Twilight stared at my altered form open-mouthed in astonishment. I can't blame her. It's not every day that she hears her teacher talk like that, after all.
"Wh- I- How... What are you playing at?" she finally managed to say. "Why are you doing this to me? How are you doing this to me?"
"I promise, honest to chaos, that was an accident!" I insist, loathing every word that came out sounding like Celestia. "That was supposed to make me look like Rhombus, not the Princess, but I screwed it up! Argh, this would have been so much easier if I had just turned back into Rhombus like I planned!"
"Explain, now!"
"Look, this mushroom here will cast a spell on you if you eat it," I say, holding up the fungus. "The magic casts an illusion over you that makes you look like somepony else. That was what I was trying to tell you this whole time. I am Rhombus. When I first bumped into you in that form, Pinkie Pie threw a fit because she knew that she had met me before, but she couldn't recognize me!"
Twilight gaped for a bit. Finally, she managed coherent speech. "I... I can't believe this... No, no! That's not possible! You were busy being mean to Rarity at the time!"
"Yeah... about that... The Discord that you saw in her boutique was a big fake. He was an illusion too."
"I... No. How?"
"Well, this mushroom here does a little bit more than just disguise you if you eat it. It creates illusions around itself passively too, and those illusions are made to scare others. It looks into your mind and turns your worst fears against you. The Discord in the boutique did not physically exist. It was nothing more than Rarity's own warped vision of myself."
Twilight said nothing, but as she continued staring at me, her eyes seemed to grow even wider.
"Oh, and one more interesting property of this fungus is that once you know its secret, you can see through its illusions forevermore. Judging from your expression, I would guess that you just saw through it yourself. That, more than anything, should tell you that I'm telling you the truth."
"I can't believe it..." Twilight continued uneasily. "You are telling the truth. Then... That means..."
Twilight hesitated and I braced myself for an explosion of wrath.
"That means that there's even more hope for you than I anticipated!"
"Wait, what?"
"If you honestly were Rhombus all along, that means that you successfully pretended to be a decent pony! I realize now that you must have been putting on an act in an attempt to fool me into giving you the location of your powers... You were... Weren't you?"
"Um. Yeah."
"I see. Well, you were putting on an act, but the point here is that you are perfectly capable of being decent, even if you didn't actually enjoy doing so! I'll admit, you weren't the friendliest pony around, but it was good enough."
"Well, unlike ponies, I don't feel like I should be nice to strangers and acquaintances. They haven't done anything yet to deserve me being nice to them. And they haven't done anything to deserve me being mean to them either."
"Well... okay, I can see where you're coming from. I don't actually agree, but I can see where you're coming from. Although, I wouldn't say that you treat strangers neutrally."
"It would appear that you and I have a different perspective on the matter then," I defend.
"We do," she agrees. "But we can be friends anyway, even if we don't agree on everything."
I ponder this response for a moment, and then answer, "You know, if you were the kind of pony who demanded that I see everything the way you do, I don't think we would even stand a chance of being friends. But, considering? Yeah. Just maybe, we can."
"I don't suppose, as your new friend, I could convince you to be a little nicer to everyone, on behalf of said friendship?"
"I wouldn't count on it just yet, but nice try. But, ask me again after this whole fiasco is over, and if you still feel that way, I might indulge you."
"I guess that's as good as I'm going to get for now, huh?" Twilight said with a sigh. "Come on, let's keep walking. We've lingered here at the burrow for too long as it is."
"Now that, I agree with."
I looked down at my hand and saw that I still had this stupid mushroom in my grasp. It also reminds me that I still look like the Princess, which makes me feel dumb again. On a whim, I hold the mushroom out to Twilight.
"You want?" I offer. "You could study it or something."
"Actually, I would be most interested in that," she answers, and grasps it in her magic. "There is one thing that I don't understand though. If this mushroom projects illusions of fear, why does it make you look like a pony when you eat it?"
"It doesn't specifically make you look like a pony, it makes you look like your own worst fear. And no, before you say it, I'm not scared of ponies. I'm not scared of Celestia either, but it wouldn't be inaccurate to say that I'm scared of what she can do to me. So, that's why I look like Celestia right now. If you want to know how I made it make me look like Rhombus, I deceived it by using a mental trick to fool it into thinking I'm scared of Rhombus."
"You can do that?"
"Yeah, why? Can't you?"
"I don't think so."
"Oh."
I sling the spare lantern over my shoulder and light it.
"So," said Twilight. "You bought that stuff from Rarity while disguised as Rhombus."
"That's right," I say.
I start to lead the way into the tunnel downward and Twilight follows.
"And then you brought her one of your freaky mushrooms and scared her. Why would you do that?"
"I just didn't want you girls to forget about me."
