The next morning was going to be a tough one. Four in the morning was too early to get up, even for Applejack. And yet, she was the first one awake and dressed by 3:30am. After having the next half an hour free to her thoughts, Applejack was suddenly startled by the door flying open and hitting the wall with a bang. The sudden sound woke everyone else up from their slumber. Admiral Stone walked in already dressed and ready.
“Rise and shine maggots! It's time to get your asses in gear! Let's go let's go! Up! Get up!!”
Applejack stood at attention by her bunk before she realized there was one person missing. She nervously elbowed the bed in an attempt to wake her rainbow haired friend.
“Dash...wake up. It's time to get to work!” She mumbled quietly. Rainbow mumbled in her sleep.
Applejack frantically tried to wake Rainbow from her slumber, to no avail. After everyone else was up and dressed they all stood at attention by their respective bunks. Admiral stone walked down each aisle, inspecting their beds and uniforms. He walked by each nervous recruit without a word, but stopped at Applejacks bunk. He looked at her, making the farm girl gulp nervously before he looked up at the sleeping girl in the top bunk. His jaw flexed as he looked back down at the farm girl.
“Step aside, Private.”
Applejack gulped and took a step away from the bunk. Admiral Stone stepped up to the bunk before grabbing the edge of the mattress and flipping it over, knocking Rainbow Dash out of the top bunk and to the floor.
“WAAH!!” She yelped, startled by the sudden movement.
“Get up you lazy sack of shit!! There will be no sleeping while I am in your vicinity! Do you understand me?!”
“Sir, yes, sir!”
"I can't fucking hear you!”
“SIR, YES, SIR!!”
“Get up and get dressed, Private.”
“Sir, yes, sir!!”
Rainbow Dash quickly got herself dressed before taking position next to Applejack and standing at attention. Admiral Stone gave her a hard glare before pacing up and down the room from one end to the other.
“My name is Admiral John Stone. Until further notice I will not only be your senior drill instructor, I will be your worst nightmare. From now on you will speak only when spoken to. And the first and last words out of your filthy little cum dumpsters will be Sir and ONLY Sir, do you understand?”
“Sir, yes, Sir!” The recruits sounded off.
“Bullshit, I can't hear you, sound off like your a soldier and not a fucking toddler!!”
“SIR, YES, SIR!!!” They sound off again.
“If You ladies survive these next few weeks in Hell, you will be a weapon by the time comes for you to be sent out into the Lazarus Pit. You will be another pawn added to the board and nothing more! But until that day, you are NOTHING. You are lower than even the lowest form of life on Earth. From this day forward you are not to even be called human fucking beings. You are nothing but worthless, sniveling, embarrassing pieces of shit. Because I am a hard ass, NONE of you will like me, but the more you hate me, the more you will learn that the enemy is NOT your friend. I am hard but I am fair. There is no racial bigotry here in my beloved Corps. I do not discriminate against spear chuckers, Jews, Dagos or Bog-Trotters. Here, you are all at the same level of wasted garbage scattered over the earth. And my orders are to weed out all of you pussies who do not pack the gear to serve under my instructions. Do you understand that?
“Sir, yes, Sir!”
“Bullshit, I can't hear you!!”
“SIR, YES, SIR!!”
Admiral Stone stops in front of a heavy built, African American man before staring him in the eye.
“What is your name, scumbag?”
“SIR, PRIVATE KALE, SIR!!”
“Bullshit, from now on you are Private Dickweed. Do you like that name?”
“SIR, YES, SIR!!”
“Well there is one thing that you won't like, Private Dickweed. They do not serve koolaid and bottles of Hennessey on a daily basis in my mess hall.”
“SIR, YES, SIR!!”
Suddenly one of the other Privates from the other side of the room mutters under his breath.
“This guy is old enough to be my grandfather...”
“Who said that? WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT?!! WHO'S THE SLIMEY WORTHLESS LITTLE SHIT COCKSUCKER DOWN HERE, WHO JUST DUG HIS OWN FUCKIN GRAVE?!!”
Everyone stays silent.
“NOBODY, HUH?! THE FUCKING EASTER BUNNY SAID IT THEN!! I SWEAR TO JESUS I WILL PUT YOU ALL THROUGH PT TRAINING UNTIL YOU FUCKING WEEP FOR MERCY!! I WILL PT YOU UNTIL YOU ASSHOLES ARE BEGGING AND CLAWING TO GET OFF MY ISLAND!!”
