Hi guyth! I'm Rothamena Diane Pie but you can call me Pinkie Pie. Dithcord taught me thome pretty important thingth.
I might be a little more grateful if he had been bothered to correct the damage, though. I can't thtop thinking with a lithp. When I wath little my lithp wath really notitheable, maybe I could try thome of the thingth that worked then. Ssssssssweetie Belle. SsssstarSsssong. Sssscootaloo. Wait, do half of my friend'sssss namesss really sssstart with s? Never thought about that before. Interesssting.
"Pinkie Pie," athked a voithe. "Can you teach me to do the tail helicopter thing?"
Oh, it'th Minty. "It'th one of the thingth mathter Dithcord taught me. He altho taught me how to thpeak and think in Fixedthyth inthtead of Microthoft Thans Therif like normal."
"Wait, what?" asked Minty. She looked contherned now. "And, Pinkie....that sounded just like you normally speaking...."
"My name ith Rothamena Diane Pie!" I thnapped, thuddenly angry even though I knew she had no way of knowing my new name. She thtared. "Err.....okay, Rosamena...Are you feeling okay?"
"Yeth, thith ith the betht I've ever felt in my life! Why do you athk?"
"Err.....no reason....."
Why doeth she look tho thcared? Tho contherned? I'm not crathy, I just underthtand more than them. It'th not my fault Mathter Dithcord taught me! Although I thuppothe it'th only a matter of time before I do. Hehehehe! I'm thurprised I'm thtill thane after theeing how the world will end.
If Minty, Toola-Roola and Sweetie Belle hadn't thought Pinkie Pie was mad before, they sure did now.
One one hoof, she seemed to suddenly not obey by the laws of physics. On their way out of Ponyville they had gotten lost and it had started raining chocolate milk again. At one point Pinkie Pie had pulled a glass out of nowhere, filled it up with chocolate milk, drank the glass as the milk stayed there like she was holding it in place with magic, then used the rain to make another cup form around it and offered it to Minty.
Minty hadn't quite been able to swallow it.
On the other hoof, she was still convinced she was talking to the narrator, speaking in different fonts, and thinking with a lisp. What was even worse was that they weren't sure if she was actually crazy or if she really did have some sort of weird knowledge. Every single time they thought something important, Pinkie would shout about how they would never think that. It was eerily coincidental.
"Right then," muttered Toola-Roola. "So, do we have any plans for getting home?"
Everypony gave her a look. Then she realised. Pinkie Pie was probably insane, Sweetie Belle was far too young to take charge, and Minty was......well, Minty was Minty. That left one pony left to assume some sort of unofficial leadership role.
Pinkie Pie couldn't help but snap. "I am NOT probably inthane! I am either definitely inthane or definitely thane, I haven't figured out which yet. And 'Minty wath, well, Minty wath Minty'? What ith that thuppothed to mean? And-"
"Rosamena, who are you talking to?" asked Sweetie Belle.
"I told you, the narrator!"
Toola-Roola rolled her eyes. "Whatever, as long as we can find a way home.
"Hey," muttered Pinkie, tuning back to Minty and rubbing her hooves over her face, grabbing random parts of her skin and distorting it. "Bet'cha can't make a fathe crathier than.....THITH!"
All of a sudden her face was almost completely round, apart from the way her nose stuck out. Not only that, but her mane was now a curly mess, same for her tail. Minty stared. "Pinkie Pie? What did you do?"
"Pinkie Pie? Who'th Pinkie Pie? My name ith Rothamena Diane Pie."
"Alright then- wait-"
She blinked and 'Rosamena' was back to normal. "How did you do that?"
"Do what?"
"Do- oh forget it!"
"Err.....guys....." mumbled Sweetie Belle.
"Yeah," began Toola-Roola. "What is it- hey, I think I can see StarSong!"
She galloped off. Minty stared at her, then turned to the other two. "Err.....I guess you'll have to wait a minute, Sweetie."
"But-"
"Toola-Roola will be back in a second."
Sweetie Belle nodded.
None of them quite realised that the monster had used magic to make it rain chocolate. He had used magic to allow Pinkie Pie to think she was Rosamena Diane Pie and throw physics out the window. He had used magic to delete Ponyville. He had used magic for a lot of other things, too, mostly making himself coffee out of thin air.
So much magic, in the air, and there wasn't a single Unicorn to channel it for miles. Not a single Unicorn except for a little filly, the youngest in her friend group, who was at that point absorbing more magic than adult ponies normally had in their systems.
After a few seconds Minty, 'Rosamena' and finally Sweetie Belle followed Toola-Roola. Sure enough they found her talking to StarSong, with Rainbow Dash, Cheerilee and Scootaloo close behind.
"You're here!" exclaimed Minty before tripping over the carbon dioxide in the air and falling over, awkwardly getting up. "Do you know the way to Ponyville?"
Scootaloo shook her head. "Gone."
"What do you mean?" asked Toola-Roola.
"Gone."
"It-" stammered Rainbow Dash. "There- there was this black thing that covered Ponyville, and then the black vanished, and- and- just a patch of grass-"
"But that's impossible!" protested Minty. "Things can't just vanish into thin air!"
"They can't?" asked Pinkie Pie. "It'th jutht a thimple matter of altering the time-thpace continuum, I could do that if I wanted to!"
Cheerilee stared. "It's a long story," muttered Toola-Roola. "In fact, I'm still not quite sure what-"
She was interupted by StarSong suddenly seeming to move around the sky above the seven without even moving her legs. It was like some sort of a glitch in a video game, she moved so fast. She screamed. "What's happening?!"
"Oh," answered Pinkie Pie casually, as if she had just been asked what she had done on the weekend. "jutht an airquake. Thee?"
As if to prove a point, she casually stuck her flank into the air and started spinning her tail like a helicopter. After a few seconds she began to float upwards and started moving around like her pegasus friend. "Thee? It'll be over in a few minuteth."
"We'll explain later," added Toola-Roola when she noticed the others staring. "StarSong? Are you okay? Can you get down?"
"I-I-" stammered StarSong. She slowly began to move downwards. Pinkie Pie somehow managed to tail-helicopter-hover towards her, holding out her hoof. "Grab my hoof!"
The purple pony nodded weakly, reaching her front leg over and grabbing Pinkie's. She finally relaxed her wings- if an Earthpony with no flight magic could hold herself up by spinning her tail, surely she could hold her too. Pinkie smiled. Then they both vanished and reappeared on the ground. Minty raised an eyebrow. "Looks like physics went on a vacation!"
Scootaloo kicked a stone. "No fair! How come physics gets to go on a vacation before me? I want to go on a vacation!"
Cheerilee sighed. "Scootaloo, that's not what she meant- and this is the worst possible time for us to go on a vacation-"
"Err....guys...." muttered Sweetie Belle.
Too bad she was on the floor before she could finish.