"Where did that mushroom come from anyway? I've never heard of any magic such as what it exhibits. At least, not in nature..."
"Not in nature?" I repeat. "But you have seen magic like that before, have you?"
"In the Crystal Empire," she answers. "King Sombra used a similar spell to defend the crystal heart."
"Hmm. I wonder if the two are related? But anyway, they grow in the cave. Feeding off of the magic of that node. Well, they did."
"Hey, Discord."
"What's up?"
"Do you know if eating this mushroom has any negative effects?"
"You're worried about my health? Don't be. My anatomy is crazy, so it's pretty hard for me to be poisoned by anything. And besides, one of the jackalopes ate some too, and it didn't make him sick either. So don't worry about it."
Before I can react, Twilight suddenly bites off a chunk of the mushroom herself.
"Hey, whoa!" I exclaim. "What are you doing that for? Didn't I tell you that you're going to turn into something out of your nightmares?"
Suddenly, Twilight's form shifts into something large and white.
I stare at her in complete surprise, and then slap my paw to my face.
"Oh, you have got to be freakin' kidding me!" I cry in exasperation. "Now you're Celestia too? I'm Celestia, you're Celestia, Celestia is Celestia, are there any other Celestias I should know about here?"
"This is bizzare," Twilight remarks, looking herself over.
"I thought you said that you didn't think you can fool the mushrooms! Don't tell me you're scared of her!"
"I'm not!" Twilight insisted. "But, when I looked into Sombra's version of the spell, I saw the Princess. She told me that I had failed in my assignment and that I was no longer her student. I know that will never happen, but it doesn't stop me from fearing it. So, much like yourself, I'm not scared of the Princess, but I am scared of what she might do to me. And I'm having the same fear again. I've agreed to help you... embarass... her, but I still care about her, and I'm honestly terrified of what she might do to me for going along with you."
"I see..." I answer, not sure how to respond. "Hey, what do you think would happen if we both downed mushroom potions and showed up on the mighty Celestia's doorstep?"
"She would only see me, remember? That wouldn't accomplish anything. Oh, and Mushroom potions?"
"Yeah. I got the idea from you, you know. The potion book. Putting it in potion form makes the magic last for three whole days instead of just for a few minutes. Oh, and speaking of which... Five, four, three, two, one-"
My own illusion disappeared at this instant.
"How do you do that?" asked Twilight in astonishment.
"I lied to you about a lot of things as Rhombus, but I didn't lie about my ability to sense magic."
"Oh. That makes more sense. That is an awfully strange ability for an earth pony to have, but not so much for you to have it. I had no idea that you could even do that! It's not impossible that an earth pony might exhibit such abilities of course, just... unusual. Which reminds me of an important question I have to ask you.
"The pony helping you, doing magic for you. The magic we witnessed, it was all an illusion, right? And, come to think of it, it was you who convinced me that there was a unicorn doing magic for... well, you in the first place. That unicorn never existed, did they?"
"Yeah. You've figured it out. Congrats. Well, no, I do have a unicorn helping me, actually."
"You do?" asked Twilight in suprise. "Who is it?"
"Well, that would be you, Twilight Sparkle," I answer her, and tap her on the muzzle and smile at her.
She narrows her eyes at me. "I should have seen that one coming."
"But yeah, at the time? No, there was nopony. That figure you saw at the chess game was another illusion. The whole game was an illusion. Even the pieces. In fact, none of it was even my idea. It was yours. It was your nightmare, not mine."
Twilight suddenly stops in her tracks and I have to stop and turn toward her.
"You're right!" she exclaims in alarm. "If I've understood everything that you have been telling me correctly, then... my own subconscious did that to me, not you!"
"Well, technically, the mushroom did it to you."
"But... how could my subconscious do something so- so twisted and mean to myself!"
"Hey, if you could control your nightmares, you wouldn't ever have them in the first place," I point out. "They're going to be there whether you want them to be or not."
"I guess so... But... that also means that forcing me to choose between my friends... That was all my subconscious's idea too! How could I!"
"I think the answer to 'how could you' is simply 'quite easily'. Just because you don't approve of a plan doesn't mean that you are incapable of even conceiving of it. I didn't tell you at the time, but I was very impressed with how clever your subconscious was. It did it's job well. Rather better than Rarity's did, in fact."
Twilight frowns. "I did think you were a little off when I saw you at the boutique," she remarks. "Still, I don't think I like the idea that I am capable of thinking up such a horrible thing."
"Well, regardless of what you think of it, I for one think it's great!"
"That doesn't exactly inspire confidence."
"Look, think of it this way. You can think of really clever ways to be mean, which you almost never use, and you can think of clever ways to be nice too! You're just an all around clever mare! In fact, I'd say it's your best feature."
