//------------------------------// // The Biskit Twins // Story: Colgate's Rants: Hasbro Franchise Edition // by StormLuna //------------------------------// The Arrival of Two Bitches It was getting late in the afternoon on Saturday when I got back to Ponyville after returning from Blythe leading me to the portal and I see a couple reddish unicorns standing over by my practice. I'm not sure what they're up to but it is likely not anything good given the looks on their faces. Well I confront the two and ask them what the hell they were doing outside of my practice. Get this, they have been monitoring me! They said something about seeing a girl going in to see me and then her leading me to a portal. I looked at their manes and the snarly looks on their faces and realized that they could only be one thing, the Biskit Twins. Oh great, right before me were standing two little spawns of Tirek but then it hit me, maybe they need some dental work done and I could get something out of them. I asked what their problem was and both complained about their teeth hurting. Well I was supposed to have a night on the town with Amethyst and Sea Swirl that night but I decided I'd take the little bitches in and see what was up. Besides, I realized that I could follow them through the portal when they go back and take something to compensate for my work with something that is pretty, shiny and worth a lot of money! One thing I learned about these two, the one with the white mane is named Brittany and the one with the black mane is Whittany. Kind of odd, I'd think their names would match the color of their mane, I mean hair when they are humans but hey, as long as I can get something in return, that is all that matters. Bitchy Brittany I took Brittany back first and apparently she must be scared of the dentist because like every other pussy that is scared of me, I had to use my magic to pry her mouth open. What I saw next would really piss me off. The little bitch had 2 rotten teeth, 6 cavities and early stage periodontal disease. Seriously? This little bitch who thinks she is so great would let her teeth get this bad? Well, I have had a patient with early periodontal disease before and you all know what I did with her! That one was a bitch and so was this one, well she is worse because she is mean to Blythe so I have decided that she must be punished severely. I'll give her the advanced periodontal disease treatment, with no sedatives! Well the moment she begins to scream in pain, her whiny sister charges back and yells at me for hurting her sister! As you all know, I do not like ponies, well in their case ponified people, disturbing me while I am working on a patient so I smacked her so hard I knocked a couple teeth out. Oopsie, my bad! Oh well, I can get them taken care of, take them home and then steal something from their daddy as payment. As you all know, it was Spoiled Rich I gave the gum flap surgery to for her periodontal disease and I have decided that Bitchy Brittany will get the same treatment. The first thing I did was take a razor blade and tear her gums to shreds, revealing her bottoms of her plaque and tartar covered teeth. Yeah given it was in its early stages I could have given her antibiotics to treat it but what fun would that be? Of course her skank sister just had to grab me again so I decided to punish her further. I slammed my hoof into her muzzle and broke it! That will teach her to try and intervene when I'm punishing a bad patient! As far as little Brittany's other problems go, I decided her daddy could take care of those because I had a date with my marefriends that night, I still had the other twin to deal with and naturally I was not going to let my marefriends down by pushing our date back a week. Anyway I eventually got little Brittany taken care of, well sort of. Yeah her gums are torn to shreds and she is whining in pain but hey, I got the plaque and tartar off and that's what matters! Whiny Whittany After I got Brittany taken care of I got Whittany in the chair. I tried getting her sister to go out to the waiting area but oh no, she just had to stay back with her sister. I have seen a fair amount of sisters who are pretty close but these two seem clingy, not as bad as Cloudchaser and Flitter but still, they can't stand to be apart which annoys the hell out of me. Like with her sister, I had to use my magic to pry Whittany's mouth open and I what I saw shocked me. Unlike her sister, she had perfectly clean teeth but she doesn't have to know that. I don't like her because she is a total bitch so I decided to lie. I told her that she was developing periodontal disease and that like her sister, she would have to have gum flap surgery and naturally, this did not sit well with her. She began screaming about how she brushes three times a day and has always had perfect dental checkups. Want to know what is even funnier, I didn't even grab a clean razor to start shredding her gums off of her! I figured that if I just used the same one I used on her sister that I could save money by using fewer razor blades. Once I got her gums shredded off I saw bloodied teeth but nothing bad. Despite that, I took the same brush I used on her sister and scraped the blood off as well as I could. Now while I was doing this her sister grabbed a hold of me and yelled at me! They are twins and I decided she needed to be like her sister so I slammed my hoof down on her muzzle and broke it. Now Brittany must be a little pussy because unlike her sister was when I broke her nose, she began to cry like a little bitch. Oh well, her daddy can take care of it once she gets home! I do hope they claim that all their injuries were caused by an Alicorn princess from Equestria because I'm sure his reaction will be hilarious. Traumatizing the Twins Once I got done with them it was late, very late. When the three of us were leaving my practice