Admiral Stone grabs one of the Privates by the collar of his shirt.
“WAS IT YOU YOU WORTHLESS LITTLE FUCK, HUH?!!”
“Sir, no, Sir!!”
“YOU LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT, YOU LOOK LIKE A FUCKING WEASEL!! I BET IT WAS YOU!!”
“Sir, no, Sir!”
Finally the Private that made the comment speaks up.
“Sir, I said it, Sir...”
Admiral Stone let's go of the Private and walks up to the perpetrator.
“Well, well, the truth comes out. We got ourselves a fucking comedian in our midst! I like guys like you. I may even let you come down to my parents place to fuck my mother!”
Admiral Stone suddenly hits the young man in the stomach, knocking the air out of him and causing him to fall to the floor.
“YOU LITTLE SCUMBAG!! I GOT YOUR FUCKING NUMBER!! YOU WILL NOT LAUGH, YOU WILL NOT CRY, YOU WILL NOT SPEAK UNLESS SPOKEN TO! YOU WONT EVEN FUCKING BREATHE UNLESS INSTRUCTED TO DO SO! NOW GET UP, GET ON YOUR FEET!! You had best unfuck yourself or I swear to Jesus I will SHIT in your cornflakes!!”
“Sir, yes, sir!!
“What's your name, scumbag?!”
"Sir, Private Jackson, Sir!”
“Bullshit your names Private Pussypuffs! Do you like that name?”
“Sir, yes, Sir!”
“Private Pussypuffs, why did you join my beloved Corps?”
“Sir, to kill, Sir!!”
“So you want to be a killer?”
“Sir, yes, Sir!!”
“Let me see your war face!”
“Private Pussypuffs” hesitates at the last statement.
“Sir?”
“Did i st-t-t-tutter junior?! LET ME SEE YOUR WAR FACE!!"
“AAAAAH!!!”
“What the fuck was that?! Come on! Let me see your real war face!!"
“AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!”
“Holy shit i think my bunny slippers just ran for cover, Private! You may want to become a Marine, Private Pussypuffs but you are on the wrong track for that!! Work on it!"
“Sir, yes, Sir!!”
Stone walked back over to the soldier he grabbed previously and stared him down.
“What's your excuse?”
“Sir, excuse for what, Sir?”
“I'M ASKING THE FUCKING QUESTIONS HERE PRIVATE. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!
“Sir, yes, Sir!”
“Well, thank you very much. Can i be in charge of my own platoon for once?!"
“Sir, yes, Sir!!”
“Are you nervous, Private?”
“Sir, I am, Sir!”
“Do I make you nervous?”
“Sir...”
“Sir what? Were you about to call me a jackass?!”
“Sir, no, Sir!!”
“How tall are you, Private?!”
“Sir, Six feet even, Sir!!”
“Six foot even, I didnt know they stack trash that high! Are you trying to compesnate for something here, Private?! HUH?!"
“Sir, no, Sir!!”
“Bullshit, I think you have been cheated! Where the Hell are you from anyway, Private?!
“Sir, Nevada, Sir!!”
“Holy dogshit, Nevada? Then you may have heard that there was a fire at UNLV that destroyed over a hundred books in the library! Did you hear anything about that?!"
“Sir, no, Sir!!”
“It turns out that the real tragedy was that over half of them hadn't been colored in yet!!"
“I bet you are the kind of guy that if he were locked in a room by himself he'd roll his turds into little balls and eat crayons for lunch out of boredom! I will be watching you!”
Admiral Stone walked up to a heavy set man in uniform struggling to keep a smirk off his face.
“Did your parents have any children that live?”
“Sir, yes, Sir!”
“I bet they regret that. You are so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece! What is your name, fatbody?!
“Sir, Johnny Vale, Sir!”
“What the fuck kind of name is that?! You sound like your name could be used as a brand of womens perfume!! Do you wear perfume Private Vale?!"
“Sir, no, Sir!”
“That name sounds like royalty! Are you royalty Private Vale?!
“Sir, no, Sir!!”
“Do you suck dicks?!”
“Sir, no, Sir!!”
“Thats a bunch of horse shit, I bet you could suck a football through a catheter!!"
“Sir, no, Sir!!”
“I don't like the name Vale, only faggots and reporters are called Vale! From now on you are Ricky Retardo!"
“Sir, yes, Sir!”
“Do you think I am cute, Private 'Tardo?! Do you think I am some kind of comedian?!"