"What?" said Twilight, sounding surprised. I'm not sure why. All I did is state an opinion.
"I said it's your best feature. I mean, it sure isn't your face."
"Discord!"
"What?" I cry out, holding my hands up in defense. "You're not going to actually dispute this are you? Are you going to try to argue that your face is prettier than you are smart?"
"Wh- I- No, I'm not! But would it kill you to use a little bit of tact?"
"I don't even remember what that word means. Doesn't it refer to some doohickey that you use to stick paper to walls or something?"
"No! It means- Whoa, this room is enormous!"
Sure enough, we have now reached the giant chamber of the cave.
"Oh!" I say eagerly. "Take a look at this pool of water over here!"
I shine the light over the pool and Twilight comes to look.
A drop of water splashes into it from above, causing her to look up. I turn the light up a bit so that she can see further.
"Look at that!" I say. "I figure all of the water in this whole pool slowly came dripping through the ceiling over the course of the years!"
"I had no idea that when you said 'cave' you actually meant a 'cave' cave," said Twilight in wonder.
She spun around to face me.
"You do realize," she began, "that there is a very high probability that you are the first Equish speaker to discover this cave? You could make a significant contribution to science by reporting its existence!"
"Why would I care about that?" I ask. "And besides, I can't report anything if I wanted to right at the moment, thank you."
"I know, but you could do it later! Think of it! You get to name the cave and everything! Doesn't 'Discord's Caverns' sound appealing to you?"
"Mmmmmm... Maybe a little."
We continue through the cavern in silence for a while.
"Up there is this cool rock formation I call 'the curtains'," I say.
"An appropriate name."
"And check out what's here behind it!"
"A row of stalactites? Ordered from largest to small! How interesting. I wonder what caused this one here to break."
"That was me. Those things release a lovely tone when you knock on them. Here's the broken one on the floor over here."
"You broke it?"
"Um, yes? It's not worth getting that upset about, it's just a rock."
"That rock has been sitting there undisturbed for an untold number of years! I expect that back when Equestria was being founded, here this stalactite was even then!"
"Probably?"
"Look, just please don't break anything else! This cave is of much higher scientific value if the data is not skewed by unnatural intervention."
Twilight's Celestia disguise unceremoniously chose this point in time to dissipate, and caused Twilight to look down at herself in surprise.
"Uh, okay?"
We fall silent once again for a brief period.
And then we reached The Hole.
"I see that you've left a rope here for- wait a minute!" exclaimed Twilight. "Why is this rope so... stretchy?"
"Because it's not a rope, its a bungee cord."
"What! Why would you do that?"
"In case I'm in the mood for some bouncy?" I suggest. Twilight just shakes her head.
"Whatever. Um, I'm not sure I'm comfortable climbing down this bungee cord. Ponies are not exactly built for climbing like you seem to be."
"Well, it's the only way down, so you're going to have to anyway."
"But... What if you went first and then when I go you can catch me?"
"Are you kidding me?"
"No. Please?"
...
"Oh, fine then!" I relent.
I slide down the cord, opting to not let it bounce any because for some strange reason that would feel embarrassing right now. After I'm on my feet, I look back up and see Twilight peering back at me.
"It's pretty dark up here now..." she says nervously.
"Well then if I were you I would hurry it up."
She grasps the cord and slides down. As promised, I let her fall into my hands as she slides down.
"You don't weight very much, you know," I tell her. "I could just carry you the whole way. It wouldn't slow me down at all."
"No! Put me down!"
"Alright, if you insist."
I consider just dropping Twilight on the spot, but I realize that this would not be a good idea if I'm going to seriously try to maintain a positive relationship with my new voluntary assistant. So instead I lower her to the ground before carefully letting go.
"Thank you," she says. "So how much further do we have to go?"
"Actually, that room over there is it. That's where the cave ends, and its where the magic node- used to be."
I lead her into the room.
"You've left potion brewing equipment in here," remarked Twilight, noting my possessions cluttering the room.
"It's easier to work near the source of the ingredients," I answer with a shrug. "Alright, so. This spot here. Right here."
I point at the space the node previously occupied, putting it between two fingers so that there would be no doubt about exactly where I mean.
"This is where it was. So, can we fix it?"
"I'll need to cast some spells to see what I'm dealing with," answers Twilight. She sets the mushroom down (she carried it the whole way here) and then lights up her horn and proceeds to do just that. "Why don't you tell me about the mushrooms in this room while I do this? I didn't realize that this is where they came from. Their vicinity to a source of magic can't be a coincidence."
"It's not a coincidence," I answer. "The primal magic node was how they got their energy. They just soak it up all day. In fact, if those mushrooms were not here, the primal magic would compound on itself and morph into something that isn't so primal. And, apparently, if the number of mushrooms declines because, say, someone was picking them to make potions with them... Well, it turns out that the node will also compound on itself then too."
