When it's time.
He knew. He knew I wouldn't stay in hiding forever. He know's me like his own hoof, he knew I wouldn't be able to stand in hiding for a while.
I know that I didn't need an excuse to get up and leave, we could've left years ago. I probably would've if I didn't have Clipeum.
If I didn't have Clipeum.
Those words hurt me to even think them. They left chills down my spine especially since I saw him risk his life for me only recently. Seeing his tiny bloody body barely moving, seeing the bomb go off...
Seeing the dismembered corpses. The bones visible and the eyes no longer in their sockets.
Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP!
It seemed like my own mind was constantly arguing with itself now. I wanted things to go away that couldn't.
I would scream without a sound leaving my lips.
I came here, I spent the last nine years with only one goal.
Protect Clipeum.
It had only started my adventurous ways again, being in this place I wouldn't dare leave. I used to always be seeking adventure. Silver and I loved to rock climb. To hike. Being in this... This rebellion had awoken that part of me once again.
And where did it get me.
Because of my foolishness, he almost died because of me. I did this because I am not trustworthy, I am impulsive. I can't control myself even when I am most sane.
This is all your fault. You should've let them do their jobs. But then you had to break the rules and not only did you get blamed, but Vinyl and Pinkie too!
You could've gotten us all killed.
And there I was again. Arguing with myself.
It wouldn't get me anywhere would it? Either I hide without changing the world outside, without protecting others like I should, or I could actually do something.
But I couldn't decide which to choose.
A part of me just wanted to curl up in a hole and wait and see what happens. It didn't matter where you went or how you continued your life, in the end nothing would matter unless you figured out a way to avoid your unavoidable death.
But that is why you had to make the most of your life. I didn't want to end up like those ponies who decided to end it quickly. Get it over with. I couldn't tear myself down enough to bring me to that point.
Because no matter how much pain I went through I couldn't leave Clipeum.
I promised. I never broke a promise, although I had made it nine years ago... Promises don't wear down. They don't break unless you choose to break them. And why in all of Equestria would you break something you created?
At this point, I had thought death would be the only way to escape this terrible world under her rule. But there has to be another way out. That was what this rebellion was, they were working to find the key. The key to a better place.
But it would be a very long time until we found the doorway that leads us there.
I refused to stand idly by and wait. I couldn't let little things distract me, I could not be stopped by anything.
I had to continue on.
Keep calm and canter on. Although it was just a simple saying you heard everywhere, if you thought long enough about it... it can really hit you hard. Right now that's what I had to do.
Keep calm and canter on.
My smile faded, I pushed down Pinkie's hoof away from my shoulder, looking at her with a serious, determined expression. I left the room and found my way into Gilda's part where she kept all her weapons separate from her living space.
I assumed I would not be able to find my gun, so I grabbed a gun by random - a rather large one- and went outside to find my way to the target.
So many emotions filled my mind and body. For one I felt angry, and I couldn't think why. Was it stress? Hatred? was it the emotions boiling up for years, being hidden, and finally coming to their breaking point at this very moment?
Maybe it was all three. What it came from didn't matter much, how to get it out was what was really on my mind.
And I didn't want to waste any time on aiming really. I just needed to shoot something. But the thought that I had to take my anger out by shooting things scared me. But I did not want to dwell on it for too long.
I shot this gun... For a long time. I was unaware of the passing of time, and at some point I realized I wasn't even shooting at the target at all. In fact my eyes had seemed to glaze over and space out, and now as I finally set the gun down I saw the four dead birds lying on the ground.
I now noticed the ringing in my ears and the mare standing behind me.
"You are really makin' a ruckus out here Miss Glider."
Her voice shocked me so much and pulled me from my world I had become so overtaken by. I immediately turned around pointing the rifle at her. My eyes seemed to have lost something and were scared, maybe even not able to see what was wrong and right anymore.
The strange thing was that this time when I pointed a gun at a living pony, this time my hooves did not shake. But instead held onto it like it was dear life itself. Grasping it tightly like I wasn't going to be dropping it any time soon.
The orange mare held up her hooves in defense. "I don't mean no harm. Maybe you should take a break."
I lowered it slowly, my eyes not leaving hers. I probably looked like a deer in the carriage lights.
"That's good miss Glider. Why don't you come with me? Maybe we should talk with Fluttershy again. Just... Put down the gun."
She's trying to take advantage of you! You put down that gun and you don't know what she'll do next!
I was being paranoid wasn't I? Scared of every little thing, scared of the Element of Honesty. What a crack up I was.
Haha.
I did not put down the gun.
She did bring me to Fluttershy... and Pinkie found me too. She stayed with me, for some reason she was the only pony I found comforting. Before I had found her presence disturbing, creepy even. But now it was different. Even if we did not speak to one another, I liked her.
Maybe it's because you are becoming like her.
