//------------------------------// // The uniforms // Story: All hail the Guard of Friendship // by Kaliann25 //------------------------------// No, you’re not dreaming or hallucinating! They truly are the world-famous Guard of Friendship! A fic brought to you by the Witnesses of Cthulu of the Seventh day; offer your soul to our Dark Lord today and receive a free homunculus and a knife for sacrifices! Tonight’s episode is called: The uniforms It was a beautiful and ‘normal’ morning in my hometown Ponyville, when suddenly a roar resounded all over the place starting one of the massive panic attacks our townsfolks are famous for. What was disturbing the peace of Ponyville? Well a giant monster made completely out of stone no less, and he was destroying everything trying to smash my little ponies. Not under my watch, and who I am? Well no less than Vinyl Scratch, leader of the elite unite known of the Guard of Friendship. My friends and I will save the day, or my name is Fancy Vanilla again; and I have no plans to be called like that! The monster was still roaring and smashing things, and every time he opened his mouth we could smell his awful breath. It was a mixture of mold, imprisonment and humidity. Have you entered a cave? Well, get the idea! But as I was telling you, the monster was trying to destroy everything on his way, but luckily for us he was too big and clumsy but at this rate he would cause some harm so as the Guard of Friendship my friends and I cannot allow that. “Vinyl, oh Vinyl what should we do?” Shrieked my young wife, the beautiful Octavia. Oh! If it wasn’t for my strong hooves holding her she would faint right there. “Don’t worry my one true love! I, Vinyl, have everything under control! Derpy, try to fly around the monster, call for his attention!” “Are you sure my captain?” Asked my shy subordinate. “I don’t think is a good idea, we may get hurt!” “Not while I’m in charge!” I say confidently. “Go, I’ll watch your back!” Tears of gratefulness almost drown Derpy but it wasn’t the time to cry since while were planning our next move the monster attacked us; but Derpy ran to follow my army and I turn to my beautiful wife and our friend Lyra and say: “Go, now that Derpy is distracting him use your hypersonic instruments!” They both pulled their lyre and cello and since I transferred them all my bravery they attacked him at the same time stunned the thing for a while, but Vinyl Scratch is too smart to overconfident herself so I turn to my other brave subordinate: “Bon-Bon, use your strength to finish the beast of!” “Okay boss!” Say Bonnie jumping over the beast hitting it right on the chest making it fall. It is my chance. And with my magic mastery I teleport on top of the creature and use my laser-beam glasses to melt it down. Ponyville is safe again thanks to us. “Oh Vinyl, I just fell twice in love with you!” Says my beloved wife falling into my hooves and I place a rose in my mouth and kiss her passionately. “You did it boss! We wouldn’t do it without you!” “As humble as always” And I smiled very sure of our victory, but no, something was wrong. This was too easy. “Ahahahahaha!! It seems like you destroyed my creation, oh brave Vinyl Scratch the only opponent I consider worthy! But you haven’t defeated me, the great Maud Pie yet! The brightest and most evil mind of all times ahahahahahahaha!!” It was her! Of course! A monster made out of rock? Only the psycho could do something like this. It was the time to act so I jump towards Maud and shut her up with a punch to the jaw. Now Equestria is definitely safe again. A filly come close to me. “When I grow up I want to be like you miss Vinyl!” “Everypony three hurray’s for the Guard of Friendship!” Says our boss, Princess Twilight Sparkle. “HIP-HIP” “HURRAY!” “HIP-HIP” “HURRAY!” “HIP-HIP” “HURRAY!” And as is usual in my beloved town, the townsfolks start a musical number: “VINYL SCRAAATCH, VINYL SCRAAATCH! A HEROINE SHE IS, VINYL SCRAATCH!” I try to say I didn’t do it on my own, that my friends are always here for me but they just don’t listen and start celebrating so I say, what the hay no? So I kiss my beautiful wife. Being a heroine feels good. PLAM! Vinyl woke up all of sudden when Octavia pushed her out of the bed. “Ey, what was that for?” Complained the white unicorn. “Stop complaining, you kicked me several times while you were dreaming I-don-know-what” making sounds and mumbling stuff. Anyway, it’s time to wake up” Whoa, sorry Tavi. I was having the most marvelous dream and you were there, and Derpy was there, oh and Bonnie and Lyra too. And Maud too! I was kicking her butt” Octavia chuckled and helped Vinyl to stand. “I understand, we all wish to kick the psycho’s butt. Now good morning Vinyl” And the gray mare kissed