“Sir, no, Sir!!”
“Then wipe that shit eating grin off your face right now before i take it off myself!!”
“Sir, yes, Sir!!”
Private Vale struggled to keep a straight face.
“WELL, ANY-FUCKING-TIME, ASSHOLE!!”
“Sir, I am trying, Sir!”
Private 'Tardo, I am gonna give you five seconds to wipe that stupid-looking grin off your face, or I WILL RIP OFF YOUR ENTIRE FACE AND SKULL-FUCK YOU!! ONE!! TWO!! THREE!! FOUR!!! FIVE!!"
“Sir, I can't help it, Sir!”
“BULLSHIT! GET ON YOUR KNEES ASSHOLE!!!”
Private Vale obeys and falls to his knees. Admiral Stone puts a hand up.
“Now choke yourself.”
Vale wraps his own hands around his throat and starts to choke himself.
“GODDAMN IT, WITH MY HAND YA FUCKIN' JACKASS!!”
Vale attempts to grab Admiral Stones hand and pull it to his neck.
DON'T PULL MY FUCKING HAND OVER THERE, FOR ALL I KNOW YOU'll USE IT TO JACK YOURSELF OFF WITH!! NOW I SAID CHOKE YOURSELF!! LEAN FORWARD INTO MY HAND AND CHOKE YOURSELF!!"
Vale leans into Admiral Stones hand, who starts squeezing his throat. Private Vale's face turns red from lack of air.
“ARE YOU THROUGH GRINNING LIKE AN IDIOT?!!”
“S-Sir, yes, Sir!”
“Bullshit, I can't hear you!”
“S-Sir, yes, Sir!”
“Bullshit, I still can't hear you!! Sound off like you got a pair!!
“S-SIR, YES, SIR!!
“One more chance, Private! Or I swear to Jesus I will choke you so hard you'll put the Smurfs to shame!”
“S-Sir, yes, Sir!!”
“That's enough, get on your feet!! Private Vale, you had best square your ass away and get with the program or will fuck you up so bad the EMT's will put you out of your misery themselves!!"
“Sir, yes, Sir!!”
Admiral Stone walked over in front of Rainbow Dash and glared at her.
“What's your name scumbag?!”
“Sir, Private Rainbow Dash, Sir!!”
“Holy shit, just when I thought names couldn't get any more fruity!! Private Dash are you a faggot?!”
“Sir?!”
“Are you deaf, Private Dash, I asked you a fucking question!! Are you queer?!!”
“Sir, yes, Sir!!”
“Private Dash, why did you join my beloved Corps?!”
Rainbow Dash glares a bit but keeps her resolve.
“Sir, we were drafted, Sir!!”
“We, who's we?!”
“Sir, Private Apple and I, Sir!”
“Are you and Private Apple fuck-buddies, Private?!”
“Sir, no, sir!”
“Bullshit, I bet your fingers are so far up her pussy you could use her as a hand-puppet!!”
“Sir, no, Sir!”
“Are you dating anyone Private Dash?!”
“Sir, yes, Sir!”
“Not anymore, Private! I'm willing to bet your girl has already moved on and fucked six other people by now!!”
“Sir, she would never do that to me, Sir!”
“How the fuck would you know that, scumbag?! You aren't even there for her when she probably needs you the most!!”
“Sir, because I trust her, Sir!!”
“We'll see about that Private!”
Admiral Stone looked away and started glaring at Applejack.
“What the hell are you doing here you inbred fuck?!”
“Sir, Private Dash already told ya, Sir!”
“Are you being smart with me, Private?!”
“Sir, no, Sir!!”
“What's with the accent, Private?!”
“Sir, what accent, Sir!!”
“Don't you play dumb with me Private, I asked you a fucking question!!”
“Sir, Ah was born in the South, Sir!”
“So was I but you don't hear me speaking like I never made it through grade school! You need to enunciate your words, Private!!”
“Sir, Yes, Sir!”
”Are we all clear on what's what, recruits?!”
“Sir, Yes, Sir!!” Everyone yells.
“Bullshit, I can't hear you! Sound off like you got a pair!”
“SIR, YES, SIR!!”
“Well what the fuck are we all standing around for with our thumbs up our asses!! Get your worthless asses out on the course AND START TRAINING!!”
“Sir, yes, Sir!”
“Dismissed!!”
With the final word spoken, the nervous recruits made their way out onto the field to start the day.