//------------------------------// // Mountain Climbing // Story: Spike's Doom and/or Destiny // by terrycloth //------------------------------// “Sss. Stay still, fool of a dragon,” Obvious Trader hissed, setting the apple back on his head. Spike stood up straight, and stiffened his limbs. “Sorry. It was just really loud.” “Where did the shot go, anyway?” Derpy asked, reloading her gonne. “I didn’t see. Maybe this would work better with a bigger target, so I could tell when I was getting close?” “Close only counts with fireballs and hand grenades,” Obvious Trader replied, standing back and nodding as the apple remained perched on Spike’s head. “You must learn to hit the target, not just to get close.” “Aye aye!” Derpy transferred the gonne back to her mouth and squinted her unpatched eye as she tried to aim. “One… two…” *BANG!* Spike flinched, again, but this time the apple stayed on his head. Obvious Trader, on the other hoof, started to wail, and clutched at his bleeding ear. “Thowwy,” Derpy said around the gonne. “I think da bawwel thifted.” She dropped it back into her forehooves and started reloading it again. “I didn’t want to bite down on it as hard because it hurt my teeth last time.” “Maybe you should stick with the cutlass?” Bon Bon suggested. Derpy pouted, and her eye started to tear up. Bon Bon sighed and rolled her eyes. “Just have a muffin ready for when you get good enough to hit Spike.” Spike laughed. “I think I’m the safest one here.” “We’re standing behind her,” Moondancer noted. Spike smirked. “She’ll find a way.” “Enough!” Obvious Trader said, snatching the apple. “We have wasted enough time. Death awaits!” === Eventually they reached Death Mountain itself. The massive peak rose before them, a sheer series of cliffs and ledges, overgrown with trees and bushes up to the snow line. Obvious Trader had steered them well, and led them to a small winding path at the base of the mountain. Spike looked up at the slope, trying to follow the trail with his eyes, but it vanished into the trees and he couldn’t trace it. “You’re sure this goes all the way to the top?” “Yes,” Obvious Trader said, rubbing his hooves together. “This is the fastest way to death.” “Mountain,” Derpy added. “It sounds really creepy when you leave off the ‘mountain’.” Their guide giggled. “Do not worry, I will not be the one creeping up on you.” They started up the path, brushing past some overgrown bushes and trudging up the slope, except for Moondancer, who held back. “You coming?” Spike asked. She dug at the dirt with her hoof. “Are you sure there isn’t an elevator? Or a train?” “The train is on the other side of the mountain,” Obvious Trader said. “Of course it is.” Moondancer frowned. “I just don’t think I can actually climb a mountain. Maybe you haven’t noticed, but I’m not exactly an athlete.” “Maybe you haven’t noticed, but you’ve spent the last few weeks exercising,” Bon Bon said. “You’ll be fine.” Moondancer scowled. “I’ve spent the last few weeks miserable.” “Take heart,” Obvious Trader said. “Soon, your misery will be at an end.” “Right, right, there’s a train to ride on the other side.” Moondancer sighed, and started up the path. === Unfortunately, being fit enough to climb the trail proved to be only the first of their worries. Like any mountain path, it wound back and forth up the side of the mountain, but it was also very poorly maintained, with many branches that led nowhere and spots where the markers were missing or hidden in the underbrush. They took a lot of wrong turns. There was a bright side to their circuitous route, however. “There!” Spike said, pointing into the bushes. “I saw another glint!” Moondancer lit her horn, and levitated out another pile of golz. “Search the area,” Bon Bon said. “They tend to come in clusters.” The party hacked away at the bushes, combing the forest for more scattered bits of the moderately valuable metal, which they brought back to the trail to add to the pile. “Found it!” Derpy said, from the trees overhead. “Found what?” Spike asked. “I found where all the treasure goes!” She floated down, holding a large broken chest. “It looks like it broke open and all the money fell out.” “What was it doing in a tree?” Bon Bon asked. “I don’t know,” Derpy said. “Maybe somepony dropped it?” “Dropped it,” Bon Bon repeated. “Into the top of a tree.” “Hey, pegasi drop things sometimes,” Derpy said, bobbling the chest in her hooves and dropping it. It shattered as it hit, more golz spraying out. “See? It happens!” === The third problem was the orcs. It wasn’t as heavily infested as the previous orcish forest, but they were still running into several groups an hour. They were a little harder than the orcs they’d fought before because they tended to have wolves as pets instead of pigs, but it was still basically old hat, and they usually managed to finish the fights without anypony but Spike even getting hit. Spike’s firebreath attracted their attention, and once they were all gathered around him, Moondancer’s fire-bombs set them alight. From there, it