beauty.” She offered a warm smile. “There are many who would disagree with you on that point. In all honesty, Luna is probably considered to be better looking than I am. “But if I am understanding you correctly, you feel that you do not possess anything that I should find attractive, and yet you believe me when I say I love you.” “I’m just a fun little dichotomy, aren’t I?” “I’ll let the aren’t slide since you managed to use dichotomy in a sentence properly. May I share something with you?” He looked up at her and nodded sadly. “I need all the help I can get.” “When did you first feel the embers in your heart?” He looked down again. “That first night, when you read my henscratch. I felt… complete, I guess. I even wanted the feeling to continue.” “Hmm. And then yesterday, you did say you could love me despite any darkness you found in my past.” “I did, yes.” “Is that still true?” “Yes,” he quietly offered. “Do you love me?” she flat asked. Bean did not hesitate. “I do, yes.” “Then remember that, when the doubts come. Luna mentioned the other day that you’re fighting twenty-odd years of conditioning. It’s not so easy to push past my exterior of Princess and see down to my Celly. But I think you can, and that you will.” “You do?” She nodded. “Doubts are natural, Bean. If things had been different and you had somehow married Sego Lily, they very well could have surfaced in their own way with her. It just becomes amplified and magnified when you’re with me. It’s not a surprise.” “But I don’t want to keep feeling this way. I hate thinking these thoughts. It seems like I’m betraying you all over again when I do.” Celestia smiled. “Perhaps there is a way I can help with that. Do you trust me?” “Of course.” Celestia’s horn flared, and the bathroom faded out of sight. In fact, everything left his view. He felt a small twinge of panic as he looked around for any sort of light. “Celly? Where are you?” “I’m right here,” she instantly replied. “Where?” “I am all around you. You won’t be able to see me here, so don’t try to. Feel me instead.” Bean decided the best way to do that was by flailing his front hooves in front of him. “No, no. Not like that. Reach out with your heart. I can see you, after all.” There was a pause for a moment as Bean tried to figure out how to do this, but he then relaxed, and began thinking of her. He thought of her kindness, her soft words and her smile. He thought about how he had felt when she’d raised the sun that morning. And slowly, he began to see her. It was blurry at first, but after a few moments of effort he was able to bring her into focus. But it wasn’t quite her. Before him was a unicorn, with a soft pink mane and light grey coat. She stood at about the same height as he did, but there was no mistaking those eyes. This was his beloved wife. “There you go,” she said happily. “Notice anything different?” “One or two things, yes.” “This place is, in simple terms, a place of feelings. While here, you see with your heart, not your eyes. This is the Celestia you love: the one who is just Celly. Luna’s advice is, indeed, wise council. Doubt your doubts before you doubt this. Your love is true, Bean, and it is right. Don’t be ashamed that you feel inadequate. You’re not the only one.” She then pointed down, and Bean looked. They were both standing on what appeared to be a mirror or some other sort of reflecting surface, but the other side showed something completely different that what he was expecting. The reflection showed Celestia, but as an old and wrinkled mare, with dark splotches on her sides, a grey mane and shaking knees. Her head was near the ground and her back was bowed, but yet she still managed to look royal and regal. Next to her, and where his reflection was, stood a strong and noble-looking stallion. Straight off the cover of some romance novel, the image was broad-chested, with a chiseled chin, and stood as tall as Celestia usually did. Bean could hardly believe that the reflection was him. If this other stallion didn’t have his yellow coat, he could have easily passed off the stud as one of the innumerable nobility that he had seen in the palace. “This is how I see you, Bean: strong, firm, and handsome. You are a dedicated and devoted pony, and one who will remain faithful to me forever.” “But you look...” “I am old, Bean, in heart and in body. I may not look like it or act like it, but I certainly feel it. Most of the time, I can forget that detail by diverting my attention into work or helping my little ponies, but I never can totally escape it. I have had moments—several moments, in fact—when I wonder why a pony like you would find an ancient geezer like me attractive. I don’t consider myself to be the most beautiful pony in all the land, but if you do then that is enough. “The next time those doubts come, come back to here. Come back to when you first knew, and to what you know. It may take years, it may take decades. But if you will trust me, and trust your own heart, then you will eventually overcome those doubts. Truth always wins out in the end.” He nodded, and a grand feeling of joy spread over him as the world around them faded away and reality came back. Once he felt like he had fully returned to the bathroom, he saw he had turned again, his arms around his beloved Celly and hers around him, as well as her wings. They were nose to nose, and he quickly became captivated by those divinely magenta eyes. “And in the most unsurprising revelation in the history of Equestria, yellow just happens to be my favorite color,” she softly whispered. “To me, the shade of your coat is the exact shade of happiness one gets from a bright summer’s day. Don’t ever be ashamed of that.” “Thank you,” he whispered, and his heart began thumping with delight as he felt his lips moving towards hers. A voice then decided to rudely cut into the serenity from behind them. “Your Highnesses?” “Seriously?” Celestia grunted out in a whisper, but then she put on the most diplomatic smile Bean had ever seen, a radiant display of happy cheeks and gleaming teeth that would have sent any diplomat screaming for home in terror. “Yes, Wysteria? What is it?” “I really do hate to interrupt, but you have a meeting with the Minister of Transportation in twenty minutes.” “We will be out momentarily.” Wysteria wisely didn’t move, however, so Celestia released Bean and grabbed the brush. She then gave Bean a furious scrubbing from snout to tail, and he dunked himself to rinse and thus finish the process. Celestia then handed him the brush and lifted her wing, and Bean began scrubbing the long dark stain he’d left on her. Out of the corner of his eye he saw movement, and he glanced up to see Wysteria mouthing and pointing. Scrub where her wing meets her body. He cocked an eyebrow, matched her slightly devious smile, and moved the brush up to the indicated spot. Celestia then let out a very unregal screech and leaned back. “Stop that.” “Stop what?” he asked innocently. Celestia glanced back at Wysteria, then leaned back in towards Bean. “I’m ticklish right there.” “Oh really?” he asked, and then he began scrubbing the ticklish spot furiously. “No! Ah!” She laughed and snatched the brush from him, but he simply moved in with his own hooves. “Right there?! Are you sure?” “Stop it, stop it!” she giggled furiously. “This is unfair! I can’t ge-yah!” Wysteria smiled smugly as she left the scene of the now furious splash fight.