Fluttershy kept asking me yes or no questions, I had not been talking for a week and I wasn't planning on talking now.
"Was it nice to be shooting things? Did it lessen your anger?"
I nodded to both, then she looked at me with a stern expression. "Was it nice to be shooting living birds?"
I did not know how to answer that. In fact I didn't really remember holding a gun. Hours and hours had gone by and my mind had gone blank. I barely remembered the whole event. The only thing I did know is that I got my anger out, the rest of it is a blur.
But how did I feel shooting and killing living things? It definitely gave me a rush of adrenaline. It got my anger and worry out more than shooting a wall. It let me put my anger onto somebody else. Even if it killed them.
It was nice.
I nodded yes.
The mare stared at me, looking me in the eye for a good ten seconds. My face remained unchanging. Only waiting for her to do something else.
She turned away. Mumbling something under her breath. I looked at Pinkie, and her ear twitched.
Was she trying to listen or was I just as psychotic as her?
Maybe so, but a true psycho kills ponies not birds.
Although, I had seen her drop the bomb on those stallions...
Stop. Stop right there.
Well, they deserved it, didn't they?
Yes. But you did not deserve to see it.
The real question is... why do you find Pinkie so comforting after what she did?
...
Silence. No thought, no sound went on after that question. It's as if my mind, my thoughts had shut off after thinking a question it could not answer. Why, why did I find this mare so comforting after she caused me to change.
You have not changed. Another part of you has just reawakened.
And as much as I wanted to believe that, my silence, my emotions, everything about me ever since that moment went way beyond my adventure seeking ways.
It had begun, and it had evolved into something horrifying.
Fluttershy carefully confiscated my gun. Turning on the safety I had not cared to flip on.
I had to stay once again with Fluttershy, sleeping on her cot in her office. Under her eye that watched everything I did. Obviously leaving me alone had not gone well, I would need more treatment. As she put it.
I thought nothing was wrong. I did not understand why I need this mare to be watching me constantly.
Clipeum did come in later that day, seeing as I was not in my room or downstairs. He smiled at me, his ears going back as he knew my response at seeing him was going to be nothing more than silence.
"Hi mom... I-I'm back from training." he said barely over a whisper. He looked away, and I said the first words that I had said in a long time.
"I'm proud of you."
I had decided to see Clipeum's training. Of course he was still recovering from his injuries, but had healed rather quickly.
I had not come to any of his training's before... I had been trapped inside my own head. Rainbow Dash thought it would be good for him to get a little training in melee especially after that slight... inconvenience.
It was in another building, I had not been in any of these other buildings before, and we stood in a very large room with a wall of mirrors on one side. Even with each step, every sound echoed. It was so open and spacious, and I assumed it was once a room used for dancing. Possibly ballet, with large mirrors on one wall. Some were cracked and broken, but one was somehow fully intact. But it was too hard to see anything in them but blurs of color. Being covered in dust and dirt.
My knowledge of swords were limited, I knew some saw it as an art. I had seen once a mare with a sword, move with such grace and beauty, but Rainbow was the opposite. She was not graceful in anything, and it bothered me just the slightest.
Must be Octavia's influence.
I watched Rainbow point her stick, standing on her hind legs as Clipeum stood on all fours. Holding his stick with his magic.
They stood close but far enough away that Rainbow could not reach him, well she could reach him when she lunged right at him.
She tried to stab him with the stick, and he dodged, taking the chance to hit her leg with it. Eventually he did knock the stick out of her grasp, and he won.
Probably because she was going really easy on him.
I could only imagine what damage she could do with a real sword and a real enemy.
I watched them for a while, and it seemed to be repetitive, or maybe it's because at some point my mind slipped away and I spaced out.
I couldn't really remember what I had been thinking about at the time, I stared at a wall for a good couple of seconds, then suddenly practice was over.
I blinked in surprise when Rainbow said it was over. She informed me that later on she would have him practice using his hooves just in case.
Did I really want my son to become some bloodthirsty fighter? Well at least he would be doing something, it only made me more proud really.
But it still made me feel useless. My nine year old son was already better at fighting than me.
He would probably save lives while I clumsily stumbled around being the mare who caused the problems in the first place.
But I told myself I just needed practice.
But it was always hard to get good at something your not destined to do... In fact, I wasn't exactly sure what I was supposed to do.
I could only describe my cutiemark as a black circle with two purple ribbons around it. The circle could quite possibly be the moon, but I had never figured out what the two ribbons around it were.
Often times ponies jobs will be their destiny, but when I looked at my mark my mind went blank. The odd symbol didn't match up with my past job.
I had had only one job. A weather pony.
I had always hated it. I felt like I was just some character in the background, just moving clouds to make it rain- which often did cause ponies to glare and get angry at us. Some just did not like the rain.
