On went the camera, and out went the Twilight Sparkle, after discussing what she wanted us to talk about- or so she thought. Rarity used her magic to yank the purple alicorn back to the couch.
“Alright now darling, I know you want notes on the parts of the episode you’re not in only, but- no, we’re not doing that. You’re answering some questions too,” Rarity said.
A little yellow filly with a blue mane flew around the couch, wings buzzing far too fast for the pace she was going. Lightning Strike was her name, the adopted daughter of Torkuda. Kiddo didn’t know wing control yet, but still, she was fun to hang around sometimes. “I’m really happy to be part of a Rebel Rainbow show!” she grinned at me.
“Why do you call me “Rebel Rainbow”?” I asked, not able to hold that question back anymore.
“That’s what the Great and Musical Trixie called you,” she answered, as if that should have made sense.
I blinked a few times. “The whosa-whatsit now?” I asked.
“Trixie bard!” Lightning said. “I’ll have to tell you the whole story some time.” The filly finally sat down next to me, eyes beaming up at me. I had heard bits and pieces about who “Rebel Rainbow” was before but, never the whole story. I was tempted to tickle her until she agreed to tell the whole thing but… eh, whatever.
Rarity levitated a list in front of herself. “Actually Twilight, I made my own list of questions.”
“I don’t like you two messing with the parameters of the experiment…” Twilight said.
“Darling, to us this is really just a game!” I said, pointlessly impersonating Rarity, just to see everyone roll their eyes.
“Well… it sort of is,” Rarity admitted. “We’re having fun. C’mon, we’re watching a foal’s show.”
“I know, that’s why I wanted Lightning and Dusk in this episode,” Twilight said.
“An’ what am ah ere’ for?” Apple Jack asked, standing behind the couch.
“You were in the episode,” Twilight said with a shrug. “And Torkuda is here because this is his home.” The dragon nodded.
“Yay! My two most favorite element bearers, Honest Apple and Rebel Rainbow, mortal enemies and best friends!” Lightning yelled suddenly.
Myself and “Honest Apple” looked at her for a minute. “Okay um… ah really need ta hear that story some time… sounds like it might be good.”
“Right well, back on subject,” Rarity said. “Twilight, do you really ever get bored of reading like in the beginning of the episode?”
“Hm? Well, I mean anything can get boring,” Twilight said with a shrug.
“Well I just thought reading was your favorite thing to do and all,” Rarity pointed out.
“Well, that’s a toss up really,” Twilight said. “Between that and playing board games with Spike.”
“You an’ Spike… hold on, ah thought he was just your glorified secretary,” Apple Jack said.
“Are we that subtle about it?” Twilight asked. “Spike was my first friend ever… practically my little brother.”
“I play board games with Dusk too!” Lightning said, pointing at her much quieter little brother. The blue colt had yet to speak up, and had she not spoken up about him, I would have forgotten he was in the room. “What’s your favorite game Twilight?”
“Mine is Upwords, but Spike is more into jacks,” Twilight replied.
“Here’s a good one, Twilight about how fast do you read?” Rarity said, going down her list.
Twilight shook her head, looking up from a book she was apparently already five pages into. “Oh… um… pretty fast. Kind of a curse really. I read fiction out loud so I can slow down sometimes.”
“Oh hey, real quick, Lightning and Dusk, what did you two think of the intro song?” I asked the two kids.
“My Little Pony-“ Lightning sang in a horrible tone.
“I used to wonder what friendship could be-“ Dusk sang in a monotone voice.
“until you all shared it’s magic with me!” Lightning belted out.
“Big adventure!” I suddenly broke in. I looked over at Rarity.
“I… fine.” She grunted then, sang, “Tons of fun!”
Apple Jack smiled. “A beautiful heart faithful and strong.”
“Sharing kindness!” Lightning shouted.
“It’s an easy feat!” Dusk monotone.
Then myself, AJ, Rarity and the two foals finished the song. “And magic makes it all complete, My Little Pony-“ Twilight joined in with our… probably the most awful rendition of this song ever. “Did you know you’re all my very best friends!” I looked over at Torkuda to see he had shoved his fingers into his ears.
“You all done yet?” he asked. I nodded.
I grinned. “Care to explain to everyone how the friendship map really works Twilight… and how we found out?” I asked.
