“Howdy!”
“Howdy!”
“Howdy!”
“Howdy!”
Caramel had lost track of how many times he had heard the word. As it turned out, Braeburn knew every single pony in Appleloosa and seemed intent to introduce every single one of them to Caramel the longer the night went on. Over the past two hours, he had been shaken, hugged, kissed on his cheek, and been told he was a sweetheart at least a dozen times each. Everypony who he met was starting to blur together into one mesh in which they came at him so fast that it was hard to remember anything distinct about a good number of them, much less their names. Everypony here looked a little like Braeburn, mostly earth ponies with strong looking limbs, and often a vest or cowpony hat of some kind.
“Oh, it’s great ain’t it?” Braeburn asked, his hooves occasionally trampling on the dirty ground and kicking up small bits of dust whenever he went too far ahead of Caramel and Big Macintosh’s walking speed. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Big Macintosh roll his eyes. The tour of Appleloosa had seemed to take both longer than Caramel expected, as well as go back so fast it was hard to remember. He had thought a tour of a one street town wouldn’t be that in depth, but it certainly was when Braeburn was intent on introducing everypony they passed to Caramel.
Braeburn spoke fast, moved fast, and by now Caramel’s head was spinning wondering just how much detail could be thrown into a fast-talking sentence about a town.
Caramel felt nervous still, and it continued to grow as the night went on. Everypony’s voice was sweet and buttery with southern warmth that was warm baked pies and the roughness of a farmhoof. His own voice was raspy and quiet, and it made him feel as though he stuck out like a sore thumb. Back in Ponyville, ponies with an accent or freckles or big muscled limbs fit for the hard labor of farming were rare. Here, he was the one who was rare, and everypony wanted a piece of him. The thing he learned fastest about Appleloosa was that the residents loved tourists. He had been given a dozen samples from the bakery, a fitting for a vest, and somehow he had ended up with a cowpony hat much like Braeburn’s on top of his head. He thought it looked gimmicky and dorky, and only served to draw more attention that he was a rarity trying to fit into the lifestyle of ponies around here.
“You look cute,” Big Macintosh had said when he saw him. “Like a real Apple.”
Caramel kept it on.
“Phew,” Braeburn said. Caramel didn’t know Braeburn could sound tired, winded, or be anything but a fast talking speed demon. He watched the stallion wipe at his brow and turn a wicked grin towards the two.
“Now, time for the grand finale!” Braeburn said. He was giggling like a school filly now as if he couldn’t contain himself. He jumped in the air and landed facing the two, the evening sun shining behind him and seeming to light his mane. “Let me introduce you to the one and only, and might I say BEST watering hole in town, The Salt Lick!”
Braeburn swept his hoof through the air and stepped aside to reveal the bar. He had done this grand, sweeping introduction to every establishment.
“I’m sorry,” Big Macintosh whispered into Caramel’s ear, and then gave a playful chuckle.
“Huh?” Caramel asked, but before he could even register Big Macintosh’s words suddenly Braeburn grabbed him by the leg and drug him with an amazing bit of strength Caramel thought couldn’t come out of such a regular sized pony.
“C’mon, c’mon!” Braeburn shouted through his laughter.
The Salt Lick was unlike any bar in Ponyville. The doors were the sort that swung open and left room on the top and bottom to peer into the place. It was full of light and laughter and shouting and drunken singing. Caramel was pushed in, Braeburn somehow switching in a little dance to get behind him and shove him instead of push, and suddenly a dozen eyes all turned to him at once. Some were familiar, some weren’t.
“This here is Starlight, Horseshoe, Bristle, Rose Thorn, Sweets, Buck, Whistle…”
Braeburn was shoving Caramel so fast through the near sea of ponies, all trying to grab his hoof and hug him and talk to him all at once that the introductions passed in a blur. He barely had time to register the mass of tables or the mare up on stage playing a violin in a country-like fiddle style that made the whole place more jaunty and lively. Caramel was by the end of it once he was finally thrown, not seated, into a seat at an empty table near the corner.
“So now you know everypony!” Braeburn said excitedly as he slapped himself down on the chair beside Caramel and slugged his shoulder with his hoof.
Big Macintosh walked up slowly, Caramel struggling to keep his head from spinning. He didn’t realize it until he finally sat down but his legs were burning with how much Braeburn had made him run around for the past few hours. He was exhausted in every sense of the word.
“How you feeling, Sugarcube?” Big Macintosh asked, his tone low and quiet and hard to hear under the livelihood of the bar.
“Like I just got molested,” Caramel replied. “How come you didn’t get thrown in the tornado?”
Braeburn laughed as if Caramel was joking, but Big Macintosh just smiled and patted his boyfriend on top the head, running his hoof to fix Caramel’s frizzled mane and adjust his new hat.
