Rise and Shine, My Little Zombie Accountant Lawyers. Rise and... Shine.
Not that I... wish to imply you have been sleeping on the job. No one is more deserving of a rest, and all the effort in the world would have gone to waste until... well, let's just say your hour has... come again.
The right pony in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world. So, wake up, My Little Zombie Accountant Lawyers. Wake up and... smell the HUMACs...
Cause seriously... the HUMACs need to shower more...
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Hello Equestria! I do hope you hadn't forgotten about little old me... you know, the godlike being of chaos that has literally just reawakened his army of sleeper zombies?
First off, no. I won't be talking about any of the countless wonderful and amazing episodes of The Discord is Awesome Show featuring the Friendship is Magic dancers that have come out since my last blog entry today. And that is for one simple reason.
It is this post from clubbzz:
Chaos is a beautiful thing, truly.
Seriously though, why no emoticon for our great and powerful lord chaos Discord?
Now at first, I simply didn't understand what clubbzz was saying. I'm all, hey clubbzz, if you want to send your favorite being of chaos his emoticon, you are always welcome to!
So time went by. I traveled overseas. I had amazing adventures and some of which were broadcast to the world. I won a major award, which don't get me wrong, Discord is ALL about the major award winning, even if it is a tacky pink heart. Oh wait, Discord isn't talking about new episodes. IGNORE MY COMMENT ABOUT MY MAJOR AWARD.
But then it happened. I realized the horrible truth.
THERE IS NO DISCORD EMOTICON!!!!! ANYWHERE!!!!!
So that is what this post is about, my army of minions. I have awakened you all from your slumber to do my bidding.
MAKE ME AN EMOTICON!
And if they won't listen to your demands for the Discord Emoticon of Chaotic Awesomeness, or DECA. #DECA #DiscordRules #AllHailDiscord, then go make your own, and send it to me! I'll post the ones that aren't creepy or shipping on my blog, and we will change the world! Muahhahahahahahahaa!!!
Or you know, at least let more bronies look at my gloriously handsome face. #HandsomeDiscord
Either way, everypony wins!!!! #EspeciallyDiscord
Oh, and speaking of winning, this is my first entry since my Epic Rap Battle against Zecora. And I don't mean to brag, but after I had all the Zecora voters banished to a dark oblivion and then erased all proof of their voting against me from existence, I won 100% of the votes! Yay me!
And speaking of winning, that last post of mine beat out every other post of mine in terms of viewership. And not only that, but Discord's Chaos blog has passed 5000 total views! #5000 #BestBlogEver
We did it!
Snakes for everypony! #DiscordSnakesAreBestSnakes #IHaveASnakeForYou
But seriously, I would like to thank everypony that believed in me, and that somehow still managed to not read my blog enough to become a feature. And that makes Discord sad.
I'd show you a crying Discord emoticon... BUT I CAN'T!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!
You may also have noticed that Discord is all about the hashtags now. That's cause a fan of mine (ceiling fan) says that using hashtags makes you cooler with the kids. So since Discord is all the kinds of hip and fresh, yo: #Discord #AllBoutDemHashtags
Hmm... it seems that when Discord does not talk about things from his show, his blog posts are much shorter. #ThirdPersonChaos
Fine, be that way, loyal minions. I will talk about one or two of the things that happened to me on my show. BUT ONLY A COUPLE OLD ONES! Cause Discord is still outraged.
So... you may or may not recall a time where every single being in Equestria was ever so slightly drained of almost the entirety of their life force, and lost their cutie marks? No? Not ringing any bells? Okay good, lets just move on from that incident and my 'alleged' involvement. #IDontKnowNoTirek
So instead, let's talk about the Grand Galloping Gala! #BestGalaEver #SmoozeRoolz #TreeHuggerDroolz
So I was maybe a little bent out of shape about thinking I wasn't invited to THE social event of the year, despite every single one of my supposed friends being invited. And yes, maybe perhaps it was a tactical error putting the Smooze, a being that literally grows in size every time it eats treasure, into a room full of treasure, without making sure it was a room large enough to hold the giant blob of terror that The Smooze would grow into once he ate all that treasure.
But I stand by my decision! Why you ask? #HowDareYouQuestionDiscord
Because it was a totally awesome party and Celestia said so, duh! Yep, totally planned the whole thing. Also the hole thing... Gotta love a good dimensional gateway to a world of unimaginable horrors. And also, the Smooze eats treasure. So you know, I was just letting him get access to the Smoozian equivalent of an hors d'oeuvres table. It's not my fault that Equestrians are intolerant of Smoozian Culture. #RacistElitistPonies
Also not cool mailpony. Don't go blaming my awesome and chaos themed home for your slow mail delivery. If anything, the post office should be doing more to send chaos resistant mailponies to deliver their mail to me. That's just mail delivery 101. #duh
Hmm... Discord's blog is still short. It's almost like he doesn't have a massive pile of fan mail to read through despite being away for two and a half years. THIS OUTRAGES DISCORD FURTHER!
Fine, be that way, I'll talk about another episode I was in. But that's all you get. #NoMoreChaosCookiesForYou
So, you guys ever hang out with a bunch of your friends and then intentionally exclude one when she decides to spend three days sorting all the books in her library for the seventeen billionth time?
No? Oh well then I guess you had to be there! Which Twilight by the way totally wasn't. Nope. Not. At. All. Twilight.
(I'm seeing if I can make her jealous again) #DontTellTwilight
I'm fairly confident that typing parenthesis around a sentence that somepony isn't meant to read is an effective way to make sure that they don't read it. (I'm also fairly sure that Twilight Sparkle reads my blog. It's true! The princess totally wants a piece of me.)
(Which is surprising cause I knew Celestia wants me bad, but Twilight as well? Sigh... the price of being me.) #ImChaosAndIKnowIt
Now I can totally hear your thoughts cause I completely lied about removing those antennas from all of your heads that broadcast your thoughts to me. You are thinking, ("But Discord! You have been fervently anti-shipping since your very first blog post! Why would you be trying to spread rumors about Celestia and Twilight both being attracted to you now?")
An excellent question involuntary antenna broadcasting reader! And the answer is simple. Because while I most certainly have been anti-shipping, I have always been pro-rumor. And pro-discord. (And pro-annoy-celestia-and-twilight.) Strongly pro on that last one.
Also, chaos. You know, a thing which the dictionary defines as:
chaos
[key-os]
noun
1.
a state of utter confusion or disorder; a total lack of organization or order.
2.
any confused, disorderly mass:
a chaos of meaningless phrases.
3.
the infinity of space or formless matter supposed to have preceded the existence of the ordered universe.
Or put it another way, chaos isn't consistent. #JustBeingMe
Also that third definition sounds like it's calling me fat. So if you'll excuse me rabid fans, I'm gonna go hit the chaos gym.
And remember, make me an emoticon!
Discord Out!
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Discord's Chaos Blog is a subsidiary of Madness, Inc, which is a part of the Crazy Pants Group.
Any and all chaos based damages gained as a result of reading the unfiltered word of Discord is at the readers own risk and the reading of Discord's Chaos Blog is considered equivalent to signing a contract voiding Mr. Chaos from any and all damages resulting therein.