//------------------------------// // [11] [S4E09]-Pinkie Apple Pie // Story: Another Displaced Human Dilemma // by The Grey Pegasus //------------------------------// Another Displaced Human Dilemma By: [Author] < 11 > Pinkie Apple Pie Page flip. "So you really can't give me anything substantial, Stardust?" Twilight was looking through various books concerning Equestrian heritage and regional lineages. She was increasingly interested in my personal history, which I suppose made sense to gather a more complete view of her subject of study. Kind of like knowing family history and ethnicity, to get a more rounded idea of a person's current medical state and probable future issues. I shook my head in response. "... No." I looked down sadly, doing my best to act the part. "I... I think something may have happened to my memories." WAIT. Episode? "Your memories?!" Twilight exclaimed. "I know we've skimmed over this a few times in the past, but you never told me that the extent to which your amnesia is was this bad! Aren't you concerned about it?" Uh... try not to dig myself in too deep of a hole here... "Uh... not really? I think? I seem to remember the most important parts about myself, and anything else I can't properly recall, I can... seem to remember the right feelings about?" You know, why do we need to justify whatever this episode start is though? Can't we just say she was on a physical wiki walk? Twilight frowned. "Well, maybe another time then. It's a complex issue anyways." She went to a bookshelf to pick out another book. Oh—suddenly, show camera. "What'cha doin'?!" Pinkie greeted from the opening created from Twilight picking out a book. Twilight yelped and jumped back in surprise. "'Aaagh' yourself!" Pinkie climbed onto the shelf and crouched in the tiny space between the books. She giggled. "But that doesn't answer my question, silly." "Just some genealogical research," Twilight answered. "Ohhh," Pinkie said, climbing out of the bookshelf. Then she whispered, "I don't know what that is." "Genealogy is the study of family history," Spike explained, stacking some more scrolls of family lineage onto a pile to the side. "Y'know, where ponies come from and who they're related to." "Ooh, fascinating." Pinkie decided to grab one of the scrolls. From the bottom. Twilight tried to protest. "Maybe you should pick one from the..." Despite that, Pinkie removed a scroll from the bottom of the pile. ... Which didn't fall. "Geez, Pinkie, I ain't ever playin' Jenga with you," I said. Pinkie smiled, scroll between her teeth. “Oh hi, Dusty! I thought you were good at it yourself, though.” “I mean, I’m pretty decent, but not physics-breaking good.” Twilight, once again, was sidetracked from her original train of thought by two ponies breaking the fourth wall. “What’s Jenga?” That question was left unanswered as Pinkie was already headed out the door, unrolling the scroll. "Uh-huh... Interesting... I see... Hmm, that makes sense... Not much of a surprise there... WHAT?!?" We headed for a window to see what Pinkie was up to. "This is the most amazing thing ever! Why didn't you tell me how amazing this is?!" Pinkie was literally jumping with enthusiasm. "Genealogy is better than cotton candy on top of a fountain of chocolate! You'll never believe who it says I'm related to!" "... Who?" Twilight asked. That question was left unanswered as Pinkie had already ran off, taking the scroll with her. ... Wait, so how am I supposed to know the answer to that too? *Mental gears grinding*... *Thought process turbine spooling*... *Light bulb* "We should probably go after her." "... Wait," Twilight said. "You're a pony that seems to be more grounded than Pinkie, yet at the same time, with the capacity to be as weird as her." My eyes looked away from her. "Yes...?" "Okay... can you just... can we just... let's start with... what's Jenga?" Really? You know what? Okay, fine. "It's a game that involves stacked wooden bricks, and normally adheres to the laws of physics, like friction, and more importantly, gravity," I answered. "Now, don't you think we should go find out what Pinkie was all worked up about?" I jumped out of the loft window, gliding down to the ground. Soft thuds beside me a moment later confirmed that Twilight had followed. "Sure," Twilight said. "But while we do, explain this 'Jenga' game to me." I slowly put my hoof up to my face, lightly sighing in exasperation. Jenga. Really? <<+>> A quick investigation involving questioning random ponies on the street about sightings of the pink pony led us towards Sweet Apple Acres. Along the way, I managed to finish the very simple explanation of what Jenga was and its various rules, and subsequent strategies. "... What about variations then?" Twilight