//------------------------------// // Where Am I? // Story: Living in Equestria // by Blazewing //------------------------------// “To whom it may concern, I have no idea who I might be writing this to. I simply have confidence in, well, confiding in you, my mystery reader, whomever you might be. There’s a TV show out there known as My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Despite all it has going for it, I have never felt the slightest inclination nor desire to associate myself as a “brony”. That, reader, is the name the fan base has given the male fans of the show. Pun-tastic, isn’t it? Anyway, I will admit, the writing is good, the characters are enjoyable, the voices are nice to listen to, the music and songs are great, and the humor gets a good chuckle out of me, but there’s some things about this show that I just can’t stand. Before I get into that, I might as well give a bit of detail into the show itself. It revolves around six pony mares, the unicorns Twilight Sparkle and Rarity, pegasus ponies Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, and Earth ponies Applejack and Pinkie Pie. These six encounter several misadventures in their hometown of Ponyville, in the land of Equestria, ruled by Princess Celestia. These misadventures usually result in learning an important lesson by the end, but that’s one of my main points, so let’s just dive right into my main issues with the show. First of all, the name. Just saying the words My Little Pony only serves as a reminder that this was based off a cutesy TV show and girl toy franchise from the past. Therefore, to save myself substantial embarrassment, I only ever refer to it by its acronymic moniker, MLP. It’s the only way I can stomach it. The second thing, which is in tandem with the first, is the theme song. Again, it’s too much of a reminder of where it came from, and I’d rather not listen to it. Yes, only the first six words (really the three that make up the main title) are what seal it, as they do still stay connected to the original theme, but the fact still remains. Third, the underlying morals. To an extent, the entire show is based on the ‘magic of friendship’, and the morals at the end, made as letters to the ruler of the land, are all about lessons of friendship; Aesops, if you will. These Aesops seem to do nothing more than remind me that the entire premise is the importance of friendship. Yes, I know, it’s a kid’s show, and part of the title is Friendship is Magic, but come on, do they need to make it that obvious? Fourth,” ... *** There. It was down on paper. I had finally gotten it off my chest. So why didn’t I feel more satisfied? This was what I’d come here for. This was what I risked some alone time to accomplish. Since I didn’t have the nerve to say it out loud, my only other resource was to put it in writing. It was supposed to be therapeutic. Why, then, did I still feel this heavy weight on my heart? It was no good. No matter what I did, I just couldn’t escape the truth. Besides, writing to ‘whomever it may concern’ was just ridiculous, as no one was going to see this anyway. This was more or less just a means of justifying my own self-respect, but I didn’t feel like I’d accomplished even that. Taking the sheet of notebook paper in my fingers, I ripped it out of the book, a little unevenly, and was prepared to crumple it into a ball and throw it away. But I didn’t get much farther than that. At the moment, I felt something like a sharp pang in my right arm. “Augh! What the-” Then the same pain through my other arm. “Gah! What's going on?!” Then it struck again, in both arms at the same time. Then I felt it in my legs. Next, my head began to throb, as if I were succumbing to a major headache. “What’s...happening?...” At last, my whole body seized up, and I felt myself black out. *** The next thing I knew, I was regaining my senses, so to speak. My head was sore, as if someone had taken it into their skull to pound it vigorously with a crowbar. There was also a sort of…how do I put it into words…vague fuzziness in my head. I was dimly aware of myself and my body, but beyond that, there were...patches missing. I knew my name and who I was, but what had I been doing before I went unconscious? Had I been doing anything at all? All around me, I felt like I was lying on something soft and tickly. Grass, maybe? Had I been outside at the time? My eyes felt heavy, so it was an effort to pry them open. Surprisingly, my vision upon doing so was perfectly clear, and it didn’t look like my glasses were