The first thing to happen to me on this new day is the feeling of Twilight stirring against my torso. She has been clinging to it for most of the night.
After she informed me that she had discovered my very impulsive but still genuine 'confession' (which I am extremely relieved has not backfired), I basically sat there just staring at her (or, rather, in her direction) like an idiot, trying to think of something clever to say, and yet, unbelievably, unable to think of anything clever or shrewd.
The lack of any vision thanks to the darkness was robbing me of any inspiring words I might have given her. Instead, I could only focus on the one thing left that I was still able to barely make out. I can remember what I said to her, even as she clung to me.
"Jeepers, creepers! Where'd you get those peepers?"
Twilight stays silent for about three seconds.
"I... Wait, is this what you're supposed to say at this point?"
"Wait a minute, forget that I said that, they're... you know. They're good eyes."
Twilight just stares at me with those eyes.
"Because your pupils are well formed, the perfect shape for... seeing things without them getting all warped. And your corneas are undamaged, so that's good too. And your irises are purple."
Twilight blinks at me twice, slowly.
"That's good, I suppose?"
"Everything about your eyes is great, really. I think I may be rather poor at this."
"You might be," Twilight says, closing her eyes and leaning into me again. "Just stay like that and stop talking before you expound the virtues of my vitreous humor."
...
"Wait, your 'transparent' humor? Because that's what 'vitreous' means. Come on, you know that you can be subtle when you want to be. Your jokes are definitely not see through."
"You were just talking about my eyes. Vitreous humor is the scientific name of the fluid in your eyes."
"Oh. Huh. Now that wasn't vitreous humor."
"Yes it was," she protests. "I just said it was."
I decided not to dignify that with an answer.
Despite how worked up Twilight was after waking up, she managed to get back to sleep relatively soon after that, and that finally led to where we are now.
She squirms a little bit and then cracks one of her eyes open.
And immediately flies wide awake, but she doesn't move. A moment later she takes a breath.
"Oh, wow..." she mutters groggily. "I'm not used to waking up like that."
"Nopony is, considering it's me. But I guess I could get used to it."
Twilight gives me a flustered look.
"But at the same time, there is only so much of that that I can take at once. Celestia's crew is on the move. They left a little while ago."
Twilight gives me a surprised look and looks down toward the ground to confirm that the Princess's carriages are in fact gone.
"You could have woken me up when they were leaving, Discord, I really wouldn't have minded."
"They've only been gone for a few minutes."
"Well, I guess we had better catch them, huh?"
"Not without breakfast, we're not," I respond, tossing Twilight an apple.
Twilight stares at the apple for a few seconds.
"Um, right. Of course!"
I grab another apple for myself.
Twilight wastes no time in getting a bite out of her own. After chewing and swallowing, however, she begins talking.
"So, um. I have to ask. Now that we have both had some sleep and some time to get our thoughts straight... I am kind of having a little crisis in my head. It took some time for the circumstances to sink into my brain, but I sort of realized that I'm suddenly together with you. As in, together together. The only known being in the world with access to chaos magic. And you're also the one being in the world who has existed even longer than even the princesses. Er, not that that's a bad thing!"
I raise my eyebrows at Twilight in amusement.
"I'm biologically immortal, you know. Kind of like a lobster. There is essentially no difference between my age now and my age now and my age a thousand years ago. Why should I be offended?"
"Oh, uh, good," says Twilight in relief. "But, you should understand what I mean when I say that this is going to be a little odd for me. Are you sure that this is going to... well, work? You and me?"
"Of course it is!" I cry. "We're a perfect match! I mean, depending on how you pronounce it, we even have the same name!"
Twilight swallows another bite of her apple and lowers the apple away from her mouth and gives me a look.
"Okay, now this I have got to hear. How in the world does one pronounce 'Twilight' and 'Discord' the same?"
"It's like this," I begin, grinning. "The first letter of my name is a 'D'. In the alternative pronunciation of my name, it is 'D' as in 'edge'."
"Well, yes, okay."
"And then you have 'I' as in 'business'."
Twilight waits for a few second, and then realization hits her face.
"Oh, good grief, here we go..."
She facehooves.
I take this as a sign to keep going.