we were greeted by a very unhappy Amethyst and Sea Swirl. I knew I was in a world of hurt given the furious looks on their faces. I tried to explain to them that my patients needed time consuming gum flap surgeries but it didn't calm them down at first. Eventually I was able to get them to agree to have our date the following night. Once I got that taken care of I had to figure out what to do with the Biskit Bitches. I did not feel like taking them back to Downtown City at that time of night and I certainly did not feel like putting up with them so I decided that Aria and Adagio could take care of them. Yeah they already had the Cake Twins to handle but these two should cause no problems. Besides, with these two they can injure them if they have to since they will be going home the next day. After that I headed home and had quite the night with my lovelies. I decided to be very nice that night and let Starlight dominate me, which doesn't happen very often. Too bad things wouldn't stay nice and cheery and I'm sure you know what caused all that to end. It wasn't too long after sunrise that Aria called me screaming and yelling for me to come and get the twins I cursed upon them. The main thing I remember her saying is that they didn't like being kissed, groped or sucked on. Naturally my response was that I would not come and get them until after the reruns of My Little Human and Littlest Pet Shop were over so it was noon before I headed over there. What I found when I got there was hilarious. There was Pumpkin Cake sucking on Whittany's hoof, Pound Cake stomping on her head, Aria sucking face with Brittany and Adagio getting it all on video. My my, this is quite the situation! While getting the Cake Twins to stop traumatizing Whittany was easy, getting Aria to stop making out with Brittany was impossible. Even though I am an Alicorn princess, it took me ten minutes to get her off of her. Oh well, perhaps Aria got sick and tired of Adagio being the only action she gets. Once I got them out of my employees' manes and began to lead them towards the portal both of them began bitching about what happened to them. They claimed that since I wouldn't go get them at sunrise that both of them began getting kissed and molested! Guess what, I'm glad. Aria and Adagio might be in better moods for a couple days now. Eventually we got to the cave where the portal was and all I could think was, "Thank Faust, I'm almost done with these little bitches!" Collecting My Payment After crossing through this portal we arrived in a place I always wanted to see for myself, Downtown City! Now something strange happened. You know how those girls turned into ponies when they came to Equestria? I figured I would turn into a human when I got there but i was still my normal self, a talking Alicorn walking down the street with the most hated girls in town. I swear, we got a ton of strange looks but oh well, what are they going to do, flip me off or hurl some mindless insult at me? It took a while but we finally arrived at the Biskit Family mansion and I asked the girls to lead me to where they keep all their pretty, shiny things that are worth a lot of money. The response I would get from them would piss me off. They told me that all of their valuables were in some sort of deposit box in the bank. I call bullshit on that, I can tell by the tone of their voices that they are lying and besides, there are some pretty things the rich like to show off. Now would come the funny part. As soon as we got inside they began calling out for their daddy and rushed towards what appeared to be his office. Now this is where things got funny. I decided to wait outside of his office while they went in there and started telling him about everything that happened to them in Equestria. How I tore their gums up, how I broke their noses, how Aria and Adagio molested them and how the Cake Twins traumatized them. His response? "Brittany, Whittany, you two are way too old for this childish nonsense! You should have grown out of this a long time ago!" What was even funnier was when he raised his voice, "Why can't you be like that Baxter girl who makes pet clothes? She has a level head and doesn't go claiming she interacts with magical ponies!" After his rant they ran up to one of their rooms and shut themselves in. I know they have separate bedrooms given how wealthy they are but I couldn't help but wonder what was going to happen. Now if they are anything like Flitter and Cloudchaser, I'm sure that sexy times are going to ensue. Enough about that though, I need to grab something valuable and get home! I headed to their dining room and in some sort of display case was this golden plate. I took it out and took a good look at it. This thing was solid gold and it had the Biskit Family crest in it. Sweet! This is what I wanted so I took it, quietly left their mansion and flew back towards that portal. I had to get out of town before somepony reported a flying unicorn stealing a plate. Once I got to the portal and flew through, I was back home. I'll admit, I wanted to go check on Blythe and see the pets but I just didn't have the time. Finally I got back home but I did not head into my house, I headed into my treasury where I store all the pretty, shiny valuable things I love so much. Besides, I can not let anypony see this, especially Lyra because then she would know that Downtown City is real and demand that I take her there. When I do decide to go there, I want to make those trips solo. Now for a warning to individuals from alternate dimensions who come to see me. Yeah I'll see you but don't expect to get off like Blythe did. The Biskit Twins are a prime example of that and I will follow you home and steal something valuable of yours, well that and if you're an asshole, I'll butcher your teeth and if you're a female, I will make sure that you get molested by Aria and Adagio.