cracked, but there was something else in my line of vision besides the cloud-dotted blue sky. Contrary to what I had originally thought, I was not alone in this…wherever I was. I was being closely observed by a pair of very large, light blue eyes with prominent eyelashes. I felt myself jump, prostrated as I was on the grass. There was also a scent of something strong and sweet. Cotton candy, maybe? “Hi!” The voice that met my eardrums was a female’s, very perky and high-pitched. “I was wondering when you’d get up, sleepy-pants!” With a groan, I shifted myself into a sitting position, the pain in my head renewing itself, but I could now see my surroundings. I was indeed sitting in grass, a whole field of it, in fact. Off in the distance, I could see a town, more like a village than anything, and the outline of a massive forest further on. I looked around to try and find the person who had spoken to me, but there was no one there. Instead, there was a small horse or pony, whichever it was, gazing at me intently, but unlike any equine I had ever seen before. I ventured to guess that it was female, due to the eyelashes, as well as the bizarre combination of coat and mane colors she possessed. First of all, she was pink; a bright, bubble-gum pink, a Pepto-Bismol pink. Her mane was a darker shade, probably magenta. And speaking of her mane, I don’t think I’d ever seen any hairstyle quite so…wild. It was one big frizzy, poofy, unkempt mass, and the tail was little better. She looked as though she slept on a mattress made of balloons. She was about half my size on all fours (I was at least 6 feet tall), and while not exactly fat, she wasn’t quite skinny, either, as she sported a round little belly and curvy hips. Weirdest of all, on her flank was something like a mark or tattoo: three balloons, two blue and one yellow. That was weird enough, but what was even more mystifying was where my mystery addresser had disappeared to. The pony was just sitting there on the grass, looking at me and smiling blissfully, as if she hadn’t a care in the world. ... Wait a minute… Ponies don’t smile! What in the world was going on? Why was this pony smiling at me? How was this pony smiling at me?! I had to say something, otherwise the only thing that would come out of my mouth was a scream. I croaked, “Are…are you smiling at me?” My voice, normally deep and mellow, was weak with apprehension. To my horror, not only did the smile widen, but the pony laughed. Yes, she laughed, in a kind of snorting giggle that, if I had not been so confused, I would have found cute. “Well, of course I’m smiling at you, silly! How could I be happy if I were frowning? There’s no such thing as a happy frown!” She gasped. “Or is there?” She tapped a hoof to her chin, deep in thought. Meanwhile, my mind was about to snap in two. This pony wasn’t just talking, she was talking in the exact same voice I had heard upon waking up. She was the one I had been looking for. The world had gone upside down. I’d officially gone nuts. I must have gone nuts! How could it be otherwise? I’d spoken to a pony that spoke back to me! It was a lost cause. I let loose with a scream to the heavens, a shout that, in a way, pleaded to God in Heaven to tell me what in the world was going on! The only reason I stopped was because I noticed the pony screaming as well. However, she was screaming with that big smile on her face, as if this was a game! She stopped when she saw I had stopped. “Aw, don’t wanna scream anymore?” she asked. “It was kind of fun.” “W-What are you?” I asked, backing away slightly. As I did so, I dug my hand into my pocket. I had to call someone: the police, animal control, my parents, anyone! However, with a thrill of horror, I realized my pockets were empty. My phone, my wallet, all of that was gone, and there was no sign of any of it in the grass! The pony, meanwhile, tilted her head. “What am I?” she asked. “Well, that’s kind of a silly question, isn’t it? I’m a pony, of course! I should be the one asking what you are. I know you’re not a bird, since you fell right out of the sky, and a bird would have flown instead of dropping like a rock.” I...fell out of the sky? What kind of nonsense was that? She trotted over to me and gazed long and hard into my eyes, her lower lip jutting in a thoughtful pout as she examined me. I felt an overpowering urge to yell again, and that cotton candy smell was stronger than ever. “I’ve never seen anything like you before,” she went on, “and I’ve seen lots of weird things.” “I’m a...a human,” I managed to say. “A 