I had no idea how they had done it, but let’s just say as Loony was baring her feral sadistic grin at me. Of course I knew that figuring out how they found me so fast was the least of my troubles. I mean just look at her! Look at her grin! Hers was a look of a sadistic madness-infested filly that finally got her favorite toy back! And hell no, I’m not exaggerating on this one!
“Oh, Buggy!” she all too happily sung in a rather creepy singsong voice. My whole body couldn’t help but shudder as she cantered ever closer with a spring in her step. She had both her arms behind her back, but that didn’t really conceal the huge and deadly battle axe that she was dragging behind her. It was gleaming in the light of the hall, showing me that she must have polished it to peak condition just for this moment.
I gulped audibly as I took a cautious step back.
“Nope. I’m definitely not dealing with this shit now… or ever.”
Loony of course only giggled amusedly at my plight, playing with me as if I was nothing but mere prey.
“Don’t be like that! Thou art a clown. Art thou not? So amuse thy princess!”
It was then that I took a look at the flock of candy-colored equines that were following Loony. All mares in different as well as rather striking color palettes. It made me wonder if they were some higher-ups from the Royal Guard. Not that it mattered much since with Loony here a fight wasn’t a smart thing to do.
In any way, said mares were just stepping beside Loony while looking determined for a fight.
“Pinkie! Get away from him! He is an infamous pirate!” Purple said, which actually made my chest puff out in pride.
A smug smirk crossed my features.
And here I thought they had already forgotten me!
The pink annoyance, also known as Pinkie, meanwhile only giggled.
“Don’t be silly, Twilight! He is a clown! Can’t you see his funny red nose!”
My fist clenched and my eye couldn’t help but twitch.
“WHO DO YOU CALL A FUNNY RED NOSE?!” I angrily demanded, only for her to calmly turn her head towards me and DARED to point her finger at me...and then boop me on my nose, while cocking her head to the side with an innocent smile.
“You, silly!”
A vein twitched on my head as I stomped on the ground.
“Listen here! My nose is not funny! It strikes fear in all those I rob!” I loudly declare.
Some might probably question my aggression towards that for them meek insult, but let’s just say that my nose is a rather sore topic. I heard enough of this ‘funny red nose’ jokes from a cabin boy with whom I was hiring together on a ship when I first came to this place.
...
…Wait.
…Did I just admit that I’m a pirate?
“I knew it!” Rainbow mare flew forward pointing accusingly at me.
I grinned at this foolish pony as she came in my attack range. It would be easy to simply wound this reckless mare and then use this as a distraction to flee!
With that I quickly tapped my foot on the carpeted floor.
…
I tapped again.
…
And again.
…
And again, and again, and again!
Why doesn’t come that damn blade out of my shoe?!
Cruel giggles made me look up and what I saw was not something I liked. Loony was smirking at me with an air of conceit around her.
“What didst thou think? That we wouldn’t dismantle thou of thine weapons?”
I looked back at my foot, when looked for the knifes in my sleeves and mantle, all gone. I really had no weapons left. My gaze then met the one of a still smug looking Loony, as well as the cautious look of the other mares as we suddenly engaged in a staring contest. It was really all I could do as I tried to come up with a new plan.
We stared each other for a moment longer, sweat running down my brow as all of my muscles tensed.
“Oh well… If you would excuse me!” I started to say as I wanted to turn around, but Luna was faster. She swung her toned arm flinging that huge battle axe of hers right at me. I could only stare in open-mouthed shock as it neared my neck, before clearly cutting through it and decapitating me.
Loony meanwhile clapped her hands in obvious psychopathic child-like delight. Her eyes sparkling, which would have been cute if it wasn’t for the fact that her eyes only did that while mutilating me.
“Huzzah! 100 points for the head!”
Behind Princess Loony Buttery as well as Pishposh fainted. Orange and Rainbow on the other hand turned green, and were gagging, almost as if they had a contest of who could hold the contents of their stomachs down. Purple just stood there, seemingly having entered a stage of shock. And the pink one beside me… was happily humming the tune of the first One Piece Opening.
…Yeah, I’m definitely not going to question that.
I reattach my head, earning several gasps from the mares that are still conscious, while Loony’s feral grin only widened.
Yeah, that’s my cue to make a great escape!
With all the elegance I could muster, and definitely not screaming like a girl as I dodged another axe throw I fled down the corridor and directly to a window. Said window being broken as the axe that failed to hit me shattered it.
With a perfect escape route in mind I jumped out… only to seconds later realize that I was a bit high off the ground. The weight of my large sack of gold and jewelry betrayed me and started to mercilessly pull me down.
I barely noticed a pink blur following me with a jump and an excited, high-pitched sounding ‘wee’, as I fell to my demise.
„WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!“ I screamed as I fell to my doom. Yeah, Captain Buggy dies by jumping out a window located on the highest spot in the damn castle. Never thought I would go that way.
Also did you ever hear about that crap that your life would flash before your eyes when you were about to die? Well, mine did. I remembered how I first arrived here, meeting Loony and Cake Butt. I remembered how I escaped them, and how after that she took me in. Heh. That crazy mother horse. The crew I was a part of before I became the great captain I was now. We really had quite the crazy ride. Still want to strangle the hell out of Goatee though. That jerk sold me out to the Royal Butts. Ah well, maybe I will meet him in hell to do that? That would be ni-
My thoughts were interrupted as I landed in something soft and…sticky? My vision seemed to be completely taken from me as it was like I was diving in a pool of stickiness in a way. I quickly stood up, breaking the surface and taking a deep breath.
It took me all but three seconds to wipe my eyes from whatever softened my landing and then realize that I was still alive. Sure, I probably should have seen it coming, Buggy’s Infamous Pirate Luck and all, but it still takes me by surprise time and time again.
With that I threw my hands up in clear invigoration of this lucky turn of events.
“I’m still ALIVE! Hah! That’s what I call Captain Buggy’s Infamous Pirate Luck! Nothing can stop me now, ‘cause I AM the Great Captain Buggy! WAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA!”
Unfortunately I failed to notice a specific horse behind me…
“Hello, Buggy,” the horse said, with a voice as cold and malicious as the breath of a windigo which is kind of ironic if you think about who it was coming from.
I then looked around noticing what exactly had dampened my fall. This being…a cake.
I couldn’t help the incoming facepalm as I groaned loudly. Already I could feel good old Cake Butt starting to heat up behind me.
“You’ve got to be kidding me…“