//------------------------------// // Joking Around with Daddy Discord // Story: It's A Screwed Up Life // by Autum Breeze //------------------------------// Joking Around with Daddy Discord ___________________________________________________________ I yawn, hopping down from my bed on the ceiling and stretch. After the events of the first movie, Twilight, Spike and I went straight to bed, wanting some rest. I fully intend to visit that world again soon, but, for now, I know I’ve got the Season 4 premiere coming up. And, if what I remember is right, I’ll be spending a lot of time going around Ponyville picking up Discord’s slack when it comes to keeping ponies safe from the Plunder Vines. But, I know that won’t happen for at least a few more days, since that’s when the Summer Sun Celebration will be coming up, which gives me a little time for fun before the show’s plot catches up with me. Maybe I’ll go see how Queen Cheese Legs is doing right now. It has been a while since I last checked in with the Changelings and I wanna know how they’ve been doing. If all has gone as planned, they all are getting along with the ponies in their new lives and are well-fed. I reach out, looking for Bugbutt in the Empire... before I cock an eyebrow. I... don’t sense her. My brow furrows. I told her she and her hive were NOT to leave the Empire. I quickly outstretch my magic, trying to find any Changelings. I do sense a few, maybe three, here in the Empire and the one back in Ponyville who will be at Cranky and Matilda’s wedding, but, other than them... nothing. It’s like the Changelings just stopped existing. Alright, I need to find out what’s going on around here. There’s a flash and three Changelings are suddenly standing in the middle of my guest room, all blinking in confusion, before wilting under my gaze. “Where is she?” I demand, hovering in the air before them, my forelegs folded. “W-we swear, we don’t know, Princess Screwball!” one, a female, by the sound of her voice cries, dropping to the floor, her limbs over her head, cowering. My anger at once takes a backseat to confusion and curiosity, namely since she had the respect to call me by title. “What do you mean?” “It’s like Antennae, said, Your Highness,” the one on the right, a male, says, bowing as his body shakes. “J-just two days ago, Chrysalis gathered all the Changelings you brought here to the Empire and said we were leaving since you weren’t around to catch us, because one of the scouts working in the castle saw you go through some mirror portal.” I blink several times, before I snarl. This sneaky little bitch! She somehow new the portal leads to another world and that we’d be gone for three days and used that time to somehow make it so I couldn't find her again! Urgh! When I get my hooves on her, I’m going to turn her inside out, literally! With my bare hooves! I calm down after noticing the three Changelings are shivering more than before. Taking a few deep breaths, I look to the one who first spoke, Antennae. Seriously, what is with Changelings and having names based of insect body parts? Then again, for whatever reason, one living in Ponyville is named Kevin, for crying out loud. “Where is your hive?” For some reason, that sends their panic sky-rocketing as they all cry as one, “WE DON’T KNOW!” before crumpling to the floor in sobbing fits. I just stare at them, not sure what to make of this. “How can you not know where the Changeling Kingdom is?” They all look up to me with tears streaming down their chitin faces. It’s the third one, who hadn’t spoken on his own yet, that answers. “She took our memories.” My jaw drops, before I shake my head, scowling. “Just how badly is it?” Knowing Discord and how he has messed with memories in the past, I know Memory Spells can be a tricky business. The fact Twilight didn’t crack the rest of the Mane 6’s minds when she forced all their memories back at once is still a mystery to me. Though, with the world full of chaos at the time, maybe that helped. “We... we can barely remember anything about our lives in the hive,” Antennae shudders, curling up into a ball. “We can remember certain things, like how the hive worked and where some things are inside, but where it actually is and so much more are missing.” I look down, thinking for a moment. “Lemme see if I can help.” Before any of them can respond, I freeze them in place and delve into their minds. Yikes! It’s a total mess in here. Some memories are still there, like they said, but so much else is just gone. I can’t see any memories showing what the hive looks like or half what you’d expect. The only thing I can really make it is something about a throne, but, beyond that, all the other details about the hive as a fuzzy mess. And the only memories left near intact are those from the Canterlot Invasion and since I brought them to the Empire, and even those are scrambled really badly. Damn it, Bugbutt knows how to cover her tracks. Even trying to start sifting through all these could cause any one of these three’s minds to simply snap. Sighing, I pull out and unfreeze them. they all look to me, their expressions saying they know I can’t help. Man, I hate it when this happens. This isn’t even anything to do with those stupid Chaos Rules Discord and I have to follow. It’s just not possible to fix these poor Changelings’’ memories. I look to each of them, giving a firm smile to try cheering them up. “Listen, I know it looks bad, and considering I literally have no idea where Queen Cheese Legs is, it’s probably worse than that, but you three don’t have to worry. It’s clear she left you behind because you enjoy your lives here in the Empire and she decided that would make you useless to her.” Aw, buck. Open mouth, insert hoof. “Okay, lemme try that again. She knows you wouldn’t want to hurt the ponies your coming to care for, so she left you behind.” I scowl. “Probably thought I’d go batshit the moment I found out she left and take it out on you.” I grin. “Well, joke’s on her. You all get to live fulfilling, happy live up here in the Empire, whilst she’s stuck having to scavenge for food wherever she is. You’re lives here are worth it, right?” At once, the three brighten up. “Oh, yes,” Antennae say eagerly, looking to the Changeling on her left. “Spiracles and I love our job at the day care center!” her eyes go misty. “All those little Crystal Pony foals are so loving, it’s the best job we could ask for.” “And being a teacher is by no means less rewarding,” the other Changeling says, nodding. “Sure, sometimes the foals don’t like learning about some things, but other stuff makes