As I am talking, I snatch the mushroom I gave Twilight from the floor and grab a vial from my supplies.
"Wait, what do you mean 'compound on itself'?" asked Twilight.
"Oh, you know, the usual with unstable magic. Surges, explosions, rainbows, lightning."
"Well... that sounds bad..." said Twilight uneasily.
"Bad for us, anyway. It's supposed to be a natural part of the life-cycle of these node things, but pretty much every other node in existence already went boom and morphed into another kind of node a looooooong time ago, so they didn't hurt anybody back then."
"A long time ago? How do you know that?"
"Well, this is embarrassing, but... Well, I don't exactly remember," I answer uncomfortably. "My memory of things more than a couple thousand years old starts to get a little fuzzy. I do remember that it is true, but I don't remember how I remember that it's true. And it kind of bothers me."
Twilight stared at me for a moment before turning back to her work.
"Of course," she said. "I forgot that you are actually that old. It's easy to forget, what with you acting like a twelve year old."
"Thank you," I answer. "Chaos forbid I become like those cranky, grouchy, whiny stallion elders. That's a pretty lousy package, if you ask me. Cranky and grouchy and whiny. No good at all. You gotta freeze your brain in place to keep that vitality and youth, you know?"
"Discord, you are honestly the most... interesting individual I have ever met."
"Thank you. Oh, hey, fun fact. The tree of harmony has one of these node things in its core."
"Huh?" cried Twilight in surprise, looking up at me. "Did you say tree of harmony?"
"Yeah. Don't tell me that you don't know about that thing!"
"I don't know what you are talking about!
"Hmm... Interesting... Celly's been keeping secrets from you, my little pony. You would think that she would have told the bearers of the elements of harmony about the tree of harmony, at least."
"Discord, just tell me what you are talking about!"
"The tree of harmony is where those gemstone things that house the elements of harmony came from. They grew off of the tree like fruit. Sort of. The tree is under Celly's old castle here in the Everfree, I do believe."
"What? Are you lying?"
"I'm serious. And the tree gives off so freakin' much harmony magic all of the time. It just gushes out of the ether and through the node endlessly."
"But that raises so many questions, assuming you aren't just lying again!" cried Twilight. "Such as, was the tree's node originally primal? And has the tree always been with the node, or did the tree grow around it later?"
"What makes you think I have any idea?"
"Well, it doesn't hurt to check to see if you know."
"Well, if I ever did know, I don't remember any more. Any luck so far?"
Twilight's horn stops glowing and she looks me straight in the eyes. "Discord... I'm sorry, I truly am, but no, no luck so far. I checked for any signs of magic whatsoever in this location, but I am getting straight nothings across the board, except for the leftover magic in the mushrooms still growing in the room, which is the only evidence that there was ever any magic here in the first place. If there is a branch of magic that would help here, I don't know it."
"Great. Just great. That means that the stupid thing has fully severed its connection to our world and has retreated wholly into the ether."
"Is there a way to retrieve it from the ether again and re-establish the connection to our world?"
"I've never tried it before. The place never held my interest before. It's nothing but an endless sea of energy that I can't use. I might be able to tear into the ether through brute force with my powers, though. That probably won't fix the problem, though. But at least if I can pull it back into our plane of existence, you will be able to interact with it and we can figure out what to do from there. So... You know what this all means, right?"
"It means that returning your identity to you has to come after returning your powers," answers Twilight. "Doing it in the other order is not even an option."
"Alright, then let's get out of here. I have what I want from this place." I wave a now complete potion in front of her.
"Is that what I think it is?" she asks uncertainly.
"If you think that it is an illusion disguise potion, then yes. Don't worry, I didn't go ripping out any more of the mushrooms. They wouldn't do any good anyway, their magic is all messed right now, I just used the old one that we were taking bites out of."
"But why do you need that?" she asks. "Nopony can see you other than me, even if you are in disguise, as we can prove from the fact that nopony was able to remember Rhombus ever existing. You don't need to disguise yourself from me, and you can't disguise yourself from me anymore anyway."
"Well, you see, I don't really like making plans, I like to just make it up as I go along, but that doesn't mean that I don't have some degree of foresight. There is a good chance that we're going to have to sneak into somewhere secure to steal my powers back. Now, I can go wherever I please and nopony will give me a second glance, but you? You'll have to be sneaky. A good disguise might be just the thing you need."
"I was hoping the princess will give me permission to retrieve your powers after she gets around to reading my letter, actually," says Twilight meekly.