“Oh right.” She thought for a moment. “Well you see,” and then looked at the kids, the only two in the room who didn’t already know this story- well maybe the dragon didn’t either but he wasn’t a cute little kid. “First off, it displays the cutie marks of the ponies in distress, so we aren’t just guessing. Also, yes, it does suggest to ponies each time but well… you see, I used to follow its suggestions religiously until one day it summoned me and Rainbow in the middle of the night. We passed out at the map, just to find our butts ringing again the next day for mission complete. Apparently a visiting night guard pony had seen the map and got the genius idea to try to fix the friendship problem himself… he succeeded. Turns out all you really need is a heart and a brain.” Twilight hung her head. “Guess that’s poetic and I should have figured but… really sucks that thing didn’t come with instructions.”
I laughed outloud. “Yep, first time I got a signal I went to the bathroom, thought I had diarrhea… helped get some of the pizza out though so… let’s not go into details on that one.”
“Alright then,” Twilight said, taking the notes. “Back to the things I want to know, out of the two of you, AJ and Rarity, which of you has the biggest problem with big cities in real life?”
“Ah don’t like em’, but ah actually spent about a year in Manehattan as a filly, so I can adjust,” AJ answered.
“Me however… honestly every time I go to a big city something bad happens. I had a necklace stolen, a few designs were almost stolen, it’s hard to even cross the street!”
“Funny, I would have thought the show got it right,” Twilight said.
“Ha ha,” AJ laughed. “Ain’t you the stereotyper?”
“I got lost last time we were in Manehattan Twilight, don’t you remember?” Rarity asked. “I was so scared because Sweetie was with us… turned out she stayed with the group and she had to calm me down… it was embarrassing really.”
“Yea well, everyone makes mistakes. I thought you just messed up. I mean, c’mon you’re basically THE pony of fashion,” Twilight said. “YOU don’t like the big city?”
“I like dresses, doesn’t mean I like getting mugged,” Rarity replied.
“Well what about you Twilight?” I asked. “You like the city?”
“Hm? Actually yea,” Twilight replied. “There’s so much history in big cities, which means plenty of research to do… plus, sorry, but the book selection in here in Ponyville is sadly lacking… How does everyone else feel about cities?”
“We dragons mostly avoid the city… because Celestia threatens war if we don’t- and the kids have never been,” Torkuda replied.
“Me?” I asked. “I’ve only ever gone with you guys but… kinda stuffy I guess. Not much room to run around or open up my wings. Feel like a caged bird, even when I’m outside. Guess you can put me in the “not a city pony” category.”
Torkuda chuckled. “Well, I’m definitely in that category… ah casual racism.”
“Wait what?” I asked, but everyone just laughed at me.
“Don’t worry about it,” he assured me.
“Oh and I just remembered something in the episode, apparently I missed the sisterhooves social, you all know there is a brotherhooves social right?” Rarity asked. “Anyone know how it works?” Everyone shook their head. She looked up at Torkuda. “Off hoof… maybe you know?”
“If I showed up? Probably a lot of screaming and running I’d imagine,” he answered.
I laughed. “Ya know what else is funny, that scene where Rarity steals some poor guy’s customer… I mean sheesh, she didn’t even offer to buy something herself, just sat there with a sh-iazzah eating grin…” I said, remembering the kids were in the room, “eating grin.” Dusk gave me a confused look. “What’s shiazzah? It’s um…” Torkuda raised an eyebrow to me, “It’s um… it’s a kind of raccoon.”
“Why would you eat a raccoon?” Dusk asked.
“That question would be even funnier if he knew what you meant to say,” Rarity whispered to me. “It’s just supposed to be a funny saying darling,” she assured him. “Imagine trying to eat a raccoon- would you start with the tail?”
“I would just swallow it whole,” Torkuda replied, everyone becoming silent. He smiled and we relaxed, remembering he was mostly a softie.
Rarity nodded her head, recovering from the startled reaction to realizing we were all in the company of someone who could swallow us whole. “I also found it funny to see all the antics AJ and I went to to find out what the map was driving at-“
“Hey, I have a list you guys!” Twilight said.
“Annnnd- we’re not using it. C’mon Twilight, it’s just boring to use such a blunt list like that,” said Rarity.
Twilight sighed and tossed the list over her shoulder with her magic and sighed. “Fine.”
“Anyway, I especially liked my help stand,” Rarity said. “Well, everything except that pony in the stripped shirt who walked by. Such terrible fashion!”