'human'?” asked the pony. “I feel like I’ve heard that word before, but where?...” As she sat on her haunches to ponder over this, my mind was reeling to come up with an answer to what the heck was going on. Was I hallucinating? Was this an alcoholic dream? Not likely, since I didn’t drink. Besides, people claim to see pink elephants when they get intoxicated, not pink ponies. Was this pony even real? Was she a figment of my imagination, like an imaginary friend? No, that couldn’t be it. I never had an imaginary friend, certainly not one as girly-looking as this creature. Still, the question remained: was she real? I tentatively reached out a hand towards her, and she looked up to observe it curiously. “Ohh, humans must be like dragons,” she said. “They don’t have hooves, either. So are those claws too? They don’t look like them.” I placed my hand on her forehead. It felt...warm, soft, slightly furry. The pony smiled and giggled as I ran it over her mane, then over one ear, then down her neck. “Stop!” she squealed. “You’re tickling me!” She certainly felt real. Still, wasn’t there even the slightest possibility that this was all a dream? Yes, that had to be it! People had dreams about falling all the time, so didn’t it stand to reason that there could also be dreams where you were told you fell from the sky? “Of course!” I said, more to myself, as I got to my feet. “What?” asked the pony. “This is all just some crazy dream,” I went on, gesturing to the heavens. “Why else would I ‘fall from the sky’, and find myself talking to a pony with balloons on her butt and who smells like cotton candy?” “Aww, you noticed my new shampoo!” said the pony, sweetly, but I didn’t even notice her sentiments. “All that remains to be done,” I said, “is to wake myself up, and what better way to do so than the time-honored practice…of pain?” I stooped down to pick up a stone sitting in the grass. The pony cocked her head, curious. “What are you going to do with that?” she asked. Instead of answering, I gritted my teeth, shut my eyes, and smacked my forehead with the rock. The pain was real. Very real. Light danced in my head behind my closed eyes. It didn’t help that I’d already had a headache to begin with. “Ow…” I moaned, rubbing where I’d hit myself. “Well, at least I know I felt that. Now, when I open my eyes, I’ll be back in my own home, and everything will be back to normal…” I opened my eyes. They met the pony’s. She was still there, still looking at me in bemused wonder. …That wasn’t normal. Not close. “Why would you do that?” the pony asked. “That couldn’t have felt good for you.” Oh, this was not good. This was not good at all. “This...this can’t be happening,” I muttered, staggering back. “Why am I talking to a pink pony that talks back if it’s not a dream? This means...What does this mean?! Where am I?!” My self-control was completely shattered. I was somewhere I didn’t recognize, far from home, with no means of contacting anyone I knew, stranded with a creature that may as well have been a piece of my imagination. Everything was collapsing around me… My head began to spin. I was about to pass out, but just as I began to fall backwards, I felt something stop me: a pair of surprisingly soft hooves against my back. “Whoa there, silly billy!” came the pony’s voice. (A pony is telling a human to ‘whoa’. Oh, the irony…) “Don’t conk out on me now," she said, easing me into a sitting position. "You just got here!” “You don't understand!” I moaned. “This isn’t where I’m supposed to be! My friends, my family! They’re all...all back...home…” I could feel a cloud of misery rising up within me, and my throat began to sting, as if I had swallowed a lump of coal. My parents, my family, my friends, all of them were back home, and here I was in God knows where. I didn’t even have my phone on me, if reception even worked out here, so I had no means of contacting anyone. I was alone. Alone in a strange world. It was almost too much to bear… I felt a tear escape my eye and run down my cheek, and I heard the pony give a small gasp. “Oh... I had no idea. Please don’t cry. I hate seeing a frown, especially if it comes with tears.” She wrapped her forelegs around me in a hug and drew me close, nuzzling her cheek against mine. She was very warm and soft, as I said, and I couldn’t help but feel comforted, despite the circumstances. She hadn't done me any harm, and though she seemed a bit air-headed, she was also rather kind. She could have bolted at the first sight of me, but she chose to stick around and talk to me, see