//------------------------------//
// Happiness 
// Story: Happiness 
// by Protector of Light 
//------------------------------//

	Hello. My name is Rachel O’Connor, head of the cheerleading squad, brilliant student, passionate designer, and I have my own reality of which I escape into. 
You see, my daddy didn’t love me (yes, I’m one of those, so sue me) and the first half of my life was a living hell. After that I was a foster child, which of course carries a lot of negative stigma. I was told I was worthless, made to feel as though it was true. I was torn to pieces and had to be sewn back together. I decided I didn’t want to live in fear of my peers. And so, I worked hard to become everything that nobody expected. I worked diligently to climb up the ladder to athleticism, to gain the popularity to be the best cheerleader I could be. Perfect hair, golden brown locks teased into immaculate curls. Perfect skin, tanned, not a blemish in sight. Perfect makeup, my blue eyes highlighted by beautiful eye shadow and mascara so that they strike wonder in the eye of the beholder.  I worked myself to the bone to have perfect grades throughout high school and now that I am in college, I am working myself similarly to become a fashion designer. Everything must be perfect. 
My secret? I look over at the group of people across the courtyard. My secret is that I have no real friends. I never have had any. And so, I created a reality in which I have the friends for which I wish. In this reality, I am Rarity, the perfect unicorn pony, who despite her negative qualities is generous and only wants to be loved, and will do anything to get that love. And Rarity has these friends: Twilight Sparkle, who was new to town from a big prestigious city called Canterlot, who was socially awkward and had no friends (maybe she was more of me, in reality, than what I made myself to be); Applejack, Rarity’s opposite, yet her friend none the less, a dear, truly honest individual with which there were always arguments; Rainbow Dash, similar to Applejack, but less honest, and more sporty- plus, she’s a pegasus, so she could fly and reach all of her dreams, if she just would believe in herself; Pinkie Pie, the bubbly one, who is always happy, truly happy, to match her exterior; and Fluttershy, the most graceful of ponies, but so terribly shy it would break your heart. All of these ponies, who, from my psychology classes, represent a small part of me that either exists or I wish I possessed. But the power is out of my control now.
I look at the people across the courtyard. The shy one, the brave one, the honest one, the awkward leader, and the happy one. I realize that it is these people, whom I have watched since they began to linger there, that truly inspired the ponies to become what they have today, not the fantasies of my childhood and adolescence. Oh, how much I wish I was really their friends. But alas, work comes first. Work, work, work, no partying anymore for Rachel. No fun for her either. 
But we’ll see about that. Tonight I am a pony. I go home to my dorm.

Just one pill away from happiness. 
Just one day away from bliss.
Each day is a battle, a torture.
Just one night to escape from this.
You always had to be the happy one,
The best, the smartest, the loved.
And yet, you never had any fun,
Nothing can change the above.
If only there was an Equestria
Somewhere in the beyond,
My life would be at peace.
I would be there at ease.
I would never leave.
Just one pill away from happiness
And yet your hand you can’t raise.
Because, if you’re dead
Can it truly be said?
That you will be happy then?
One pill away from happiness
That you may never achieve.
Just one life away from happiness
But this one, you'll never leave.

I get my stash and inject it into my flesh. Nobody will expect a thing. And I will be a pony for the night. Nothing can stop me.
It’s harmless. It really is. You’re just lying to yourself. It just relaxes me. Surely, if it’s legal in some countries, it can’t do any harm.
I could take the pill too. The pill of poison that I acquired from a source who only identified herself as Chrysalis. Would that be any better?
It helps me sleep, this heroin. No it doesn’t. When I sleep, I dream. When I dream, I am Rarity. Maybe, I’m really Rarity and I just dream this nightmare every night. You wish.

