//------------------------------// // Crystals // Story: How to Disappear Completely // by shortskirtsandexplosions //------------------------------// "The reasons are quite simple," Fancy Pants said, levitating what looked like a martini glass in the air in front of him. The liquid was cool, brown—but lacking in bubbles. Flash occasionally got a whiff of apple, and he smiled innocently as the gentlecolt continued: "Number one: the diamond dogs are an infamously surly bunch and we're one step away from pacifying their packs once and for all!" "Uh huh..." "Second..." Fancy Pants smiled. "...making peace with such a canine culture will undoubtedly unlock oodles of precious gemstones, diamonds, and rubies! All of which will make for new and exciting avenues of trade! It'll be a boost for the world's economy! Both equine and canine!" "Sooooooooooo..." Flash stretched and unstretched his wings as he stood casually along the starboard side of the Midnight Oil. "In the end, this is all about gemstones." "Did you not hear the businessstallion?!" Prince Blueblood was busy brushing his mane. He stood a few paces away from Flash, overlooking the arid landscape below. Little Canterloy sat on a bench close to the cabin doors, nibbling on a silver plate full of celery. "This is about peace first! Trade second!" "Mmmmm... but the young lad isn't wrong either, your Eminence," Fancy Pants murmured aside. He took the sip of the glass (Apple Juice? Cider? Hawaiian Punch?). "The future potential for financial gain is precisely why we are negotiating peace with the diamond dogs and not with—say—timberwolves." "Pffft! Don't be hyperbolic, Mr. Pants!" Blueblood scoffed. "Of all the foul creatures polluting our wilderness, the diamond dogs are the only ones capable of any kind of rational thought! Our ancestors have been wedging open the door of diplomacy for generations!" "And the one reason why they haven't been successful so far is that they resorted to calling these denizens 'foul creatures!'" Fancy Pants adjusted his monocle. "Which is chiefly why I suggest we let me do the talking as soon as we make contact with the canines' furry representatives." "Grmmnnghhh..." Blueblood put away his brush and frowned. "Let us not forget—I'm the one connection we have to prove the crystalline angle!" "Crystalline angle?" Flash Sentry asked. "What's that?" Little Canterloy dabbed his chin with a napkin and spoke up: "My Uncle can prove that the diamonds in those mangy canines' hold can help ponies in the north!" "Not all of them are 'mangy,' little dude," Soarin' remarked, hovering above. The Wonderbolt kept a good eye trained on the little noble. "Erm... your honor." Clearing his throat, he looked towards Fancy Pants and Blueblood. "And let us remember that the diamond dogs have as legal a claim to those crystalline jewels as the Crystal Imperialists." "Since when were you hired to talk while keeping an eye on my precious nephew?!" Blueblood spat. "Ha-HA!" Fancy Pants grinned wide. "But he is quite right, your Eminence! Our Canterlot archaeologists have proven that the diamond dogs—indeed—have been in possession of crystalline deposits for far longer than their equine neighbors. If we have any intent on respecting the diamond dogs, then we must respect history as well." "But the ponies to the north—" "They will get their share of the trade!" Fancy Pants insisted. "I'm sure of it! Have faith, my Lord. All things will go well so long as we treat the canines with the same respect as you and little Lord Canterloy would treat any of your subjects." "Hrmmm..." Blueblood sighed, folding his forelimbs. "Easier said than done." "What's... the big deal about 'crystalline diamonds?'" Flash asked. "Like... what's the difference?" "They're the lifeblood for our cousins to the north!" Canterloy proclaimed. "What cousins?" "They're referring to the Crystal Empire," Soarin' explained. "It's a kingdom of special crystal ponies who surfaced from a suspended animation spell a few years ago. Some types of crystalline diamonds are important for sustaining the magic contained in their most treasured possession: the Crystal Heart." "And acquiring some of these rare jewels would ensure that the Crystal Imperialists survive the harsh conditions of the Frozen North for generations to come!" Fancy Pants exclaimed. "That's one reason why opening trade with the diamond dogs is so important!" Blueblood proudly stood tall, holding a hoof over his chest. "I happen to be one-tenth crystal pony on my mother's side. That leaves me with just enough magic to examine the crystal diamonds up close and determine whether or not they're viable for channeling the magic of the Empire's Crystal Heart!" Flash whistled. "These crystal pony dudes must be super serious for you to go out on a limb for them like this." "It will mean a lot to Equestria," Captain Typhoon suddenly said, calmly strolling up to the group of stallions. "Up until now, the Crystal Empire has functioned simply as a trusted neighbor. They need something to secure their alliance fully with Canterlot. With the acquisition of these... crystalline jewels... they will gain more strength then they've ever had in centuries. It is expected that they will finally join the Equestria Union in full capacity, and the Stewards who have been governing their land can officially transfer power to a democratic cabinet." "Stewards?" Flash blinked. "My distant cousin!" Blueblood smiled. "Princess Mi Amore Cadenza!" He yawned. "Oh... and that brutish meathead she eloped with. Him too, I suppose." "Cadenza..." Flash tongued the inside of his muzzle. "Cadenza..." "Anyways..." Soarin' kept near Canterloy as he hovered around the group. "Maybe now you can see why the Midnight Oil's mission is so important... and why Celestia sanctioned the Wonderbolts to provide escort." "Yeah. Totally." Flash nodded. "Sounds super cereal." Canterloy's brow furrowed. "'Super cereal?'" "Never mind him, my treasured nephew," Blueblood said. "Peasant talk." "Understood, Uncle Blue." Flash was rubbing his head. "Soooooo... these crystal ponies..." He looked up at Soarin'. "Are they... like... literally made of crystal?" Soarin' chuckled. "You've been sleeping under some rock, haven't you?" "Only the biggest and dumbest. So let me guess..." Flash smirked stupidly. "When they got acne during puberty... they just grabbed a dishrag and rubbed some window cleaner over their faces?" Soarin' snorted and broke out laughing. Flash and Fancy Pants chuckled as well. Captain Typhoon rolled his eyes and resumed his patrol of the ship.