The world is a rather big place. Anthro ponies, griffins, minotaurs and all kinds of different creatures live on it in a wide variety of colors, names and…personalities. Some more, let’s say…peculiar or downright bad-shit crazy than others. Though peculiar might be a bit of a too nice word for what was standing before me. Because before me stood diabetes and sugar incarnate.
Or that’s the vibe she gave me.
First off she was completely pink. Yes. Pink. Coat and mane. Mane slightly darker. She was reeking of sugar and…cotton candy. She was slightly pudgy. Not too much as to look unattractive and it was only slightly over the average weight meaning she was just as healthy as a normal person…I think. It seemed like just the right amount to underline her sugary character. Furthermore her entire body was bouncing in place which was a bit distracting considering how her, ahem, rather generous assets happily bounced along on the ride, making me wonder if she was childishly unaware of it or just a big fucking tease. Anyway the hyperactivity was further indication of her oversugared self. Her teeth were pearlwhite though, which was confusing and contradicting all the same. Her clothes were casual as well as formal and sugar-themed. I mean it was a blue-white dress…thing with candy decorations. Or at least it looked like it. Anyway, the probably biggest hint about her having too much sweets was her talking, or what was considered talking but was more like her stringing together line after line of random words. I tuned her out after the first three honestly and was simply now staring at her…bouncing.
“-and so Ponyville was saved! We don’t talk about the noodle incident anymore though and decided to just eat hayfries instead!”
“Wait, what?” I asked dumbly not understanding this bubbly sugar incarnate.
“I was saying: There you are! I mean, I was looking for you all over the place! *GASP* But don’t think you will get out of trouble mister! After all you are late!”
She put her hands on her hips giving me some kind of cute pout.
“Uh… Late for what?”
“The wedding, duh! I mean, this has to be the bestest wedding in all of wedding history! You can’t just be late for it!”
I eyed the mare warily, still trying to figure out what exactly she was trying to say, or expected me to do. This confusing development might still be better though than the alternative, which would be for her to call the guards to arrest me. Of course I tried to coax the information of who she thought I was out of her.
“…So what exactly do you need me for again?”
“I hired a clown! A CLOWN! Have you ever been on a GOOD wedding without one?” I was about to answer, but she quickly continued, “I mean, clowns bring laughs and fun to every party so it is a super-duper must for the wedding! And- hey! Are you trying to distract me!”
“No, no!” I quickly waved her off, but she didn’t seem convinced.
“Where were you anyway?! You are like sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo late!”
Cover story, think quick!
“I just, uh, I just got lost! Yeah! I mean, this place is quite big so does it really seem strange to get lost here?”
The pink pony rubbed her chin in contemplation before putting up a smile.
“Ooh! That makes so much sense now! Anyway, I’m Pinkie Pie! The pony that hired you!”
I sighed in relief internally as I puffed my chest out, before remembering that I probably can’t use my own name. But then again, it has been so many years that not a single person should remember me, besides the Royal Butts of course, though I haven’t seen them visiting me for a really long time so they might have forgotten about me?
Deciding to take the risk I used my normal name. Or more precisely the name I decided to go by a long time ago.
“You can call me Captain Buggy!” I proudly exclaimed.
“Ooh! Does this mean you have an airship?”
“I did once,“ I said in a forlorn voice.
“There, there,” she said while patting me on my back trying to cheer me up, “Can’t have you all frowny for the wedding but then again…” she said as she started to rub her chin with her hand as she eyed me suspiciously, “Why are you always frowning anyway? I mean I have only seen you smile once while you introduced yourself! All the other times you were wearing frowny frowns… Are you really a clown? Or…”
I need to think about something or my cover is blown!
“You see, uh…that’s, uh…to help to better understand the ones I’m supposed to cheer up, yeah! How can you cheer up someone with a frown on his face, if you don’t understand the very nature of frowning! Only if you truly understand the frown, you will be able to banish it!”
Her lips suddenly formed in a big O of understanding. “Oh! That’s so deep!” she chirped enthusiastically.
I can’t believe she bought that! She really seems to be every part of an idiot and airhead as she looks!
She even then tried to frown herself, but her face muscles were obviously quivering under the strain of this for her seemingly strange expression.
“T-This is h-hard,” she gritted out in clear effort, before her face got back into what I assume was her usual smile. But her hair seemed somehow…less fluffy for reasons that I won’t even try to comprehend, lest I harm my own sanity any more than the 1000 years as a gold statue did. Anyway she seemed clearly disappointed by her lack to pull off a frown over longer periods of time.
“Meh, no need to overwork yourself. You learn it over time,” I reassured her with a quick pat on the head, which made her…purr? She even leaned into my hand as her mane regained the fluff it lost prior.
I quickly pulled my hand away, and she reacted with a half-lidded pout directed at me. I simply shook my head.
“Shouldn’t we go to this…wedding?” I asked hesitantly.
“*GASP* You are right!” she said while holding both of her hands on her cheeks in shock, before she grasped my free hand and tugged me along.
Or at least that was the plan until a loud shout echoed through the halls.
“WE FINALLY HAVE FOUND THEE!”
I instantly cringed at the loud volume as well as the all too familiar voice of the scream as I looked towards the source.
Directly down the hall stood none other than Loony herself! And she was accompanied by five other determined looking mares.
“H-How did they find me so quick?” I wondered out loud as I looked at the arriving mares.