"Twilight," I say in deadpan. "Use your head. Princess Celestia hasn't responded to your letter yet. A letter that is specifically about Discord. Someone who nopony can even acknowledge actually even exists. They apparently can't even hear my name properly without it coming out sounding like gibberish. Unless Alicorns have some kind of a resistance to whatever has happened, I'll bet you that she has been puzzling over an unreadable letter right about now."
Twilight's eyes widened.
"That's not good!" she cries out. "We need to go back to Ponyville so I can write her another letter and say something to convince her that everything is alright!"
Eventually, after returning to the burrow and gathering all of my possessions and Twilight's library books, we made our return trip to Ponyville.
The trip was uneventful, but Twilight insisted that I give her a detailed account of everything that I did since being released from the statue.
I complied, but I left some particular details out for both of our sakes.
Especially the part about me hiding under her bed while she was asleep on that bed. I don't want to make her think I'm some kind of creepy stalker. That whole situation was just an unfortunate accident. Still, I think I shall never mention it aloud ever.
We finally reach the library, and Twilight hurriedly pulls the door open.
It turns out that Twilight won't need to send Celestia a letter after all.
She's already right here, talking with Spike.
"Oh, hello there, Princess!" I cry out to her, not caring about the potential danger I might be putting myself in. Celestia is moving directly toward Twilight, not me. I think I'm in the clear. "I almost didn't see you there!" I continue. "And that's in spite of your ample girth! How does it feel to be so insignificant?"
Twilight doesn't say a word, but she gives me a brief look of utter dumbfoundedness at my audacity. Celestia doesn't react to me at all, all but confirming that even she doesn't see me either.
"Twilight Sparkle!" she cries in relief as she embraces her pupil. "Thank goodness you are alright!"
"Princess, what are you doing here?" asked Twilight in astonishment.
"I came to ensure that you are safe, Twilight, and that all is well," answers Celestia gravely. Her horn lights up and Twilight is engulfed in her yellow magic for a moment.
"It would appear that you are in fine health, and not suffering from any magical ills," Celestia continued. "Would I be correct to conjecture that all is well, and there has been some sort of misunderstanding?"
"I'm fine, Princess!" Twilight insisted. "What gave you the idea that I might be in danger?"
I must admit that I'm curious about this too. While Twilight meeting with me face to face could have originally been considered dangerous, all things considered, there would have been nopony besides Twilight herself who could have informed Celestia of my presence. Unless there is actually somepony else out there who can also see me and has, understandably, kept it to themselves.
That thought didn't occur to me until just now, but now it has me worried.
"Forgive me, Twilight. It would appear that I have misinterpreted the meaning of your latest letter."
Wait, that's what caused Celestia to freak out?
Celestia proceeded to pluck Twilight's letter off of a table in the middle of the library, and held it in front of Twilight.
"Princess," said Twilight uncertainly. "I can explain."
"Don't feel that I am angry with you, Twilight," said Celestia. "I am merely very confused. Very, very confused."
"You see," Celestia continued, "this letter seems to start off plainly enough. It is clear that you want me to do something on your behalf. However..."
Celestia set the paper back on the table into plain view, and then put her hoof on it.
"Beginning right here. The letter is, inexplicably, incomprehensible."
"I... didn't realize at the time that that would happen," muttered Twilight in embarrassment.
"Didn't you?" asked Celestia in surprise. "Was this an accident? At first, I thought bad penmanship was to blame, but, to my suprise, this portion of the letter is not only incomprehensible, but the very form of the script was apparently impossible to determine. My next thought was that I had somehow suffered some form of head trauma, and I checked with a doctor who assured me that this is not the case. I even showed the letter to my sister, who had exactly the same difficulties as I did.
"This confused me to no end. In my attempts to decipher the letter, I resorted to using paper to cover entire portions of the letter, and discovered that, for some reason that I have no answer for, I was able to identify individual letters at a time. I then rewrote each letter in sequence on a separate piece of paper, trying to reassemble the message that you wrote for me into some sensible form. I was able to, with some... strange difficulty, determine additional words that you used, but nothing substantial enough to determine the message of your letter.
"But, by far the strangest thing is that, even in my own recreation of your letter, assembled purely from letters of the Equish alphabet, some of the results are just as incomprehensible as in your own letter. I cannot even begin to understand them, and looking at them makes me feel like I am missing something.
"I at last came to the conclusion that you must have used some strange and foreign form of magic to encrypt the letter, protecting it from being understood by anypony whom it was not written for, although where you might have learned such a spell is beyond me. If that was indeed what you had done, then it would appear that the spell at least partially failed to function correctly. I reasoned that, if you were trying to send me an encrypted message, then something surely must be amiss. However, here you are, unharmed and claiming that nothing is amiss.
"So, I would very much appreciate if you could explain to me what this was about."