them so overjoyed I makes my wings buzz... or flutter, since I’m always in disguise,” he adds that last part with a blush. I smile at each of them. “Good. Then just keep doing your jobs and don’t worry about your former Queen. If I have to, I’ll rope the Mr. Mismatched himself into helping me find her.” I give a quick look around, before relaxing. Honestly expecting speaking of him would bring him over. Sheesh, now I really get the meaning of the phrase Speak of the Devil. With that settled, I teleport them all back to wherever they’d been before, reapplying their disguises for them. Two hadn’t been alone at the time and whilst they can easily shrug off their sudden disappearances and reappearances as me or Dissy messing around, them coming back as Changelings wouldn’t be so easy to explain. ___________________________________________________________ “This has your hoofprints all over it!” I look up with a bored expression to see a fuming Spoiled glaring at me from the kitchen doorway. I’m sitting at the counter whilst I wait for the chef to get back with the ingredients for the treat he’s making. I told him I could just whip one up with my magic, but he insisted he do it the Earth Pony way. Well, normal Earth Pony way, at least. We’ve two Earth Ponies in Ponvyille you can definitely say aren’t normal. “Oh, really?” I ask, cocking an eyebrow. “And just what is it this time? You didn’t get something you wanted from the store because they ran out? You failed to actually look where you’re going and tripped?” Yeah. Spoiled will pretty much try and pin anything she can on me, no matter how petty it may seem. One time she even accused me of the being the reason a foal was crying as its mother passed by Spoiled during a break. Freaking bitch won’t let up. Spoiled snorts. “My husband may have seen you as innocent before, but even he won’t overlook you making the Everfree attack the town!” I open my mouth to retort, before what she says catches up to me. zipping to the window I look out and see the Plunder Vines are spilling out from the forest and the sky showing both day and night. Groaning, I face hoof. There goes the one day I try to have some piece and quiet. Might also explain what’s taking the chef so long to get back. Popping to where he is, I find him tangled up in the several vines just outside the storage room. A wave of my hoof and the vines disappear. “Miss Screwball?” he asks as I help him up. “Discord,” I answer flatly. “Little something he tried to do a thousand years ago, didn’t work and he plumb forgot about it, leading to all this.” He groans, rolling his eyes and I nod, before popping out to find Twilight and the others. Several hours later, I’m busy keeping the vines under control as best I can, when I hear Dissy’s voice from nearby. Teleporting over, I stop a vine from grabbing Berry Pinch and send her to the Town Hall, where everypony is heading for safety. “...just surprised you agreed to their plan,” his saying, giving a mocking look a shock, before turning his back and looking to her from over his shoulder. “I never would’ve thought you’d be the kind of pony who thought was more important than everypony else.” Oh, yeah. That line. Man, I wanted to punch him so hard first time I heard that when watching the episode. “I don’t think I’m better than anypony!” Twilight says angrily, his stance firm. Discord pops above her, looking down. “Oh, well, how silly of me to assume that you would think that.” He then makes a purple royal looking robe appear over her body and that damned Twilicane appear held in one hoof. “All you did was choose to keep your precious princess self out of harm’s way, while your friends thrust themselves right into it.” Twilight’s glare is mirrored by me, before I remember the reason Discord’s being so callous. In fact, thinking about it, this was really clever of him. try to cover for himself and keep being seen as a friend by trying to help Twilight learn a lesson by making her go against her friends wishes and run back into the forest. Damnit, there's goes another reason to not like him. “I’m sure you’ll all be the best of pals again,” he continues as Twi throws the robe and cane away, before he appears sticking out of one in, then out the other, “when they return from their terrifying, deeply bonding experience... that they’re having without you.” With that, Twilight runs off, dislodging Discord from her ear and hurrying off, back into the forest, Discord taking a few steps to follow and waving, despite her not being able to see it. I wait a few second, before popping up floating next to him. “Manipulating Twilight into remembering what’s most important to her so she’ll run off and fix things,” I say, looking up to him with a smirk. “Not bad.” Discord turns and bows to me. “I do my best. After all, what are good friends for?” I roll my eyes. “Yeah. And you had no idea I was watching, did you?” He looks overly aghast. “Why, you thought I was acting? Just to impress you, instead of being the good friend to Twilight that I am.” He holds his claw over his heart. “You wound me, Screwball.” I roll my eyes again. Sheesh, talk about bad acting. With the ponies I understand it, sometimes it does actually fool them, but he knows it won’t work on me. “Fine,” I say, waving a hoof, “I’ll call you Daddy Discord from now on.” At once the area around us turns into a large party with balloons and streamers, a big banner with me and dear old Daddy Dissy hugging on top of a cotton candy cloud, with big words above it saying, I’m A Daddy! “Just to be clear, though,” I say, hearing a record scratch to indicate everything had paused, “even though I’ll call and think of you as Daddy, that doesn’t mean Filthy Rich stops being my Dad either, got it? You want me as a daughter, you're gonna hafta share me.” He frowns, folding his arms and pouting. “Fine.” I give a sly smile. “Also, how goes Operation Piss the Bitch off?” At once his smile returns. “Oh hoo, hoo. I’ve never had so much fun, even with Celly and Lulu,” he adds that last part in a conspirative manner... as if anypony’s gonna hear. I smirk. “Just be sure not to go too far. Annoying her is fine, but don’t make it so she loses her job or something like that.” I scowl. “That’s my win for later on for what she’s done.” He give a slight frown for a moment, before nodding, his arms folded. “Very well, daughter. I suppose I can adhere to those conditions. And, I don’t see any problem with you delivering the finishing blow. How soon until you do, by the way?” I smirk. “Now, Daddy dearest, if I told you, where would the fun be in that?” He smirks back.