asked. "I mean, I can see how the base game can be fun, but has anyone ever done anything to put a twist on it? Like, maybe there's trivia questions on the blocks. Or party game actions that someone has to do?" I rolled my eyes. "Well, being a party game, there's plenty of potential for variations, but the one I remember had the blocks with questions coated with glossy paint, slightly reducing their coefficient of friction." "Sounds like it could be an interesting way to promote getting the question blocks then," Twilight countered. "On second thought, the paint didn't affect the blocks' ability to slide that much." "Still was an interesting thought." "Why do you seem so obsessed about Jenga?" "What? I can't be naturally curious about something? I'm learning something new. Surely you've gone on random strings of constant thoughts before, especially if it's something new to you. Admit it, you have. You're just that kind of pony." I turned to look at Twilight momentarily with a blank expression. Then I looked back straight. "Yeah, okay, fine." The joys of sharing highly similar thought processes. Writing a fairly authentic Twilight must be so much fun. I gave an aside glance at an arbitrary spot just a little bit off to my other side with a blank expression. Then I looked back straight forward. Yeah, okay, fine. "Hey, we're here," Spike announced from his perch on Twilight's back. And just as we arrived, a wagon pulled by Big Macintosh was leaving. On it, Applejack, Apple Bloom, Granny Smith, and... Pinkie Pie. "... Now where are you all headed?" I asked. "We're off to find out if I'm actually a distant relative of Applejack's!" Pinkie exclaimed. "That's... great!" Twilight said, doing her best to try and make sense of her day so far. "Apple family road trip!" Apple Bloom happily yelled. "Eeyup," Big Mac added, succinctly as always. "Pinkie found this family lineage that says she's a fourth cousin twice removed of ours," Applejack explained, "but it was smudged near the end, so we couldn't be sure. So we're headed down to Cousin Goldie Delicious's place to see if she has anythin' to confirm." "I can see why lineage might be a little hard to trace in this specific case," I said to myself, somewhat jokingly. "Aw, that's not nice, Dusty!" Pinkie said. "Even though you said it real quiet, I can read the narration you know!" Everyone just looked at me oddly, in silence. "The Apple family aren't just a bunch of stereotypical rednecks!" "Pinkie!" I yelled. The Apples raised their eyebrows at me. "Is that what you think?" Applejack asked. "It was an obligatory joke, geez!" I exclaimed. "Obligatory?" they echoed. My expression turned into defeat. "I blame Pinkie." That seemed to satisfy them. I think. Thankfully, Twilight broke the awkwardness. "Well, you all just have a great time on your trip! I'm sure it'll be a great experience no matter the outcome." With that, Big Mac started pulling them along again. "Thanks, Twi!" Applejack waved. "See ya'll later." "Bye, Dusty!" Pinkie yelled. "Have fun on your own doing stuff! Freebie freestyle chapter!" I could only just lift a hoof up and wave back awkwardly. Eventually, the Apple wagon was far enough away. Twilight turned to me. "What is up between you two? Pinkie's always been weird, but adding you into the picture?" I looked away. "Just ignore it and/or accept it. I try to. It's a lot simpler that way. Trust me when I say that there's nothing to worry about." "If you say so..." <<+>> Twilight, Spike, and I were back at the library, finishing what time left we had in Twilight's planned session. "Okay, so you don't remember much about your family history?" Twilight asked, back in her books and notes. I shook my head. "Well, it would've been nice to know if late cutie mark discovery ran in the family," Twilight said. "I mean, I've heard stories about things like it, but there doesn't seem to be any actual documented cases." "Sorry that's all I could give you," I said. "I couldn't find any references to late cutie mark discovery as relating to your home region," Twilight continued. "There's a few records about it in other places, but no major cultures have had it as a part of their life." "Is the cutie mark really that essential to have a proper life though?" I asked. "I mean, have you found any cases where ponies get by without them?" Are you breaking allowed-meta and not-allowed-meta rules again? I felt a light smack in the back of my head. Okay, fine. I'll shut up about it. Twilight shook her head. "If there are, I don't have any books on it. A pony that can get by fully well, happy, and satisfied with their life without their cutie mark is, I think, unheard of. It's just such a defining part of a pony's identity and spirit." After all this time and