This time, I was kidnapped by Diamond Dogs when searching for gems with Spike. It was odd, since usually the dreams aren’t scary in any way. Yet I was terrified. The dreams never seem full, though. Always like a fragment, or a memory. The latter is surely a wish, not anything more.
As I walk to my first class, (my sewing class, thankfully, since I don’t think I could face anything else) there they sit in the same spot. Only this time, the leader points at me. She smiles, and talks to the others. They all look at me. Oh, how I truly hate when all eyes are on me. She yells something that I think my mind surely is making up: “Rarity! Get over here! We need to talk!” and it’s in Twilight’s voice. I walk faster, hoping to hold back the tears. How could she know? Perhaps I will confront her later, when I’m not already running late. Fat chance. But I want to! You can’t have what you want. You are WORTHLESS! I can’t stop these thoughts. I wish I could.

I absolutely adore my fashion design classes. I’m told I have a real talent and that it fits a need and desire that is often ignored in the current world of fashion. I hum a song quietly as I work.
Dressmaking’s easy… 
Oh, what were the rest of the lyrics? I can only remember some of them. Oh, well, to what I remember, then. This is a test, you know. Each outfit says whether you pass or fail. But the more you stress, the worse you do. So…
Piece by piece, snip by snip
Croup, dock, haunch, shoulders, hip
Thread by thread, primed and pressed,
Yard by yard, never stressed
And that’s the art of the dress!
“Marvelous as always, Rachel!” the professor says when I finish. “This is the kind of vision that everyone needs to have to succeed in the fashion world! Just look at this beautiful color combination, the perfect stitching, and the unique design!” I’m torn between beaming in joy for praise that I so rarely receive (everyone expects perfection from those who have shown it, you know) and falling to the glares that I feel tearing into my flesh like jagged knives. I decide on trying to stay positive.
“Thank you Professor Earnhardt.” I smile subtly.
After class she stops me. “If you ever need anything, Rachel, you know that I’m always here, right? I won’t tell anybody anything that you don’t want them to hear.”
I blink. How could she possibly have noticed anything wrong? Today was no different from any other. But I smile again, a small, secret smile, not the kind that I constantly beam out to the world. “I’d like that, sometime. But not today. I’ll be late to my next class!”
“I don’t have any classes for the rest of the day. I’d be glad to listen whenever you are ready.”
“Thank you.” Perhaps the most sincere thing I have said to anyone in my life.

Dreary, dreary, oh, great, it’s going to rain. At least I didn’t do my hair today, I just pulled it back into a ponytail. Oh, the irony of that. My skin has lost its glow and has returned to its fair natural hue. I just don’t care anymore. No more fake smiles. Maybe. Maybe you’re just lying to yourself. Classes are over. I walk across the courtyard towards Professor Earnhardt’s classroom. There they are again, those five, do they ever leave? I think about going over to confront them, but I decide, not yet. I have a few demons to release before I can try to make friends.
I reach her classroom. I enter, and walk over to where she is sitting, waiting for me. “Now then, Rachel, tell me what you want me to know.”
I hesitate. It has been in for so long, it is hard to let it out. Ah, well, here goes nothing. I decide to be to the point. “I have never truly been happy.” I begin.
Daddy always hit mommy and me when I was a child. But when I turned thirteen something much worse happened. My father raped me. I was in so much pain, so terrified. He said he would kill me if I told anyone. But I still told someone. Mommy hated me when Daddy was taken away from us by the police. But I was proud of myself. All of those years of silence. But then, one night, Mommy stood over me with a knife. She stabbed my leg, and told me that if I talked she would do worse. But once again, I did. And she was taken away before she could. Mommy and Daddy were both gone, so where could Rachel go?
I was taken far away, where they would never find me. My foster parents were loving and only wanted the best or me. They eventually adopted me. That’s how they became my Mama and Papa. But I still wasn’t happy. I tried to reach perfection, by not eating much, working out constantly, always studying, seeking immaculate appearance, and just simply being graceful and beautiful. I reached this perfection, but I still am not happy. I am close, but I’ve never had friends before.
“But now, I think I do have one, in you.” I finish my speech. Professor Earnhardt is not very good at keeping a straight face. She is almost in tears.
“Rachel, I care about you. I would be glad to be your friend. But maybe you should set up an appointment with the school psychologist and get to the bottom of these issues. They are killing you.” If only you knew. 
“Yes, well, maybe some other time. It is finals time, you know! Can’t take time away from that. Haha.” I laugh nervously. Her eyes narrow, but she nods. She knows she has no choice but to trust me. I give her a quick hug and rush out of the room before things get awkward. They always do with teachers. Like the ones I told about Mommy and Daddy.