that I was all right. It was...touching. I could feel my panic at being with a talking pony ebb away. “There, there,” she cooed, softly. “It’ll be all right.” “Thank you,” I muttered. “You're very kind, but I still don’t know what’s going on, or how I got here.” She gently released me, trotted around so that she was facing me, sat down, and asked, “Well, what were you doing before?” I paused, trying again to marshal my thoughts and answer that question I myself had been pondering...but nothing came. “Well, that’s just it,” I said. “I don’t know what I was doing, but I blacked out and woke up out here, where you found me.” “Where you fell out of the sky.” This again... “Did I really?” I asked. “Uh-huh. I saw you. You plummeted straight down out of a cloud, nyeeeeer, boom!” She embellished her onomatopoeia by using her hooves to imitate something dropping out of the sky and landing on the ground. I winced. “I ran out here to see what happened, and it turned out to be you.” “Huh,” was all I could say at first. Then, I went on, “Well, as weird as that sounds, that might explain why my head hurts. I mean, before I hit myself with the rock, of course. I still have no idea how this happened, how I got here, or how I’m even supposed to get home again. The only thing I can think to do is find someone who has the answer, if there even is an answer. Is there anyone you know who might be able to help me?” The pony rubbed her chin in thought, and then said, brightly, “I think there might be! She’s super-brainy! She knows practically everything!” “Really? That sounds great!” My excitement at this prospect was eclipsing my unease and anxiety. I felt like I could really trust this pink pony. She was my only hope right now. “Listen, I feel like we started off on the wrong foot, so do you think we can start over?” “Sure!” said the pony, smiling. “Should we go back to you lying on the grass and me saying ‘hi’? Or do you want to fall down again?” “Er, no," I said. “Let’s settle on a shake and exchange of names.” “Ohh, ok!” I extended a hand toward her, though I immediately felt foolish doing it, because I realized there and then that she didn’t have hands. That didn’t bother her any, as she stuck out her hoof in the same manner. After a moment's hesitation, I decided to go with it and shook her, erm, hoof. “My name’s Pinkie Pie,” said the pony, “but you can call me Pinkie.” Pinkie Pie…I ran the name over in my mind, and almost felt silly saying it to myself. Then again, she was pink. Very, very pink, so it made sense, I suppose. “Well, it’s very nice to meet you, Pinkie. I’m-” “Oh, I know your name! It’s David, right?” "Yeah, that's right, but you can call me Dave." Hold on, what? "Wait a second. How could you possibly have known…?” “It was on this book!” She held up, in her teeth, a green spiral notebook that had been lying on the grass. Sure enough, there, written on a piece of tape slapped across the otherwise blank cover, was my name: David. I quickly took it from her and opened it up. It seemed to be in good condition…but the first page had been ripped out. I looked around the grass, but could see no trace of a torn page. Had it always been like that? With this big empty patch in my memory, it was certainly possible, but still, there was something about this torn area that...bothered me. “Are you ok?” Pinkie asked. “Huh? Yeah, I’m fine,” I said, tucking the book under my arm. “So, where am I, exactly?” “You’re in Equestria, and that town way over there-” she pointed with her hoof to the village, “is Ponyville!” “Ponyville? Equestria?” I asked, unable to entirely disguise my incredulity. I doubted very much I’d find those on any map of the world back home. “Uh-huh!” said Pinkie, proudly. “Proud home of Earth ponies, unicorns, and pegasi!” Wait a minute. Did she just say…? “Unicorns?” I asked. “You mean, ponies with horns? Those exist?” “Of course!” said Pinkie. “Didn’t you know that? Aren’t there any where you come from?” “Er, not exactly. And by pegasi, do you mean ponies with wings?” “Yep-a-roony!” said Pinkie. “How about those? Do you have them where you’re from?” “Well, no. But what’s an Earth pony?” “That’s what I am,” said Pinkie. “No horn, no wings, but we don’t mind!” “Well, we have something like that where I’m from.” Still, unicorns? Pegasus ponies? Those existed here? Had I landed in some little girl’s fantasy world? “Well, follow me, and I’ll introduce you to my friend!” Without giving me time to respond. she bounded away like lightning. “Hey! Wait up!” I called, racing to keep up with her.