"And then 'S' as in 'island'. And then 'C' as in 'acquire'. 'O' as in leopard. 'R' as in the first 'R' in 'February'. And lastly, 'D' as in Wednesday. And so, this is what it sounds like when you put it all together."
I fold my arms in front of me and keep my mouth shut.
"Alright. You've got me interested in this now. So what about 'Twilight'?" says Twilight.
"Easy. 'T' as in 'ballet', 'W' as in 'two', 'I' as in 'deceive', 'L' as in 'would', 'I' as in 'friend', 'G' as in 'sign', 'H' as in 'hour', 'T' as in listen."
"And what-"
" 'S' as in 'debris'," I continue. "P" as in pneumonia, "A" as in 'bread', 'R' as in the first 'R' in 'sarsaparilla', 'K' as in 'know', 'L' as in 'yolk', and 'E' as in "like"."
"Alright then. Sure. Apparently, you can pronounce my entire name as nothing whatsoever."
And then Twilight started laughing.
"I guess you were right. I mean, such a big coincidence as this, surely it must be a divine sign or something, right?"
"It's too convenient for there to be any other explanation," I answer slyly. "Also, I'm glad there were only two "R"s between us both, because I ran out of words."
Twilight contemplates this for a moment.
"I might be able to find another one if I had some time with the right book, but you're right, I can't think of one."
Twilight one last bite out of her apple, which she has finished eating, or at least all of the edible parts that ponies normally eat. I myself have since swallowed my own apple whole.
"So, I wonder where Celestia and her guard are going to stop today," says Twilight. "The area up ahead is largely unpopulated by pony kind. Which is part of the reason that most travelers use the train. I must admit, I'm quite curious."
"Really?" I state. "How interesting. Perhaps she'll just have a scenic tour for today."
"Although," Twilight continues, "We are close enough to Manehatten that the Princess could reach it by tomorrow, or even today if they make good time. Manehatten is a very big place, so I suppose it makes sense that she would spend multiple days there. I do have to wonder how she will remain inconspicuous."
"We'll have to figure that out when the time comes. For now..."
I turn on the propulsion mechanism and point us in the appropriate direction.
"So how do you think Celly will react when she learns that you've started dating me when you were supposed to just reform me?"
Twilight stammers, and then clears her throat to speak.
"I don't see why Princess Celestia would have a problem with it," Twilight says defensively. "I'm not doing anything wrong! Although, these are unusual circumstances. I hope that she will understand everything before reacting. What if she doesn't? Oh dear, oh no, uh oh uh oh, I did not consider that, what if she-
"If I were a pony," I say loudly, interrupting Twilight, "I would use this time to assure you that you don't have anything to worry about. I'm not a pony though, I am me, and you're right, Celestia might overreact just a smidge. But here is the thing: if she does, you'll have to resist her."
"We should oppose the princess?" Twilight cries in shock.
"If you want to prove that Princess Celestia doesn't rule through tyranny, then absolutely. You claim that Princess Celestia would rather you do the 'right' thing rather than what she wants, if what she wants is wrong, is that right? Am I understanding the concept clearly?"
"Well, yes... but the Princess honestly is rarely wrong."
"Then that should mean that the odds of her having a problem with this is low. Yet, if she does overreact, IF, then you are on my side, yes?"
"I- Yes. Without a doubt."
"Excellent!" I exclaim. "Knowing how much you value your Princess's opinions, I was a little concerned on that one."
"I'm not that shallow..."
"So tell me then," I say. "Why is it that you are so repulsed by emotions and chemistry when you are also such a strong advocate of friendship?"
"Friendships are very different from love!" insists Twilight. "While emotions and chemistry are a part of friendships, the effect that they have is significantly less, and there is a much larger place for logic in a friendship than in a romantic relationship!"
"Oh really?" I say with a grin. "Then perhaps I'll enjoy this new arrangement more than I thought..."
Twilight looks like she is about to rebuke me, but then she hesitates.
"You really might, actually," she admits. "What we have here? This is crazy."
"It's a simple truth: Love and madness are synonymous!"
"Exactly!"
"So friendship doesn't bother you for the same reasons that romance does?" I ask, seeking clarification.