I exit into the courtyard. They’re still there. Do they ever leave? I decide that it is time to approach them. I hear one of them whisper: “She must not remember, so act normal, like we don’t know her.”
That was odd. But I decide to approach anyway. Confront them. “Hello. I can’t help but notice that you are new around here.” I began, hoping to start a conversation.
“Um, yes, we’re, uh…” says one with a slightly gravelly voice, like Rainbow Dash in the dreams.
“We’re shadowing here! We are thinking about going to college classes here, and wanted to see what it was like. Most people aren’t very friendly, though.” Says the one who sounded like Twilight Sparkle.
“Oh, that’s just part of humanity around here. Where are you from?”
“We’re from Pon—” begins one that sounds like Pinkie Pie. This was really getting weird.
“We’re from New York! New York the state, not the city,” interrupts the shy one.
“Oh, I see. Well, I suppose I should let you guys go. Oh, right, I never introduced myself. I’m Rachel O’Conner.”
“I’m Teresa Simmons,” says the one that sounds like Twilight. She seems to be of Indian decent, from the looks of it.
“Jackie Apple,” says one with a southern accent, like Applejack. She is blonde with tanned skin and green eyes.
“Farah Stanly,” says the shy one. She is strawberry blonde, fair, and has gorgeous turquoise eyes.
“Penelope Potters!” says the exuberant one. Hair dyed pink as bubble gum, blue eyes, Caucasian.
“Rhyan Donners,” says the one with the gravelly voice. She is of atheletic build, slightly tan skin and brown hair.
“Well,” I say. “See you around?”
“Sure!” they say unanimously.
As I walk away, they start whispering again. “I think that that is Rarity.” “I just don’t think that she remembers her dreams.” “Not everybody does.” “We’ll talk to her next time.”
I walk off faster, still fearing that I am hallucinating. 

Just one step away from happiness
This time it will be sincere
Real happiness can’t come from a pill
It comes from far and near.
Just one step away from happiness
I have no fear
My life is here.

Tonight there are no drugs. Tonight, I simply sew. I sew, then I read, then I watch some television. At about midnight, I drag myself to bed, exhausted. The first time in months that I have done such without drugs. I wake up at about six. I still had a pony dream, this time with the dragon, Spike, being overcome by greed and growing into a monster. It was a strange one, because I cannot figure out what it could have possibly have been an interpretation of in real life. Yeah you do, you greedy bitch. You were greedy to look for help.