“I got that first time I came to town,” Big Macintosh said.
Caramel slumped onto the table, burying his nose into his folded hooves and letting his eyes wander the area. It really was packed. Some ponies were awkwardly dancing in the corner to the fiddle, dancing around tables while others clapped along. It was the kind of environment that felt like a big family of ponies who knew each other and did this sort of thing frequently. The whole place smelled of beer and whisky, the sort that burned Caramel’s throat to even think about.
“I’ll go get us something to drink,” Braeburn giggled. “Don’t think we’re leavin’ till we can’t walk straight.”
Before either pony could protest, Braeburn was off, his chair rocking slightly from being nearly toppled over before settling back on the ground. Caramel sighed and Big Macintosh kissed his temple.
“I think my hoof is numb,” Caramel mumbled, gesturing with the one Braeburn had made him shake a hundred ponies hooves with. Big Macintosh chuckled and took it, pressing it to his cheek. Caramel and him met eyes and then giggled together. As tired and spent as Caramel felt, he had to admit he was happy. Braeburn had a way with that, that you either were lost in his frenzy of excitement or caught up in it.
“Hoooooowdy!” Braeburn returned, slapping into his seat with an actual tray of drinks.
“That’s a lot,” Big Macintosh commented.
It was. Three mugs all filled to the brim with what Caramel recognized instantly as hard cider, a martini glass, three shot glasses all full, and a few drinks of varying color. Braeburn grabbed at the shots, placing one in front of each of them. Caramel lifted his and smelled it. It was strong enough to make his eyes water.
“Whisky,” Braeburn chuckled. “Let’s start off this night with a kick, shall we?”
“Is this the kind that burns?” Caramel mumbled.
“Eeyup,” Big Macintosh responded.
“Don’t be babbbbbies!” Braeburn replied in an ironically whiny voice he lifted his glass, clearly wanting them to clink them together in the center. Caramel and Big Macintosh exchanged a glance, and then Big Mac shrugged.
“To the best outing and tour in the bestest town ever!” Braeburn shouted, his voice loud enough to pierce the noise levels from the rest of the bar. He landed back in his seat hard enough for it to tip back slightly before the front legs slapped down on the hardwood floor again. All three ponies drunk at once.
Instantly, burning slightly medicine tasking liquid burned Caramel’s mouth and throat. It felt like liquid fire, and instantly his eyes began to sting as he coughed. Two shot glasses went down next to him, slapping really. Big Macintosh looked unphased in all except a small smile, and Braeburn was wiping his mouth and giggling while looking at Caramel.
“Too strong for you?” Braeburn giggled.
“He don’t even like black coffee,” Big Macintosh chuckled.
“H-Hey!” Caramel replied, his face feeling warm under the brim of his hat.
“Okay okay okay that was just the warm up!” Braeburn said as he collected everypony’s shot glasses. He had a spark in his eyes that was excited. Like Caramel thought before, you either got lost in Braeburn’s frenzy or caught up in it yourself. Right now, Caramel was feeling a bit excited. “This night’s all on me. Now if we’re gonna get wasted we’re gonna get to know each other little more.”
Instantly, Big Macintosh face hoofed.
“Please tell me we’re not…”
“Never have I ever!” Braeburn shouted, slapping down the mugs of hard cider before them. “Perfect bonding and humiliating experience, if I say so myself!”
“Um,” Caramel started, looking between the two ponies, one very excited and one very annoyed looking. “What’s that?”
“Brae, last time you tried that at the family reunion Cousin Fritter ended up making out with Cousin Cinnamon,” Big Macintosh said. Caramel felt his face warm at this comment.
“Shush!” Braeburn commanded. “We will not have any incidents! Only good old fashioned bonding and embarrassment in this bar tonight! I promise you your lips will meet nopony’s tonight but your boyfriend over there.”
“What’s… Never have I ever?” Caramel asked again.
Both ponies looked to him.
“It’s a drinking game!” Braeburn exclaimed.
“A stupid one,” Big Macintosh interjected.
“Okay, so,” Braeburn went on. “We each get a mug full of cider. This stuff’s hard, alright? And then, we go ‘round asking a question with ‘Never have I ever’. If you have done what the pony says, you gotta take a drink. So if I said ‘never have I ever kissed a stallion’ we’d all drink cause we have. Course, the pony sayin’ it has to have not done it, so that wouldn’t count.”
“I mean… it sounds kinda fun,” Caramel said, avoiding Big Macintosh’s eye because he knew he would probably have been glared at. Eventually Big Macintosh sighed and put his hoof on the mug. Caramel had to admit, he was probably enjoying himself more than he might say out loud.
“Fine. Just till we go overboard,” Big Macintosh said.