all the pony I've been exposed to, I don't think I've still fully accepted the idea of a flank tattoo and the essence it holds as something that should determine a pony's life. Still, magic land, magic universal laws. Their souls or life energy or whatever have tons of tangible, interactive ways of being messed around with. "Why aren't there any prominent cases of ponies without cutie marks making it through their lives okay?" I asked. Twilight shrugged. "The lack of a cutie mark just isn't something most ponies are made to live with. It's like... their life just drains out of them and they can't hold themselves together, until eventually..." "So... they get depressed," I said. "Then what, high suicide rates?" "It's not exactly depression," Twilight corrected. "In many cases it is, but not always. The suicide statistic is also one that's debatable. Some of these ponies just... run out, for lack of any terms I can come up with right now." "Right, okay. So, if I'm getting this right, free life until maybe puberty, then once a pony's hit physical maturity, their... essence starts draining because they don't have a boost or whatever it is a cutie mark provides?" Twilight considered her response. "Pretty much." She paused. "Not trying to scare you, or anything. That's why we're here, trying to work it out." You know, I think this whole cutie mark business is exclusively an Equestrian thing, which seems like a big liability for them. But there must be some advantage that I'm not aware of. Maybe I'll figure it out eventually, or find a book that explains it. For now, there was something else about the 'cutie mark life essence' bugging me. "Well what about me?" I asked. "I feel fine. I seem to be doing fine." "Hm..." Twilight thought over it. "Maybe. Maybe you are, maybe you aren't but we just don't know." She shook her head. "You really are an incredibly strange pony, Stardust." Hey, as long as she doesn't decide to poke through my soul or my memories, everything should be fine, and my secret of being a former human tossed into Equestria remains safe. I like to believe Twilight wouldn't break a professional agreement to not violate my privacy unless I explicitly give her permission to. "Hey, Twilight," Spike suddenly said. "I've finished sorting all of the ancestry documents." By him were a few stacks of scrolls, the same from earlier before Pinkie showed up. "Why do you have all of those with you?" I asked Twilight. "Wouldn't those kinds of things be better suited to be stored at, I dunno, town hall?" "Copies," Twilight answered. "Ponyville keeps at least two separate copies of old documents, like ancestries and lineages. Besides, as public information, it's also suited for being here at the library." "I see..." I just gotta say, this feels like a lot of filler... All from the opening sequence of an episode? "Hey, Stardust," Twilight said. I turned my attention back to her. "Yeah?" "Are you doing anything after this?" I thought about it for a moment. "Not really, no. Why?" "Great!" Twilight stood up and walked out of the loft balcony. I heard the sound of leaves rustling and something being cut. She walked back in with a length of tree branch in her telekinetic grasp. "I've always wanted to practice basic craftsponyship spells a little more." I raised an eyebrow. "What do you—" There was a flash of magic. The spell had transformed the branch into— "There!" Twilight said. "Fifty-four perfectly identical wooden blocks, down to fractions of a millimeter!" I put a hoof to my face. "Oh god." "So let's play Jenga!" How, how did this chapter turn into Jenga?! Yes, I'm talking to you-me! I continued staring is slight disbelief as Twilight stacked the 3x18 tower in a matter of seconds with her telekinesis. Because I'm in another dimension where the game probably didn't exist up until this point. It's a bit ridiculous. I just... ugh. "Spike!" Twilight called out. "Want to join?" "Sure," Spike smiled as he walked over. I noticed a problem. "Hey, this is a bit unfair... you have magic and Spike has claws." Twilight raised a brow. "So? You've played this game before apparently, so clearly you have your own way of playing." Yeah, it involved appendages I no longer have. "Well..." I moved around my current set of appendages in an attempt to figure out the best way to go about it. In the process, I moved around my third set of limbs that I'm almost used to remembering exist. Oh, right. Pegasus wings have some interesting dexterity to them, right? "Two ways to go about it," I continued. "Could use a pencil or wing." I moved around my right wing as emphasis. Twilight levitated over two pencils. "I guess I'll try not to use my magic. It'll be more fair that way." "Okay then." I looked around at the three