was just a matter of sticking the pointy bits in the right vulnerable spots, which Bon Bon was very good at. Since she didn’t have to heal anypony, Derpy got a lot of practice firing her Gonne. Somehow, in a real fight her shots always managed to find a mark, although often not the orc she was aiming at. It was always an orc, though – she never even hit Spike, although he once got to hear the bullet whizz past his ear before burying itself in an orc’s gut. It did sometimes come very close to hitting Obvious Trader, though – whatever luck was keeping her fellow heroes safe didn’t seem to extend to him. Eventually, he took to hiding behind trees and rocks, which almost always worked. Everything changed when they climbed up beyond the tree line. The air had been getting steadily colder for a while, to the point where leaves and branches were coated with frost, but as they emerged from the cover of the forest they found themselves pushing through several inches of snow. Also, the orcs that jumped out to attack them were red, instead of green. Spike opened up with his fire breath, but the oncoming orcs completely ignored it, most of them charging at Moondancer and Bon Bon, although a large axe-wielder did stop to duel. Moondancer yelped and threw her readied firebomb, but while the orc did burst into flames, it didn’t seem to be in any pain. “Bubble!” The wobbly force field sprang up to protect her at the last second, absorbing the blows from the orcish spears. Moondancer shouted, “I think they’re immune to fire!” “Really?” Bon Bon asked, leaping back and forth to dodge the blows from the orcs that had come after her. “I hadn’t noticed.” *BANG* Derpy’s shot took down one of the spear-wielders harassing Moondancer. “Cannonballs still work!” “Right,” Moondancer said. “We have non-fire attacks. Dark Eidous! Dark Eidous Dark Eidous Dark Eidous!” “Aieee!” screamed Obvious Trader from behind a boulder, as lightning struck him. The other bolts lanced into the orcs. “Now the lightning’s hitting him too?” Spike said, breathing heavily as he dueled with the huge axe-wielding orc. Since there was only the one, he went on the offensive, bashing aside the axe and burying his sword in the orc’s crotch. It caught on a bit of bone, but the magical sharpness let him drag it out quickly, severing the orc’s leg in the process. “I am allergic to lightning!” Obvious Trader screamed. “Keep it far from me!” At any rate, while the fight was chaotic, the party was much stronger than the orcs and nopony was ever in real danger. Bon Bon had the worst of it, but Derpy switched to her healing muffins and kept her in the fight. Afterwards, while looting the dead, they discussed a change in tactics. “I can roar to taunt them,” Spike said. “So why didn’t you?” Bon Bon asked. “Heh heh, funny thing,” Spike said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m so used to breathing fire that I didn’t even think about it. Roaring just seemed like a weak version of fire breath.” “And I guess I can use,” Moondancer grimaced, “Magic Missile. Since I can’t even use Dark—” She paused, as Obvious Trader curled up in fear. “The lightning spell.” “No, it is fine,” Obvious Trader said. “I will go on ahead. Out of range of my friends’ attacks!” “By yourself?” Spike asked. “What about all the orcs?” “Bah! Orcs are no problem. I have free passage.” He flashed a card, too quickly for anypony to read it. “And no, it would not work on you. It is free passage for me. You must make your own way, or perish!” “So… the rest of the way is easy enough that we don’t need a guide?” Derpy asked. “No, you will need a guide to help you take your final steps,” Obvious Trader said. “But this part of the path is simple enough. Path. Orcs. If you survive, we can meet in Moriaz.” He gestured towards the mountain peak. With that, he took his leave. The heroes waited a few minutes, until he was out of sight. “So,” Bon Bon said. “Break time?” “Please!” Moondancer said, falling to her belly in the snow. “Oh, my poor legs.” “Yeah, I’m really feeling this armor,” Spike said, plopping himself down next to her. “Want a massage? I’ve heard it’s good for muscle cramps. I mean, I’m not trained, but Applejack always seems to like it.” There was an awkward pause. “No,” Moondancer said, eventually. “I’m not cramped, just exhausted.” Spike smiled and nodded. “Let me know if you change your mind!” “Can you do my neck?” Derpy asked, swooping down to splash into the snow in front of the dragon. “The cannon’s got some buck to it.” “Sure!” Spike said, patting his lap. But as Derpy lowered her head towards him, she was suddenly pushed aside by Moondancer, who’d pivoted to lay her forelegs across Spike’s lap. “No!” she snapped. “Do me.” Spike frowned, and looked back and forth between Moondancer and Derpy. “I can get your neck,” Bon Bon offered the disappointed pegasus. Moondancer seemed to relax as the two of them went off, then stiffened back up as Spike’s claws closed around her foreleg. “Wow, you’re really tense,” Spike said, as he went to work on fixing that.