"Emotions in friendships don't usually bother me. Whenever I feel something emotionally in a friendship, logic almost always dictates that the way that I am feeling is the way that I should be feeling, positive or negative. Not that I like fighting with my friends, but if their arguments are flawed, a disagreement is only logical. If I had my way, I would have all disagreeing parties sit down and debate the issue in a civil manner until an agreement is reached. But most ponies don't have the patience for that, or the ability to remain civil in a debate, so that is usually not an option. Usually, the only solution is to agree to disagree, and that solution does bother me. I don't like it.
"But even that solution is logical. Agreeing to disagree is clearly the best solution when the argument is not significant enough to be worth the risk of damaging the friendship by bickering. In that instance, the logical solution overrides my personal desire for perfection."
"I like bickering," I announce impishly.
"I would prefer the term 'debating'," says Twilight. "Now, on the other hoof, I'm feeling this urge to just sit as close to you as I can."
"Is that a bad thing?" I ask in confusion. "You aren't still scared of me, are you?"
"No, I'm not scared of you. But ever since this change in our relationship, I feel... different when I'm in close proximity to you. I feel more relaxed and I forget about my problems."
"That sounds like a good thing to me," I say, confused.
"Well, in some ways, yes. But it's not always a good thing to completely forget about your problems, or else those problems will just get worse without your supervision. And I also feel a sense of physical protection, which doesn't actually make that much sense because I am more capable of keeping myself out of trouble than you are. Being with you is honestly asking for trouble."
"I'll let you have that one," I agree. "You should definitely expect trouble if you hang around me. I'm sure you've already figured that one out."
"In the end though, I decided that I would take your advice. I'm not letting my emotions control me, but I am not shutting them out either. I chose to have these feelings, and I think I am liking where this is going, so I would like to see where all of this leads. Are those that Celestia's carriages?"
I'm quite startled by this abrupt change in subject. I look toward where Twilight is indicating.
She is right. There is a group of carriages in the distance, but they are not following the road toward Manehatten. Instead, they are traveling along a path that forks away from the main road and toward an unknown destination.
"Where is she going?" I ask aloud.
"I have some maps here," says Twilight, grabbing a book bag. I wait for a moment while Twilight browses through the bag and pulls out a book and flips through its pages.
"Here we go," she says, stopping on a page. "According to this... Oh, wow, that's interesting! Apparently, that's the road to the Joker's Island national site."
"The what?"
"Oh, I suppose you don't know what that is, do you?" says Twilight. "Well, you see, there are a number of locations in Equestria that are special places of importance for one reason or other. Some are historic sites where famous events occurred, for instance. However, there are a small number of places in the country where one can see some highly unusual geographical formations that are quite puzzling because nopony has any idea how those formations could have been formed. That's the kind of site that Joker's Island is. I don't know where the name 'Joker' came from, but there are multiple sites in Equestria that are named 'Joker's something'."
"What makes an island so unusual?" I ask in confusion.
"Joker's Island is one of the most beautiful locations in the world, but one can't help but puzzle about how a sheer-cliff butte formed in the middle of a lake. And not only that, but it is connected to the mainland by a large stone archway, which is a formation called Joker's bridge. It has existed for at least as long as pony kind has been in Equestria, and the means by which it was formed is one of the greatest unsolved mysteries of the land."
I feel a sense of recognition.
"Hang on, this island, does it have a sort of ramp thing running along one side that leads up to a especially high spot?"
"Yes, you clearly must have seen it. Oooh!" she exclaims in sudden excitement. "You were here before ponies were. Do you know what happened to form the island?"
"Um, yeah. I did that."
Twilight's face blanks in an instant.
"What..."
"I built that island. Mystery solved. That was easy, wasn't it?" I let out a laugh.
Twilight finally answers after about ten seconds of silence.
"Well... okay then," she says. "That was the most abrupt and somewhat disappointing discovery about an ancient mystery that I have ever had."
"I can't believe that Princess Celestia turned one of my old playgrounds into a national monument!" I say in amusement. "Hey, it's called Joker's island. Do you think that she knew that it was mine?"
Twilight grows wide eyed. "If that's the origin of the name, then there are lots more of these sites."
