//------------------------------// // Brothermahooves Social- Big Mac's Massacre! // Story: Rainbow Reviews My Little Pony // by SciWriter //------------------------------//                 I clicked off the remote. Everyone was still laughing pretty hard.                 Let’s see, today we had Torkuda and myself of course, but also, Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, Best Daughter, Apple Jack and Big Mac. At the moment we had just finished watching… something… just something. We weren’t sure what it was supposed to be. There was a message in this story we all knew, but… oh gods.                 I started wheezing from my own laughing, again looking at Big Mac, whose face was constantly fluctuating between irritation and laughing himself. “Well… okay… my sides… that happened. So um… we’re using the list this time because otherwise the entire review is gonna be inside jokes about Big Mac’s reactions. Um… so AJ, about the beginning, how often do you and AB play, as opposed to how often does she play with Big Mac?”                 Apple Jack wiped away a tear. “Well um… hold on,” she swallowed a few giggles. “Yea, they got that right. Apple Bloom use ta look up ta Big Mac somethin’ fierce. Ifn’ he ever left the home for a few days, she would scramble to the door at even the notion he was on the other side. He used to toss her around, race her and wrestle with her fer hours. But as he got older and our relatives started movin’ away, he had to take on more and more chores and had less time fer his little sister.” Big Mac held his head down a little. “Ah don’t be like that bro. Ah’m not saying yer a bad sibling, the work ya do lightens my load and Granny’s a lot. It gives us more time to raise Apple Bloom. Ah appreciate it.”                 He gulped. “Well… ah do sometimes feel we’re not as close as we were.” To this Apple Bloom ran up to him and hugged him tight. He smiled. He then quickly tickled her sides and when she let go, tossed her in the air and caught her, the filly laughing and squealing with delight. He let her go and she sat next to him.                 AJ smiled at them. “Ah should say,” Apple Bloom piped in. “Ah’ve never seen that dragon fly thing, but Big Mac did teach me ta make paper pegasi!” she pulled out a piece of paper and made a paper flier in a few seconds tossing it at AJ before she even realized what was happening. To this, AJ growled and came at her sister playfully, only to be suddenly pulled into a bear hug by Big Mac. “Ah win!”                 “You- ah- confound it Big Mac let me go!” she said. She smiled and growled, tickling his ribs to make him let go. They looked about ready to start rough housing themselves, but then blushed, looking to suddenly realize so many others were watching.                 “Ahh!” I said. “My money was on Big Mac!”                 “I don’t know,” Scootaloo said, “AJ is scrappy.”                 The two siblings sat down with Apple Bloom sandwiched between them. The filly grunted, but grinned, hugging them both.                 “Alright next question… hey she skipped talking about the song this time,” I said.                 “But its tradition now, we have to make fun of the song,” Torkuda pointed out.                 “Really the only joke I got right now is on the title,” I said. “”Murder is Magic!””                 Apple Jack grinned. “Just like that, ah don’t have to deal with ma annoyin’ friends anymore! Magic!”                 “We probably shouldn’t be a talkin’ like that around the girls…” Big Mac pointed out.                 “Get that, it was the stallion who pointed that out!” I said. “They’ll be fine!” I said waving at him. “Seriously girls don’t kill anyone.”                 Apple Bloom squeezed out from between her siblings. “But seriously, AJ, you are the best big sister ever!” Apple Jack blushed.                 “Ah shucks, but ah got to disagree with ya there, ah might be the best BIG sister, but yer the best sister!”                 “No you!”                 “Nap… you.” AJ said.                 “We gonna have to throw down about this?” Apple Bloom said. “Big Mac, who’s the better sister?”                 “Ah just remembered ah forgot to plow the north field…” he said getting up. AJ pulled him back laughing.                 “So then,” I looked back at Twilight’s list. “Apple Bloom… wow… as a fellow sufferer, Twilight wants to know, how often do you hyperventilate?” Apple Bloom looked at me with big eyes and an expression that said “what?”. “Um… breathe really hard because you’re panicking.”                 “Ah figured that part out but… she asked what?!” Apple Bloom practically demanded.                 “Ah she’s plumb neurotic!” AJ quickly put in.                 “Ah am not!”                     “We lost all yer bows,” AJ said casually.                 “MA BOWS! WE GOTTA FIND EM’- HOW WILL ANYONE KNOW WHO AH- ah’m reconsidering yer best sister title…” Apple Bloom said, quickly going through a range of emotions, ending with her eyebrows lowered and I swear a storm cloud forming over her head.                 “Oh and I remember the scene where she panicked and ran out of the room,” I chimed in. “And I can tell you all from personal experience, extreme awesomeness back firing can be a real problem.” Several face hooves spontaneously occurred. “Hey, I’m so awesome I wound up with a big fan being around me who constantly shows me up with her own awesomeness.” Scootaloo blushed.                 “Ah, ain’t that the sweetest thing in its own way?” AJ asked.                 “No seriously,” I said. “It’s a problem, losing your awesomeness is painful!” I gave the best panicked expression I could to Scootaloo, who just grunted at me and grabbed away the list. “She’s even stealing the show from me!”                 “Right,” Best Daughter said. “So Big Mac, do you joke with Apple Bloom often?”                 Big Mac looked over at his younger, younger sister. “Garden snake.” Apple Bloom fell over laughing. “Yeeep.” Apple Bloom quickly recovered, still having to wipe away a tear.                 I so wanted to ask what “Garden snake” meant but Worst Daughter spoke up before I could ask, “Anyone here know anything about the Brotherhooves Social?”                 “Think we addressed this before,” I said. “But I got to say, I loved Granny’s line about the social having a loose definition about what “constimatutes a sister”. I chuckled. ““We just call it “sisterhood” in particumaler because we’re female supreeemacists!””                 “Granny really needs to reign in her accent,” AJ admitted. “Will say, ah like Big Mac’s evil grin in the show, almost as good as the real one.” I then looked over at Big Mac at the WRONG moment. He held down his head, slowly grinning, his eyebrows slowly lowering… the grin just kept widening and his brows just kept going. I paused.                       “Right… um…” I looked away. I then looked back to have that face taking up my full view as the stallion was inches from my face. “YAAA!” I shot into the air, grabbing Scootaloo and ducked behind the couch. I put my hoof over the back of the couch and pointed at Big Mac, “You have to replicate that for the next Nightmare Night corn maze.” I climbed back over, letting Scoots come back by herself.                 “Next,” Scootaloo said reading the list, “Does Scootaloo like being cheered on or does she find it embarassing?- I love it!” she shouted. “Sorry, that’s all I got… Okay so, Big Mac, are you really into drag?”                 “Only during his time of the month,” AJ said. Everyone in the room over the age of ten busted out laughing.                 “You should model for Rarity!” I said through laughs.                 “Who says ah don’t?” He asked, to which I just stared at him unblinking. “Hey, she has ta work on plus sized dresses somehow,” AJ pointed out.                 “I…” I didn’t know what to say.                 “Also for cross dressers, we have a few of those in town,” he pointed out.                 “You saved one of your complete sentences to say that?” I asked.                 “Yeep.”                 “I… I’m torn… do I or don’t I want to see you in drag for real?” I asked aloud. Big Mac pumped his eyebrows at me a few times at me with a creepy grin. “I decided, never, never, never… you have to be embarrassed or I am,” I said. Apple Jack came close to me and leaned in.                 “How do ya know that’s not the idea?” she asked.                 “I… I… he’s good,” I said. I shook my head and changed the subject. “Also, from the line “don’t expect me to go easy on you because you’re a stallion” apparently that version of me is sexist… weird.”                 “Do we belong in the kitchen?” Big Mac asked.                 “I don’t know.” I said “Don’t ask me, you have to ask me!” I pointed at the TV.  I cleared my throat. “Also, was anyone else looking forward to hearing me and Scoots sing that song?” I looked at Scootaloo, “Ready?” she nodded. We then belted out together, “Sisterhooooo-“ and found ourselves buried under the couch cushions we were formally sitting on. I tried to get out, from under cushions only to find them heavier than usual. “Hey!”                 “Nope, ya can’t come out fer a bit, this is yer punishment for tryin’ to subject our ears to that noise ya call singing again,” AJ said.                 “Aww.”                 “I understand,” Scootaloo said. “Can we still hear Big Mac’s filly singing voice?”                 “Sisterhoood!” a… kind of… female voice shook the entire cave.                 “Ya got a nice set of pipes there Torkuda,” AJ said, chuckling.                 “Thankyou,”                 “Do it again and we’ll have to find a bigger couch,” she followed up.                 I sighed. “Okay, so I guess I have to point this out, I remember it was on the list- by the way, that’s your job now AJ- anyway, yes, I noticed a LOT of negative male stereotypes in this. Ungraceful, pushy, uncoordinated-“                 “Ya know Rainbow, that all coulda been explained by Big Mac not knowing the routines an’ bein’ so desperate ta win. Also, the average mare is a LOT smaller than a stallion, so ifn’ the course was made expressly for them, ah cn’ see things bein’ awkward as they’d be fer me navigatin’ a course fer little kids.”                 “Sounds like reasonable doubt on that charge to me,” Torkuda said.                 I shrugged, but no one saw it. “Though I will point out, all the stunts Big Mac was pulling, like throwing the hay bails at the others and smashing the barns and practically crushing Apple Bloom… I clicked my hooves together- “You know what I’m talking about Scootaloo-“ I pointed at where she was in the dark and we said it together. “MURDER IS MAGIC!”                 “Sweetie is looking a little too happy with that joke!” AJ said.                 Scootaloo snorted in laughter as we heard Sweetie Belle’s next line. “Looks like we get a red ribbon after all!”                 “We are awful influences!” AJ shouted.                 “Oh c’mon, it’s not our fault, all those ponies getting smashed and tossed around, this should have been called “Big Mac’s Massacre!”. I snickered, “I’d watch!”                 “Oh ah got one, ah got one!” AJ said.                 “Lay it on me… eventually get off me though you’re getting heavy.”                 “”Weees gots ta be subtle like about our female supreeemacy, afterma-all, what with the brotherhooves a ma social bein’ a race through acid an’ rat traps- really just an excuse ta thin the herd!”                 “Scootaloo, nothing that you heard tonight, you actually heard!” I quickly noted to Best Daughter.                 To that she responded, “Winner gets married!”                 “Might not want to win!” Sweetie shouted.                 Apple Bloom finally chimed in on our death related jokes, in a way that was funny even though it wasn’t much. “Um… Murder is Magic…” everyone roared with laughter again.                 “By the way, apparently I’m okay with winning by default,” I said.                 “Yea but show you should watch where she sleeps,” Big Mac noted.                 “Ah’m gonna be hearing that title fer the rest of the week aren’t ah?” Apple Bloom asked.                 “Yep!” I shouted again. “I still want to hear Big Mac’s girly singing voice!”                 “Nnnope.”                 “Wasn’t there a moral at the end of this episode?” asked AJ. “It’s on the list so-“                 “Yea, yea but it probably had something to do with killing so, that’s all for tonight!” I said. “By the way, can someone in the audience send us letters or comments or something… maybe you Twilight… or you person watching this broadcast… just saying.”                 “And remember everyone, as we always say, and we swear not to say outside of this room cause it’ll get our folks in trouble,” Sweetie Belle said. Everyone came in in unison this time.                 “MURDER IS MAGIC!!!”