//------------------------------// // Brian Goldner // Story: Colgate's Rants: Hasbro Franchise Edition // by StormLuna //------------------------------// It was a rather slow day when I had a pony come in and while I have seen many different types of ponies come in, ponified people and of course those disgusting witches, this one was a first. A white Alicorn stallion in a business suit came in. Yep, an Alicorn stallion! I didn't even know those existed but I guess even I learn new things every now and then. Like always I tapped my hoof on my sign regarding payment and this guy handed me an insurance card. The insurance card he handed me was of Blue Cross/Blue Shield of Rhode Island. My first thought was, what the fuck is Rhode Island? Then it hit me, I have heard of that place before. Then I saw his cutie mark and it was the Hasbro logo. Holy shit, how did he get here and how did he know how to find my practice. I asked him who he was and how he got here. He told me his name was Brian Goldner and that he was the CEO of a toy company named Hasbro. Ok, now I know who this guy is, he is the corporate executive of a company in some weird world where toys of US are made. He gave me an odd look and asked, "How the hell does a background pony become an Alicorn princess who is also a corrupt, bloodthirsty Alicorn dentist?" Well I couldn't exactly tell him much but he then continued, "Hey, as long as the fan fic writer who corrupted you doesn't make any money off of you in this form, feel free to keep torturing and killing if you wish." Sweet, not only do I have the blessings of LaurFa, but also the head of Hasbro! Ok, now that I know who the guy is I asked him how he got here and what his problem was. Well apparently there in their offices he has secret portals to multiple worlds and Equestria is one of them. He said he was merely just checking up on things and that while he was here, that he would have me take a look at his teeth. Fair enough so I led him back to my chair and he opened his mouth. Oh good grief, even the head of Hasbro has bad habits. He had a cavity in the same fucking place so many others do, in their upper right molar! I swear, if he weren't responsible for keeping the franchise going, I would have smacked him. Before I got started though, I did give him a very stern lecture about proper oral hygiene. He must know about my powers because he shied back when I lit up my horn. I still can't help but laugh when he whined, "Please don't hurt me. I just like my sweets!" Oh alright, so I decided not to hurt him and took care of his problems. Once we got done though I led him upfront to pay and when I ran that card through it read, "unrecognizable card." I figured that would be the case so I asked him if he had anything of value on him. Well given that he went through the portal and became a pony, the answer to that was obviously no. I decided that I would follow him back through that portal and take something. To accomplish this though I would have to do something I never tried before, an invisibility spell. I simply told him that this appointment was on me and let him go. However, I cast the spell and followed him back to his world. Once we got into corporate headquarters I began to look around and while there was some fancy artwork of characters over the years, there was nothing that would be worth a lot of money so I decided I had only one option, I followed him home. Damn, I tell you, he has a fancy ass mansion which can mean only one thing, he MUST have plenty of shiny, pretty things that are worth a lot of money. Now for the funny thing, as he headed in I trotted through the door right behind him. I almost gave myself away laughing when he looked around and said, "I could have sworn I heard the hoofsteps of a horse!" His wife greeted him with an odd look but I'm glad she greeted him. I swear, that diamond on her finger must be at least two karats and that locket around her neck is made of rose gold! Sweet, now I know what I want. There is only one bit of bad news, to get her pretties I would have to stun her. Unfortunately to stun her I would have to be visible and how the hell am I going to get this done without either her or Brian noticing? I've got it! I'll follow her into the bathroom where she'll be alone, stun her and then get out of here! I had to creep around for about an hour before she finally went where I desired and I did what I had to do to take what I wanted. Yes she shrieked when she saw a blue Alicorn in front of her but oh well. I stunned her, took her pretties, recast the invisibility spell and headed back to the corporate office. Luckily I can unlock doors so I didn't have to break out any windows. Once I got in I headed to the portal and returned home. Yes that ring and locket is unimpressive compared to the other shiny, pretty valuable things I have in there but about this ring. If I ever decide to disband my harem and marry either Amethyst or Sea Swirl, this huge ass ring will make for a perfect horn ring. Wait a minute, why the hell would I disband my harem? They are fine with me having it now so I'm sure they always will be and the one I didn't marry, would become part of my harem. Now let this be one last warning to all of you, it doesn't matter where the hell you come from, whether it be another town or a different dimension, I demand to be compensated for the services I render. You can be rich, poor, young, old, attractive, ugly as hell or anything else and if you don't pay me, I will hunt you down and take something if you don't pay me!