She flips through her book again before suddenly stopping.
"This here is Joker's Tower."
I look at the page and examine the surrounding area. It is indeed familiar.
"Yeah, I built that."
Twilight looks at me dumbfoundedly.
"I can't believe this..." she whispers to herself.
"Show me more of them!" I request eagerly. "This is a fun little trip down memory lane!"
"Um, okay..." she says, flipping through more pages. "This one here is Joker's Canyon. It was definitely created by a river, but there are some precariously balanced towers of rocks in it-"
"That was me."
More flipping through pages.
"Joker's Desk?"
"Yep."
More flipping.
"Joker's fork?"
"Aye."
Flip flip flip.
"Joker's Gate?"
"Yes indeed."
Even more flips.
"Joker's Hole?"
"Wait, that's a national site? I was just playing buried treasure with some random pony."
Flip.
"Joker's Peak?"
"Yeah, that mountain used to be a little shorter."
Flip flip.
"Joker's Slide?"
"Please tell me that it's still the biggest slide in Equestria!"
"Um, yes..."
"Wow, this is just amazing!" I declare in amusement. "It's obvious that the fact that every single one of these places having the same name is beyond coincidence. Celly surely had a hoof in it, methinks. She has quite the little private running joke, doesn't she? Do you think she means 'Joker' in a good way or in a bad way? Because surely she would realize that I would find this to be just hilarious!
"You are right, this is too convenient," Twilight agrees. "Every single one of these places was created by you? You aren't just joking with me, are you?"
"Joking? Is that a joke?"
"It wasn't supposed to be."
"Well, that's disappointing. I can tell you exactly what each place looks like if you want. Probably better than any pony can. Like the chamber inside that butte that you call Joker's Island."
"Wait, a chamber inside...?"
"Yeah, you ponies might not have even noticed it. If that's true, there might still be something special in there that I'll let you have. You might like it."
"A special something?"
"It's a secret. Besides, I'm not sure that it's still there, so I don't want to get your hopes up."
The island is really far off the beaten path. It takes several hours of travel before it is in our sights, and it is actually late afternoon by the time we arrive. If ponies have to travel this far into the middle of a place that would otherwise be nowhere, I would be quite surprised if the place received that many visitors. Twilight was right though, it is quite a nice view. The lake it sits on is quite large, and there are gentle, rolling green hills in all directions. You can see for miles from atop the butte, which was quite convenient when I used to hang around here ages and ages ago. That's why I designed it that way, after all.
"Hah!" I declare happily, and then point toward the island. "I can see the rock that I used to block the entry into the den in order to keep stuff out, it's still there!"
"What? Where?"
"It's that one, right there!"
"Umm, which one?"
"The one to the left of that other rock."
"I don't think we're going to get anywhere like this..."
I sigh, knowing that she is right.
"Fine, you'll just have to see when we go down there and check it out for ourselves! And you thought that I was crazy for bringing caving gear!"
"Wait, we're not going into an actual cave are we?" asks Twilight in concern.
"Nah, it's just a relatively small cavity in the rock that amounts to just one small room in the end. But we are going to have to climb down the cliffside to get to the entrance. Normally, I would just fly, but... you know."
We continues for a little bit more in silence. The guards parked the carriages a short ways before the bridge and filed out, Celestia among them.
"Wait, do those baskets contain their dinners?" asked Twilight in surprise once she caught site of the baskets that the guards were bringing with them. "Are they going to eat here? In the middle of nowhere?"
"Sure," I respond. "I know I will. I like it here. In fact, I'm going to land us now."
I turn the knob to remove some of the balloon's gas and we start to float down to the top of the island.
"Are you sure it's a good idea for us to be so close to them?" Twilight asks in worry. "They might actually see me!"
"Just stay right by my side and you'll be fine," I assure her.
The balloon touches ground and I cut the gas completely, letting the balloon deflate, before turning around and grabbing my own bag of climbing gear.
"The surprise is over this way!" I declare happily as I hop off of the machine and point toward an edge.
"You're going to have to help me with this again," says Twilight. "These climbs make me nervous."