of us, sitting around the neat, undisturbed wooden tower. "Well, Twilight, you built it, so you go first." Twilight looked at the tower thoughtfully, then picked up her pencil in her magic. She paused, tapped her chin with it a bit, then finally put it between the feathers of her wing. I suppose that's the best way to get some accuracy while maintaining enough control and force to move around an artificial manipulator. Twilight went with a conservative choice of poking out a center block in the top half of the tower, tapping the pencil with a hoof. It fell through, and upon landing on the floor, she picked it up in her magic and put it in the air in front of her. Using both wings, she grabbed it with the tip of her feathers, then gently placed it on top of the stack. "There!" Twilight said, pleased with her start, not using her magic in any gameplay-impacting way. "You go next." "Okay then," I said. I looked at the stack and considered my options. I picked up my pencil in a wing, feeling out how accurate my control of it was. It wasn't as ideal as actually having fingers, but pegasus wings had some surprising control to them. Cartoon anatomy, yay! I decided to play dangerously and go for a bold move. Lower half, get an edge piece. The key was short motions—preferably one swift one, but any motion that was not long and drawn out would preserve the stability of the tower. I tapped around, looking for the loosest block I could find. It was pretty hard to, actually, since apparently Twilight's magic woodworking spell made for really precise sizes. Though, in another sense, such precision-made blocks made the game easier, as there were less imperfections in the block surfaces. I aimed the pencil at an edge block and gave the back end a really strong hit with my hoof. The block jumped out length-wise, leaving the tower with a momentary tremor. I moved around the stack to pick it up in both wings as Twilight did, and placed it next to her block on top of the stack. "Hm," was Twilight's thoughtful commentary on it. "Hm," Spike also hummed, but more confidently. "Can't keep taking from the centers forever," I said. "Well, you can from the layers being built," Twilight noted, "once the lower ones all run out." "Hm," I commented back. True. Though, eventually we'd run out of blocks. I'd do the math to figure out at what point that would be but... ... Eighteen... three... nine... then nine... by three... so three... then one. Eighteen... nine... three... one. Something like thirty-one valid moves, centers only? I looked back at the action, and Spike was considering doing the same as I did. He aimed at an edge block, then flicked a claw. He had to do it a few times, but finally got it out with little disturbance to the overall tower. "Ha ha!" Spike cheered. Lucky bastard, still having digits at the end of his limbs. I still can't believe you've done this. <<+>> The next day, I happened to catch the Apples coming back from their trip, with what looked like a different wagon than the one they left with. They also looked a little worse for wear, but at the same time, pretty happy. About the same time, Twilight found them. Being one of the ponies that saw them off, I thought it would be appropriate if I went over and greeted them back, along with Twilight. "Applejack!" I heard Twilight greet as I neared. "Oh, hey there, Twilight!" Applejack waved from her seat in the wagon. "Hey, Stardust!" "So?" I asked, walking alongside the slowly rolling wagon. "How was your trip?" "Mm..." Applejack took a moment to consider her answer. "Eventful. Very eventful." "Did you find out if Pinkie is a long lost relative if yours?" Twilight asked. Applejack shook her head. "Naw. Turns out, Goldie Delicious's family tree was also smudged." "Oh gee, what a coincidence..." I commented to myself quietly, rolling my eyes. "Who cares?!" Pinkie exclaimed. "The trip was so much fun anyways!" "How so?" Twilight asked. With that prompt, Applejack recounted the events of the episode which I was not around to see. The Apple family learned quite a few lessons during that time, it seems. All in all, it sounded pretty fun. Though with Pinkie along, I guess that was a given. <<+>> A scene of the Apple family in their living room, with Pinkie Pie. It looked like they were just having a good time, but are now in an argument of sorts. The scene goes out of focus as Pinkie appears in the foreground. "Look at me! I'm part of the Apple family too! I'm arguing! Argue, argue, argue! Bicker, bicker!" <...! Wait—Pinkie?! How did you—?! Stardust—I—we're not even here?! How—WHICH FOURTH WALL ARE YOU BREAKING?!> "All of them!" She goes over to join the Apples in their mild conflict over who got to wrote in the journal entry. "Apple core fade-out!"