Whew, I think to myself. That's a pretty tall order. How do you explain this when she can't even comprehend the answer?
Of course, if it were up to me, I would just grab Twilight and run off. But I'm certain that that isn't how she's going to want to handle it.
Twilight would have some good points in her argument to explain this to Celestia. If we did things my way, Celestia would undoubtedly be extremely suspicious, and that might cause me problems, even with my ability to be unseen. If we do things Twilight's way, we can throw Celestia off of my trail and surprise her later.
It is in my interest to help Twilight explain away this mess.
"I... I don't even know where to start," said Twilight weakly, visibly paling. Which, come to think of it, is concerning for a species with fur on their entire bodies.
"I have an idea." I say to Twilight. "Here, take this."
I take the spare lantern off of my shoulder and hold it out toward her.
Twilight looks at me fearfully, clearly uncertain of if she can trust me.
"Look, I'm going to help you out of this mess," I say in frustration. "I don't have time to explain what we're doing, you just have to trust me!"
Twilight finally takes the lantern.
Celestia and Spike seem to notice the appearance of the lantern immediately.
"Where did that come from?" asked Celestia in obvious confusion.
"Whoa, Twilight, the ninja's back!" blurted Spike.
Twilight facehoofed and Celestia looked toward Spike in confusion and then back to Twilight.
"Do your assistant's words carry any degree of truth?" she asks in a doubtful tone.
"No, not really," said Twilight. "Someone did give Pinkie Pie a lantern just like this one, but it wasn't a ninja. I just don't know how to explain any further than that, however."
"Twilight, I'm going to turn the lights out," I call to her. "When I do, turn the lantern on."
Twilight gives me a funny look, clearly not understanding what this will achieve, but she says nothing.
"Princess, Spike... um, apparently the... lights are about to turn off?"
"I... beg your pardon?" says Celestia.
I choose this exact moment to flick the light switch.
Nopony reacts for a moment.
"I am certain that you yourself used no magic to make this happen, Twilight," says Celestia, still hilariously confused. "But forgive me for admitting that I haven't the faintest idea what is going on here, nor do things seem to be becoming clearer."
"It was the spirit, wasn't it!" Spike cries as Twilight lit the lantern, bathing the room in a soft fiery glow.
"What is young Spike referring to, Twilight?" says Celestia.
"Twilight's being haunted by a ghost!" insists Spike.
"He's not a ghost!" cries Twilight.
"You mean to say that the... somebody who gave you that lantern you are holding... is not a ghost?" says Celestia slowly.
"Yes. He's not a ghost, or a spirit, or anything like that. He's a living, breathing, physical creature, and he's my friend."
"I don't understand, Twilight," says Celestia. "Where is this friend of yours? What is his name?"
"His name is Discord."
Celestia gave a particularly confused look, and then blinked rapidly a few times.
"So, we're going with the truth then?" I ask. "I guess that works. After all, we get to say 'I told you so' after this is all over."
"I don't understand," says Celestia again. "What is your friend's name?"
"His name is Discord," says Twilight with a sigh.
Celestia once makes the confused face and starts blinking.
"I don't understand, Twilight," she says once more. "What is your friend's name?"
"Princess, forgive me, but I just told you what his name was twice, and you didn't understand it any more than when I wrote it down in my letter to you. When I told you what his name was, you just looked confused for a moment before apparently forgetting the last few moments and asking me what his name was again."
Celestia looked absolutely dumbfounded, which I find positively delightful. This mare makes the greatest faces when she doesn't understand something.
"Spike, how many times did I ask Twilight what her friend's name is?" asked Celestia.
"Just... once?"
"Spike forgot too," said Twilight hurriedly.
"Twilight, give me the lantern. Tell them to keep their eyes on it."
Twilight's face lights up with understanding at these instructions.
"Princess, Spike. You can see this lantern, right?"
"Um, yeah Twi, of course we can," says Spike.
"We both see it," confirms Celestia.
"Keep your eyes on it. Don't let it out of your sights."
Twilight then hooves over the lantern again. The moment it touches my claw, I see Celestia and Spike both blink rapidly.
"I have lost it," proclaims Celestia immediately, sounding quite unhappy. She looks all around, looking for the lantern, yet failing to spot it. "Yet... this room continues to be illuminated by the light of its flame."
"I gave it to my friend. He's standing here in the room with us. He's holding the lantern, and he's not a ghost. ... And apparently he's now walking around me in circles."
"Whoa, this is freaky!" cries Spike, watching Twilight's shadow spin around the room on the walls without apparent cause.
"I believe you, Twilight," says Celestia, clearly unsettled. "Your evidence is undeniable. But, please, answer me this, if you are able, and if we will hear the answer: How did this happen?"