"You have nothing to worry about, your carabiner will keep you tethered to the rope. If you don't shear it with your magic like in your song, nothing is going to break that thing."
I march toward the edge and Twilight follows along. We go straight past a number of Celestia's crew, of course, and Twilight presses herself against me as we pass them in an effort to remain unseen. We reach the edge without incident.
"I can't wait to show you the surprise," I say as we prepare for the climb.
"Well, whatever it is must be over a thousand years old," Twilight says. "So it must be interesting from at least a scientific point of view."
"You'll like it for more then that, I'll bet."
We begin our climb. As previously agreed, I help Twilight down all the way. As in, I never let her out of my grasp as we descend.
I come to a stop in front of a seemingly unimportant rock face, but I know better.
"This is the spot!" I cry. "This rock here-"
I give the appropriate rock a kick.
"It's loose!" I continue. "But it's also heavy. You'll need to use your magic to push it in!"
"Okay..." says Twilight slowly. "I guess if you say so."
She lights up her horn and casts her spell. The rock moves back and into a tunnel that is quickly revealed.
"Hah!" I declare in triumph.
Suddenly, I get a powerful whiff of stale air.
"Whoa," says Twilight uneasily, and then she pants to try to recatch her breath.
"That air has been trapped for a long time," I say.
"Yeah," Twilight breathlessly agrees. After a few more seconds of catching her breath, she magically shoves the rock aside leaving a clear tunnel boring into the side of the butte.
"Alright then," I say. "You're kind of on top of me, so you go first. I'll help you."
With little difficulty, I manage to help Twilight into the crevice. I pull myself inside after her.
"I wonder if bats would move into this place if we leave it open," I muse to myself. "Wouldn't that be ironic? The Joker's Island would become home to a bat cave."
"What are you talking about?"
"Forget it."
Twilight has already lit her horn with a light and continued into the tunnel. I watch as she emerges into the lone chamber, intent on gauging her reaction.
"What is this!" Twilight cries in astonishment at the object on top of the pedestal in the center of the chamber and the only thing of any significance in the room.
"This is a genuine diamond embedded diadem!" she cries, lifting it in her magic. "What in the world is such a thing doing embedded inside of Joker's Island for so many years! Oh my goodness, I just realized that this thing must have been here for all this time and nopony has ever noticed! Look at this craftsmanship! The ornate design, the fine engraving... This metal... Is this made out of silver?" she finished in breathless excitement.
"If I had to guess," I respond, "I would say that it's probably made out of platinum."
"Platinum!"
"Well, considering how that thing originally belonged to Princess Platinum..."
Twilight's pupils shrink to pinpricks in spite of the low light levels. She carefully sets the diadem back down on the stone pedestal and then backs up a few steps.
"Discord!" she whispers to me loudly. "Are you seriously telling me that this diadem is the former property of one of the founders!"
"Yes, it is. You like pony history, don't you? I figured you would appreciate this."
"Appreciate it!?" she shout-whispers. "This is the find of a lifeti- No, wait, this is even more rare than the find of a lifetime. This is the sort of thing that should be an archeologist's capstone achievement over a lifetime of meticulous search! I you just casually pulled this out of a national monument!? How did you even come to possess it in the first place!?"
"Okay, I'll admit it, it was kind of a jerk thing to do to take it away from her, but I was honestly intending to give it back, I swear! She was supposed to play a little game where she went on a scavenger hunt that would lead her here, but she couldn't be bothered and so she just paid for a new one instead and I got stuck with it. I'd totally give it back now if I could, but there's not exactly a family left to give it to. You can have it."
Twilight gives me a look of astonishment.
"I can't take this! This is a historical artifact! It belongs... in a museum, or some place like that!"
"Well, I guess we can do that too," I say, somewhat disappointed. "But you'll still have to take it to bring it to them, right?"
"I... I shouldn't get credit for discovering this. But at the same time, I don't exactly like admitting that you found it because you originally swiped it... And I don't want to cut our trip short in order to bring it to the proper authorities. I don't know what to do."
I roll my eyes.
"Why don't we just give it to Celestia and let her handle it?" I suggest sarcastically.
"We can't just walk up to Celestia!" Twilight cries. "We're supposed to remain hidden!"