“I liked him!” Lightning shouted.
“Well he passes the fashion sense of a tone deaf eight year old anyway,” Rarity said.
“Swallow whole,” Torkuda said casually.
“Which can be quite the bench mark!” Rarity said. “Hmm… well it was good to see show me also has a good relationship with Coco Pommel. Really, she helped me recover my stolen designs in Manehattan.”
“I would have invited her to the review too, but she lives in another city,” Twilight said. “Plus… we’re a little crowded today really.” I looked around the room, meant to accommodate a five story dragon comfortably... yes, Twilight had a small town pony's idea of "crowded". She thought for a second. “Hey AJ, do you remember if there were any community theaters in Manehattan?”
“Not that ah recall, but ah didn’t exactly explore the whole city,” AJ replied.
“There’s one in Ponyville, and it’s awesome! I love the puppet shows!” Lightning shouted.
“Hey, remember Luna’s puppet shows?” Dusk said.
“Oh that’s right, from your time when she was caring for you two,” I said. “Have to ask you two more about that some time.”
“Well… I mean she did a few puppet shows for us back when she was momma Luna…” Dusk said. “But, she also did one a few days ago.”
“Oh… missed that… hope me not showing up wouldn’t be considered an issue… sheesh, should have brought Scootaloo,” I said. “Hmm… oh you guys remember the pony who made the show in the… show… right?”
Rarity tapped her chin a few times. “Yes, Charity Kindheart right?”
“Now there’s a name that’s on the nose,” Apple Jack said, chuckling.
“Really? Apple Jack?” Rarity pointed out.
“Ya think so? What’s Jack fer?” she asked back.
“I… I don’t know,” Rarity replied.
“Actually um… you guys know there really is a Charity Kindheart right?” I asked.
“Really?” Lightning asked. “What does she do?”
“She’s one of the top Lunar guards, special ops I think,” I said. “Learned all about her while studying Wonderbolt history.”
Rarity laughed out loud. “You’re kid- oh… you’re not kidding are you?”
I smiled, “Actually, no, she’s real. Not sure what’s up with the name, but that cat could kill you in like seventy two different ways with a fork!”
“Sounds like we need to meet her,” Torkuda said with a smile. “So we can all make fun of her name.” Everyone stared at him. “What? Think I never get into mischief or something? We dragons protect the land from the outer demons. Luna’s guards help out sometimes, and it’s actually pretty fun to mess with them. Especially when they try to threaten us to make us stop.” We kept staring. “Not like we hurt them.”
Rarity finally knew what to say. “Oookaaay… good to know it’s not actually because of racism everyone is afraid of dragons… anyway… Just thinking, in the show, our characters are terrible planners.”
“Ah don’t think they “plan” much of anything Rares,” AJ pointed out. “The map just says, “go here” and off they go, no idea why, what they’re looking for or what they’re supposed to do. It’s a miracle anythin’ works out really.”
“Seriously!” Rarity exclaimed. “Even when we had a plan, trying to find volunteers, we kept going to ponies who were currently working. That’s like the worst time to bug someone about charity- you know, mid eight hour shift dealing with an ungrateful public and being dumped on by your boss.”
“Ha! In one scene, you and ah were talkin’ to a popcorn seller about volunteering instead of, ya know, the chuckle heads doin’ nothin’ buyin’ popcorn right in front of em’!” AJ said. “You ask someone who ISN’T in the middle of work about volunteer work, how hard a concept is that?”
“To be fair there was the one stallion,” I said.
“Doesn’t work one hundred percent of the time,” AJ said. “It’s called “volunteerin’” fer a reason. Guess ma character did eventually put in some backbone and work though, that’s good.”
“Yes, and your character excellently demonstrated why taking the map so literally can be a foolish idea. Even if you had put up a sign asking for volunteers, seeing only ONE pony at work on something you assume it’s just their job and the volunteer sign is for something else.” I said.
“Ya think?” AJ asked.
“Not a hard and fast rule there I suppose,” Rarity admitted. “Still, PUT UP A SIGN!” we all started laughing. “If no one has any idea what you’re doing, of course they’re not going to help, idiot!”
“More of the laziness of doing everything yourself I suppose,” Torkuda said. “She gave up on trying to get volunteers by that point, remember?”