Classes, classes, psychology today. Now the day is dull and dismal. Things are a little better than usual, though. There was a lot of relief after admitting everything I had been holding within for an eternity. They are there again, at the picnic table in the court yard. I wave at them, an acknowledgement of their existence if nothing else. They wave back. Onward to classes, then. 
Classes pass without event, first psychology, then history, then math. I don’t know why I have to take all of these classes to be a clothing designer. I can see taking the additional cosmetology classes that I am taking, as a backup plan, but what good are those other classes without a degree? I already understand people well enough to be successful in either of my desired paths. The truth is that I really didn’t even care until today. I just did my work without a second thought.
I wander down the hallway, lost in my own thoughts. I collide with a guy, a dreamy man with blond hair in well kept spikes, and I drop my books. His green eyes are mesmerizing, and I catch myself staring. “I’m sorry,” I say.
“Oh, no, that’s alright,” he says. “Are you alright, though?”
“I’m perfectly fine. Are you alright yourself?”
“I’m fine so long as you are. Here, let me help you with your books.”
And so, I let him help me with my books. We chat a little more, idly, flirt a little, and end up having lunch together at the cafeteria. I mentally slap my head for going back to my old ways of pushing the charm. But, I realize that I didn’t use any of my old tricks. Does that mean I wasn’t being manipulative? Probably you still were. Oh, go away you lousy thoughts. I don’t need you anymore. Anyway, his name is Draco Johnson, but his nickname is Spike, which is very odd, of course, because there is a little dragon named Spike in my dreams. But, I digress.
“Is something wrong?” Spike asks
“Hmm? Oh, no, no. I’m alright. Just... thinking I guess.” Did I sound like I was lying? It’s hard to tell when you have been lying for so long. Maybe I am just getting used to telling the truth again.
“You aren’t eating,” he says, stating the obvious.
“Oh. Sorry. It’s just that…” Do I give away a secret that I hadn’t told a soul until last night out just like that? Yes. Yes I will. “I just started eating again recently. I didn’t really eat anything ever other than protein shakes and bars. Just have to pay attention to eat.”
He seems concerned, but not disgusted. That’s a good start. “It’s okay. I’m just glad I thought to ask, then.” He’s a good three or four inches shorter than me, and a few years younger, but he seems to be very perceptive and honest. We finish our meal.
“This might be a strange question, but why is your nickname Spike? Is it just the hair?”
“Uh, yeah. Nothing to special about it.” He seems to be lying, but whatever.
“Alright. I’m going to go back to my dorm now. Have a good day, Spike. Hope to see you again?”
“Yeah. How about we meet here for lunch again tomorrow?”
“I’d like that.”

I went out and bought a box of hair dye. I’m a cutting edge fashion designer now, and I have no obligations. Why shouldn’t I dye my hair purple? So what if it is partially because of my silly dreams where I am a pony. It also just seems so right. Still, I worry. I’ll just do highlights. Then it will just be a style statement, not some kind of weird sudden thing for me. Don’t want people to think much of it. I notice that my negative thoughts are now absent. Excellent!
One step away from happiness
Now you have some friends
They wish to be there for you
Let’s hope this never ends.
They were in the courtyard again. I am really wondering if they ever leave. It’s almost night time. I’m glad they are still here though. I walk up to Teresa, who seems to be the leader. “Hey again. Would you guys like to hang out sometime?” I ask hopefully.
They have an exchange of glances. “Sure! Why not now?”
“Uh, people in the dorms aren’t allowed to leave campus after dark…” I say.
“Can we hang out at your place?” asks Penelope.
“Penelope!” the others all whisper harshly. 
Um, no! “I’d rather not. Sorry. It’s just that I don’t know you.”
“That’s okay, Rari— I mean, Rachel. Penelope needs to learn that not everyone is as quick to trust as she is. You have a right you your own privacy,” says Teresa.
Farah begins quietly, “Why don’t we meet for dinner at the diner tomorrow?”
“I’d like that.” I say.
The others nod in agreement.
“See you then!” Very strange indeed.