“Yay!” Braeburn cheered like an over excited filly. He clapped his hooves and everything. “Okay I’ll start!”
Braeburn did the most shocking thing and shut his mouth to think before he spoke. This was rare, and both Caramel and Big Macintosh stared at him as he glanced down into his cup of cider and tapped his hoof to his chin in thought.
“Never have I evvveeeeeerrr…” Braeburn mumbled, glancing around the bar. “Done drag.”
There was a pause. Suddenly out of the corner of his eye Big Macintosh took a sip of his cider. Braeburn burst out laughing when Caramel stared wide-eyed at his boyfriend.
“Just once,” Big Macintosh muttered. “For Apple Bloom.”
“What’d you do puttin’ on a dress for Apple Bloom?” Braeburn laughed and wiped a forming tear in his eye. “See, this game is great!”
Though his face was stiff, Caramel saw Big Macintosh’s freckles slowly blend into his cheeks. He couldn’t help but chuckle himself, though it was far more dramatic than Braeburn.
“Okay, okay, your turn!” Braeburn said, reaching out his hoof and pointing to Mac.
“Can’t ya’ll just skip me?” Big Mac asked.
“Nope!” Braeburn replied. “And make it embarrassing!”
Big Macintosh sighed, taking a pause to think as well as his face returned to a normal color and his freckles reappeared. He looked around the bar.
“Never have I ever,” Big Macintosh began, closing his eyes and sighing. “Kissed a pony on the first date.”
“Prude,” Braeburn teased while taking a sip of his own drink. Once more Caramel didn’t move. He thought to himself how he had only kissed Big Macintosh and felt his cheeks grow warm. Suddenly Big Macintosh and Braeburn were looking to him and he realized it was his turn.
“Oh, um…” Caramel said, gripping his mug in both hooves.
“Make it dirty!” Braeburn insisted.
“Make it clean.” Big Macintosh replied.
“Never have I ever,” Caramel started, and then paused for a long time as he looked around the room in thought. He looked at Braeburn, and then at Big Macintosh. Big Mac looked reassuring, and Braeburn expectant. “Um… Jerked off outside?”
Braeburn burst out laughing and Big Macintosh face-hoofed once more. Caramel sunk in his seat a little and blushed.
“Now we’re talking!” Braeburn giggled.
However, both ponies froze when Big Macintosh took a sip. Caramel had never seen Braeburn actually freeze before from his excited attitude, and he might have taken a moment to admire it if he wasn’t frozen as well. Big Macintosh’s eyes flicked back and forth between them.
“Sometimes I get bored after workin’ on the farm,” Big Macintosh said, running his hoof up and down his mug handle.
“Wow,” Braeburn said.
“Ain’t like nopony’s seen it!” Big Macintosh snapped.
“Wow,” Caramel echoed Braeburn.
“Alright alright move on!” Big Macintosh said with a wave of his hoof. Caramel and Braeburn both glanced to each other with a grin.
“Never have I ever worn a collar!” Braeburn said.
Caramel felt his chest tighten. Him and Big Macintosh exchanged one glance, and then both took a sip of their drinks. Big Macintosh did it quick, but Caramel was slow and shaky. Braeburn burst out laughing and nearly fell over from his chair when he did so. This cider was strong and burned his throat. It wouldn’t take half the mug before he felt tipsy.
“I ain’t going into detail on that one,” Big Macintosh said.
“Me neither,” Caramel mumbled. His voice was small and flustered.
“Believe me, I got ALL the detail I want on that!” Braeburn laughed. “You two are kinky!”
Big Macintosh huffed and then recomposed himself the best he could. He locked eyes with Braeburn, and then without stuttering flatly said. “Never have I ever hidden a dozen dirty magazines under my mattress.”
“H-Hey!” Braeburn said, slapping his hoof on the table. “C’mon, I told you I was sorry you found them.”
“Oh my Celestia,” Caramel mumbled, trying to keep himself from laughing.
Braeburn groaned and sat back in his seat before taking a drink.
“It was only half a dozen,” Braeburn mumbled.
“Okay,” Caramel giggled, sitting up. He was starting to get more into it, and by now the strength of the shot was starting to make his mind a little fuzzy. “Never have I ever been with two ponies at once in bed.”
Both Braeburn and Big Macintosh drunk.
Caramel stared.
“She had a friend,” Big Macintosh mumbled.
“I had a friend!” Braeburn replied, as if he were proud of this. He sat up suddenly. “Okay my turn! I got a good one! Never have I ever thought somepony in this bar, not at this table, was hot enough to sleep with!”
Caramel drunk. Then he blushed.
Big Macintosh looked at him. All he did was say one thing.
“Who?”