"Don't tell her about the node!" I cry out. "If you tell her, she might go messing around with it and accidently leave me trapped like this forever!"
Twilight considers my words, and then speaks.
"This happened as a result of a magical surge," she says.
I let out a sigh of relief. That answer works quite nicely.
"Then your friend is a unicorn?" asks Celestia.
"No. He isn't. I would tell you that he is a draconequus, but you wouldn't be able to understand me."
"I... understand, I believe," says Celestia uncertainly. "I find it highly disturbing that even after all of this effort, the only clear facts that we can establish about your friend is that he is a male and is not a ghost. This magical surge is contesting for the position of the worst magic surge I have ever witnessed in my long lifetime."
Celestia let out a big sigh.
"I was afraid of something like this," she said. "There is never a moment when something requiring my attention isn't occurring. Here I was thinking that I would be able to enjoy the first significant vacation I have had in over five decades in two days, but I can't run off at a time like this. Not when there is someone who needs help like this."
"Wait, you were planning a vacation?" says Twilight in astonishment. "You never go on vacation. I've never even seen you ever actually seriously consider the idea before, in all the time I have been your student! I didn't think that being a Princess was a job that you could have a vacation from!"
"You are correct, Twilight. However, my sister decided that I am long due some time off and has volunteered to manage things for the duration. This was supposed to be a relatively quiet week. But now I am having second thoughts."
"But... you can't cancel your plans, Princess!"
"I should say not," I agree aloud. "Celestia leaving the castle for a vacation? I couldn't have possibly hoped for a more opportune moment to embarrass her!"
Twilight just gives me a funny look.
"Twilight, duty calls," argues Celestia. "My duties, as it turns out, are simply too important."
"There is never a single day of the year that there isn't something going on!" argues Twilight. "If you keep waiting for a day when there is nothing happening, you will never get your chance! Besides, I don't really think you can help me with my friend's problem if you can't actually see him."
Celestia sighs again. "Very well. Between yourself and Luna, I am convinced. I will proceed with my plans for a short vacation. I wish that there was some way that I could assist your friend, but it seems clear that I am incapable of helping directly. But, I would like to let him know that if there is any way that I can provide assistance, I swear I will do my best to provide it."
"You don't have to actually do anything," I say to Celestia through my giant grin. "You're being extremely helpful by just standing there."
"Discord!" cries Twilight in shock, and she rushes over to me. "What in Equestria are you doing?"
"Oh, nothing much!" I respond in fiendish delight, and I hold up a dry erase marker. "I'm just giving your princess's cuties mark a little makeover."
Twilight scrambles to see what I'm talking about. Her jaw drops open when she sees that I've drawn a goofy face on Celestia's sun mark complete with a silly nose and two arms sticking out from either side and waving in the air.
"Discord," cries Twilight in a dreading tone, "If Celestia sees that, she's going to kill you!"
"Twilight... what's going on?" asks Celestia carefully, apparently having lost track of her. It appears that that might happen when Twilight interacts with me to closely.
Twilight hurries to get back to where she was standing before.
"Everything is fine, Princess," Twilight says in a surprisingly calm tone. "I, uh, just needed to talk to my friend for a second."
"Don't worry," I assure Twilight. "Odds are, nopony else will even be able to see it. Probably. I mean, Mrs. Cake found that cake I splattered on the sidewalk, but I think she only found it because I only moved something that belonged to her anyway. I'm thinking that nopony saw the message on the window because it was a piece of work that I created myself, and therefore, since it had too much of myself in it, it was invisible. You figure I might be right?"
"We only have a sample size of one that supports that theory," Twilight say back.
"Eh, I tend to be pretty good at guessing. Anyway, Celestia's flank will be fine either way. She'll take a bath sometime and it will just wash off. Just like Sugar Cube Corner's window, considering the window was clean the last time I saw it. I wish I was there to see their face when whoever washed the window discovered that there was icing that they couldn't see all over it."
I hold up a camera I had snatched from a table and snap a picture of Celestia's flank.
"Discord! Where did you get that?"
"It was just laying on the table over there. Is it yours?"
"Yes, it's mine! That camera is supposed to be used exclusively for documenting scientific data! I don't even know why it isn't in my lab in the basement where I thought I left it!"
"It wasn't me," I say with a shrug. "Besides, this is collecting documentation for the sake of science. It's documented proof that I was here the whole time, and we'll be able to show everypony after we fix whatever is wrong. Here, look, I'll get a shot of both myself and Celestia both!"
I hold the camera out in my claw and point it at myself as I wrap my other arm around Celestia's neck, and then I smile big for the camera and snap another picture, this time of a happy looking draconequus next to a very uncomfortable looking Princess Celestia.