No drugs again, but now I can feel the withdrawal. I am shivering. I just try to sleep. The weirdest dream ever this time. Some monster called Discord. He laughs at me as I am filled with greed. It pains me to sleep any longer after that nightmare, and luckily, though earlier than I would usually get up, it is morning. None of those strange thoughts? Neat.
I enter the courtyard, heading out for a run. They are gone. That answers that question. Instead, Spike sits under a tree strumming idly on a guitar. The music is beautiful, at least to my ears. I walk over a clap quietly, smiling a true smile. 
He is startled, and misses a note in the song before stopping and looking up at me. “Oh, hey Rachel.”
“Hey.” I feel self conscious, as I am wearing only sweats and tennis shoes. Then again, I don’t look any worse than yesterday. I still had no makeup and had done nothing to my hair.
He smiles. “You look nice.” I suspected sarcasm at first, but he seems completely sincere.
“You are very good at the guitar.” I am ignoring his comment, though I am flattered.
“Thanks.” We stare at each other for a moment. “I like your highlights.”
“Thanks! I was worried what people would think!” I say, suddenly animated. “I think that they are simply exquisite!”
He grins hugely, but says nothing more about it. After a minute he asks, “Going on a run?”
“Yeah,” I say. “Would you like to come?”
So we go for a run. He walks me to class, carrying my books. I think he might have a thing for me. I hope that what I do next is alright. “I’m going to dinner with a few new acquaintances. Would you like to come as my friend?”
“You must have met them really recently if they are acquaintances and I’m a friend. I mean, I think of you as my friend even though we just met, but still! And I’d love to come to dinner with you.”
And so, we progressed each on our own directions. Cosmetology class today, so I enjoy it. Evening comes soon. I meet Spike at the courtyard and find that the group is there as well, across the yard. We walk up to them. I speak. “I hope it’s alright that I invited my friend?”
They all stare for a moment, looking at Spike’s eyes. Finally it is Teresa that speaks. “Yeah, it’s fine. Not a problem at all.”
Spike introduces himself as Draco, but reiterates that he prefers Spike. They all nod in acceptance and we proceed to the diner. It is very crowded, which is good when you are around new people. Now we are just talking, having fun, relaxing. Then, they all look at each other. Once again, it is Teresa who speaks.
“Would you guys happen to have dreams in which you, Rachel, are a pony named Rarity, and you, Spike, are a dragon?” I’m in shock. How can they know such a thing. It’s quite obvious that they all know. “Because, well, you see…
“We all have the same dreams. We live near each other, so we know of them. We’ve known each other every since we were little. I’m sorry if this whole thing is coming as either a shock or sounding crazy.”
“Oh, that’s perfectly all right. Just a bit odd. I… I do happen to have dreams in which I am a pony named Rarity.” I pause. “I’m sorry if that freaks you out, Spike, but it’s the truth. I’m tired of lying about my entire life.”
“It’s okay, Rachel. That’s where I got the nickname. Spike, the dragon.”
“Well then, I guess we’re all here!” Penelope says, bouncing in her seat. The others all nod.
Teresa once again speaks. “I have found a spell that can take us to Equestria. You guys are the one factor that decides whether we do it or not. We want your friendships, no matter what. If you don’t want Equestria, then at least we have each other.”
“Yeah. Whatever you feel is right.” Jackie smiles.
“Yeah. It would be really cool if you say yes, though.” Says Rhyan. Farah just nods.
Penelope grins so that it looks like her face will split in anticipation. 
Spike says, “Whatever you want Rachel. I’m never leaving you. No matter what happens, I will always be here for you.” He looks completely sincere. “It feels like I’ve known you forever.”
I am shaking from withdrawal, or at least that’s what I tell myself. “No. I don’t want to leave this life. I’m just starting to enjoy it, and I won’t change my mind.” Penelope seems to literally deflate, but I won’t change my mind. All of them but Spike look sad and disappointed, but I won’t change my mind. “My life is here.”
Everyone says their good-byes. They leave addresses and phone numbers. I tell them that I will likely move to New York on my own, as a designer. Spike promises to join me when the time comes.
He takes me home. He hugs me tight. “See you tomorrow at lunch?”
“I’d like that.”
I wonder if perhaps they might have presented it that way so as to not scare Spike and I so we wouldn't be influenced by fear. It was unlikely that they spoke of a real Equestria that they may have come from. Even if there was, there was surely no way that I was Rarity. Perhaps another day, later on, when things get bad again, as they are wont to do.
I go to bed. I am shaking. I throw up. Withdrawal. But I am finally happy. I cry. I am in love, and I am finally, for the first time, happy. 
Now I have reached true happiness	
I have no fear
My life is here.