Vinyl. The white unicorn blushed and kissed her back. “Morning Tavi” They started to have breakfast when somepony knocked the door. “Here’s the mail, it never fails. It makes me wag my tail. When it comes I want to wail, MAIL” Octavia opened the door military-saluting the gray Pegasus. “Oh, good morning captain. What’s up? Delivering mail? But we don’t need alibies anymore” Asked Octavia. “No but I like to do it. Anyway, you have fan-mail, some bills and an immediate delivery” said Derpy with a smile giving them a bunch of cards and a package. “A package?” Asked Octavia and Vinyl at the unison. They took the package and opened it, showing their badges. “Oh cool!” Cheered Vinyl. “Yep, it’s official, we’re the Guard of Friendship” said Derpy. “And today we have an appointment at Rarity’s at ten o’clock to take measures to our new uniforms” “A Boutique designing armors? That’s a new one” said Octavia raising an eyebrow. Derpy shrugged. “Ey, we were spies not soldiers, and I’m not using an uncomfortable metal outfit pal! No we arranged something with the new boss. Now if you excuse me I’ll be delivering mail, enjoy the batches!” “Take care!” The rest of the morning was calm, and when they went to their appointment with Rarity, Vinyl was bragging her new batch stopping passerby’s from time to time. “Stop! Stop in the name of the Guard of Friendship! This is a routine inspection!” And she took that pony’s saddlebag and started to look inside it. “What’s this? Confess!!” “A pack of chewing gum?” “Oh, it’s okay then, stay out of trouble” And the pony ran away scared. “Ey you! Stop in the name of the Secret Service!” “Who? Me?” Asked Pipsqueak. Vinyl nodded and approached threateningly. “Why aren’t you in the school at this hours?” “Because… it’s career day?” Said Pip scared. “I was on my way to the store of Dairy Queen to learn how to be a milk-pony” “Can you prove your story?” Pip waved his hoof around, where all the school foals were joining the grownups in their business. “Okay you can go but stay out of trouble, and her you have my autograph, an authentic autograph from DJP0N3 and a future hero of the…” But Octavia punched Vinyl on the head and dragged her to the Boutique. “Stop bothering people and let’s go!” They finally arrived to the Carrousel Boutique, where Rarity had the patron of the uniforms ready: it’ll be a purple jacket and kepis, underneath a buttoned pink shirt, the buttons were shaped as Twilight’s Cutie Mark, and a violet tie. “Okay darlings, this won’t take long” said the fashionista. “Let me take the measures I need and in two weeks your uniforms will be ready. This is the first time I have to make an outfit for a formal Guard, I love it, I love it!” “Thank you” said Derpy shyly. “It’s an honor” assured Rarity. “And the best part is the fabric, is a creation between Twilight and me that holds a shield-spell of the highest level so it’ll be as useful as any armor” “Wow, I must say I am impressed” said Octavia. “Well, you’ll be protecting my friend after all” said Rarity. “Octavia, dear, may I start with you?” “Sure!” Rarity took the measures quickly and Octavia went to sit while she waited for her friends. “Who’s next?” Asked Rarity. “Me please, I’m starting to get bored” said Vinyl. Rarity nodded. “Okay darling, your leg please” Vinyl presented Rarity her leg and when the fashionista began to take the measures, Vinyl chuckled. “Yes?” Asked Rarity. “Oh, sorry, it tickles” apologized Vinyl. “Oh, then try to hold it for a while darling” Again Rarity started to take measures when Vinyl chuckled again. Of course as the professional she was Rarity tried to ignore her but suddenly the DJ busted into uncontrollable laughs. “AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I CAN’T HELP IT, IT TICKLES!!” Rarity groaned annoyed. “I cannot work like this” “Octavia!” Asked Derpy. And Octavia punched Vinyl so hard that she fell unconscious. “Okay, go ahead before she wakes up” said Octavia. “With pleasure!” “(So much for domestic violence)” mumbled Lyra to Bon-Bon, who just nodded. So at the end measures were taken and Octavia had to drag Vinyl back home. And in the meantime inside Vinyl’s dream: “VINYL SCRAAATCH, VINYL SCRAAATCH! A HEROINE SHE IS, VINYL SCRAATCH!” “Oh Vinyl please be mine!” Asks me the Princess of Friendship, my boss. “I’ll promote you to general but please be mine!” Tavi looks at me scared and confused, I can see the question on her eyes: shall I abandon her for the Princess Twilight? Is she seriously asking that? “Sorry Princess but this knight already haves her damsel” And Tavi kissed me full of thankfulness and love. Love for me, her knight in a shiny new uniform. “Sometimes I wonder what’s she’s dreaming” mumbled Octavia looking at the satisfaction smile on Vinyl’s face.