"Twilight," says Celestia right after. "I'm not sure what is going on right now, but if we have discussed everything that needs to be discussed, I believe it might be for the best if I left. I think my sanity might take a toll if I continue to stay here."
"Yes, of course Princess!" says Twilight quickly. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I don't think there is anything further to discuss."
"Very well then," says Celestia. "Then I shall be on my way."
"Wait!" I cry out suddenly as I realize that there is a vital piece of information I need. "Ask her where she's vacationing at!"
Twilight stammers, and then speaks. "Erm, actually, Princess, there is one last thing. Could you tell me where you are going for your vacation? Just in case?"
"I suppose I can tell you," says Celestia. "Understand that I have taken lengths to keep the whole matter a secret from nearly everypony. I won't be able to be at ease if I am surrounded by the media or other ponies who feel that they need to try to get close to me. In fact, I have set aside a half dozen ordinary looking carriages to transport myself and a sufficient number of royal guard to accompany me so as to not draw unnecessary attention. The public is not aware that I will be making this trip, only some of the castle staff and guard. Anypony who desires my audience at this time will be informed that I am 'unavailable' and will do their dealings with my sister instead. I trust that you won't make this knowledge public."
"...Yes, of course Princess."
"Technically true," I remark.
"We're beginning in Canterlot, of course, and the end destination is Manehatten. This 'vacation' is more of a scenic tour however, as I intend to make several stops between the two locations and enjoy myself at various establishments, which, regrettably, must be privately reserved for our exclusive use for the duration of my stay. A necessity that I do not enjoy, but it is a necessity all the same. I believe the first such stop is at a sporting establishment on the outskirts of Canterlot, for instance. As we will be traveling by hoof and making frequent stops, the journey will take an entire week. Our final stop is Manehatten beach where I am having a private cruise. After that, we will return, presumably taking far less time to return, as the vacation will be over.
"And now with that, you should have enough information to locate me if need be, in the event you require more communication than is reasonable via young Spike. Farewell, Twilight."
"Goodbye, Princess. I really hope you enjoy your vacation."
The solar princess finally opens the door and steps outside.
Twilight approaches me and gets rather close. "Alright," she says quietly, clearly trying to keep Spike from being disturbed, "What are you planning? You've got something horrible stewing in that head of yours and you're going to make me help you, aren't you?"
"Oh, I'm not planning anything specific," I say. "That's not the way that I work, remember? Here, I'll tell you what. You get to help me figure out what we're going to do to her. Except, first we have to figure out how we're going to follow her. I don't think we're going to have to worry about being spotted if we don't use transportation, since I'm pretty sure that Celestia's gang would get suspicious of any sort of vehicle following them even if they can't actually tell who's inside, but then, well, we'd be walking."
"So, let me get this straight. You want to bother the Princess now, get powers back later?"
"You heard her. She's leaving in two days. If we don't follow her, we might miss it."
"Well, alright, I guess we're doing this," says Twilight. "We have all of tomorrow to figure something out."
"Hey, Twilight!" says Spike suddenly.
"Yes, Spike?" she answers.
"I didn't tell you about it before since the princess was here, but you did get some mail while you were away."
"Huh?" says Twilight in confusion. "It couldn't have been the Princess's response to my letter, she came to talk to me in person."
"It wasn't from the Princess. It came by the mail service."
As Spike unfolded the new letter, I crept behind him and peeked over his shoulders.
"Dear Twilight," I read aloud. "It's your favorite sister-in-law! I'm afraid I'm not writing to you for socialization. I would like your help. As you may be aware, the Equestria Games are coming up soon and I would be honored if could make the time to travel to the Crystal Empire to help me give the games inspector a good impression. Feel free to invite your friends!"
"Wait," cries Twilight suddenly, interrupting me. "Cadance wants me to come to the Empire?"
"Huh?" says Spike in confusion. "I haven't even started reading the letter yet! Let's see here... Wait a moment... How did you know what this letter said before I even read it?"
"When does she want me to come?" cried Twilight. "Let me see it, Spike."
Spike gave the letter to Twilight and she quickly scanned her eyes across the page.
"Oh my goodness!" she exclaims. "This letter must have gotten caught up in the mail! She wants me to come tomorrow!"
"That's why I prefer dragon mail," Spike remarks.
"What the hay, I can think just as well in the Crystal Empire as I can here," I say. "I've never actually been there, but I wouldn't mind checking it out."
"Wait... You really mean it?" says Twilight in surprise. "I thought for sure you were going to try to convince me that we need to stay here."
"Nah."
"Wow. Thank you, Discord. It's a tight squeeze, and pretty last minute, but you don't know how happy I am that you're letting me have a chance to visit Cadance and my brother! That's... very generous of you."
"Whoa now, let's not get ahead of ourselves here."