“Um…” Caramel paused, looking around once more. He caught the stallion once again. A big stallion, twice as big as Big Macintosh, maybe. He was brown, but his face had a splotch of white on it.
“Oh, you mean Troubleshoes Clyde?” Braeburn asked. “He’s a sweetheart! Hang on I’ll go get him!”
“WHAT?” Caramel shouted. It was too late, Braeburn was already out of his seat. Caramel did the only thing he could short of bolting, and that was to bury his face in his hooves and begin repeating again and again “Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh.”
“Um,” The deep voice of the stallion sent a shiver down Caramel’s spine. Braeburn’s face reappeared in a toothy grin as the massive pony was now standing beside the table, his faze confused as Braeburn let go of his hoof. “What’s this about, again?”
“My friend thinks you’re cute!” Braeburn said.
“Braeburn!” Caramel snapped.
“What? You do!” Braeburn replied.
Caramel gazed to Big Macintosh, begging to be saved, but unfortunately his boyfriend was trying his hardest not to burst out laughing at the situation to be any sort of help whatsoever. Caramel was forced to look up at the pony who was staring down at him. He really was massive. Caramel couldn’t help but think of how massive.
“Hi,” Caramel said, his voice small.
“Howdy,” Troubleshoes Clyde replied. He blinked twice, looked to Braeburn, and then back to Caramel. “You look cute yourself.”
That’s when Braeburn burst out laughing. Big Macintosh did as well, though his was more of a steady, deep chuckle instead of a frantic hysterical laugh. Caramel buried his face in his hooves and forced his muzzle onto the table to hide his blush.
“Is that all?” Clyde asked.
Once he was gone, the game was postponed for three whole minutes as Caramel struggled to recompose himself. Once he finally looked up, he realized Braeburn’s cheeks were slightly red. He was a lightweight, and clearly already drunk. It didn’t hurt that he seemed to be sipping at a martini glass between questions.
“You like them big?” Braeburn asked.
“Shut up,” Caramel whined.
“Well,” Big Macintosh said, coughing to stifle his laugh. “I think it’s my turn?”
“Go ahead,” Caramel said.
“Never have I ever asked my boyfriend to blindfold me,” Big Macintosh said.
“Oh come on!” Caramel shouted and slapped his hooves on the table.
Braeburn went right back to laughing as Caramel took a reluctant drink from his mug. Once everypony had settled down he glared at Big Macintosh with vengeful eyes.
“Never have I ever asked to bottom every night for three weeks in a row,” Caramel said.
Big Macintosh froze, eyes widening. Braeburn was covering his mouth now.
“Oh gosh,” Braeburn whispered. “I’m gonna pass out.”
The game went on like this for a while. Embarrassing, private, and all around sexual questions flooded the evening. It was revealed that Braeburn once wore stockings for a boyfriend, Big Macintosh once asked a mare out by singing to her, and Caramel had once drunkenly asked Big Macintosh to teach him to square dance. All of which turned out to end poorly. It was when their mugs were empty and their minds too fuzzy to think of more questions did Braeburn finally call an end to the game. Caramel struggled to walk straight, and had to lean on Big Macintosh who was the most sober of all of them.
“Woo!” Braeburn called out, half skipping half tripping as he walked in front of them. “Good night! Great… great night!”
“He’s such a lightweight,” Big Macintosh mumbled, his own voice slurring slightly. Braeburn had fulfilled his promise.
The walk back to Braeburn’s house was ten minutes at most. It took them twenty with occasionally stopping and Braeburn more than once tumbling to the ground laughing for no apparent reason. They made it as far as the porch where both Caramel and Big Macintosh collapsed on the swingset and Braeburn on the last step of the porch. Caramel put his head to Big Macintosh’s chest and took in a deep breath.
“You smell nice,” Caramel mumbled.
“You’re both drunk,” Big Macintosh muttered in reply.
“I’m ALIVE!” Braeburn shouted.
Caramel closed his eyes. Eventually they would go inside, but right now the evening air was warm but not painfully so. He was happy right now, just feeling Big Macintosh warm against him. Against his usual reasoning, he had managed to have fun. He opened his eyes, staring up at the stars. He thought of Sage, and then his mom, and then only of Big Macintosh. He touched Big Macintosh’s hoof. This felt right, a bit silly but right. Getting drunk with friends, cuddling his boyfriend, being in such a warm and loving place. He actually had fun.
“I love you,” Caramel mumbled.
“What’s that for?” Big Macintosh chuckled.
“Dunno,” Caramel mumbled, his eyes heavy. “Just wanted to say it, y’know?”
Caramel closed his eyes, the breeze on his mane. Big Macintosh removed his hat and stroked at his bangs, kissing his ear and nibbling on it playfully. He thought to himself how it really was a great night.
Then Braeburn threw up on the porch steps, and the moment passed.