I never did like clouding up the sky either though. I liked to take strolls at night, or lay in the grass and stare up at Luna's beautiful stars and night sky. It gave me time to clear my head and think for a bit. When I married Silver... he began to join me in my midnight strolls.
Those were times I barely remembered but wished I did.
I could no longer take walks at night. It made my head foggy now and stressed. You couldn't tell whether it was day or night- no stars, no beautiful night sky, and no sun. Just clouds. Endless clouds constantly crackling and wind blowing, if anything it only stressed me out more.
Ugh. Let me shoot those birds again.
But of course, shooting things would not clear up the sky. No matter how many pegasi there were, we could not clear the sky. Trixie Lulamoon forbade us to see the sky after the banishment of the two sisters. If we got anywhere near the clouds- the forcefield would strike us with lightning.
It was a struggle.
But we had to keep trying, didn't we?
Rainbow came up to me, and cleared her throat.
"It's been a while since I spent time with Fluttershy. We've both been so occupied lately, I think you should go back to your room... both of you!"
At first it seemed like she was letting go of that second in command seriousness for a moment, but the last part was obviously an order. That order we had to obey. But still she could not hide the reddening blush on her face. She was being a bit vulnerable, but quickly attempted to cover it up.
She promptly left the building, flying over to where we stayed, and Clip and I followed in that direction.
I guessed that it was still morning, as we had only awoken a few hours ago.
To be edited
V
We had rushed and had barely eaten breakfast, so we returned with our stomachs growling and begging for food. Well, not begging exactly, but it definitely seemed that way. Applejack chuckled and gave me a paper bag full of something that smelled really good.
We wolfed down that apple pie like we hadn't eaten in days. I collapsed onto the bed, full and most likely bloated. But right now was not the time to be worried about how I looked.
I had spent far too long in my own head, I actually felt like speaking at least a few words, maybe even a few sentences.
"Clip..." his head turned to me, he looked a bit surprised that I was talking again, "you really like to sword fight?"
He thought for a moment, "Yeah mom, It's fun, and I get to be with Rainbow- uh, Captain Dash."
"Captain Dash?" I chuckled, "Did she ask you to call her that?"
He nodded. No surprise there.
"Today is her anniversary! She told me!" he said, getting excited.
"Anniversary for what?" I asked, sitting up, now getting intrigued.
"Fluttershy!" he said, shoving a forkful of apple pie in his mouth and going, "mmmmm!"
"They are good friends!" he continued, "she said they're really really good friends! Kinda like Octavia and Vinyl!"
I chuckled, putting my hoof around him. He was almost never this talkative, even to me. And never before had I noticed that he called me mom. It was always 'mama'.
I wondered what had changed.
"Well, I bet they're very happy together." I smiled.
It was sweet of course, but I couldn't help but feel a tinge of pain. Seeing couple's together... it hurt that I didn't have my sweetheart around to give me kisses and flowers anymore.
I always did get a sour taste in my mouth around couples ever since then. Some sort of jealousy and anger had began to boil up. But I couldn't let it escape.
I could not let my harmful emotions effect Clipeum.
I put my hoof on his necklace, bringing up the feather to look at it for just a moment.
"Can I steal a feather from you?"
"Hmmm? Why?"
"I'm making a special necklace. I want a little feather on the end. Not just any feather though, your feather."
"Why mine though? You have plenty of colorful feathers in your drawer."
"I want to always carry a piece of you with me! So when your not around, I'll have you right here."
"Next to your heart..."
"Exactly. It's why we got married, yes? To be together always. This is how that's going to happen! I'll work my magic and make something that will never break and never be touched by something or someone unwanted."
"I presume you will make me something similar? Something from you?"
"Haha! Of course if you want a clump of hair or fur the end of a string!"
"That's a good point. I'll be happy to see what you'll craft."
"And it won't be like any other piece of jewelry. It will bring good luck!"
I let the necklace fall back down, letting the memories return. Something about the way he had spoken sounded odd. I remembered the day like it was yesterday. But thinking back at it now...
"-something that will never break and never be touched by something or someone unwanted."
I remembered back at the very start of this. We had found it on the table. In the middle of the room, out in the open. The guards had taken everything else, but not his most prized possession. Something that, to the guards, just looked like another old necklace.
Why hadn't they taken it?
And how, in that dusty old room, had we found it clean of dust and dirt. Looking as brand new as the day he made it over a decade ago.
The question was how, and why, what I could only assume was that he had enchanted it. It was the only thing that made sense. Had he enchanted other things as well?
He had made me these rings a long time ago, and I had never cleaned them once. They had, for some odd reason, never lost their golden shine. The two large gold rings I wore at the start of my tail, and the golden earrings. They had to be enchanted too!
It all made sense now, every piece of jewelry he had made for me, had never broken, never wore down, and never gotten dirty.
But the question still remained. Why.
Why hadn't he told me?