“Oh well yes they tried to get volunteers one way for a few hours,” Rarity said. “As we all know, the wise old saying, if at first you don’t succeed, give up and do whatever!” We all laughed again, the kids probably a little oblivious to a few of the jokes, but they just laughed along. “That reminds me, AJ, dear, in the show your hat was destroyed, wasn’t that a gift from your father or something?”
“Um… wow… there’s a subject change!” AJ said. Rarity cringed. “Just kiddin’, ya don’t have to be serious every time ya bring up ma folks. They had good senses of humor themselves. Yes, ah do have a hat from ma dad, but sheesh Rarity, ya think ah wear that just anywhere? It’s fer special occasions not workin’ in the dirt. This thing ah’m wearing right now is from a thrift store… all the same, you have restored the real one a few times Rares… thanks.”
“Yes, I remember how hesitant you were to ask. I take good care of clothes of sentimental value though. I… guess saying it wasn’t fashionable wasn’t opportune the first time though… sorry.”
“It’s okay, ya’ apologized a long time ago fer that.”
Rarity nodded. “Then there was the further evidence in the show your character never plans. Why, in the name of all Equestria, if you knew the stage was unstable, didn’t you put up a caution sign?”
“Maybe they don’t have signs?” I said.
“That explanation is moronic but… it would explain so much…” Rarity said.
“All that being said, I have to point out I appreciate the show emphasizing the importance of community to children,” Torkuda pointed out. “Seems community slowly goes away as a city gets bigger. Not sure why.”
Rarity slouched her shoulders. “I think I know why. As a city gets bigger, it becomes more socialist and ponies make laws to force each other to do things that would normally be accomplished by community efforts, such as taking care of the elderly. Ponies stop feeling like they need to work with each other, as everything is just mandated. Is it so surprising they stop doing things like theater shows? Community comes from a sense that we need each other, not just sort of liking to share the street together.”
“Yea but… ya really think small town community efforts and such would function the same with thousands of ponies?” AJ asked back.
“Not sure. I do know that in the end, you need your neighbor even in a big city… if nothing else you need them to not be monsters so if they felt safe and like ponies around cared about them, you know, felt community… well you get the idea,” Rarity pointed out.
Twilight started staring at the two of them, moving her hoof back and forth. “Wait… you’re the one who at least tries to understand socialism…” she pointed at AJ, “And you’re the one who thinks it causes more problems than it solves?”
“Stop stereotypin’ Twi,” AJ said. “Ah was actually in the big city fer a while. Did some thinkin’ bout the way they did things and well… some of it made sense… still, Rarity isn’t wrong. Folks there often aren’t very nice.”
“Oh hey, I wanted to see the play… guess the episode didn’t have it though,” Lightning said. “Shucks…” I bopped her on the head. “But it was funny when the crowd lifted Coco on to the stage… I tried to- think it’s called crowd surfing? I tried to crowd surf a while back. You all know how I help Vinyl perform.” She put up a hoof, electricity dancing around it. “But well… when I tried to jump on the crowd… a crowd that had just seen me firing off powerful electric spells- yea, probably should have guessed I would end up eating dirt.”
In response to this, Rarity started giggling… a little too much. “What’s up Rares?” I asked.
“Oh nothing darling, I was just remembering what I was thinking while they were showing the play. If putting on the play was really why they were there, the map should have signaled them they were done before it even started, or at least before it finished. Wouldn’t it have been hilarious if they went to all that work just to find out that was the WRONG friendship problem? It’s like, “I’m sorry but the problem was really between the big time business pony and the gal selling popcorn, nice play though.”.”
“You guys keep making fun of it… did you like the show or not?” Lightning asked.
“We liked it kiddo, we did,” I said. “Sometimes though, you like something for the fun you can have with it.” She gave me a confused look. “You’ll get it when you’re older. We even pick on each other.” I looked over at Rarity. “For instance, Rares, are you really so obsessed with fashion you interrupt random customers at stores?”
“Um well…-“ Rarity started.
“I’ve been friends with you long enough to answer that myself. Yes you are!” I quickly said. “Seriously Torkuda, you should see this girl go! It’s sad sometimes!”
Rarity looked at me with lowered eyebrows. “Why yes Lightning, we often like to have fun with the things we like…” I saw two balls of magic float up around me.
“What are you… oh crap-“ I said. And like that I was on the floor screaming in laughter from the tickle spell. “Turn off the camera!”