"I know, I was being sarcastic! Besides, if I were the one to give it to her, she wouldn't even know it was me."
"Well, sometimes I am unsure about when you are being serious and when you are not! Most of the time, actually. You so realize that even if you did give the diadem to Celestia, it would appear as though it came out of thin air from her perspect-"
Twilight stopped talking abruptly.
"Hmm," I declare with a grin. "Now that is an interesting idea!"
"That could work, actually," says Twilight slowly. "She will be incredibly confused, but she might ultimately blame it's appearance on magic. And if anypony would recognize the diadem, it would be the Princesses. There's no way that she will leave it out of her sight, even if she can't explain where it came from.
"And... it's not like I would be able to actually tell her the truth about where it came from even if I wanted to, nor anypony else. Not until we fix your problem. So, really, this might be the best course of action..."
"Well," I say, wearing a giant impish grin. "Now that you've rationalized this to yourself, tell me, what's the best way to go about it?"
A short while later, Twilight and I are back on top of the butte. I walk Twilight back to the blimp so that she can stay inside it while I wander over to Celestia, since it is the only place where we are certain that she won't be discovered.
The other ponies around us seem to have already devoured their meals while Twilight and I were on our little adventure.
I am now following Celestia, waiting for the right moment. Eavesdropping on her conversations with the guard yields nothing of much interest, so actually this is a little boring. But it will be worth it if Twilight's prediction turns out to be true.
And now, after only a short wait, the sun alicorn excuses herself and sets off on her own, unknowingly followed by myself. She walks right up the rocky ramp that leads to the high point of the island, exactly as Twilight predicted and exactly as I had hoped. It turns out that Twilight really is quite familiar with Celestia's habits and expected behavior after being her student for all of these years, and that in turn is turning out to be a tremendous advantage for me. Celly is seeking out the highest point around her to perform the sun lowering ritual.
It takes about two minutes to reach the peak. To my slight annoyance, Celly, stops and just looks out into horizon, admiring the scene around and below her.
I guess I can't blame her. In this place, one really can honestly say that they are at the top of the world. Or at least, the top of where you can see from here. But it's not like Celestia needs that piece of ego boost.
Finally, she starts channeling her magic and I see my chance.
I carefully creep up behind her while she channels the spell to lower the sun, lifting my arms over her and holding the diadem about a foot away from the top of her head.
As soon as the sun suddenly dips below the horizon, I quickly but carefully set the diadem on Celestia's head, and then quickly back away from her in case she has some sort of a knee-jerk reaction.
She does jump a bit, but that is all. I watch from mere meters away as her eyes turn upward in confusion. I'm wearing a giant grin that I could not possibly get rid of if I wanted to.
She levitates the diadem off of her head and positions it in front of her eyes so that she can get a good look at it. She gives it a look of extreme confusion, and then turns her head to look all around her, and up and down below as well, but she spots nothing out of the ordinary. Of course, its actually impossible that she will actually find the one thing that is actually out of place up here.
It's the perfect time to take a picture with her and myself using Twilight's camera.
I'm building up a decent collection of these pictures. It should be good when I finally get the chance to show them off to Celly. And there are surely more to come.
Actually, she seems to have gone back to staring at the diadem.
Suddenly, she whispers a single word: "Platinum..." and she seems to have stopped moving altogether.
Celestia has now been staring at that thing for at least thirty whole seconds.
And finally she moves. Looking all around her in complete confusion once again.
"What happened..." she whispers as she looks around her. "How? Why? How...?"
I cannot contain myself anymore and I burst out laughing. Of course, Celestia doesn't hear.
I pull myself together just in time to notice Celstia tuck the diadem under her wing and cast a spell to hide it from the notice of others.
And then she finally walks back down the ramp and back to the guards.
I follow after her.
When she reaches the other ponies, one of the guards steps forward and speaks to her.
"Princess, is everything alright?"
"Everything is fine," she assures with a smile.
But underneath that mask of assurance, I can just feel the supposedly all-knowing mare's complete and utter bafflement.
I have to give Twilight a lot of credit for this one. I don't have a lot of experience with doing things like this, but it was clearly effective. A lot less screaming than I'm used to, but I rather like it.