Light seeped in through the blinds as the morning came. Rarity slowly opened her red, puffy eyes the best she could. As she looked at the vanity in the room, she could see that her mane and her overall appearance was the worst it has ever been. Rarity, however, didn’t care and sat up in her bed with shaky hooves and swayed a little from the lack of strength to hold herself up. As she regained her balance, a depressed-looking Pinkie entered the room.
“Morning.” Pinkie said, looking as exhausted as Rarity did with her mane straight to one side. “How’d you sleep?”
“Not too good. It doesn’t look like you slept any better though.”
“Heh. I guess not huh?” said Pinkie, chuckling softly.
The two mares chuckled a little to themselves as they temporarily forgot about what was going on.
“It’s not too bad.” said Pinkie.
“What Darling?” asked Rarity, confused by what Pinkie meant.
“I mean about the death. It’s not so bad.” Pinkie said seriously.
“Pinkie! This is no time to be joking!” yelled Rarity.
“I’m not kidding. I know it may seem like I don’t care, but I do. Everytime you see me, I’m all happy and jumpy. But what you don’t see is that I’m dead inside. I have no will to live this life anymore. I sometimes sit in the bathtub and think about the many ways I can end it now. It’s funny really. A pony, whose special talent is partying, wants to end it all. Ironic dontcha think?”
“Pinkie,” Rarity said softly, “I never knew.”
“It’s fine Rare. You didn’t know. I just want you to remember. If Spike isn’t able to push through, it will all be ok.”
“But how?”
“Just believe in your own strength. Don’t rely on his to make you happy. I may not want to live anymore, but my will is strong. If I can survive, so can you. Anypony can die, but not everypony can live.”
------▲------
June 30:
Diary,
I can’t handle the thought of my dear Spike dying-...passing away. But if I daresay the unspeakable happen, I need to accept and embrace death to continue my own existence. But...what is an existence without love? I would gladly trade anything for Spike’s salvation.
Death is love...
A blissful Silence is Death,
Peace can always be found in Death,
A Complacent life is Death,
Answers to life are Death,
Locks across one's soul are Death,
Enlightenment to the questions of life are Death.
Death is beauty,
Death itself is Salvation,
Death is love.
If only Spike could read this now and see.
-Rarity
------▲------
Rarity casually poked at her food, she hadn't been eating much since they brought her forcibly back from the hospital. She was staying at Fluttershy’s cottage tonight. Her friends had been letting her stay with them for her own health, she was in no mental state to be left alone.
“Rarity, you have to eat, it’s unhealthy not to,” Fluttershy said concerningly.
“Health....” Rarity said quietly. Her tears dripped down her face and splashed against her food. She stood up and began to walk away. “Why do we have to cry? Why can’t I do anything to stop it?” she thought to herself. “All there is to be found in life is fear and suppression, sadness, anguish and madness...and pain.” she said to Fluttershy.
Fluttershy stepped in front of her, “ I know that...even so. As long as we keep our heads up...and have hope...we can find salvation.”
Rarity stopped in her tracks, the words paralyzing her and clearing her mind.
July 05:
Diary,
Fluttershy is right, I have to be strong. I have to stop crying and move on...for Spike.
On the first day back, I cried because I was shocked.
On the second day, I cried because of the pain.
On the third day, I cried because Spike have wouldn’t notice.
On the fourth day, I cried because most of my friends seemed to have given up on me.
On the fifth day, I cried because of how miserable my life was.
And on the sixth day, I stopped crying for all those reasons...
I’m going to see Spike.
-Rarity
------▲------
The light gray ponies coat moved across the plane of shadows as she silently made her way out of the cottage and trotted along the path to the Ponyville hospital. As she approached the dark building, the impending feeling of emptiness seemed to leave Rarity’s body. She slowly used her magic to unlock the hospitals double doors. Luckily, Rarity met no force on her way to Spike’s room.
“Spike...” she whispered as she cautiously opened the door. Just as she thought, the only sound that was heard in response was the beeps of the heart monitor and the air being pumped into his lungs. At the sight of this, Rarity collapsed, unable to cope with this tragic scene. She crawled up to Spike’s bed. She stared deeply at her friend, so close, and yet so far. Her warm tears trickled over his chest from Rarity eyes. And then to break her silent cries, the long and monotone beep of the heart rate monitor sang into the night.